In February, Seunghyun stepped off the plane, his nerves jittering inside him. He couldn’t believe he was in Seoul after three years. Seunghyun made his way to the baggage claim area, grabbing his suitcase.

“Appa!”

Seunghyun managed to turn around just as Taehyun threw his arms around him. Seunghyun laughed, rocking on his feet, and hugged his son tight.

“Taehyun, hi.”

“Appa, you’re here!”

Seunghyun grinned and ruffled his son’s hair, which looked like it had been freshly bleached. It was like he was a little boy with how excited he was.

“You didn’t have to come meet me,” he said.

“I wanted to.”

Seunghyun smiled and ruffled his hair again. Taehyun released him and then turned to wave back at someone. Seunghyun looked past him and caught sight of who it was.

It was Jiyong.

Seunghyun felt his breath catch in his throat at the sight of his husband. In person, he did look a little older. But to Seunghyun, Jiyong still looked like he was just passing thirty as opposed to being only a year younger than him. His hair was permed, partially hidden beneath a hat, and he wore a fashionable outfit that probably cost a fortune.

Seunghyun reached up to run his hand through his freshly dyed hair nervously. He’d gotten anxious the night before and had dyed it at home. He just hoped it wasn’t too obvious.

“Abeoji, I found appa,” Taehyun said then.

Jiyong nodded and smiled fondly at their son, before turning his eyes on Seunghyun. His mouth was pressed into a line, but if Seunghyun didn’t know better, it looked like the edges were upturned just a bit. Seunghyun managed a smile.

“Hello, Seunghyun.”

“Hi, Jiyong,” he said.

Jiyong folded his arms behind his back quietly and looked away from him. Seunghyun bit his lower lip. The reunion was more awkward than he had imagined it would be. He shuffled his feet.

“Thank you for coming to get me,” he said then.

“Taehyun insisted.”

Seunghyun felt a little bitter, but he just smiled and nodded. Taehyun stood there, looking between the two of them.

“Alright. Let’s get out of here,” Jiyong said then.

He his heel and walked away. Taehyun and Seunghyun followed him then, walking side by side.

“Appa, we should go out to dinner,” he said.

“Of course. I’d love that. You’ll need to tell me the details for tomorrow.”

“I will. I printed out a map for you too.”

“Great. Thank you.”

As they reached the car, Jiyong opened the trunk. Seunghyun put his bag in and closed it, climbing into the car. It felt awkward, because he sat in the back seat as opposed to the front. Jiyong pulled out and left the airport parking lot, driving away. As Seunghyun took in the sights of Seoul for the first time in three years, he realized Jiyong hadn’t asked him where he was staying.

“Wait…Where are we going?” he asked.

“Home,” Taehyun replied.

“Oh, but I…”

Seunghyun looked into the rearview mirror and found Jiyong was looking back at him in it. They made eye contact for a split second.

“What is it?” Taehyun asked, turning around in his seat to look at Seunghyun.

“I booked a hotel.”

Taehyun’s face fell. “A hotel?”

Jiyong bit his lip, eyes still on the road as he drove. “That wasn’t necessary. You know you’re welcome at home.”

Seunghyun wanted to yell, because no, he hadn’t known that. He and Jiyong hadn’t spoken to one another in three years. Why would he think he would be welcome in their home when he had been in Tokyo during all that time? He wasn’t welcome. He wished Jiyong wouldn’t lie to his face. It made him look like the bad guy.

“Well, I booked one and you can take me there,” he said.

“Nonsense,” Jiyong said, “You’re staying at the house.”

Seunghyun ground his teeth in annoyance. He’d have to call and cancel his reservations when they arrived at the house. He’d lose his deposit.

The car ride the rest of the way was quiet and awkward and Seunghyun regretted agreeing to be picked up. They could have avoided it. It was obvious that Seunghyun and Jiyong were not ready to see one another. Even after three years, they still felt tension.

The house was just as Seunghyun remembered it. He removed his shoes and managed to find his old slippers, which had been shoved into one of the cubbies. He slipped them on and carried his bag in, stopping in the den because he wasn’t sure where to go. Taehyun ran past on the way to his room, answering his phone as he did so. His excited voice disappeared down the hall. Seunghyun turned and watched as Jiyong removed his shoes and put his slippers on. When he stepped out of the entryway, he looked at Seunghyun.

“You can stay in the bedroom,” he said then, practically gliding past him.

“Where are you going to sleep?”

“I can stay in the guest room.”

“I don’t feel right taking the bedroom. I can stay in the guest room,” Seunghyun said.

“I insist you stay in the master bedroom.”

Jiyong walked away then and Seunghyun sighed. The next four days would be unpleasant for him.

 

Seunghyun unpacked in the master bedroom, putting his clothes in the dresser without realizing what he was doing until he shut the drawers. He proceeded to call the hotel and cancel his reservations, apologizing over and over. After a while, the door was knocked on and Taehyun popped his head in.

“Ready for dinner, appa?” he asked, “Abeoji is going to order something.”

“Oh, yeah. Whatever you guys buy is fine.”

“Abeoji wanted to know what you wanted.” Taehyun brought him the menu.

Seunghyun smiled fondly at the menu. It was one of his favorite restaurants and he’d missed the food. He selected his favorite dish and Taehyun went to tell Jiyong what to order.

The three of them sat down to dinner an hour later and Seunghyun would have thought it was just like it had been years before, except it was awkward. Nevertheless, they couldn’t feel it too much, because Taehyun was talking the whole time and making it so Jiyong and Seunghyun didn’t have to talk to one another just yet.

“So, tomorrow the ceremony starts at five! I’ll give you your tickets before we go. Afterwards, abeoji and Uncle Youngbae rented out a nearby restaurant for us to celebrate. Appa, you can finally see my band play!”

Taehyun had told Seunghyun numerous times over the phone that he had put together a band in the last few months with his friends, including Youngbae’s son, Mino. Seunghyun smiled and nodded.

“I’m looking forward to it.”

Jiyong took a bite of his food and looked at Taehyun then. “Did you tell him yet?”

Seunghyun looked between them, eyebrows knitting. “Tell me what?”

Taehyun looked delighted, his eyes glistening. He got up from the table and ran over to the counter, picking up some envelopes. Jiyong looked proud as Seunghyun watched him, Taehyun returning to the table. He spread the envelopes on the table then. Seunghyun looked them over and realized they were all from colleges. Two of the letters were from Tokyo University and Tokyo University of the Arts. Seunghyun’s eyes lit up.

“What did they say?” he asked.

Taehyun was practically vibrating in his seat, a grin on his face. “I got accepted to both!”

“Taehyun! I’m so proud of you! That’s amazing!”

He grinned. “I’m really excited. Abeoji said we have to look at finances, but I think I’m going to go to Geidai.”

“That’s great, kiddo. I’m so happy for you. I’m sure the finances won’t be a problem between the two of us.”

“We’ll discuss it,” Jiyong said.

Taehyun got up and hugged Seunghyun around his shoulders. “Thank you so much, appa. I wouldn’t have applied to Geidai without you.”

Seunghyun hugged him tight and grinned. He rubbed Taehyun’s back gently. Taehyun pulled back and sat down again to finish eating. Seunghyun grinned as he watched him, before turning his eyes on Jiyong. Jiyong smiled fondly at him and they shared an unspoken moment of love for their son and appreciation that they both raised him. He knew Jiyong was thankful for what Seunghyun had done for Taehyun.

“How long are you in town for, Seunghyun?” Jiyong asked then, turning his gaze to his food.

“Four days. I was hoping I could spend some time with Taehyun and catch up with everyone.”

“You should visit your sister. Yeonjun misses you.”

Seunghyun’s face fell. “Yeah. I’ll definitely do that. How has Dami been?”

“She’s doing well. The business is still doing great.”

“And your parents?” he asked.

“Also well. Still in good health. They sent you a Christmas present. I meant to mail it to you. It’s in the living room.”

He nodded, finishing off his meal. Jiyong and Taehyun finished just after. They all returned to their separate rooms afterwards. Seunghyun pulled on his pajamas and paced around the bedroom before deciding to leave it. He walked through the house, looking at everything. All of the art and their family photos hadn’t been moved. When Taehyun had been born, Jiyong had dedicated an entire wall just to him in the house. The wall was covered with photographs of Taehyun throughout life—his baby photos, every school graduation or activity he had participated in, and birthdays. He smiled at each of them fondly. Jiyong had added a few since he had been gone, such as that of Taehyun’s band all together and Taehyun’s yearbook photos from high school. Seunghyun examined the band photo, taking in all the details and trying to figure out who was who. Taehyun had described them to him.

