Seunghyun kept staring at his phone. Maybe, maybe, if he kept staring at it, it would finally ring. It would finally be Jiyong calling to make up with him. The black screen that remained reflective, merely showing him his reflection, begged to differ. His expression fell as his expectations were let down. He should have known by then that his expectations would be let down. If the day came when Jiyong finally called him, he’d probably have a heart attack.

Seunghyun couldn’t really remember how long he’d been in Tokyo. It seemed as if he’d been there for years, watching the snow fall and melt, the cherry blossoms bloom and flutter away, and the rain pour. His horizon never really changed though, the safety orange of Tokyo Tower vibrant through the changing seasons. It was the only thing he could still focus and hold onto. Sometimes he wondered how much time had slipped through his fingers, if he’d been sitting there for ages, aging without realizing.

He turned his gaze from the window and lifted the can of beer he held to his lips. Finishing off the rest, he crushed the can in his hand and tossed it into the nearby recycling bin. He got up from the chair, picking up his phone, and trekked further into the living room. The large figurines poised around the room in various locations had gathered dust. He dragged his finger along them, leaving tracks as the dust collected onto his fingertips.

With nothing else to do, he went to find the vacuum and duster, setting about cleaning the house. Clicking on the stereo, old rap music filtering out, Seunghyun set to work. Once it was all clean, he settled on the loveseat and looked about. It occurred to him he had no idea how much time had passed and yet it didn’t bother him. The concept of time had seemed to fade while he waited for Jiyong to call him.

Maybe he should have called Jiyong, but he still felt like it wasn’t him who had done anything. It had been Jiyong. But, deep down, Seunghyun knew he’d trapped himself in an intricate web of lies, just as at fault as his husband.

His eyes stared out the windows, fixated on the Tokyo Tower, and he felt the incredible pain of loneliness settle over him. It was the feeling he ran from, but always came back to. He was alone in the large apartment, perfect view of Minato-ku and no one to share it with. A house that they once called home together reduced to a house that only had him in it.

He wanted to go back to Korea.

Seunghyun’s phone lit up for an incoming call. His eyes shone with hope that it was Jiyong. It was not. Despite that he was disappointed it was not his husband, it was the second best person who could call him: their son, Taehyun.

“Taehyun-ah,” he answered, smile unable to be hidden.

“Hi, appa,” his son greeted. “How are you?”

“I’m good,” he lied.

“That’s good. I wanted to call and say hello. It’s been a while since we’ve spoken.”

Seunghyun appreciated every minute Taehyun expended to call him, but he never called his son. When he’d been forced to Tokyo after the fight, Taehyun had taken it just as hard as he and Jiyong had. He had refused to speak to Seunghyun for quite a long time, so when the phone calls started up, Seunghyun took it as a blessing. He never pushed it by trying to engage him. He never revealed just how alone he felt in another country without his family, because he didn’t want to bring up that the fight had ever happened. This had to be their normal.

“It has been, hasn’t it? How is school going?” he asked.

“It’s going alright. I’m waiting to hear back about my college applications.”

“That’s right. You’ve gotten so big. I can’t believe you’ll be off to college next year.”

“Yeah. Abeoji is really excited about it. He wants to throw me a party when I found out. Hopefully they won’t all be rejections,” Taehyun said.

Seunghyun’s heart ached at the mention of Jiyong. He gripped his phone a little harder. “I’m sure you’ll get accepted everywhere.” He waited a moment, gulping, before he spoke again. “How is he?”

“He’s good. He and Uncle Seungri are out at the moment.”

“I see…That’s good to hear.”

Seunghyun felt bitter. Did Jiyong even miss him? Did he ever wallow in loneliness like Seunghyun did, hoping for the phone call that could bring him home? If he did, it was apparently not enough, because Seunghyun’s phone never rang.

“Appa, I want to come visit you soon.”

He was pulled from his thoughts at the sentence, eyes widening. “You do?”

“Yeah. Would that be okay? Maybe for the summer?”

“Of course! You know you’re always welcome here, Taehyun. I’d be happy to have you.”

“Okay.” Taehyun sounded happy and it warmed his heart. “I’ll try to make plans soon and we can get them all smoothed out.”

“Sure thing, kiddo. I can’t wait.”

Seunghyun could hear the doorbell ring on the other end of the line and he silently cursed his luck.

“Oh, the food I ordered is here. I have to go. I’ll call you again soon, okay, appa?”

“Of course. I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Bye.”

“Bye, Taehyun.”

His son hung up and Seunghyun pulled the phone away, looking at the screen as it told him the call had ended and the photo of Taehyun that was for his contact turned into the white screen of his contacts.

