n which, yoona and jongin meets for the in secondth time, as the winter in his heart melts away by her presence. 
in which, yoona remembers(she will never forget). but jongin, doesn't.

› Title [ 10/10 ]
The title was perfect; unique and interesting. The use of alliteration with the ‘C’ sound made it sound extremely smooth. It well reflected your writing style. I especially loved the use of ‘crimson’ and ‘charcoal’ in the title, as it painted a very somber mood.
 
› Description and Foreword [ 9.5/10 ]
Just like the title, your description was very enthralling. I think the quote related very well to the story. I also liked the last sentence: I wrote this for you, as it creates a connection between you and the reader.
Your foreword was also very beautiful. I loved the way you described how people see beauty. It flowed, and sounded almost like song lyrics. The last sentence, Beauty is her, Im Yoona to Kim Jongin, when she holds his face in her palms and makes him feel whole and himself whenever he would fall and stop and too broken for life, was so poetic and at the same time, revealed so much about the characters.
The only problem I had was that it didn’t reveal much about the actual plot. We don’t learn of Jongin’s love for dance or perfection. However, it isn’t really necessary in your case, because your description and foreword worked.
 
› Plot [ 13/15 ]
The plot wasn’t very complicated, however, your character development makes up for that. I think that at some points, there are holes in the story, and it leaves the chapters feeling unfinished. For example, what happened to Yoona’s family? What happened to her? What happened to Jongin to make him lose his memory?
I like your plotline, about a person who strives for the unreachable perfection, and it was interesting seeing how Jongin’s love or obsession for ballet has taken effect on his mental state.
Overall, it was a lovely plot. I think it could have been developed a little more, because the ending wasn’t completely satisfying. Other than that, it was an interesting storyline.
 
› Character Development [ 9/10 ]
You did very well in the character development aspect of this story. Both of their characters are well described, and I can imagine myself in their places.
The first chapter really showed us Jongin’s personality. In the opening paragraph:
Jongin is imperfect. He tried, hurted his hips, broke his arm, and then he would mend himself and keep trying and trying again, until the flaws become invincible to people’s eyes.
More power, more twists, more spins, more jumpings, more pirouettes
It’s still there, he whispers to himself as the claps get louder and louder, the red curtain coming to a closure, shadowing him from the astounded audience.
The flaws, they are still there. Jongin doesn’t listen to people and keeps hurting and blaming himself, that he didn’t practice enough. Jongin is just like that, constantly finding flaws in each thing that he does.
“You did a great job, Jongin,” a hand lands on his shoulder as his dancing partner pulls him into a hug.
we were given a little snippet of his life, yet that was enough to reveal his personality and character. I especially loved the way you incorporated his thoughts into this extract.
Yoona’s character development was slightly less intense, however, we can still understand her thoughts. In the dialogue:
Her eyes soften at the latter, as he looks down at his hands. She pats his head, fond and gentle. “Why would I laugh? You are someone with a dream, and it’s yours to keep. Nothing matters other than that.” He looks up, and she looks at him in a way that he feels blessed by her presence.
it is only short, yet it reveals a large part of her personality. Within those three sentences, we know that Yoona is the type to respect one’s dreams. It also suggests that part of her advice is for herself.
 
› Writing Style [ 18/20 ]
Your writing style was nice to read. It was very formal but emotional at the same time. The only problem I had with this was that at points where the story should move faster, it still felt slow. This is mainly due to your sophisticated language use. For most authors, it is because their sentence lengths are too long, which slows down the pace, however, I think for you, it is your overuse of adjectives.
For example, in this paragraph:
“Is that for me?” She falls into a daze, and Jongin points inquisitively to the flowers she holds all this time. Amidst his pointing finger and his eyes trying to take a peek behind her, and him standing so close, she could smell Jongin’s perfume who is nothing like he usually is (light perfume that tickles her nose). And she looks away, attempting to hide the fact that she is shying away from the sight of him now.
Because, Jongin with his hair pushed back like that in a messy way, makes her blush.
His skin is golden under the light of the stage, and his eyes that were passionate and fiery, flaring such subtle and intricate emotions that are now staring at her. She wonders if he loves her, even just for a heartbeat.
I’ve put in bold sophisticated language, adjectives, adverbs etc.
I think at some points, you use too much of this that it becomes hard to read, and it distracts the reader from the story-line.
Other than that, I quite enjoyed your writing style.
 
› Spelling, Grammar and Diction [ 24/25 ]
You really impressed me with this. Other than not capitalizing the ‘J’ in Jongin or the ‘Y’ in Yoona sometimes throughout the story, or one or two spelling errors, I spotted nothing wrong with it.
 
› Personal Enjoyment [ 8/10 ]
I really enjoyed this story. I can tell you put a lot of effort into writing it. I liked the plot and I could relate to the character. I’m looking forward to reading more of your stories. :D
 
› Final Score [ 91.5/100 ]
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