Jiyong’s fingers shook violently as he tried to twist the cap off of the bottle. He could barely hold it and it slipped out of his hand and onto the table. He winced, but attempted to reach for it again, before Youngbae reached over and picked it up. He turned the cap and removed it, doling out one pill for Jiyong with ease. Jiyong took the capsule and pressed it against his tongue, desperate to swallow it as quickly as he could, but it was too much without water. Shakily, he lifted the glass to his lips and downed the water to wash the pill away. Youngbae placed the bottle on the table and waited until Jiyong set the glass back down.

“Tell me again what happened,” he said, tone gentle and patient.

Jiyong’s hands still trembled, but he could already feel the medication beginning to set in. He took a deep breath, a curl falling into his eye.

“Seunghyun and I fought. He said he wanted a divorce.”

The word was heavy and foreign on Jiyong’s tongue. It hurt him much more than he had ever imagined it would. He regretted ever thinking what the possibility of divorce had been, as if he had jinxed himself.

“When Taehyun showed up on my doorstep sobbing, I almost thought the two of you had killed one another,” Youngbae said. “What led to him finally asking for one?”

Jiyong looked up at him. “You act like it was going to happen.”

“Well, you haven’t spoken to one another in three years. I figured you would either make up or get a divorce after this weekend. It appears the latter was what happened.”

“You probably wanted me to get divorced…”

Youngbae gave him a look. “Jiyong, the last thing I ever want for you is to be unhappy. What kind of best friend would I be?”

“I don’t know…” Jiyong wrapped his arms around himself. “I can’t handle this, Youngbae. I just can’t. Seunghyun can’t leave me.”

“Well, he is. He basically did three years ago.”

Jiyong’s eyes filled with tears and he squeezed his arms tightly, feeling his fingernails press the delicate fabric of his shirt deep against his skin. The shake was still present, but it was almost unnoticeable. He knew he was shaking, but wasn’t sure if Youngbae could see it anymore.

“Have you talked to Taehyun?”

Jiyong shook his head. “I don’t know where he is.”

“He’s at my house,” Youngbae said. “I just wanted to know if you had talked to him first.”

“No. I didn’t see him after Seunghyun left…”

Youngbae nodded. “Did you at all talk with him about what happened or did you just fight? The two of you can really run circles around one another when it comes to being petty.”

Jiyong tipped his head down, more curls falling into his face. He felt ashamed. He and Seunghyun could be so dysfunctional and it upset him to no end. How could they change? Why did they always work so well together, until it came time for them to have a disagreement?

“I tried. I really did…” Jiyong took a breath, stalling the oncoming wave of tears. “I chose the wrong words. I realize that now. I chose words that made Seunghyun sound like the bad guy. You know how he reacts to that sort of thing. It’s all my fault. I started the whole conversation as if I was attacking him. I’m so stupid…”

Jiyong felt tears slide down his cheeks and he reached up to wipe them away with his sleeve. He took another breath, finally feeling how his hands no longer shook. He looked up at Youngbae, who gave him a sympathetic smile.

“You didn’t tell him anything about three years ago, did you?”

“I-I was going to! He didn’t give me the chance. He just accused me of cheating and—”

“Don’t tell me you asked him for proof as opposed to just telling him the truth, Jiyong.”

Jiyong’s face paled and he turned his gaze away. He hated when Youngbae was right. Why could his best friend read him like an open book?

“Ji, why didn’t you just tell him straight up?”

“I-I don’t know…”

Youngbae let out a frustrated sigh and Jiyong hated himself. He felt like a complete idiot and a burden to his best friend. He was an adult and yet couldn’t seem to take care of himself.

“I’m afraid I messed everything up for Taehyun…” Jiyong whimpered. “What will he do now?”

“He’ll figure it out. You and Seunghyun’s relationship shouldn’t stop him from going to college.”

“But how will he…?” Jiyong trailed off. “I don’t know what I’m going to do without him either…”

Youngbae reached out and squeezed Jiyong’s shoulder. “You’re a grown man, Jiyong. You’re going to be perfectly okay.”

Jiyong wanted to argue with him. He wanted to tell him he wouldn’t be okay. He hated being alone so much, always had. That was one of the things he and Seunghyun had always shared and known about one another. It’s what made their relationship so strong, the idea that neither of them wanted to be alone or left behind. It had persisted within them until their fight three years before. Jiyong wished that it had never happened. He had suffered so much in the three years.