The loneliness settled heavier onto his shoulders and he tipped his head back against the couch. He told himself he would be fine, because Taehyun still wanted to talk to him, promised to call him. He still mattered to his son, even if he didn’t mean anything to his husband anymore.

Seunghyun closed his eyes, listening to the stillness of the house, the pure embodiment of loneliness.

Taehyun called him a few days later, as he promised. Seunghyun had spent the morning at an art gallery displaying works by Kohei Nawa. After he’d gone back home, he’d cleaned the house for the umpteenth time, before settling with a book of poetry and a glass of wine. It had taken a lot of willpower for him to finally crack open the bottle that had his husband’s birth year on it. His phone rang as he turned a page and he put his bookmark in to look at the caller ID, his eyes lighting up at the name.

“Hello, Taehyun-ah.”

“Morning, appa. I’m surprised you’re up.”

“I suppose I am too,” Seunghyun said as he shut his book. “I didn’t expect you to call me so soon.”

“I wanted to plan my trip to Tokyo as soon as possible, so I started working really hard on the details after we talked the other day.”

“What’s so exciting for you here in Tokyo, huh?”

Seunghyun bit his tongue after saying it. He hadn’t seen his son in nearly three years. He could have accepted the false idea that maybe his son just wanted to see him. It had taken nearly a year for him to even speak to him again, so why would he mess that up with such a comment? Seunghyun figured he just liked to make himself miserable.

“Well…” Taehyun trailed off.

Seunghyun felt a little disappointed. Though he knew his son hadn’t really wanted to come to see him, it still hurt for it to be admitted. He wished he had kept his mouth shut.

“You can tell me,” he assured.

“I want to check out Todai.”

“Todai? You mean Tokyo University? What for?”

“Because I think I may want to go to school there,” Taehyun said, “I wanted to tour the campus first, though.”

It suddenly occurred to Seunghyun that his son was about to graduate high school. He had left when he’d just entered his first year. It really hit him how long how he had been gone. Despite that they had just spoken about the idea of college, it had barely sunk in for Seunghyun at that moment.

“Oh my…I didn’t realize it was already time for that.”

“Yeah. My application is due soon, since they run on a different schedule than us. Break starts in about two weeks though, so I thought I could come for a few days. What do you think?”

“Sure, of course. You know you can always come here. This is your home. Just as much as the one there is,” Seunghyun said quickly.

“I know, appa. You’re not busy or anything?”

“I’m never too busy for you, Taehyun. I’d really like to spend some time together if we can.”

“Okay. Can I come in two weeks on Monday? I’ll schedule my tour on one of those days and probably go back home on Saturday,” Taehyun said.

“Sure thing. That sounds great. Your room is just as you left it. I’ll just change the sheets.”

“Thanks, appa. I’ll book the tickets and give you my flight numbers and times.”

“Is there anything you’d like to do besides see Todai?” Seunghyun asked.

“I don’t know. You can show me around, appa.”

“Alright. I’ll think of something then.”

“Okay. I’ll go take care of this right now. Talk to you soon.”

“Good bye, Taehyun.”

“Bye.”

Taehyun hung up just as quickly and Seunghyun sighed. At least Taehyun hadn’t totally rebuffed his offer for them to spend some time together. He’d have to think of something for them to do. He got up from the couch and went to mark the calendar for when Taehyun would arrive. He’d be seeing him for the first time in nearly three years. Seunghyun had sent Taehyun a gift for his seventeenth birthday just a month earlier. He had never found out if he’d liked it or not. He didn’t even really know what Taehyun looked like at that point aside from the pictures he’d sometimes post on his Facebook and Instagram, when Seunghyun bothered to check. Seunghyun had taken a hiatus from both, too filled with his husband for him to handle. After being away so long, he’d just kind of forgotten to get back to it.

He marked the days with a red pen, drawing a smiley face next to his son’s name. Seunghyun sat back down and drew out his phone, opening up his Instagram app. He searched Taehyun’s username and pulled up his profile. He clicked on the first picture, being gifted the sight of his son with bleached blond hair. It was such a change from his dark hair that Seunghyun had last seen him with and he studied his son’s face, noticing where he’d grown a little older and how some baby fat had disappeared. Taehyun was thin and appeared relatively fit, which relieved Seunghyun in ways he hadn’t known he’d been worried.

His phone vibrated as a text message appeared on the top of the screen, message and name displayed.

Kwon Jiyong

Taehyun really wanted to see Todai, so make sure he does

Seunghyun stared at the banner until it disappeared seconds later. His first text message from Jiyong in such a long time. He closed Instagram to open his text messages. The little bubble with three dots was visible, indicating Jiyong was typing another message. Seunghyun waited.

            Don’t try to guilt him into staying with you. He insisted he go without me.

