Title: (7/10)

I found the title unique, but not particularly eye-catching. Athough it did have a nice, sweet hint to it, the formatting of the title threw me off a little. It might just be personal preference, but it think it looks better written as 'Smile to the World, Taehyung' or 'smile to the world, taehyung'. Also, it didn't have that effect where the reader is immediately hooked. Overall, it was nice, but not 100% perfect. 

Description/Foreword: (7/10)

Personally, if I saw the description, I wouldn't want to keep reading it. It summed up the story pretty well, however, the writing style wasn't very comfortable. 

Here I've copy-pasted you description:

Taehyung is just seventeen years old student who wishes to be happy, but the road isn't that easy. Depression, anxiety and other problems that keep following him doesn't let him be. On top of that, the kid is secretly gay. If not his best friend Jiyeon, he would probably have no one. And like on purpose someone appears and decides to mess his life even more. Nothing stays the same and the troubles just come out from shadows, not letting him be.  But after so much unwanted drama what will happen? How he will face everything?

And here I've made my edits:

Kim Taehyung is a seventeen year old student who just wants to be happy, but the road isn't as easy as it seems. Depression, anxiety and other problems constant follow him around. On top of that, he is secretly gay, but too scared to come out. If it weren't for his best friend, Jiyeon, he would have no one. And as though fate called for it, a someone appears and decides to mess with his life even more. Nothing stays the same, and troubles continue emerging from shadows, unwilling to leave him be. But after so much unwanted drama, can he still find happiness? How will he face everything?

The main problems I found was simply informal language or incorrect tense, use of plurals etc. 

However, I found that it was nice and succinct, and got the main points of the story across to the reader.

Plot: 12/15

The idea is slightly cliche and given that you've only posted two chapters, nothing much has really happened. I think that the way you've written with some scenes being very depressing and others being normal was a little strange. Although it makes sense to have this contrast, at some points, it didn't fit. I also think that although some people will suffer multiple illnessed (anorexia usually comes with depression) and will be bullied because of ual preference and looks, I think you've overdone it in the story. Afterall, it does become a little confusing for the reading as you describe Taehyung as someone who is: secretly gay, dresses too casually, and has mental illnessed: depression, anxiety and anorexia. It is just too much for all of it to fit into the plot, as you will then have to develop an extremely intricate plotline, where all these issues are addressed. 

Character Development: 6/10

Although you've addressed all the issues Taehyung has and other problems he has in his life i.e. being outcasted, having to hide his ual preference, you haven't really addressed Taehyung's personality. I think that you should work on using dialogue to show his personality. Like you did in chapter 2, where we can tell the Taehyung can be snappy or grumpy at times, also use dialogue to show his frustration, anger and depression. I'm not sure about the other characters either; I know that they aren't the main character, however, you still need to tell us about them and their personality. What is Jiyeon like? All we know is that she wants a boyfriend and is nice. This makes her seem one-dimensional. Once again, use dialogue or action to give us little pieces of information about her. This can even be random things, like how she prefers mint-chocolate icecream rather than vanilla. This may seem a little strange, but it makes the reader feel connected to her.

Writing Style: 15/20

I found your writing style too informal to feel angsty. Because of this, the story was confusing or hard to read at times. Although writing style isn't really something that you can change dramatically, I can give you a few tips:

1) Experiment with sentence lengths. Long sentences can become very boring, and short sentences can create action if used properly. Mix these two together to create a more interesting writing style. 

For example, this is a paragraph from your story:

The boy wanted to tell someone, to let at least one person know that he is pain. But then again, why should he? Why would anyone care? Will it get better if it go that way? The pain won't go away that easily anyway... so like always Taehyung shut himself and the only self-harm he did wasn't cutting or beating himself up... he killed himself inside his head with his lonely mind that is craving for attention but knows that what it is craving, isn't something he deserves. His own mind couldn't handle itself. He had this battle inside his head that even he himself couldn't describe in words... but sometimes it's painful and sometimes he forgets the most important thing... the feelings. Taehyung appears in the world like some kind of robot machine that just scans what humans around him do and think... and then like a bomb, suddenly he comes back to his human self and bleeds inside from the actual emotions he just missed.

Notice how it looks very long and slightly frustrating to read? Use new lines and play with the sentence lengths. Here is my edit:

Taehyung wanted to tell somebody, anybody, so that at least one person would understand his pain.

But why should he? Why would anybody care? Would it get better?

No.

The pain wouldn't go away that easily, so like always, Taehyung shut himself from the world. He never self-harmed, no he didn't cut himself or beat himself up, instead he killed himself inside his head. His lonely mind craved for attention, but he didn't deserve attention. 

His own mind couldn't handle himself. 

He had this battle inside his head that even he himself couldn't describe it words. It was painful, and sometimes he would forget the most important part of him: feelings. 

He was a robot, a statue, a mannequin. He simply scanned his surroundings, his eyes blank and hollow. 

But then, suddenly, like a light bulb being switched on in a dark room, he would snap back into his human self. And he would bleed inside, and cry out in pain, unheard, from the real emotions he hadn't felt before.

Do you see how this helps the reader? It becomes a lot more smooth to read. 

2) Go through your writing and switch out words that you use too often, and correct where the words don't flow right, and replace those words.

Here is a section of your writing:

After the bell rang Taehyung stood up and left the female friend alone. It was a lunch break and he just wanted to walk around in the halls, maybe outside or even visit the roof. Taehyung ended up on the rooftop. The guy just sat down and didn't regret wearing sweatpants at all, it looked like he was ready to sleep during the lunch break. The guy doesn't eat. Not today anyway. He himself doesn't understand why, but there are days when he can't stop eating and even eats too much, but there also few days when he barely can eat an apple. It may be something psychically but his mother didn't take him to psychiatrist because she never considered the thought that there might be something wrong with her son. Taehyung also didn't want that much trouble yet inside he always wondered, what is wrong with him? Or is he just that weak against life?

Here is my edit:

When the lunch bell rang, Taehyung stood and left Jiyeon alone. All he wanted to do was to walk around the deserted halls, or taste the fresh air or perhaps sit on the roof. 

And that was where he ended up.

He sat down lazily, and mentally thanked himself for wearing sweatpants, as it made sleeping easier. 

He never ate during lunch. Not today anyway.

He never understood why, but there were days when he couldn't stop himself from eating, and days wear he could barely eat an apple. It was probably something psychological, but his mother never took him to the psychiastrist. She never considered that there might be something wrong with her son. Taehyung also didn't want to cause any trouble. Yet sometimes, he was left wondering, What is wrong with me? Or am I just that weak agaisnt life?

Do you see how word choice can make a difference? Also, sometimes you use the wrong word to describe something.

Spelling, Grammar and Diction: 20/25

I already mentioned this in writing style, however, I'll just some it up briefly:

Spelling: Your spelling is generally perfect, and spelling errors are more because you don't understand the full meaning of some of the words you chose. However, this is more an error with your diction.

Grammar: Other than some tenses, plurals etc. that don't match up, this was generally alrgiht.

Diction: I suggest that you sometimes switch around the words you use. However, don't use words you don't completely understand the meaning of, as some words are specific to a certain context. 

Personal Enjoyment: 6/10

I didn't really like your writing style, and usually when someone deals with psychological problems, I look for specific things that I didn't find in your writing. However, I can see how some people could really enjoy this story. Overall, I think that if you polish it a little, it could be really good. Also, please don't be upset if you don't see the score you were hoping for, because I tend to be really picky about small things when I review. However, if I was only reading this out of leisure, the mark would have probably been higher.

Total Score: 73/100