“Oh god, that is Mino,” Seunghyun mumbled as his eyes fixed on Youngbae’s son in the photograph.

“He really grew up, didn’t he?”

Seunghyun turned to see Jiyong, who was dressed in a low cut white shirt, comfortable pants, and cardigan. He came to stand beside Seunghyun to look at the photograph.

“He looks like you,” Seunghyun said.

“I know, right? It’s awkward. I can’t have fathered him, though.”

Seunghyun shook his head. He sighed then. “We’re talking to one another.”

“That we are. Though, now that you said that, it feels awkward.”

The two of them laughed together, Jiyong covering his mouth with a hand. Seunghyun desired to kiss him. He missed the ability to do so. He gently reached out and pushed some of Jiyong’s curls behind his ear. A shade of red dusted across Jiyong’s cheeks.

“Let’s sit,” Jiyong said then.

They made their way to the living room and sat down beside one another on the couch. Seunghyun watched as Jiyong settled, folding his cardigan over his chest, hiding the tantalizing collarbones that had been revealed.

“You look really good,” Seunghyun said.

Jiyong laughed and rubbed his hand over his face. “Shut up, you.”

“I mean it, Jiyong. You barely look a day over thirty.”

“Shush. God, you always know how to make me flustered,” Jiyong lamented. “Besides, you don’t look half bad yourself. Although, did you just dye your hair? There’s a little bit on your neck.”

Seunghyun flushed and slapped his hand over the back of his neck. Jiyong snickered.

“Shut up. You have a perm.”

Jiyong puffed out his cheeks in protest. Seunghyun laughed. They looked at one another and smiled.

“I missed you,” Jiyong said.

Seunghyun looked down at his hands and sighed. What was he supposed to say to Jiyong? He knew they needed to talk about what had happened, but he didn’t know how. He didn’t even know where to begin. He also didn’t know how it would go, if they could work it out. What if they got into a fight and Seunghyun needed to leave? Tomorrow was about Taehyun. He had to be there for that.

“I missed you too, Jiyong,” he said, “If we can…I want to talk to you.”

“I’d like to. I think it’s time.”

“After the graduation.”

Jiyong’s face fell, but he nodded. “Okay.”

“For Taehyun.”

Jiyong nodded. “I understand, Seunghyun.”

Seunghyun stood up and looked down. “Before I do something stupid, I need to walk away.”

His husband laughed. Seunghyun looked down at him and then swooped down to kiss Jiyong. Jiyong was startled by the quick kiss, his mouth falling open in shock. He let out a startled laugh and grabbed onto Seunghyun’s sleeve. Seunghyun looked at him and Jiyong tugged him down, throwing his arms around his neck. They locked lips for a quick second, Jiyong holding onto Seunghyun tight. Seunghyun felt as if the oxygen was out of him, feeling lightheaded at the sensation of their kiss. He pulled himself back and looked down at Jiyong, who wore a tiny smirk.

“Good night, Seunghyun,” he said, getting off the couch.

Seunghyun touched his lips with his hand, then turned away to hide himself from his husband. “Good night, Jiyong.”

He could hear Jiyong snicker as he left the room, heading for the guest room, and Seunghyun shut off the lights, returning to the bedroom.

Maybe the four days wouldn’t be so awful after all.

 

The next morning, the three were all scrambling around the house, trying to get prepared. Taehyun was throwing clothes all over his bed, trying to select an outfit and calling out to Jiyong, asking where certain clothes were. Seunghyun put on the suit he had brought with him after ironing it three times. He tied his tie in front of the mirror and then spent time styling his hair, listening as Jiyong and Taehyun bantered back and forth. He checked his watch once he was finished.

“We need to leave soon!” he yelled.

Taehyun thundered into the bedroom then, holding up two button-ups in different colors. “Appa, which color goes with these pants?” he asked.

Seunghyun laughed. “I like the left one.”

Taehyun nodded and ran back out of the room. Jiyong had come to stand in the doorway. He was already dressed, wearing black slacks and a white double ed jacket. His shirt was so low cut it appeared he wasn’t wearing one, and Seunghyun was entranced by his tantalizing collarbones once more.

“You would think the world is ending. Such a big decision on what to wear,” Jiyong said with a chuckle.

“It’s not like he didn’t get to wear what he wanted every day. He went to private school.” Seunghyun laughed.

“I know. He’s a silly boy. He wants to look good. It’s a big day.”

Seunghyun nodded. He pushed back his hair again and took a breath. “How do I look?”

“You look good. Very fatherly.” Jiyong looked down at himself then. “Do you think I should accessorize?”

“Maybe a necklace?”

Jiyong nodded and went over to the vanity that sat beside their dresser. He dug through the assorted jewelry that occupied the boxes and standing holders. He finally selected a long multi strand silver chain that was adorned with pearls and small black beads, slipping it over his head.

“Much better.”

Jiyong smiled softly at him and Seunghyun returned it. Taehyun came in then, carrying his cap and gown.

“We’re going to be late! Let’s go!” he said hurriedly, already turning to leave the room.

His parents chuckled and followed him out. Jiyong put on his dress shoes in the doorway and picked up the car keys. Taehyun was already in the garage, fumbling to get all of his things in the car. Jiyong was about to walk out, but stopped.

“Almost forgot the presents.”

“I can get them,” Seunghyun said.

“They’re on the table.”

Seunghyun went back to pick up the two gifts bags, one for Taehyun and the other for Mino. He made sure to grab his own gifts for the two boys and then went out to car. Taehyun was seated in the back. Seunghyun slid into the passenger seat, setting the gifts on his lap.

“Ready, Taehyun?” he asked as Jiyong pulled the car out of the garage.

“As ready as I’ll ever be! Good bye, high school!”

They all chuckled together as Jiyong drove them towards Taehyun’s school. It felt good to be together and happy again. Seunghyun couldn’t stop smiling.

Taehyun’s hand forward with slips of paper. “Tickets! Don’t lose them. You need them to get in and out, no matter what.”

Seunghyun took them and nodded. “We won’t lose them. Don’t worry.”

Jiyong pulled up to the front of the school then. “Go on, Taehyun. We’ll go park the car. See you in a bit!”

Taehyun leaned forward and gave both of them kisses on the cheek before climbing from the car. He made a dash towards the gate. Jiyong then drove away from the curb, looking for a parking spot. There were already parents making their trek toward the building, carrying various gifts, such as flowers or stuffed animals. Seunghyun looked out the window, also looking for a parking spot.

“There’s one,” he finally said, pointing out the window.

Jiyong found it and pulled in. “Not bad. Not too far away from the front. I hope Taehyun wore sensible shoes.”

“I’m sure he’ll be fine.”

Seunghyun and Jiyong got out of the car. Seunghyun placed the gifts in the backseat, to hide them just a little bit to passersby. He then walked around to the driver’s side, waiting for Jiyong, and caught him fixing his hair in the side mirror. He chuckled.

“You look fine, Jiyong.”

Jiyong nodded, fluffing his curls one more time as he turned. “I’m nervous.”

“What for?”

“Taehyun is graduating. He’s growing up.”

Seunghyun nodded and offered his hand gently. “I know.”

Jiyong looked at his hand and Seunghyun considered that perhaps he had jumped the gun on the physical affection. He wasn’t sure where they stood after the kiss the night before. They had started out so awkward and then that had happened. Jiyong could be so unpredictable.

Jiyong’s slender fingers slipped against his palm before curling over the side, taking his hand into a tight hold. Seunghyun smiled warmly at him and let his fingers curl around Jiyong’s hand. They walked together towards the front of the school.

“What did you get him for a gift?” Seunghyun asked.

“Tickets to Lotte World for him and his friends. It’s not much, but since he’s most likely going to Japan, I’ll buy him a whole new wardrobe and such within the next month or so.”

“Do you think he’s going to accept?”

“You really convinced him about going to Geidai. I’m not going to stop him,” Jiyong said. “I didn’t thank you, did I? Taehyun was so happy when he came home. I hadn’t seen him like that in a long time.”

“I’m glad he had such a good time. I had really missed him.”

Jiyong nodded, eyes trained on the ground. “What did you get him?”