Seunghyun was a bit hurt by the implication. Jiyong was still as biting as ever. He sighed and shook his head, typing out a quick message.

Choi Seunghyun

He’s free to be here as long as he wants. I’ll take good care of him. No need to worry.

Seunghyun wondered why Jiyong was even worried. Did he really think he’d stoop so low to use their son as leverage in their fight? Even if he would have considered it, it was much too late. Three years had almost passed. There was no point. Seunghyun spent every day waiting for divorce papers to show up in the mailbox, but they never seemed to come. It was a fear that lived in the back of his mind.

Feeling anxious, Seunghyun took a large gulp of his wine. Lowering the glass beside his book of poetry, he took a photograph of it and uploaded it to Instagram. Even if he wasn’t happy, making the illusion that he was for Jiyong was more than enough motivation to start using at least one form of social media again.

The day Taehyun was to arrive in Tokyo crept up on Seunghyun quicker than he expected. He had cleaned the house meticulously and straightened up Taehyun’s room, changing the sheets especially. He had no idea how long the sheets had been on there in the first place. He had stocked up on groceries, even though it was common knowledge to basically everyone that neither Jiyong nor Seunghyun had ever been much of a cook, and they had fed Taehyun food they could afford as opposed to make. Aside from the day that Taehyun would be touring the college campus, Seunghyun had tried to create a mock schedule of what they could do and where to go, able to be modified based upon Taehyun’s desires.

When he arrived at the airport, he was afraid he was late, running through the rain with his umbrella as fast as he could. He thundered into the arrivals area, looking around in desperation. Taehyun was nowhere to be seen. Seunghyun began to feel anxious and pulled out his phone. Their son was quite fond of Instagram, much how he and Jiyong had once been. There was an update from only five minutes prior of the sky above Tokyo. At least he knew that Taehyun had safely arrived.

“Appa!”

Seunghyun looked up and saw Taehyun, who waved at him. His son had gotten taller than he remembered and he looked healthier in person than he did in photos. Seunghyun felt as if he would burst into tears, but he grinned and waved back. Taehyun walked quickly towards him, rolling his silver luggage bag behind him. When he got close enough, he let go and ran to his father, embracing him. Seunghyun pulled his son in close and held him, willing the tears back.

“Taehyun, look how big you’ve gotten,” he said as he pulled back.

Taehyun smiled, his eyes crinkling cutely and Seunghyun was happy that his smile hadn’t changed. He still looked like the baby Taehyun he remembered. Seunghyun grinned fondly and Taehyun threw his arms around him again.

“Appa, it’s so good to see you.”

Seunghyun grinned wider, happiness bursting forth and tears sprang to his eyes. He hadn’t been greeted so warmly in such a long time. He couldn’t actually recall the last time he’d interacted so intimately with anyone else. Tokyo was his solitude.

“Let’s get home,” Seunghyun said, turning away quickly to wipe at his eyes.

Taehyun took hold of his luggage again. “I saw it was raining. I hope you brought an umbrella.”

“I did.”

The two left the airport and Seunghyun put Taehyun’s bag in the trunk as Taehyun got in the passenger seat. When Seunghyun started the car, Taehyun smiled.

“It feels so weird to see you drive, appa. It was always abeoji who drove.”

“Everyone has to learn to drive at some point,” Seunghyun said.

Taehyun nodded, not saying anything else. He looked out the window, occupied by the sights. Seunghyun was a little bitter Jiyong hadn’t even asked for their son to tell him hello. He couldn’t imagine that Jiyong was still angry at him after all that time, but then again, Seunghyun was being just as hard headed. He sighed audibly as he drove.

“Oh! Tokyo Tower!” Taehyun called.

“You’ve been there before, kiddo.”

“I know, but it’s been a long time. I’d like to go again. I forgot we lived kind of nearby.”

“We can go one of the days this week, okay?” Seunghyun said.

“Okay!”

He smiled at his son’s enthusiasm. They arrived home not long after and Seunghyun got his luggage out for him. Taehyun carried the bag up the stairs and into their home, looking around.

“Wow. It’s so clean in here. Have you always been this clean, appa?”

“I have a lot of free time on my hands,” Seunghyun said as he shut the door.

Taehyun didn’t respond, standing in the entryway. He slid his shoes off and removed his coat. Seunghyun took his coat from him.

“Your room is all made up. I didn’t move much. You remember where it is, I hope.”

“Of course I do, appa. It’s not like I’ve never been here,” Taehyun said with a laugh, rolling his suitcase away then.

Seunghyun watched his son walk down the hall and disappear into his bedroom. He stood still for a moment, wondering what to do with himself. It had been a long time since he’d had company. He finally shuffled down the hall and into the master bedroom, putting his coat away.