“How are you feeling now?” Youngbae asked after a few minutes.

“Tired and sad.”

“You should get some rest. Maybe Seunghyun won’t do what he said. You know sometimes he makes empty threats towards you.”

“I doubt such a serious threat could be empty…”

Youngbae squeezed his shoulder again. “Try not to think about it for now, okay? Just take it easy.”

Jiyong nodded, though he knew it would be nearly impossible. He got up and showed Youngbae out, hugging him tight before he left. When he was alone, he stood in the entryway and stared out at the yard, the last place he had seen Seunghyun, fleeing from him. His heart panged uncomfortably and he reached up to brush the fresh tears away.

 

Taehyun didn’t come home until the next day. Jiyong had made himself breakfast, something fattening and tasty in an attempt to brighten his mood. When his son came in, they stared at one another and Jiyong could see the pain in Taehyun’s eyes. The boy’s mouth didn’t move and Jiyong wondered how badly he was holding in the urge to ask what had happened, what had gone wrong. Guilt settled over Jiyong like a weight. All he’d ever wanted was to be a good parent.

“Welcome home,” he finally said. “Would you like something? I made breakfast.”

“No, thank you. Auntie Hyorin made me something.”

“Oh. Good.”

Jiyong stood nervously, playing with the ends of his shirt. Taehyun remained still, before finally going to sit at the dining room table. Jiyong nervously sat with his food, drinking his coffee silently.

“Why did appa leave so suddenly?” Taehyun finally asked, not looking at Jiyong.

Jiyong tried to think of a lie, but his heart told him not to do so to his son. He deserved the truth. He had already seen the aftermath.

“We argued and…” Jiyong paused. “He decided it was best for him to leave. I’m so sorry, Taehyun. I didn’t want you to see any of that. I-I’m sure he didn’t either. You know how much the both of us love you.”

“You love me, but not each other,” Taehyun said bitterly.

Jiyong took the words hard. The anger and disappointment from Taehyun’s words lit a fire inside of him, alighting his own anger and disappointment in himself and Seunghyun. He felt his heart speed up and tears pricked at his eyes as his body began to shake. It was an overwhelming feeling and Jiyong wished he wouldn’t react so easily.

Taehyun got up wordlessly and Jiyong silently prayed his son didn’t hate him. He held in the sensations as much as he could, to hide the shake and tears. Taehyun set a pill on the table for him then.

“Abeoji, take your medicine.”

Jiyong swallowed the pill with a sip of coffee and he felt himself calm after a few minutes. He gave Taehyun a sheepish look, conveying apology, but also thankfulness. Taehyun looked apologetic and let out a soft sigh.

“I shouldn’t have said that. I’m sorry. I should have known it would upset you.”

“N-No. It’s okay. You have every right to be upset. I’m sorry I’m so broken. What a great parent I am.”

Taehyun hugged him then. “You’re not broken, abeoji. Don’t say that.”

Jiyong whimpered softly and hugged Taehyun tightly. He really didn’t know how he was going to live without his son in the coming years.

“Do you think I shouldn’t go to Tokyo?” Taehyun asked then, as if he had sensed Jiyong’s thoughts.

Jiyong sat back and wiped at the corners of his eyes with his fingertips. “I want you to do whatever you want that will make you happy. No matter what. Don’t do something because you’re afraid of how I or your father will react.”

“Do you think he’d still be okay with me going there…?”

“The last thing Seunghyun will ever do is be upset with you, Taehyun. He loves you more than anything in the world. Our relationship will never change that. I promise.”

Taehyun nodded. “I just wish…” He shut his mouth and didn’t continue his thought.

Jiyong felt broken hearted at the expression on Taehyun’s face. He could tell Taehyun was disappointed and confused by what was going on between them. He couldn’t blame him. It was confusing and disappointing to him too. He assumed Seunghyun felt something similar, wherever he was.

“I’m sorry,” Jiyong said.

Taehyun shook his head. He stood up from his chair. “I’m tired, so I’m going to take a nap.”

“Alright. I’ll make us dinner later, okay?”

“Sure, abeoji.”

Taehyun left the dining room and Jiyong was left alone, food cold and mood as low as it had been the day before. He hoped that someday Taehyun would forgive the both of them.