“Another set of those Murakami Vans and some stuffed animals.”

“Cute. I’m sure he’ll love them.”

Seunghyun nodded. They arrived at the front gates and followed the crowd of families heading towards the main hall. When they reached it, they got into line and waited to be admitted, Seunghyun holding the tickets in his free hand. Jiyong was using his phone with his other hand.

“Youngbae is already inside. He saved us seats.”

“Great. I can’t wait to see him.”

Jiyong smiled. Seunghyun flashed their tickets and they were let in. Jiyong led the way, spotting Youngbae from afar. He let go of Seunghyun’s hand to get ahead, waving to his best friend. Youngbae stood up to wave, then came down to greet them.

“Seunghyun!”

“Youngbae, hi.”

Youngbae pulled Seunghyun into a tight hug. “How have you been, buddy? I haven’t seen you in forever.”

The unspoken fact that Youngbae knew why hung in the air, but none of them let it settle to make the conversation become awkward. Seunghyun returned the hug with a grin.

“I’ve been well. It’s great to see you.”

“Can you believe our boys are graduating? It feels like just yesterday we were changing their diapers.”

Seunghyun nodded. He followed Youngbae back to their seats, where Jiyong had already seated himself, making conversation with Youngbae’s wife, Hyorin. Seunghyun greeted her as they approached and settled beside Jiyong. As they made small talk, waiting for the ceremony to begin, Seunghyun kept his eye on Jiyong’s hands.

He was still wearing his wedding ring. Seunghyun had never removed his own in the course of three years since he’d left home and it made him incredibly happy that Jiyong had apparently done the same. It built up a sense of hope inside of him.

The band began playing as the students marched in. Taehyun was noticeable with his bleached hair, filing in properly. Seunghyun found it funny he had obsessed over his outfit when he was wearing a gown, which made it so that no one could see it anyways. The students were seated and the ceremony officially began. They played the national anthem before beginning to call students up.

“Dong Minho,” called the school’s principal.

Youngbae cheered excitedly as his son approached the podium to accept his diploma. Seunghyun and Jiyong clapped. Mino posed for a photo, which Hyorin snapped from afar. He returned to his seat.

“Kwon-Choi Taehyun,” the principal called some minutes later.

Jiyong and Seunghyun stood, clapping loudly for their son. Jiyong looked at Seunghyun, his eyes b with tears. Seunghyun smiled at him. Jiyong had always been sensitive and cried easily, which Seunghyun was fond of. When they sat, Jiyong drew a package of tissues from his coat pocket and wiped at his eyes. Seunghyun nudged his shoulder gently and lay his hand on his knee. Jiyong smiled, eyes still shining, and took his hand into his own, lacing their fingers. They sat with their shoulders squished together for the rest of the ceremony.

 

After the ceremony had finished, Seunghyun and Jiyong waited to find Taehyun in the crowd. He finally appeared, carrying his diploma inside its cover. Jiyong pulled him into his arms and hugged him tight, rubbing his back. Taehyun laughed.

“Picture time,” Jiyong said then.

“Abeoji, no,” Taehyun said in aggravation, extending the “o” for a few seconds.

“This is important. Smile.”

Seunghyun snapped a few photos of them together. Jiyong then switched places with him so he could take some of him with Taehyun. Finally, Jiyong motioned Youngbae over from his family.

“Take a family photo of us!” he commanded.

Youngbae laughed and nodded, letting them pose, before snapping a photo. They took a few before Youngbae returned to his family. Jiyong then obligingly returned the favor, snapping photos of Youngbae with Mino and Hyorin. Taehyun and Seunghyun waited patiently. Jiyong then motioned to Taehyun.

“Get with Mino! We need photos of you together.”

“Abeoji, that’s what the party is for.”

Seunghyun chuckled. Taehyun had always been whiny with Jiyong, never wanting to give in to his demands, but did so anyways. It had always been an act that they played, pushing and pulling one another. Seunghyun had found it funny that they both knew how to whine to get what they wanted, except Taehyun was just as weak to Jiyong’s appeals as Seunghyun was. Jiyong always got what he wanted.

“Just one, Taehyun-ah,” Jiyong said with a gentle smile.

Taehyun let out a frustrated sigh, stamping his foot and dramatically drooping his shoulders, but did as he was asked. He stood beside Mino, and the two put an arm around one another and grinned at the camera as Youngbae and Jiyong snapped away. They finally relented and the two teens let out a thankful sigh. Seunghyun chuckled.

“We’ll see you at the restaurant?” Youngbae said as he took Hyorin’s hand.

Jiyong nodded. “Yes. Let’s head over there. I’m sure the boys’ friends are waiting. Our families too, if we wait too long.”

Youngbae nodded.

The two families made their way back to the parking lot and promised to see one another at the party. Taehyun removed his cap and gown when they reached the car, tossing them in the backseat.

“Freedom,” he cooed.

Seunghyun chuckled and ruffled his hair. “Proud of you, kiddo.”

Taehyun gave Seunghyun a smile before slipping into the backseat. Seunghyun climbed into the passenger seat just as Jiyong the engine. Jiyong drove away, the car silent aside from the hum of the engine. They arrived at the restaurant within just a few minutes, since it wasn’t too far. Jiyong parked and they clambered out. There were three other teens waiting outside.

“Taehyun!” they called in a chorus.

Taehyun ran over with a laugh, beginning to talk up a storm. Seunghyun tilted his head as he examined them, trying to figure out who was who. Taehyun had described his close friends to Seunghyun over the course of their phone calls, but he hadn’t really seen photographs of them. It was easy to identify Jinwoo, since Taehyun had said he was the pretty one and had big eyes, which was true. He looked younger than the bunch, but Taehyun had said he was, in fact, the eldest. Before Seunghyun could guess the rest, Taehyun motioned for him to come over with an eager hand.

“Appa! Meet my friends!” Seunghyun approached and Taehyun gestured to him. “This is my appa! Appa, this is Seungyoon, Seunghoon, and Jinwoo.”

The three boys bowed to him with smiles on their faces. Seunghyun returned the gesture, hoping he would be able to tell Seungyoon and Seunghoon apart. While they didn’t look anything alike, their names were far too similar for him. He knew he’d probably mess up at some point.

The teens entered the restaurant and Seunghyun turned back to find Jiyong getting the gifts out of the car. He went to assist him, collecting his own. As they headed for the front doors, more people were arriving.

“Taehyun said you rented the place out. How many people are coming?” he asked as he held the door for Jiyong.

“Youngbae and Hyorin’s parents, my parents and sister, your parents and sister, the other boys’ families, Daesung, Seungri, possibly Kiko, some other friends of the boys’ possibly,” Jiyong listed off.

Seunghyun nodded. Just enough people to warrant a big space. The other three boys’ families had already crowded in and Jiyong introduced him. Everyone greeted him warmly, never expressing that it was odd they had never met Seunghyun prior to the party. He wondered what they thought of the fact that he wasn’t around—did they know he and Jiyong were separated and hence didn’t want to bring it up? Perhaps they believed he was just a ty father? Or maybe they’d been fed some lie like he was always gone for work or something?

He deposited his gift onto the table with the others marked for Taehyun, noticing the assortment of gifts. It seemed even the boys had bought presents for each other, which Seunghyun found endearing.

When Seunghyun turned to look out at the party, he realized he had basically no one to talk to. His son was socializing with his friends and Jiyong knew everyone at the party, making small talk and being a good host. Seunghyun only had the two of them until some of their other friends showed up.

Youngbae came in the door a few minutes later with Hyorin and Mino, as well as his parents in tow. Seunghyun decided to greet them and wasted a few minutes catching up. His own parents and sister arrived then, nephew in tow as well.

“Seunghyun!” Hyeyoun called happily.

“Uncle!” Yeonjun called and rushed to Seunghyun.

Seunghyun hugged his nephew, who was, of course, already fully grown. Despite that, Seunghyun still saw him as a baby. He rocked his nephew with a grin.

“Look at you all!”

“It’s so good to see you,” Hyeyoun said, hugging her brother.

Seunghyun returned the hug after letting go of Yeonjun. He greeted his parents and promised to catch up with all of them after he had greeted all of the guests. Dami and Jiyong’s parents arrived just after and were delighted to see Seunghyun, which made him feel warm and appreciated. He had always loved his in-laws and was absolutely delighted that they still felt the same for him even after being separated from their son for three years. Jiyong’s parents went to sit with his own after a hug, all of them calling to Taehyun for attention.