Not knowing what Taehyun wanted to do, he figured he could wait until the boy made an appearance. He went to the living room, cracking open the book of poetry he’d been reading for weeks at that point.

An hour or so later, his son came out of his room and flopped down onto the couch. He hugged a pillow to his chest as he got comfortable.

“I’m all unpacked,” he announced.

Seunghyun shut his book and smiled at him, removing his glasses. “Great. Everything’s all in order?”

“Mhm. My bed is comfier than I remember. I’m going to sleep well!”

“Good. So, why don’t you tell me what your plans are?”

“I’m touring Todai on Thursday.”

“Okay. Anything else?”

“Well…Aunt Kiko wants to have lunch with me sometime this week. I don’t know exactly when yet since it depends on her schedule, but yeah…”

Seunghyun could hear the hesitation in Taehyun’s voice. It’s not like Seunghyun hated Kiko. The two of them weren’t enemies, but they weren’t exactly comrades. There had always been an underlying tension between them and it’s not like they ever hung out with one another. She had always been Jiyong’s friend and he’d mediated between them. But she’d always been fond of Taehyun and Jiyong had even given her the title of god parent for him. Seunghyun didn’t hate her. He didn’t. And he felt ashamed that his son thought he might.

“That’s good. I’m sure it’s been a while since you’ve seen her.”

“She had lunch with abeoji and me about two months ago. She was in Korea for a movie shoot. It was nice. But, since I’m in her home country, why not, right?”

Seunghyun nodded, feeling just a little bitter. He took a deep breath and kept smiling.

“Okay, well, just let me know when you decide to go eat with her. Anything else you’d like to do?”

“Tokyo Tower, definitely. And the Sky Tree! I want to go all the way to the top.”

Seunghyun nodded, letting Taehyun continue.

“And Shibuya and Harajuku, for sure. I have to hit up Takea-dori for new clothes. And maybe the Studio Ghibli Museum in Mitaka? I haven’t been there in a really long time!” He took a deep breath. “And I was thinking, if you’re not busy or anything, maybe you could take me to see a Murakami Takashi exhibit or maybe some other art exhibit.”

Seunghyun’s heart warmed. One of his favorite artists was Takashi Murakami, who was actually his friend as well. He realized he could have contacted him more since he’d been stuck in Tokyo for so long. Seunghyun felt like an idiot. Still, his son remembered his favorite artists. Then again, it was probably hard to forget. He assumed Jiyong hadn’t taken down the numerous paintings and prints they owned of his since both of them were fans.

“I’d love to take you to an exhibit. I’ll find out what’s currently being shown.”

“I’m surprised you don’t know right off the top of your head, appa.”

“Mm…Me too, actually. I realize I’ve been spending too much time alone.”

Taehyun nodded, holding his pillow close. Seunghyun shook his head and smiled at him.

“I’ll do research. I tried to think of things to do, but didn’t come up with much. This gives me a lot more ideas.”

“Cool. We’ll have fun while I’m here!”

“Of course we will. You and me, buddy.”

Taehyun smiled at him.

Seunghyun filled the evening looking into art exhibits going on in Tokyo, as well as procuring tickets for Tokyo Tower and the Tokyo Sky Tree. He ordered them dinner when Taehyun began to complain that he was hungry. They ate and watched a movie, Taehyun making comments about the filmography throughout. Seunghyun was surprised at his son’s knowledge and skill, but felt proud. When they had finished, he cleaned up as Taehyun went to get ready for bed.

He knocked lightly on the door to Taehyun’s room and let himself in a few seconds after. Taehyun was pulling back the covers to his bed, already in his pajamas. He smiled over his shoulder at his father.

“Got everything you need?” Seunghyun asked somewhat awkwardly.

“Mhm. Just gotta climb in bed.”

Taehyun slipped under the sheets. He looked at his phone with a smile, getting comfortable. Seunghyun stood awkwardly for a few moments before he stepped forward. He drew Taehyun’s covers up to his shoulders, covering him up fully, and then tucked the blanket around him, paying special attention to his feet. A little giggle escaped Taehyun’s mouth.

“Good night, Taehyun,” he said.

Seunghyun reached out to pet Taehyun’s hair, flattening the blond locks against his head momentarily. Taehyun giggled again, eyes closing for a moment to take in the moment. He snuggled a little deeper into his covers.

“Good night, appa,” he whispered.

Seunghyun smiled one last time and then left the bedroom, shutting the door behind him. Tears fell down his cheeks as he made his way to the master bedroom. He couldn’t believe his son was with him. He loved him so much and just he being there meant more to him than anything.

The days passed smoothly with Taehyun there, Seunghyun finally not wondering how much time had passed or wasting his days doing nothing. The melancholy that had been plaguing him had seemingly been forgotten.