 

A month or so passed and they settled into the routine that had become normal to them for the past three years once again. Jiyong was able to keep his mood up for most of the time, distracting himself with work and spending time with Taehyun, who was home all the time since school got out.

When he checked the mail box one afternoon, he finally found the dreaded envelope inside. The large envelope had the blue lettering of their lawyer and Jiyong felt his blood run cold as he held it between his fingers. He carried it inside and left it on the counter, refusing to open it. He could feel the panic building up inside him once more and decided to distract himself, leaving the envelope for later. It didn’t need to be addressed immediately.

Though, when he returned to the kitchen a few hours later to finally look at the envelope, it had disappeared and Jiyong wondered if he had imagined it arriving.

“Taehyun,” he called.

Taehyun came in, stretching a bit. “Yeah?”

“Did you see an envelope on the counter here?”

He shook his head. “I didn’t. Was it something important?”

“No. Well, yes. I didn’t have a chance to look at it yet…” Jiyong scratched at his head. “Huh.”

Taehyun shrugged and walked into the kitchen. “Abeoji, I got an e-mail from Geidai.”

“Oh. What did it say?”

“They want me to come for orientation in a couple of weeks. See how the school works and get me registered for classes.”

“Yes, of course. We still need to talk about your living arrangements and such.”

Jiyong gulped as the words came out of his mouth. That meant he needed to talk to Seunghyun. He wondered if Seunghyun would even spare him the chance. He had no idea where they stood. Apparently in the stages of divorce, if that envelope meant anything. Jiyong looked around for the envelope again, scratching at his head again. He could have sworn it was there.

“I was going to call appa and ask if I can stay with him,” Taehyun said, leaning into the fridge to find a snack.

“O-Okay.”

Jiyong’s fingers tapped out a light beat against his thigh as he debated asking what he wanted to know. He took a breath.

“Have you talked to him much since…?” He trailed off, unable to bring up the day directly.

Taehyun shut the fridge, holding a bottle in his hands, and turned to look at his father. He shook his head. “Only a few phone calls. Nothing for long.”

“I-I see. Is he good to you?”

Taehyun nodded again. Jiyong sighed, feeling bad for causing so much trouble for his own son. He sat down at the counter.

“If he doesn’t want you to stay, I’ll rent us a hotel.”

Taehyun looked skeptical. “Us?”

“I-I think I should go,” Jiyong said. “This is a big deal. I won’t let you go without me. You did the rest without me.”

Taehyun nodded. “Okay.”

Jiyong hoped it didn’t seem too selfish. What else was he supposed to do? Taehyun would be leaving in a few short months and Jiyong would be alone in Korea. He hadn’t gone on any college tours with Taehyun, partially due to business and the fact that Taehyun never told him about it. It worried him that he and Taehyun were becoming distant. Then they would be apart and who knew what would happen. Jiyong wasn’t ready for Taehyun to go yet.

Feeling the anxiety creeping up on him again, Jiyong took deep breaths to calm down. He didn’t want to rely on the medication, but it had become difficult due to all of the stress he had been experiencing so close together. He covered his face with his hands and prayed that everything would be okay.

 

A few hours later, Jiyong happened past Taehyun’s room, intending to check on him, but stopped in the doorway as he heard Taehyun talking.

“Abeoji asked if he can come along,” Taehyun said.

Jiyong straightened in the door, leaning his head forward to peek in. Taehyun was laying on his bed, phone to his ear.

“He wants to see Geidai and to discuss all the finances with you. I don’t have much longer.” Taehyun rolled onto his side, hand dropping down between his bed and nightstand, peeking at something. “I just thought I would ask instead of having us both show up. Thank you, appa. I’ll give you the flight times when I get them. Bye.”

Taehyun hung up and blew out a sigh, rolling away from whatever he was looking at. Jiyong lightly knocked, pretending he had just come up.

“Come in,” Taehyun called.

“Youngbae invited us for dinner. Do you want to go?” Jiyong said.

Taehyun nodded. “Yeah.”

Jiyong waited for him to bring up Seunghyun, but he didn’t. Taehyun didn’t speak a word about him the entire way to Youngbae’s.

After dinner, Mino and Taehyun ran off to do something and left Jiyong with Hyorin and Youngbae.

“How’ve you been, Jiyong?” Hyorin asked.

“Well,” Jiyong paused. “I think I’m going crazy. I swore I got something in the mail today and I left it on the counter, but when I went back for it a few hours later, it was gone.”