“Hyung!”

Seunghyun turned back to the door to find Daesung standing there with a grin on his face. Seunghyun felt a wave of relief wash over him and he pulled the younger man into a tight hug. Daesung laughed and hugged him back, arms still as solid and strong as ever.

“It’s so good to see you,” they said in unison.

The two men broke into laughter and grinned at one another. Seunghyun squeezed Daesung’s shoulder.

“You look great.”

“So do you,” Daesung said, “I almost couldn’t tell you dyed your hair.”

“I still have some on my neck, don’t I?”

“No. It’s just a little too shiny to be real.” Daesung snickered.

Seunghyun frowned at him. “What a great friend you are,” he grumbled.

“Says the man who hasn’t talked to me much in nearly three years! You could reach out a little more, you know. Just because Jiyong isn’t speaking to you doesn’t mean you can’t talk to anyone else.”

Seunghyun flushed at the accusation. It was true and he felt incredibly childish. He could have talked to everyone else, even if Jiyong hadn’t been speaking to him. He’d done poorly at keeping in touch, even with his own family. Seunghyun bit his lip and gave an apologetic look to Daesung, who merely smiled and squeezed his shoulder.

“I know.”

Seunghyun nodded and motioned for him to come in. Daesung carried his gift bags over to the gift table, setting them in their proper places. Seunghyun was about to follow him when someone grabbed both of his shoulders from behind.

“Hyung!”

Seunghyun looked over his shoulder to find Seungri, tanned and blond as ever. Seunghyun was surprised at how well he had aged.

“Seungri!” he called out in surprise.

Seungri beamed, squeezing his shoulders and shaking him a bit. “Hyung, it’s so good to see you! How’ve you been? I feel like it’s been forever.”

“It has been forever.”

The younger man let go of him and Seunghyun turned to get a good look at him. He was jealous that Seungri looked as good as he did. He still had decent muscle definition and the blond hair was making him look even younger.

“Dammit, you look good,” he said.

Seungri laughed. “Why thank you. I do try.”

“Still a bachelor?” Seunghyun asked.

“Why, of course. Why would I tie myself down when I can be with whoever I want?”

Seunghyun shook his head. Seungri had always lived a rather carefree lifestyle. It had never appealed to Seunghyun personally, but he admired him for living his life so dedicatedly. What Seungri wanted, he got, no matter how hard it was to obtain.

“I hear you’ve been keeping my husband company while I’ve been away,” Seunghyun said, even though that was the last thing he wanted to bring up.

Seungri had always been a close friend of Jiyong’s and while he’d never exactly considered the other man a threat, Taehyun’s mention of how often they spent time together made him uneasy. He’d been gone a long time and he didn’t know how well Jiyong could handle himself. Seunghyun shook his head immediately. That was a completely thought.

“Jiyong? Yeah, we hang out every so often. He makes me go along with him to like shop and . You know how he is. Never wants to do anything alone,” Seungri said with a laugh, seeming to not pick up on what Seunghyun had meant.

Seunghyun gave a deep and appreciative breath. He was glad Seungri could be incredibly dense.

“Taehyun mentioned you two spend time together. Thank you, for taking care of him,” Seunghyun said.

“Sure, hyung. Jiyong’s my friend. I don’t mind spending time with him.”

Seunghyun nodded. Daesung came up beside him once again.

“Hi, Seungri. How’ve you been?”

“I’ve been well, hyung. How about you? It’s been a while.”

“I’m well. Happy to see Seunghyun here.”

“I agree,” Seungri said with a nod. “Are you here to stay?”

Seunghyun felt his tongue grow heavy from nerves. He looked away and scratched the back of his neck. “Possibly. We’ll find out soon enough.”

“Oi. I’m rooting for you, hyung.”

“Thanks, Seungri.”

Seungri stretched a bit and looked around. “I’m going to go pay my hellos to all of the lovely people here, including the scrumptious Youngbae and his equally beautiful wife. Chat with you in a bit.”

Seungri made his way and Seunghyun smiled to himself. Seungri was barely pushing forty, something Seunghyun envied him for, but in all that time, he had never changed. One case in point was his serious attraction to Youngbae. They had known one another for years and even when Youngbae dated women, Seungri still carried a torch for him. After he’d been married, Seungri had dialed it back a little, but he was never afraid to express what he really thought of Youngbae—that he was hot and Seungri was very, very wanting.

Daesung chuckled beside him. “That kid never changes.”

“He doesn’t, does he? It’s kind of nice. I’ve been gone for three years, yet I feel almost as if nothing has changed.”

“It’s really good to have you back, hyung.”

Seunghyun smiled at Daesung fondly. “It’s good to be home. I hope I can stay.”

Daesung nodded quietly, not offering anything. Seunghyun motioned to some nearby empty seats. The two of them sat, beginning to catch up.

 

About an hour later, Taehyun and his friends set up to play some songs for their family and friends. Seunghyun had been mostly talking to Daesung the whole time, having been enjoying talking to someone after so long. Daesung had always been very kind and simple, easy to talk to and didn’t have too much drama in his life. When Taehyun tapped the microphone to check if it was live, their attention turned to the stage.

“Hi, everyone,” he greeted with a nervous little smile, hand pushing back blond locks. “I’m glad all of you can be here for our graduation. As a treat, we wanted to play some of our songs for you! This first song is called ‘Sentimental.’”

Seunghyun got up to approach the stage, drawing nearer so Taehyun could see him. He wanted his son to know he was interested and supported by his father. He found himself standing beside Jiyong, who was holding a cocktail in one hand, eyes trained on the stage intently as the band began to play. Taehyun’s voice crowed out over the crowd and Seunghyun was impressed by his vocals, but wasn’t totally surprised. He came from two singers. What else could he have expected?

“He sings well,” Seunghyun said. “Better than I ever could.”

“Better than me, in my opinion,” Jiyong said with a chuckle. “He’s very good. I don’t know why he thinks he doesn’t have any talent.”

“Only you and I would have a son with great musical talent who thinks he has none.”

Jiyong laughed, covering his mouth with his open hand. He looked up at Seunghyun once he had recovered and gave him a gentle smile. Seunghyun returned it in kind, before setting his gaze back on the stage. Taehyun smiled at them both as he sang, sharing the microphone with Seungyoon.

“He plays guitar too. You’ll see,” Jiyong said.

He sipped on his drink and Seunghyun looked down at it. The colorful liquid seemed to almost shine from the glass and he noted mentally that he should try to stay sober, just in case he needed to drive them home. He placed a hand gently on Jiyong’s shoulder, which made him look up at him in confusion before it softened into another smile. Jiyong looked back at the stage just as the song ended. They both clapped.

The boys started another song after Taehyun picked up a guitar and Seunghyun watched how his fingers moved over the fretboard. He was proud of him. Seunghyun could barely play guitar and yet there his son was, performing on stage with his very own band, playing guitar and singing live almost like a professional. It baffled him that only months earlier he had believed his son’s claim that he didn’t have any sort of special talent like they did.

“He’s good,” he said.

Jiyong nodded. “He is, isn’t he? I don’t even know how he learned.”

Seunghyun gave a shrug and smiled. It didn’t totally matter how Taehyun had learned, just that he had. He bobbed his head to the song, enjoying it. He noticed Jiyong was doing the same, the two of them moving their heads. He smiled a bit, glad that habit hadn’t changed.

The two enjoyed the music until someone came up on Jiyong’s other side. Seunghyun looked past and laid eyes on Kiko. She had the same hairstyle as the last time he’d seen her and Seunghyun wondered if she ever changed it really. It had occurred to him that it had been the same for a very long time. She was grinning ahead at the stage, obviously watching Taehyun. She glanced over then and they made eye contact. A smile crossed her lips and Seunghyun tried to return one that seemed genuine. The song ended and Taehyun gave a wave to the three of them. Kiko then turned to Jiyong.

“Sorry I’m late.”

“It’s no big deal. I’m glad you could come.”

They embraced and Seunghyun watched them. Kiko looked at him again, obviously unsure if she should say anything. Jiyong glanced over his shoulder at him, his eyes expectant. Seunghyun knew when Jiyong wanted something from him and he decided to play along.

“Hi, Kiko. It’s been a while. Good to see you,” he said.

She smiled at him, nervousness slipping away. “Hello, Seunghyun. It’s been a long time. You look good.”