He and Taehyun went to Tokyo Tower in the afternoon, then to Shibuya at night, where they ate dinner and Taehyun bought CDs at Tower Records. They went to the Sky Tree in the mid-morning and Taehyun was disappointed it was so cloudy, not allowing him to see Tokyo below. They then headed to Takea-Dori, where Seunghyun paid for his son’s new wardrobe, quietly lamenting that he had inherited both Jiyong and Seunghyun’s tastes for expensive brands. He was also into vintage and bargain shopping, though, so Seunghyun managed to leave the stores with some money still in his wallet.

Thursday came quickly and Seunghyun found himself up early, getting ready to go tour Tokyo University. He had read up on the school and printed out a map of the campus so they could go exploring if Taehyun wanted. He even made breakfast for them.

Taehyun wandered out a while later, rubbing at his eyes tiredly, and settled at the table. He looked at Seunghyun. “What are you dressed up for, appa?”

“For the tour of Todai.”

“You’re coming with me?”

Seunghyun stopped what he was doing. He had assumed he was going on the tour with Taehyun, but his son had never implicitly asked. He’d just assumed that’s what one did with their child. His heart felt a little broken that Taehyun hadn’t thought he was going, hadn’t invited him.

“I just thought…” Seunghyun paused and cleared his throat. He set Taehyun’s breakfast in front of him. “Don’t worry about it, kiddo. You have a good tour. You’re meeting Kiko for lunch anyways, right?”

Taehyun had scheduled the lunch for after the tour, since it was nearby where Kiko would be that day apparently. Maybe she lived near there. Seunghyun wasn’t too sure. He hadn’t worried though, because he had assumed he was going on the tour, and it was fine that he and Taehyun would be apart for a few hours. Instead, he would lose an entire day with his son. But he didn’t want to be pushy. It was the first time they’d seen one another in so long and the last thing Seunghyun wanted was for Taehyun to hate him.

“I am,” Taehyun said, beginning to eat.

Seunghyun pet his head and went back to get himself coffee. He looked down at what he was wearing and lamented having gotten dressed so early.

“Did you want to come with me?” Taehyun asked then.

Seunghyun turned around, nearly spilling his coffee and smile hard to contain on his face.

“I really would. If you don’t mind, of course.”

His son seemed to brighten at the sentiment, grinning cutely. He stuffed more food into his mouth and chewed and Seunghyun thought he was the most adorable thing in the world.

“Abeoji was usually too busy to go with me, so I got used to going by myself. I just kind of assumed you wouldn’t want to come. Sorry.”

Seunghyun sat down at the table. He took a sip of his coffee. “I’d love to come.”

“Okay!”

Taehyun finished his breakfast and dumped his plate in the sink, hightailing back to his bedroom to put on some clothes. Seunghyun waited patiently, drinking his coffee. He smiled to himself.

Taehyun returned after a while, dressed in one of his new outfits and his hair was done. He grinned at his father.

“Let’s go! We’ll be late.”

Seunghyun laughed and nodded, getting up to get the car keys. Taehyun checked his appearance in the mirror again, messing with his hair in a similar manner to how Jiyong did. He smiled sadly, missing his husband in that moment. Taehyun then came barreling past him to get into the car.

Seunghyun discovered his Japanese was still pretty poor despite having been stuck in Tokyo for three years. He spent the tour following them around, trying to understand what it was the student tour guide was saying about the buildings. He did feel proud that Taehyun seemed to understand the entire time though. That was one instance Seunghyun could thank Kiko for being Taehyun’s godmother. She’d definitely helped tutor him in Japanese throughout his life.

Once the tour concluded, Seunghyun looked to his son.

“What do you think?”

“I love it here.”

Taehyun’s eyes were fond, soft, as if he was looking at something he loved. He stared out over the campus, small smile gracing his lips. Seunghyun smiled.

“You understood all that?” he asked.

“Mostly. I think I’m nearly fluent in Japanese! My counsellor said that will make my application for here look better.”

“Fluent, huh? That’s great.”

“I’ve been enrolled in classes all through high school and Aunt Kiko has always helped me.”

Seunghyun smiled and ruffled his hair. “I’m proud of you, kiddo. Your father and I have never been that skilled when it came to mastering other languages.”

“I know, appa. You looked lost the whole tour.”

Seunghyun’s cheeks colored in embarrassment. He coughed to clear his throat. “How much time do you have left until you need to meet her anyways?”

“We agreed for two o’clock. It’s only one now and the walk to the café should only be about ten minutes from here.”

“So, we can explore! Is there anything you wanted to see that wasn’t featured on the tour?”

Seunghyun pulled out the map he’d printed and Taehyun took it, smiling and eyes glinting as he took in the image. He finally pointed.

