Title: 6/10

I didn't really like the title of your story.

First of all, although most kpop fans would know the definition of the word, some people don't, so they would be left confused.

Also, I don't see how it relates to your story. At no point has it been said. The theme of gratitude hasn't occurred in your story either. Perhaps in the next few chapters, Junhoe will thank Hanbin?

Description/Foreword: 1/10

I'm sorry, but none of it made sense. 

DESCRIPTION

First of all, it didn't tell me what the story was going to be about. It didn't mention the fact that they were brothers. It also didn't give me a clue about the setting or the time period. Even now, after reading the two chapters, I'm still confused about the setting.

Second, the grammar was completely off and most of the sentences I can't understand.

Here is your description:

Human is complicated,  he is as well as complicated as others. But Hanbin doesn't want to be one. He has his little Junhoe after all. Everything will be fine for him now.
"Aren't you just hallucinating, Hanbin-hyung?" 
If just none doubts him.

The first sentence: Human is complicated,  he is as well as complicated as others.

I would try to correct this, but I don't know what you are trying to say. Human is complicated - do you mean 'Humans are complicated' or 'Hanbin is complicated'? Or is 'Human' the name of somebody. Then you say - he is as well as complicated as others - that also makes no sense, and I can't figure out what you are trying to say. Do you mean that Hanbin is as complicated as other people? I really can't understand you, but this is what I'm guessing you are trying to say: 'Hanbin is complicated, like the others around him'. Or you could be trying to say: 'Humans are complicated' and just leave it at that.

The second sentence: But Hanbin doesn't want to be one.

What is this 'one' that you are referring to. A human? 

The third and fourth sentences: He has his little Junhoe after all. Everything will be fine for him now.

Why would Junhoe affect why he doesn't want to be human? Your sentences are linking with eachother, and they just don't make sense.

The next part:

"Aren't you just hallucinating, Hanbin-hyung?" 
If just none doubts him.

This is completely unrelated to what you wrote above. What is he hallucinating about? Maybe you are trying to create some suspense, but instead, it just comes off as confusing.

Also, If just none doubts him. That sentence also doesn't make sense. Do you mean: 'If only no one doubted him' or 'If only nobody doubts him.'

Overall, the description was just confusing.

FOREWORD:

Seek the truth,  time being is never stop.

What are you trying to say? This is completely irrelevant to the description. Also, it doesn't make sense. 

'Time being is never stop' doesn't make sense. I think you mean:

'Seek the truth, for time never stops.'

Even so, those two clauses just don't work together.

Plot: 5/15

I'm not getting it right now. 

First off all, you haven't established a setting. You say that there are knights, princes, dukes, nobles and although that exists in modern society, it gives off a historical feel. Then you say that there are rappers and bars, which give off a very modern fee. These two are very constrasting. Therefore, you need to establish the time period. 

Also, there isn't a clear plot right now. Every story needs one. You've written a series of unrelated events that aren't building up towards a complication. Sure, you've only written two chapters, but you still then need to give us hints and clues about the plot.

You haven't given us a clear idea about who the characters will be - this will be covered in the 'Character Development' section, and you need to, because what is a story without characters?

I'm not sure whether it's because it hasn't been written well, or you've just forgotten about it, but the events don't feel complete in a sense. For example, I think Hanbin is drunk (?) and hurt Junhoe - you need to elaborate on the consequences, rather than just move onto a new event. After all, nobody is just going to forget that.

You are introducing so many characters and referring to them so ambiguously that it is extremely confusing. For example, the beggining of the second chapter, I just don't understand what you are talking about. I think that Bobby and B.I. visited (?) and something happened (I don't know what) and then suddenly Junhoe is sick and eating ice-cream. It's moving too fast, and I just don't understand that scene, despite reading it multiple times.

Overall, I don't have any idea what the plot is - I'm assuming it's just about two brothers and how one of them is constantly guilty and the other is carefree?

Character Development: 3/10
You have too many characters, and they are all so confusing. You keep introducing new ones, and most of them don't have an impact on the story. I suggest that you cut some of them out.

First of all, you need to establish Hanbin's personality. He's really caring and sweet, and suddenly he is guilty, then he is angry and drunk, and then remorseful - he has way too many mood swings. I get that humans are meant to be 'complicated' but in a story, you need to write that really smoothly and concisely for it to work. Right now, he seems bipolar. Also, why is he the one taking care of Junhoe? You need to explain their past. Where are the parents? They should be nobles, right?

Also, Junhoe is too one-dimensional. Sure, he's the innocent, sweet kid but he needs some sort of character. He needs to mature later in the story.

Then we have Bobby and B.I. I don't get it, is Hanbin friends with them? They seem almost dangerous, but then what are they doing in Hanbin's home.

I can't keep track of the other characters, but why was one taking care of Junhoe? And which one is the one who is blamed at the end of chapter 2? And who is Jinhwan's little brother. 

I'm really confused by who the characters are.

Writing Style: 12/20

I don't particularly like your writing style, because you tend to write very ambiguously. You are very verbose (using too many words to express one idea), and that makes it difficult to read your writing. I then get side-tracked trying to read all of it and miss the initial meaning, so then I have to repeat the sentence.

Also, your writing is really passive - you need to have more action, and write using more simple words at times. Just refer to 'orbs' as 'eyes', otherwise the reader has to pause a lot.

You should also vary you sentence lengths. It is a really helpful trick:

Short sentences - action, panick, evokes anger etc.

Long sentences - passive, description, evokes sadness etc.

Diverse sentence lengths - interesting 

Your sentences tend to all be long, and that slows down the flow of your story. I think you should make it more diverse.

I didn't like how you kept throwing in random bits of Korean, because most of us aren't Korean, so our understanding off it is pretty low. 

However, your writing style is still alright to read, and although it might take me several times, I can generally understand what you are trying to say.

Spelling, Grammar and Diction: 15/25

Your spelling was generally alright, although I spotted some spelling errors. Sometimes, you used a word that sounds similar to the word you should have used. 

For example:

He crisps happily like a little bird in the morning.

'Crisps' is another word for potato chips. It can also mean a type of dessert, or to make food crispy, or to curl something. However, it makes no sense in your sentence. The word you should have used was 'chirp', which describes a sweet call from a bird.

Also, the best way to spell that particular egg dish is 'omelette', not 'omelet'.

The best way to spell spaghetti_______ is 'bolognese', not 'bolognise'.

The best way to spell 'a person attracted to children' is 'e', not 'e.'

There were some more, but there are other parts I also need to cover.

You sometimes use a noun/adjective/verb in the wrong place. 

For example:

But, my little Junhoe was not a fond of pasta, yet he is fond of spicy.

It should read: My little Junhoe is not fond of pasta, but he likes spice.

You also had some issues with tense. Just be careful and proofread, and that should help. 

Overall, most of it was alright, but you did has some parts that didn't make sense, or were spelt incorrectly etc.

Personal Enjoyment: 3/10

I didn't really like your story, simply because I had to keep rereading it to understand it, and I also couldn't find a plot. However, I read through the comments, and some people really like it, so I hope you do keep writing. Have fun with your story. Also, I'm not an IKON fan, so that is part of the reason I didn't really like the story. Overall, I hope you aren't discouraged by the score, and just enjoy writing XD.

Total Score: 45/100