“Thank you. You look…oddly the same, which I think is a good thing.”

She laughed. “Glad to hear it. How have you been? Taehyun told me you’ve been living in Tokyo for a while.”

Seunghyun’s eyes widened comically. He hadn’t meant to react so obviously, but he was completely baffled. Jiyong and Kiko were close. They had been close for years and that made the reveal that she didn’t know why he was living in Japan a shock. Jiyong hadn’t told her the real reason, the truth, and that caught him off guard immensely. Who had Jiyong told then? Why had he kept it from her? He looked at Jiyong and his cheeks were flushed, embarrassed he’d been caught in the middle of a lie.

“Yes, I have been. Jiyong and I have…needed a bit of time apart. Nothing too complicated. Just a breather. It’s been pretty nice,” he said, lying through his teeth.

Keeping up the façade that he had been happy in Tokyo was essential. He wanted Kiko to believe him, because by extension Jiyong would still believe the lie. Jiyong’s face fell a bit at the statement, but when Kiko looked at him for confirmation, he slapped a smile onto his face and offered a small nod.

“Oh, dear. That’s no good. I hope you two work it out soon. You’re a great couple, you know?”

“It means a lot to hear you say that,” Seunghyun said.

Jiyong elbowed him and gave him a pointed look. The comment came out much more sarcastic than Seunghyun had meant it. He had actually truly appreciated the words—Kiko and he hadn’t always been on one another’s sides, so her support for them as a couple meant more to him than anything. He gave her a grin, ignoring Jiyong’s reaction.

“I’m going to say hi to Taehyun. Then we can catch up!” she said, before shuffling away from them.

Jiyong turned to look at him. “Did you mean that?”

“Mean what?”

“That it meant a lot for her to think we’re a great couple.”

“Yeah,” Seunghyun said, “We’ve been at odds, but it does mean a lot to have her support.”

Jiyong gave him a look, as if he was uncomfortable or upset, Seunghyun wasn’t sure which it was. He reached out to touch Jiyong’s hand.

“I don’t hate her, I hope you know,” he said.

Jiyong looked away, sipping on his drink, but his fingers curled around the tips of Seunghyun’s. Seunghyun smiled gently and squeezed his hand before letting go. He looked up at the stage and saw that Taehyun was watching them, a grin on his face.

 

Seunghyun had conversed with Kiko for a bit after she had settled in and then with his family for a while longer. The party died down to just a few handful of adults and Taehyun and his group of friends after just a few hours. Seunghyun sat at a table with Daesung and Seungri, sipping on water since he noticed Jiyong had downed far too many glasses to be sober. They’d been talking for a while, the two men regaling what they had been up to for the past three years.

“I really think you’d like her, hyung. You’ll have to meet her,” Daesung said.

“I’d like that. Hopefully we can get together sometime. Maybe have dinner.”

Daesung nodded with a grin.

Seunghyun couldn’t believe Daesung actually had a girlfriend after all those years. He’d often worried that his dear friend would be single forever, and not in a desired way like Seungri was. Seunghyun chanced a glance over at Seungri then, realizing he had been quiet for far too long. The youngest man was stirring the small straw in his glass, eyes peering across the restaurant.

“Seungri, are you staring at Youngbae?”

“No. Maybe…” Seungri replied, turning his attention down to his glass. He picked it up and tossed back half of the watered down alcohol. “I shouldn’t have given up on him so easily.”

“Okay, no more drinks for you,” Daesung said, reaching out to take Seungri’s glass away.

Seungri whined and threw his head back. “I should have fought her. I would have won, god dammit.”

“What happened to ‘I can be with whoever I want and not be tied down’?” Seunghyun said.

“ off, hyung.”

Seunghyun laughed good-naturedly, knowing the alcohol was talking in Seungri’s system. Seungri pressed his forehead to the table and let out a whine. Daesung gently pet his hair, scratching at Seungri’s scalp. Seunghyun didn’t know why he thought of it then, but it seemed like the best time he could bring up something that had been haunting him for three years, the one thing he’d been afraid to talk about for fear that it would be true.

“Hey, Seungri.”

“Hmm?”

“Did you ever sleep with Jiyong after we got married?” he asked.

Seunghyun knew as soon as the words left his mouth that it was a poor choice to ask. Daesung’s eyes widened in shock and Seungri shot up, nearly banging his head on the back of the booth. He blinked a few times, as if to demonstrate that what Seunghyun had just said was completely ludicrous. Seunghyun lowered his head, unable to take the words back and feeling ashamed.

“What the is that supposed to mean?”

Seunghyun didn’t respond.

“Do you really think I’d be such an ? Really?” Seungri nearly shouted.

Daesung rose a little and pushed Seungri down by his shoulders. “Hey, hey. Calm down. We don’t need to draw attention.”

“Oh, okay, whatever. He’s the one that said something so ing stupid.”

“I’m sorry,” Seunghyun mumbled.

“You better be sorry, you . What the , hyung? I’m your friend. How could you accuse me of sleeping with Jiyong-hyung?”

“I’m not accusing you. I just asked.”

“Is that why you and Jiyong are fighting? He cheated on you?” Daesung asked.

Seunghyun turned his face away and gripped his glass of water tighter. “No. I just…Never mind. Sorry I even said anything so stupid. I realize that now. I’m sorry, Seungri.”

“Yeah, well…, hyung, did he cheat on you?” Seungri said.

Seunghyun kept his gaze turned downward. “I don’t know…”

“I’m gonna ask him.”

Seungri made to get up and Seunghyun panicked. Daesung’s arm shot out and he took hold of Seungri.

“Alright. That’s enough. Why don’t you look at Youngbae while I go get your stuff, so I can take you home?”

That satisfied Seungri as he turned his attention back to Youngbae, beginning to mumble to himself how it wasn’t fair. Seunghyun let out a breath of relief as he got up and let Daesung get out of the booth.

“Thanks…”

“You’re welcome. You know how he gets when he drinks too much. But be a little more tactical next time, alright?” Daesung said.

“Yeah.”

“We’re not done talking about this. You’re here for two more days. I want to talk to you again.”

Seunghyun gulped, but nodded. Daesung went to go get Seungri’s car keys and his own things. He let his eyes scope out the restaurant and found Jiyong was sitting with Kiko, Youngbae, Hyorin, and Lee Soohyuk, another friend of theirs who had shown up late, and laughing loudly with them. Taehyun was huddled up in a booth with his friends and they seemed to be having a good time, though it appeared they had snuck some alcohol out. That worried Seunghyun. Daesung came back and hoisted Seungri up, slinging an arm over his shoulder.

“I’ll see you in a couple days, okay, hyung?”

“Yeah. Get home safe. It was great to see you.” Seunghyun squeezed Seungri’s shoulder. “Sorry, Ri. It won’t happen again.”

“It’s okay, hyung. Fight for your love,” Seungri responded, his eyes half lidded from drowsiness.

Seunghyun chuckled and saw the two of them out. Without anyone left for him to hide and talk to, he was left to approach the remaining adults. Even from afar he could tell Jiyong was pretty drunk, his giggles loud and his gestures grand. He figured it was probably time for them to go home. As he got close to the table, he was greeted with many fond smiles and the nerves that had built up inside of him dissipated easily enough. He smiled and took a seat next to Soohyuk.

“It’s so good to see you, Seunghyun. How’ve you been?” Soohyuk said.

“I’ve been well. How about you?”

“Doing great too. I’m so glad I managed to make it for the party. I can’t believe Taehyun has graduated high school! I remember just yesterday when you brought him home.”

“Yeah…He was so small then. It’s really surreal to be here for this.”

Youngbae smiled at Seunghyun, a light in his eyes that Seunghyun knew was both pity and thankfulness. Youngbae was probably the only person who knew the real reason Seunghyun had been gone so long, he realized. He knew just how painful it was for Seunghyun to have missed out on part of Taehyun’s life.

“I think it’s time we head home,” Youngbae said then, jostling Jiyong, who had leaned his head onto his shoulder. “Stop acting like my wife, Jiyong.”

“You know, I could have been your wife, years and years ago, if you hadn’t liked women so damn much,” Jiyong said with the shake of his hand.

Youngbae shook his head and laughed. “This guy needs to get to bed.”

“Trust Jiyong to be the one who gets hammered drunk out of his mind at his son’s graduation party,” Kiko said with a laugh.