“We can go check out the university’s museum. Not sure what’s in there, though.”

Seunghyun laughed and nodded. The two of them began to walk.

“So, what exactly do you want to study here?” he asked.

“I don’t know exactly yet…I was thinking maybe I could be a teacher.”

“Of Japanese?”

“Yeah. I think it would be fun,” Taehyun said.

“I’m surprised you aren’t picking something more artsy, what with the way your father and I have raised you.”

“I thought about it, but I’m not too artsy myself. I mean, I can kind of do stuff, but I don’t have a strength in one thing…”

Taehyun scuffed his shoe along the ground and Seunghyun noticed he seemed a little down. He patted his shoulder.

“You do whatever you want, Taehyun. I just want you to be happy.”

He smiled at Seunghyun.

After they meandered around the museum for a bit, Taehyun bid his father goodbye and headed for his lunch with Kiko. Seunghyun headed home alone. When he arrived, he looked at his plans for the next two days. Taehyun would be leaving Saturday evening and he wanted to make the most of their time together. While trying to plan out their last trips, he decided to Google Tokyo University of the Arts, or Geidai for short. It was the school Takashi Murakami had attended and Seunghyun felt like Taehyun may like it there. Maybe his son wasn’t good at art or music, but he could always improve his craft or study art history. He didn’t want to be pushy, but he thought he’d suggest it anyways.

By the time Taehyun came home, Seunghyun had reserved a spot on the campus tour for the very next day and had printed out information. He’d set it all up on the table like a display, hoping Taehyun would consider it.

“I’m home, appa,” Taehyun called as he came in the door.

He slipped off his shoes and padded into the kitchen, finding his father waiting for him at the table. His mouth opened to say something, but it shut as he caught sight of the display on the table.

“What’s this?”

“It’s…well…just take a look!”

Taehyun approached the table and looked at the display, his eyes slowly widening as he took it all in.

“Geidai, appa?”

“What do you think?”

“But I’m not good at art or music…”

“I’m sure that’s not true, Taehyun-ah. Besides, college can help you cultivate your craft! But, you could always major in art history or aesthetics. It’s just an idea. I don’t want you to limit your choices,” Seunghyun explained.

Taehyun picked up some of the papers, reading about the programs. He looked at Seunghyun again then. “Do you really think I have a chance?”

“What’s the worst that could happen? They could just say no?”

Taehyun chuckled. “Yeah. You’re right. I’ve never been there though.”

“I may or may not have reserved us a spot for tomorrow’s tour.”

The young man looked surprised and then laughed. He threw his arms around Seunghyun’s shoulder. “Appa!”

Seunghyun smiled and patted his son’s hands. “You’re not mad, right?”

“No. I’m happy. Thank you.”

“After the tour, I figured we could go to the Murakami Takashi exhibit since he’s an alumni of the school. And Saturday morning, we can go to the Ghibli Museum.”

“Yay!”

Taehyun let out a happy giggle, hanging on his father. Seunghyun grinned and turned to hug his son close, feeling as if they hadn’t lost a day since he’d left their home in Seoul.

The next morning, Seunghyun was up early again preparing breakfast, reading the instructions in the cookbook carefully. He smiled to himself as he worked. He was still in his pajamas, having decided to get dressed later. As he finished cutting up the fresh fruit, slipping a piece of apple into his mouth, Taehyun came in.

“Good morning, appa.”

“Good morning, Taehyun,” he said with a grin. “How did you sleep?”

“Great! I’m so excited for today. I called abeoji last night and he’s really excited that I’m checking Geidai out.”

Seunghyun smiled. Finally, he’d done something Jiyong liked. He had to hand it to himself, Jiyong owed him for that one.

“Good. I’m looking forward to today.”

“Me too! Campus tour and art!” Taehyun cheered, throwing his arms above his head.

Seunghyun chuckled and served him then. “We’ll have a good day.”

Taehyun nodded as he ate. “Appa, how did you get so good at cooking? It’s so weird.”

“It’s what you do when you live alone.”

“Abeoji and I still eat out almost every night. This is such a change.”

“The day Jiyong learns to cook will be a miracle,” he said absentmindedly.

It was the first time he’d spoken of Jiyong so familiarly in a long time and it felt foreign on his tongue. Despite that, it still brought forth warm and fond feelings, something he’d missed when he thought of his husband.

Taehyun snorted and began to eat. He got up before Seunghyun and went to get dressed.

“Hurry, appa! We can’t be late!” he called as he ran.

Seunghyun grinned as he finished his meal, ecstatic his son was as excited as he was. He put his dish in the sink, swearing to wash it later, and went to get dressed. He dressed a little more casual than the day before, but still looked nice in a button up, slacks, and loafers.

