Title (9.5/10)

The title was unique and interesting. I liked the use of 'Butterfly' as it is a track in HYYH 2, which seemed to inspire your story. I like how the butterfly becomes a symbol in your story, and how the blue butterfly becomes a motif. I don't really understand why it was 'in December' but I assume that will be answered later in your story. My only advice to you is the length of your title. It's perfectly fine, although in my opinion, it leans towards the long side. I would have named it 'Butterflies in December', however, that's just a personal opinion.

Description/Foreword (10/10)

I really liked your description. The first paragraph was short and concise, but it summarised much of your story. The second paragraph was mysterious and really drew the reader in. 

Plot (14/15)

I loved the theme of HYYH that ran throughout the story. It was incorporated into the plot well. The plot itself was based off a typical storyline (introvert meets a group of people, becomes friends) but then you created a twist on it and made it deeper. I also liked the mystery element of the story, which leaves the reader wondering what the blue butterfly symbolises, and who exactly these boys are. I liked the hint of romance and how it didn't overpower the story-line. Overall, it was an interesting plot.

Character Development (7/10)

I found this section a little lacking. The main character is an introvert who becomes friends with a group of people, experiences confusion about her love for someone and has nightmares about deaths. However, I can't really relate to her, because although you write about her thoughts, you don't really focus on her personality. For the other members, since this was written in first-person, we can't really understand much about them either. I think this is where you should use dialogue and subtle description to your advantage. You could tell us about their personalities by leaving hints in what they say or do.

Writing Style (15/20)

Your writing style was little confusing for me. Sometimes, it was very formal, and other times, it was very informal. For example, when you used dialogue:

"Well, I really like music. I like writing lyrics too." He raked his hand through his green, cotton candy soft hair "i'm taking poetry classes with Hoseok." He continued.

"Wow, that is really really interesting, you are interesting." I grinned. Knowing that his was propably going to make me lose a limb.

"Yes. He. Is." She forced a smile as she balled her fists against the table.

I looked over at Jin he didn't have any food in front of him, he was still zoned out. Where was he?

"Hey, why don't you eat?" I elbowed his arm.

Jin: "Oh, I-"

Jimin: "Oh, no. I'm full." He cut off Jin as he thought the question was for him.

I just smiled.

Namjoon: "So you like to party, Sora?"

You write dialogue in two different formats:

1. "~~~~," said ~~~~.

2. ~~~~: "~~~~."

I suggest that you stick to the first one, because that is the correct way to write dialogue. The second is very informal and incorrect.

Also, your word choice was informal as well. For example:

'He screamed out of nowhere the continued his ramen quietly...."

I would replace with:

"He screamed suddenly, before continuing eating his ramen."

Spelling, Grammar and Diction (19/25)

I found quite a few errors in this area. Instead of listing them all out, I've selected a few paragraphs and then edited them.

This was the extract from above:

"Well, I really like music. I like writing lyrics too." He raked his hand through his green, cotton candy soft hair "i'm taking poetry classes with Hoseok." He continued.

"Wow, that is really really interesting, you are interesting." I grinned. Knowing that his was propably going to make me lose a limb.

"Yes. He. Is." She forced a smile as she balled her fists against the table.

I looked over at Jin he didn't have any food in front of him, he was still zoned out. Where was he?

"Hey, why don't you eat?" I elbowed his arm.

Jin: "Oh, I-"

Jimin: "Oh, no. I'm full." He cut off Jin as he thought the question was for him.

I just smiled.

Namjoon: "So you like to party, Sora?"

And the rewrite:

"Well, I really like music and writing lyrics." He raked his hair through his green, cotton candy-soft hair. "I'm taking poetry classes with Hoseok." he continued.

(I've changed the dialogue to sound a little more natural. I also made some edits with the description. Also, you need to capitalise the 'I' and use lower-case for the 'he'.)

"Wow, that's really interesting, like you." I grinned, knowing she was probably going to make me lose a limb.

(Once again, I changed some of the dialogue. Probably was spelt incorrectly, and 'knowing' should continue the sentence, rather than starting a new sentence. Also I changed 'he' to 'she').

"Yes, he is." Yuri forced a smile as balled her fists against the table.

(I changed some of the dialogue.)

I looked over at Jin and noticed that he didn't have any food in front of him. He seemed to be zoning out. What was he thinking?

(The sentence you wrote didn't make sense, but I think this is what you were trying to say.)

"Hey, why don't you eat," I said, elbowing his arm.

(I changed some word order.)

"Oh I-" Jin started, only to be cut off by Jimin.

"Oh, no. I'm full," he interrupted, thinking that the question was for him.

(I changed this part slightly so that it was correctly structured.)

I just smiled.

"So do you like to party, Sora?" asked Namjoon.

(Once again, I changed the structure of the sentence.)

So then the extract now reads:

"Well, I really like music and writing lyrics." He raked his hair through his green, cotton candy-soft hair. "I'm taking poetry classes with Hoseok." he continued.

"Wow, that's really interesting, like you." I grinned, knowing she was probably going to make me lose a limb.

"Yes, he is." Yuri forced a smile as balled her fists against the table.

I looked over at Jin and noticed that he didn't have any food in front of him. He seemed to be zoning out. What was he thinking?

"Hey, why don't you eat," I said, elbowing his arm.

"Oh I-" Jin started, only to be cut off by Jimin.

I just smiled.

"So do you like to party, Sora?" asked Namjoon.

"Oh, no. I'm full," he interrupted, thinking that the question was for him.

Do you see how this flows better?

Also, there were some other spelling errors/tense errors. Here are some:

comperhend=comprehend

chocked=choked

tunnle=tunnel

untill=until

unfimiliar=unfamiliar

awfull=awful

histarically=hysterically

Overall, I think you could work on this area a bit more, and that will really improve your writing, as well as your writing style.

Personal Enjoyment (7/10)

This was an interesting story, and I can see why people would enjoy it a lot. However, for me, I'm very particular about reading stories, and I won't read them unless I enjoy the author's writing style, regardless of the plot. I hope that I wasn't too harsh about the spelling and grammar. Overall, this was a lovely story and I can see that you really put a lot of work into it.

Total Score (81.5/100)