They all piled out of the booth, Youngbae calling out to the boys to get ready. Seunghyun helped Jiyong out of the booth and braced him, holding him up with an arm and guiding him with a hand on the small of his back. Jiyong leaned into him. Taehyun approached and let out a laugh.

“Abeoji is going to be out cold once we get him in the car, huh?”

“Yeah. This is probably embarrassing. I’m sorry, Taehyun,” Seunghyun said.

“It’s okay, appa. It’s not a big deal.”

Taehyun helped him get Jiyong to the car. As Taehyun went to bid his friends a final goodbye, Seunghyun buckled Jiyong into the passenger seat, whose head lulled against his chest as he dozed. When he stood up and turned around, he found Kiko standing there.

“It was nice to see you, Seunghyun.”

“Y-Yeah. It was good to see you too,” he said, nervousness causing his voice to crack.

“I don’t know if he told you, but Jiyong’s been really anxious over Taehyun graduating. It’s no wonder he got so drunk. He called me a few weeks back, just sobbing about Taehyun growing up. It’s quite endearing, really. Poor thing. I don’t know how he’ll manage when he heads off to school.” Kiko looked directly at him then. “He told me he got accepted to a few universities in Tokyo. Will he be living with you?”

Seunghyun gulped and adjusted his sleeve’s cuffs absently. “We haven’t figured it all out yet, but probably.”

“I see. Well, if you’re ever in town and want to have lunch, give me a call.”

“Thank you. I’ll remember that.”

“Get home safe, Seunghyun. Take good care of Jiyong for me.”

Kiko clasped his shoulder before leaning in to kiss his cheek. Seunghyun was a bit surprised at the gesture but smiled. Kiko gave him one last smile before heading for her own car. Taehyun came over, carrying all of his gifts.

“Oh, I forgot to help with those. Are there any more?” Seunghyun asked.

“I got them all.”

Taehyun climbed into the backseat and Seunghyun got into the driver’s seat, starting the car. Jiyong was still dozing in the front. Taehyun leaned forward to look at him.

“He’s really out. I haven’t seen abeoji like this in a long time.”

“Does he drink often?” Seunghyun asked as he began to drive them home.

“Not really at home. I think he does when he goes out, but at home, it’s one glass every once in a while. Not like when I was small.”

Seunghyun gripped the steering wheel tightly at Taehyun’s words.

When Seunghyun and Jiyong had first become parents, they had trouble scaling back the crazy lifestyle they had been living, partying all the time and drinking and smoking. But once they had come home black out drunk and woke up to a screaming Taehyun and a thrashed house, they knew they had to change their ways. The partying had stopped, but sometimes their habits hadn’t. Seunghyun had completely given up alcohol for a long time and scaled back his smoking, while Jiyong had given up smoking and dialed back on his alcohol intake. The two missed it, but it had been better for their son, setting responsible examples while also allowing them to be fully functioning parents. Seunghyun hadn’t had anything to drink until he had been banished to Japan three years ago and only knew one way to drown his sorrows. He realized then that Jiyong had done something maybe a little similar, though perhaps he was just responsibly drinking socially as he always had.

“You know we mean the best for you,” Seunghyun found himself saying, his eyes b with tears.

He had never thought about how much they had possibly hurt their son when he was still a baby. They’d gone through so much to have a child and they’d almost completely ed it up. He was grateful they hadn’t, but the overwhelming guilt still tore him up from the inside.

A sniffle came out of his nose as he tried to prevent the tears from falling and suddenly Jiyong’s hand was on his thigh. He sat up, blinking his eyes slowly, but his grip on Seunghyun’s thigh was firm and comforting, there to reassure him that it was alright. Seunghyun let out a breath at the sensation, taking comfort in Jiyong’s touch. It had been a long time since he had felt that kind of reassurance, but it made him feel amazing just as it always had.

“We love you, Taehyun. I hope you know that we always try to do our best for you, even if sometimes we do a terrible job.”

“I know,” Taehyun said, “I love you guys.”

When they arrived home, Seunghyun pulled their car into the garage. Taehyun got out and collected his gifts, but Jiyong offered to take some. Despite how tipsy he had been earlier, Jiyong seemed to be functioning better. Seunghyun offered to help as well and the three made their way into the house. Setting all of the items in the living room, Taehyun turned to his parents.

“Let’s go do something tomorrow, okay, appa?”

“Yeah. I’d like that. Get some sleep. You did a great thing today.”

Taehyun laughed and hugged the both of them.

“I love you. Good night.”

Seunghyun Taehyun’s hair gently before watching as he flitted down the hallway and into his bedroom, shutting the door behind him. Seunghyun turned his gaze to Jiyong.

“How are you feeling?” he asked.

Jiyong blinked a few times and looked up at Seunghyun. He reached out his hand towards him and took a few steps, stumbling a little. Seunghyun took hold of his arm firmly and steadied him.

“Still a bit unstable…” he said with a small laugh, “But I’m okay. Sorry…I shouldn’t have drank so much tonight.”

“It’s alright. I know you’re upset.”

Jiyong nodded. He reached with his other hand to hold onto Seunghyun’s shirt tightly. He looked up at him.

“I’ve missed you so ing much.”

“I missed you too, Jiyong.”

Jiyong tugged him down to press their lips together. Seunghyun knew it probably wasn’t smart for him to kiss back, but he had missed his husband’s touch after three years. Jiyong was like the best fine wine he could obtain, the greatest thing he would ever touch or taste. He had always been like a drug to Seunghyun and it was why, no matter how often they had fought or struggled, they ended up together again.

“Can I sleep with you tonight? It’s lonely in the other room…” Jiyong said, gripping onto Seunghyun tighter.

Seunghyun took a breath. He and Jiyong hadn’t talked yet. There was so much they needed to clear up. But at the same time, he knew the both of them were weak when it came to one another. It had been three years since they’d spoken and three years since they’d been intimate. Both were still reeling from the fact that Taehyun was growing up. They needed one another. So, Seunghyun decided to be weak and foolish. He nodded.

Jiyong grinned and followed him into their bedroom, shutting the door behind them.

 

Seunghyun awoke to floods of light falling over their bed. It had to be late morning, if not the afternoon already, he realized. His whole body felt sore, a feeling that he actually realized he had missed in three years. Swiveling his head to the side, he caught sight of Jiyong curled up beside him, bare shoulder peeking out over the top of the blanket. Seunghyun reached out to cover him up a bit more and made Jiyong stir, curling a little more into his pillow. Seunghyun chuckled a bit and smiled. It felt amazing to wake up beside Jiyong again.

He cupped Jiyong’s cheek gently and with his thumb, unable to stop smiling. Jiyong’s eyes fluttered open and he looked at him sleepily, a soft smile spreading on his lips. He let out a tiny yawn, before rolling onto his back and wincing.

“Oh, , I am sore.”

“Me too,” Seunghyun said with a chuckle.

Jiyong slid his hand over the comforter and laced his fingers with Seunghyun. “It’s kind of nice, though, don’t you think?”

“Yeah.” Seunghyun squeezed his hand gently.

They lay beside one another for a few minutes, basking being in bed in the morning together once again. Jiyong then sat up.

“Oh god, what time is it? Taehyun is probably wondering why the we aren’t up yet.”

Seunghyun laughed and pushed himself up, groaning as his back strained. He wondered if the soreness was from their activities, the sheer exertion that had been expended from overwhelming passion, or the fact that he was just getting old. He rubbed his back lightly with a hand before getting up, going over to get something to wear out of the dresser. When he glanced back, Jiyong had propped himself up with a hand as he lay on his side, the sheets pooled around his hips.

“I missed your ,” he said.

Seunghyun’s cheeks flared. “Jiyong, I’m almost fifty for Christ’s sake. Don’t say like that.”

“Just because we’re getting older doesn’t mean you can’t still have a nice . You look good for your age anyways.”

“You look better.”

Seunghyun saw how Jiyong’s gaze dropped down to the sheets as he drew a pattern into them with his fingertip. Only Jiyong could look ten years younger than he was and get embarrassed when he got a compliment. He pulled his jeans on before stalking over to the bed and kneeled down beside it, bending his torso over the edge to kiss him. Jiyong returned the kiss, hand coming up to hold onto the back of Seunghyun’s neck.

“We still need to talk,” Seunghyun murmured when he pulled back.