When he returned to the living room, Taehyun was waiting for him in skinny jeans, a t-shirt, and sunglasses. Seunghyun smiled and waved at him to get up. Taehyun got up and scurried over, and Seunghyun noticed his shoes; they were the limited Takashi Murakami multicolored flower print shoes that he’d sent him for his birthday. His heart felt like it would burst; it was evident Taehyun had liked his birthday gift.

“Let’s go,” he said.

“Wait, appa! You and I look hot. We need to commemorate this,” Taehyun said matter-of-factly as he opened his phone camera.

Seunghyun laughed boisterously and grinned, nodding. Taehyun switched the camera to forward facing and looked up at his father. He pushed in a little closer and smiled as Taehyun snapped a photo of them together.

“One funny face!”

Seunghyun did as instructed making a funny face. Taehyun was barely able to take a photo before he burst into a fit of laughter at his father’s expression.

“Appa,” he managed out between heavy gasps, smacking his arm.

Seunghyun laughed and ruffled his hair. “Come on.”

Taehyun followed, fixing his hair back to the way he wanted.

On the way to Geidai, Taehyun uploaded the smiling photo of him and Seunghyun to his Instagram.

souththth
            fun day with appa ahead! #collegetours #geidai #murakamitakashi #appa #selca

After they had toured the college campus, which had excited Taehyun even more than Todai had, they headed for the museum to look at art. Seunghyun let Taehyun explore the Takashi Murakami exhibit at his own pace. As Seunghyun wandered, taking in mostly familiar paintings and a few new ones, he kept an eye on him. He opened his Instagram and found Taehyun was uploading things from inside, which made him chuckle. One included a photo of Taehyun’s shoes and one of the paintings which featured the flowers, hashtagged “twinnies.”

Seunghyun favorited each photo, scrolling all the way back down to where the photo of he and Taehyun was. There were comments on it now, many from Taehyun’s friends, but a certain username caught his eye.

peaceminusone
            You both look good (heart emoticon) Have fun today! (kissing emoticon) Miss you bunches

Even though Seunghyun assumed the last sentence was directed only at Taehyun, he felt his heart flutter at the sentiment. Deciding to torture himself just a little, he clicked on Jiyong’s profile and caught a glimpse of the pieces of his life he shared online. Jiyong mostly posted photos of himself it seemed. Seunghyun selected the most recent photo, a picture of Jiyong’s hand and his reflection on the metal table he sat at. The caption read: Missing my baby. Only two days to go.

He clicked back and selected another that was of Jiyong smoking, looking like a model and not a day over twenty-five. Seunghyun always wondered how Jiyong looked so youthful, even with the amount of smoking and alcohol the two of them had consumed for a majority of their life. The caption was simply: I miss you so bad. Aside from his obvious pose of smoking and the focus on that, Seunghyun noticed a bottle of wine was open on the table. He couldn’t help thinking that the picture was meant for him. He favorited the picture and exited the app. He needed to keep himself in control before he got too deep into thinking about Jiyong.

“Appa!” Taehyun called.

They were finally in the same room together. Seunghyun smiled and walked over to him.

“Having fun?”

“This is great. I really love Murakami’s art. You’re friends with him, aren’t you?”

“I am. I haven’t spoken to him in a while though. This reminds me I should give him a call.”

“Abeoji still has the paintings he made you up in the living room. I look at them a lot,” Taehyun said.

“I see…I’m glad they’re still around.”

Taehyun nodded. He seemed to think deeply for a moment, a worry line creasing his forehead. Seunghyun waited quietly, but Taehyun said nothing, shaking his head.

“I think it’s time for lunch,” Seunghyun said then.

Taehyun’s stomach chose that moment to rumble and he blushed a little, looking embarrassed. “Sounds like a plan, appa.”

“There is a great sushi place around the corner. Let’s go there.”

Taehyun nodded and followed his father. They stopped in the gift shop to pick up some things, Taehyun getting a stuffed flower and a keychain to take back to Jiyong.

When they had settled for lunch and ordered, Taehyun looked at Seunghyun.

“Appa, there was something else I wanted to talk to you about while I was here.”

Seunghyun lifted an eyebrow. What could Taehyun have possibly been holding onto until the last full day of his trip? He nodded, encouraging his son to go on.

“It’s about my graduation.”

“What about it?”

“It’s not until February, but I’d really like it if you’d come.”

Seunghyun was surprised by the request. He nodded gently then.

“I don’t see why not?”

“I just…I know you and abeoji don’t talk anymore. It could be weird…but I really want you to come.”

Taehyun was fidgeting, playing with the ends of his napkin, gaze downturned. It was evident he was afraid to admit the truth to Seunghyun, to bring up the fight that all of them avoided talking about. Seunghyun sighed softly and reached up to comb back his own hair with his fingers. Taehyun glanced up at him.

“No matter what, Taehyun, you come first. If you’d like me to be there, I will come. I’ll find a way.”

A smile spread on Taehyun’s lips. “Thanks, appa.”

“Sure, kiddo. You know you’re my favorite person.”

“Can I ask something else?”

“Sure,” Seunghyun said.

“Are you and abeoji divorced?”

Seunghyun shook his head. “We aren’t.”

“Are you planning to?”

He shrugged. “I don’t really know. We’re just separated for the time being. I suppose eventually we’ll talk about it. I’m guessing this is awkward for you, especially to explain to others. I’m sorry, Taehyun. The last thing Jiyong or I want is to hurt you.”

Seunghyun patted his son’s hand across the table. Taehyun seemed to wilt a little, but he nodded.

“I know. Abeoji apologized over and over when it first happened. I just…don’t really understand, I guess.”

“It’s complicated…and probably just stupid on our parts. But, when have we ever made sense, huh?”

Taehyun laughed. “Yeah. You’re right.”

Seunghyun and Taehyun ate together, the awkwardness slipping away with pure ease. Seunghyun felt a heaviness come over his shoulders as the evening progressed, realizing that within twenty-four hours his son would be back in Korea with Jiyong and he would be alone once again. But, it was just a little more manageable, because the promise that he’d see him again soon lingered in the air.

The next day, Taehyun packed up all of his things before they headed to Mitaka to go to the Studio Ghibli Museum. They stayed long enough to watch all three of the exclusive shorts, Taehyun’s favorite being the one where Mei became friends with a baby Cat Bus. They then explored the gift shop, where Seunghyun bought Taehyun some souvenirs to take home.

After they ate lunch, Seunghyun drove them to the airport. He bid Taehyun goodbye, hugging him tight. Taehyun hugged him over and over before going through security. Seunghyun watched him go, feeling sad. As he walked back to the car, his phone dinged to tell him he had a notification. It said he had been tagged in a photo. He opened it and found a picture of himself walking away, a filter heavily applied. Taehyun had posted it with the caption: Good bye, Japan! I’ll be back soon to see you and my appa! (heart emoticon)

Seunghyun smiled and favorited the picture. He got in the car and drove home. When he arrived, he went inside and took off his shoes. His phone went off and he looked at it, seeing he had notifications from Instagram and a few text messages. He opened the text messages first.

Kwon Jiyong
            I’ll let you know when Taehyun arrives. Thanks for taking care of him.

Seunghyun smiled and went to look at who else had texted him.

Taehyun
            Plane’s about to take off! Thank you for having me! I love you! (kissing emoticon)

Seunghyun laughed and sent him back a heart and a smiley face. Momentarily, Seunghyun felt at ease. He was fine being in the house alone, because he’d get to see his family again in a few months. Maybe by then, Jiyong and he would be able to talk to one another.

Taehyun called Seunghyun once a week after his visit, telling him about his day and asking how Seunghyun was doing. Seunghyun finally began to go out and do things with himself, filling his days with his hobbies once again. He finally felt like he was living and regretted the three years he had wasted feeling sorry for himself.

December came and Seunghyun sent Taehyun presents for the holidays. He realized it was only two months until he was to go back to Korea. He needed to buy plane tickets, which he should have done much earlier.

He sat down in front of the computer and looked at the tickets. He wasn’t sure what his accommodations would be when he went for Taehyun’s graduation. Would he be allowed home? He felt like that would be awkward. Deciding to avoid anything uncomfortable, especially for Taehyun, he booked himself a hotel nearby their home and Taehyun’s high school along with his plane tickets. He planned to stay for four days, hoping that maybe he and Taehyun could spend some time together.

As he looked at the confirmation screen, it sunk into Seunghyun’s head that he was going home. He was going back to Korea finally. He was going to see his family and friends. He would see Jiyong.

Seunghyun sat back, his eyes widening. He was going to see Jiyong. He was going to see his husband for the first time in three years. What did he look like? What the hell did Seunghyun even look like? He got up and went over to look at himself in the mirror. It had been a while.

His face had more age lines than he remembered, small crow’s feet beside his eyes. He was graying at the temples, but the gray also streaked through his black hair. Seunghyun blinked at his own reflection. It wasn’t as bad as it could have been. He looked good for being in his mid-forties.

He took a deep breath. What did Jiyong look like now? Jiyong hadn’t been posting blatant selfies of himself on his Instagram, merely blurred reflections, his legs, feet, hands. Why couldn’t he post just one selfie on his Instagram so Seunghyun could know?

Luckily, Seunghyun’s phone rang, his weekly call from Taehyun, and that distracted him.