Jiyong nodded sadly. “T-Tomorrow, okay? Let’s just…let’s just be a family for one day. Please…”

Seunghyun’s heart broke at the weak tone of Jiyong’s voice. His proud and social husband was skilled at hiding his vulnerability, so when he opened himself up, Seunghyun saw just how tender and fragile he could be. Jiyong was so good at acting strong, it fooled Seunghyun into believing that Jiyong was never scared or weak like him.

Seunghyun knew he needed to be forward and not let their talk be pushed aside, but the raw emotion he saw inside of Jiyong was too much for him to ignore. He nodded gently and pushed back Jiyong’s curly bangs from his face.

“Alright.” He pressed a sweet kiss to his forehead. “Now get up, so we can go spend time with our son.”

Jiyong forced himself up, letting out a whine before he massaged his hips. The light bruising of shapely fingers and hickeys that adorned his lower half made Seunghyun blush. He imagined he wasn’t in any better condition. As Jiyong found clothes to put on, kicking those from the night before aside, Seunghyun finished getting dressed.

Seunghyun opened the door to their bedroom and peeked out, looking for any sign of Taehyun. He hadn’t thought of it until then, but he didn’t want Taehyun to think that he and Jiyong were back together when their talk could end up sending him back to Japan. Seeing no sign of their son, he slipped out of the bedroom and down the hall quietly. Taehyun was nestled on the couch, watching television.

“Hey, buddy,” Seunghyun called fondly.

“Appa! You’re up!”

Taehyun got up from the couch, revealing he was still in his pajamas and Seunghyun smiled as he approached him. He still didn’t even know what time it was. Taehyun hugged him tight. Seunghyun had never received so much attention from his son as he had in the past year, but maybe it was because he had taken it for granted for so long.

“Do you know where abeoji is? He wasn’t in the guest room,” Taehyun said as he pulled back.

Seunghyun felt himself flush unconditionally. Taehyun hadn’t tried to enter their room he hoped. Was he playing coy?

“He’s getting dressed at the moment.”

Jiyong came out a few minutes later and grinned at the two of them. “There’s my baby boy. How are you this morning?”

“Abeoji, it’s already noon.”

“Oh, is it? Whoops.”

Taehyun laughed. “We can go have lunch!”

“Good idea,” Seunghyun said. “What kind of food should we have?”

“Seafood. At that place abeoji likes.”

Jiyong laughed. “I can agree to that.”

“Have I ever been there?” Seunghyun asked.

Jiyong nodded, taking his fingers gently. “The one we celebrated our anniversary at.”

Seunghyun remembered the place. He nodded.

“Let’s go.”

“I have to get dressed.”

Taehyun walked back to his room to change and the couple were left together. Seunghyun squeezed Jiyong’s fingers before pulling them away.

“Maybe we shouldn’t…”

He could see the pain in Jiyong’s eyes as he looked at him and the words died in his throat. He knew that Jiyong knew what he was going to say. He didn’t need to say it out loud, but he felt agony at the emotion which was bright from within Jiyong. Jiyong curled his fingers into the end of his gray shirt, one that floated lovingly along the curve of his hip and had a deep neckline. Seunghyun could tell at that point that Jiyong was just trying to tempt him with the collarbones he loved so much.

“I don’t want to hurt Taehyun,” Seunghyun said softly.

It was his way of apologizing. Jiyong nodded and blinked, his brown orbs suddenly looking glassy. He blinked one more time, diverting his focus from Seunghyun.

“I know,” he mumbled out.

Taehyun returned to them and seemed to observe their awkward stances, close but distant at the same time. He came forward and linked arms with both of them.

“Come on, appa, abeoji, it’s time to go,” he said.

Taehyun pulled them out the door and into the garage and this time Seunghyun decided to drive. They didn’t exchange words and let Taehyun determine the music, but Jiyong’s hand subtly rested on Seunghyun’s on the middle console.

 

Seunghyun remembered the restaurant as they walked up to it. It was placed along the bank of the Han River, with a great view of the water. It was mostly glass, almost entirely see through, and featured a porch setting so you could eat over the river bank. It looked more like a small vacation home one could find near the ocean. Jiyong and Seunghyun had liked it because of its architecture and the inside was decorated with fairy lights and furniture that Seunghyun liked.

It had been the place where Seunghyun and Jiyong had celebrated their wedding anniversary every year until the fateful day Seunghyun had left for Tokyo. As Seunghyun recalled it then, their anniversary had only been weeks before their fight had occurred. Even though it had been three years since then, it hadn’t changed a bit. It was the last place he remembered having a recent memory with his husband.

Jiyong’s reserved body language signaled that he recalled it too. That had been the last time they had been together and happy so vividly in either’s memory. Seunghyun let out a small breath and walked beside him. Taehyun pulled the door open ahead of them and the maître d’ greeted them with a smile, recognizing Taehyun and Jiyong. It appeared that the two of them still ate their semi-regularly then, he assumed. Perhaps Jiyong had supplemented Seunghyun with Taehyun so he could keep going there without being alone. Jiyong’s eyes floated over to Seunghyun and he gave an apologetic smile. Seunghyun shook his head and reached out to squeeze his shoulder lightly.

They were seated on the outside deck at a small table, a single rose in a vase gracing the center. Seunghyun picked up the menu, just to see if it had changed in the last few years or not. Taehyun and Jiyong didn’t even pick up their own though, instead looking out at the river to observe the birds gathered on the bank and picking around for food or napping.

“How do you feel now, my little graduate?” Jiyong asked then.

“The same, abeoji. It’s not like I magically changed. I just don’t have to go to school on Monday.”

Seunghyun snorted at Taehyun’s snarky reply. Their child’s wit had always entertained him. The kid had been making wise cracks since he’d been old enough to talk.

Jiyong pouted at the two of them and both laughed in response.

“Such brats. The both of you.”

Seunghyun smiled.

They ordered their food and Jiyong ordered himself a mimosa. Liking the idea, Seunghyun ordered one as well. When they were brought to them, Jiyong sipped on his own. Taehyun’s phone rang and he glanced down at it, looking a little guilty for receiving a phone call during their meal.

“Who is it?” Seunghyun asked.

Jiyong shot Seunghyun a look, obviously telling him not to encourage their son. Seunghyun just looked back at Taehyun.

“It’s Mino.”

“Go ahead and answer. He probably wants to plan something since you’re both out of school now.”

Taehyun gave him a thankful smile and picked up his phone, excusing himself. He went to stand at the end of the deck, leaning against the railing to talk. Seunghyun smiled before looking back at Jiyong, who was frowning.

“Oh, come on. It’s not that big of a deal.”

“I suppose…I’ve never figured out if Taehyun likes Mino or not. They’re so close, but it’s hard to tell.”

“Maybe they’re just like you and Youngbae,” Seunghyun said, sipping on his mimosa.

Instead of responding, Jiyong watched him. He spoke after that. “I see you’re drinking again.” He pulled a carton of cigarettes from his pocket and produced one of them, lighting it with ease.

“And you’re smoking again,” Seunghyun countered.

Jiyong looked guilty, flinching a bit as the cigarette drooped from his lips. He blew out some smoke and tapped the ash into the tray on the table.

“Just a bit. It’s not that often and usually when Taehyun isn’t around,” he said.

“Him being ten feet away counts?”

“Shut up.”

Seunghyun chuckled and sipped on his drink again. “I’m not that bad. I only drink occasionally.”

Seunghyun was telling a white lie. Of course, Jiyong had no need to know that he drank himself into stupors in the beginning of his banishment. He had no other way to block out the pain he’d been feeling then, so he did what he knew worked.

“Alright. I can’t police you or anything anyways.”

Jiyong finished his cigarette just as Taehyun returned and sat back down. Their food was brought to them.

“What did Mino want?” Jiyong asked.

“He wanted to know when we’re going to Lotte World. I told him next week probably.”

“Whenever you feel like going.”

Taehyun nodded and took a bite. “I wish you could come, appa. Too bad, huh?”

Seunghyun nodded. He wasn’t sure what Taehyun was doing. Was he trying to feel out where he and Jiyong stood? It was clever and subtle.

“I can go with you when I come back.”

“Okay,” Taehyun said with a little pout. “Before I go to Tokyo, right?”

“Of course, buddy. We need to smooth that all out anyways.”

“We’ll get to it,” Jiyong said. “We’ll discuss payment and the living arrangements and what not. Make sure to stay on top of your registration.”

“I will, abeoji. I have to go to orientation like next month,” Taehyun replied, eating his food.

Jiyong nodded and looked at Seunghyun. “I guess we’ll be in Tokyo next month…”

Seunghyun nodded back, not responding immediately. He didn’t want to make promises when he wasn’t sure what would be happening within twenty-four hours.

“You talked longer than just discussing Lotte World. What else did you talk about?” Seunghyun asked instead.

Taehyun shrugged. “He just wanted to talk. Wants to get the band together and practice together some more, hang out before we all go our separate ways. College, y’know.”

“Are any of your other friends moving away or overseas for college?”

“Mino and Yoon are staying here,” Taehyun said, seeming a little upset, “I don’t know about Jinwoo or Seunghoon actually. They weren’t from Seoul originally anyways.”

“I see. Well, you’ll be able to see them during school breaks and they can always come visit you. A plane ticket isn’t too much.”

“Yeah…I’ll just miss them.”

Seunghyun wanted to say he knew exactly what his son meant. He knew what it was like to go somewhere he had no friends. But he held his tongue, for Jiyong and for Taehyun. He reached out to squeeze his son’s shoulder.

“Spend every day with them until you leave.”

Taehyun nodded. “I mean, I haven’t decided totally yet anyways…”

Jiyong reached out to him. “It’ll be fine, baby boy. You make your decision however you’d like. You know the both of us will support any decision you make.”

Their son nodded and finished his plate. Jiyong smiled at him and downed his mimosa. It was obvious his nerves were on high. Seunghyun had to commend his husband for hiding it so well. He knew he was uncomfortable with Taehyun growing up and as he thought about it more, Taehyun would possibly moving to Japan. If he and Jiyong remained separated, it would mean Jiyong would be alone. While neither of them preferred being alone, Seunghyun had always seemed to handle it better due to his jobs he’d had overseas for years that required him to be away for long periods of time. He considered that perhaps they could switch homes, but Seunghyun selfishly wanted Taehyun to live with him for a while. It would only be fair, if he was being honest, as petty as it may be.

“He’s right. We’ll always support you,” he said, shoving his selfish feelings aside.

They would figure it all out.

 

They had a fun day out, shopping and exploring Seoul together. It felt like they were a family again and Seunghyun realized how much he missed it. He knew he had, but to truly feel what he’d been missing out on for three years made the reality only that much more heavy. After an early dinner, Taehyun had gone out to meet his friends and Jiyong and Seunghyun had returned home. The tension had grown when they went inside and they knew that the time had come.

Jiyong and Seunghyun sat across from one another in the living room, doing everything but making eye contact. Seunghyun didn’t know where to start and he somewhat hoped Jiyong would say something, but he didn’t.

“Three years,” he finally said.

Jiyong looked up at him then, their eyes locking. His eyebrows knitted together.

“Yes, three years. If you’d called…”

Seunghyun sat back, shocked. His shoulders drooped as he gave Jiyong an incredulous look.

“If I’d called?! What about you?”

“What do you mean, what about me? It was you who started this whole thing! I have nothing to apologize for!” Jiyong yelled, getting angry.

“Nothing to apologize for?! Are you ing kidding me?!”

“Tell me, Seunghyun. Tell me what it is I need to apologize for.”

Seunghyun stood up, his hands curling into fists at his side. Jiyong remained seated, his anger remaining cool and contained, the only tell his narrowed eyes and scowl.

“Really, Jiyong? After three ing years, you don’t think you have anything to apologize for? I’ve been in Japan that whole time, but you never once considered calling me to say you were sorry?”

“Tell me what it is I need to say sorry for! Enlighten me!” Jiyong yelled loudly.

Seunghyun gulped. Jiyong stood up slowly and crossed his arms over his chest defensively.

“You cheated on me,” Seunghyun said firmly.

Jiyong’s lips quivered and he looked away from him, his arms squeezing against his chest. Seunghyun’s hands clenched tighter and his knuckles whitened.

“That’s what you have to apologize for.”

Jiyong suddenly let out a laugh, though it was broken and garbled. His body trembled and Seunghyun knew he was holding in his tears.

“You think you’re so ing smart, don’t you? Do you even have proof that I cheated on you, Seunghyun? Or are you just accusing me because you think you know? What was it? A feeling? Tell me to my face why you think I cheated on you. I dare you.”

“I know you cheated on me, Jiyong. You don’t have to play dumb.”

“Show me! Show me proof!”

Seunghyun threw his arms up in anger, almost as if he would strike Jiyong, but kept them near his body. Jiyong still flinched, despite that Seunghyun had never laid a hand on him in the course of their relationship.

“See! You don’t have proof? How insecure can you be, huh?! We’ve been married for years, Seunghyun, but you still don’t trust me! You never even gave me the chance to defend myself!” Jiyong yelled angrily through his tears.

“You would just lie! Why would you admit it?”

“Why would you accuse me of cheating when you have no proof?! Who do you think I slept with, huh?! Seungri? Kiko?”

Seunghyun didn’t respond. He didn’t know what to say. He had thought both of those people, possibly others. He didn’t know.

“That’s the thing, Seunghyun. I have been so ing in love with you for such a long time and no matter how many times we broke up, I came crawling back to you. We’ve been married for twenty years, you ! How can you not trust me after all this time?! What do I have to do to make you listen to me? Let me defend myself! Give me your evidence and let me defend myself. How do you know you aren’t completely misconstruing something? You always jump to conclusions, because you’re such a hot head! Let me explain!”

Seunghyun still said nothing, his eyes dropping to his feet. He was so angry, he felt like a blood vessel may burst in his forehead. He hated everything Jiyong was saying because he wasn’t wrong. Did Seunghyun have evidence that Jiyong had cheated on him? He couldn’t remember anymore. He just remembered being so angry and accusing him. Jiyong hadn’t even responded and Seunghyun had been so mad, so upset, he didn’t bother to let him defend himself. Their argument had definitely been just an argument and absolutely no discussion.

“What? Nothing to say? Three ing years later and you still can’t bring anything forward to prove what you’re accusing me of? I’m surprised you didn’t hire some ing P.I. to follow me around or something.”

“You’re the one that sent me away to Japan! For three years!” Seunghyun said instead.

“Sent you? No one sent you, Seunghyun! You’re the one that was unwilling to listen and walked out on our relationship! You abandoned Taehyun and me here.”

“Don’t you dare say I abandoned Taehyun!” he yelled angrily.

“Why not? It’s the truth, isn’t it? You left him here. Because you were too ing hardheaded and angry to listen to reason. And apparently you still are, because here you are, accusing me of being the one who didn’t pick up the phone in three years! Forced you to Japan, you have to be ing kidding me.” Jiyong grumbled the last sentence.

Seunghyun rubbed his closed fists against his temple. “ this. You can’t seriously believe you’re not at fault at all. I can’t do this anymore. I want a divorce.”

The color drained from Jiyong’s face and Seunghyun could see the fight physically leave his body. His arms dropped down to his side and his eyes pooled with a fresh set of tears.

“S-Seunghyun…Please. Please, just give me a chance. I don’t know what to say to you. How can I make you see that you’re wrong?”

Jiyong’s word choice was wrong and Seunghyun turned away from him. He wasn’t going to hear anymore, shutting off his mind and heart. He was tired of all of this. It was obvious he and Jiyong were not going to sort it out. His feet carried him away and he could hear Jiyong calling out after him, but he didn’t process any of it.

It was over. Seunghyun felt as if the ground would crumble from beneath him. He had called it quits on his relationship with Jiyong. For what? He didn’t even know. He didn’t know if he was making the right decision, but he wanted to get away from there. He regretted letting he and Jiyong get intimate and pretend everything was fine. It was stupid. They were stupid.

He threw everything he could manage to grab quickly into his suitcase and wheeled it out of the room. Jiyong tried to stop him, still talking, but Seunghyun shoved him aside, not listening. He wanted to escape. It was suffocating. He felt the house closing in on him like he was going mad. As he went through the front door, he heard the strangled cries from Jiyong echoing after him.

When he got a little further outside, looking for a way to flee, he spotted Taehyun on the front steps. His head was pressed against his knees, which were curled in against himself, and his shoulders were shaking. It was obvious he had heard the fight.

Unable to face him, Seunghyun fled. He was a coward. He hated himself. When he’d finally made it far away from the house, gasping harshly and gripping the handle of his luggage with white knuckles, he dropped down onto his knees and burst into tears.

 

pls don't hate me. i swear everything is gonna be okay