“Perhaps Taehyun moved it?”

“I asked him and he acted like he hadn’t seen it. I doubt he would have taken it.”

Jiyong looked at Youngbae, who was watching him intently.

“What was it?” he asked.

“Something from my lawyer.”

The two best friends exchanged a knowing look. Youngbae knew exactly what it was and he offered a small smile, as if it could pacify Jiyong’s sorrows. Jiyong smiled back, a thin press of lips, to show that he was trying not to freak out.

“Hmm,” Hyorin said, not picking up on it. “I hope you find it then.”

“Me too.”

Hyorin got up to go check on the boys and Jiyong and Youngbae stared at one another form across the table.

“Taehyun took it,” Youngbae finally said.

“I realize that now. I’m stupid. Anxiety can really mess with you. I thought I imagined it was there.”

“Better find it.”

“I think I know where it is.” Jiyong sighed. “I can’t believe he did that.”

“I’m not,” Youngbae said with a shake of his head.

“I’ll probably be back here soon so you can support me. You know what a train wreck I am.”

“You’re not a train wreck, Jiyong. It’ll be okay.”

“Maybe you should say it until I can believe it.”

Youngbae shook his head. “We’ll deal with it as it comes. Though, I think you should tell Seunghyun the truth about what happened. It would clear up a lot.”

Jiyong hung his head. “It’s too late, Youngbae.”

 

The next day, Jiyong waited until Taehyun went out to go into his room. He slid his hand down between the bed and nightstand. His fingers met the edge of something and he grasped at it, pulling up and revealing the envelope with the blue lettering. The seal hadn’t been broken and Jiyong let out a sigh of relief. He carried it into the living room and slowly opened it, taking a deep breath. The papers slipped out with ease and Jiyong’s chest felt tight as he turned them over, the word “divorce” very clearly at the top. He slid the papers back in and took another shuddering breath, his heart feeling like it would be torn in two.

“,” he breathed out.

The envelope fell out of his hands to the floor and the sound of its impact startled Jiyong, having not realized he had dropped it until then. He stared down at it, as if he had broken something precious to him. His mind raced as he tried to grasp what was inside, the fact that the papers were a physical representation of the end.

Who had he been kidding? He and Seunghyun hadn’t spoken to one another in three years. How could he have ever thought that they could make it work? If only the two of them hadn’t been such cowards and stubborn. All the things Jiyong loved about Seunghyun were also the things that caused them the most trouble. But they had been able to get through it for over seventeen years.

Jiyong felt tears drip down his cheeks and realized he was crying. He wiped them away and looked up at the family photo he still had hanging on the wall of the three of them. In just a few short months, his and Seunghyun’s twentieth wedding anniversary would be upon him. But it seemed they wouldn’t make it after all and he hated the thought. Jiyong had never thought that he and Seunghyun would be the people who were married for years before getting divorced in their later years.

He settled on the couch and took in the silence of the house. That was what it would be like when Taehyun left. He could always work more, but Jiyong wasn’t getting any younger. He had to accept that he would be alone sooner than he had ever intended. Guilt weighed him down. Why hadn’t he told Seunghyun the truth?

 

Jiyong didn’t know how long he sat on the couch and stared at their family portrait, but he eventually heard the front door click open and Taehyun come in. He realized the room had become nearly dark and felt embarrassed he had wasted the whole afternoon staring into space. Realizing the envelope was still on the floor, he tried to think of a quick way to hide he had found it. Taehyun switched on the light, looking confused.

“Abeoji?”

Taehyun’s eyes went directly to the envelope and Jiyong saw how he froze up. They both stared at one another then.

“A-Abeoji,” Taehyun stuttered out, “I-I can explain…”

“You don’t have to.”

Jiyong pushed himself up, feeling weirdly calm and retrieved the envelope from the floor. He dusted it off and held it in his hands. Taehyun watched him, looking like he might cry, and Jiyong went to him, drawing him in to hug.

“I’m so sorry, Taehyun.”

Taehyun pressed his face into Jiyong’s shoulder. “I don’t want you to…”

“I know.”

“I-I don’t understand. Appa said you could come to Japan!” Taehyun cried out before wailing.

Jiyong rocked him gently, carding his hand through the young man’s blond hair to comfort him. He felt like Taehyun was little again, crying over something that Jiyong could easily make go away with loving words and hugs. But this time he couldn’t cure everything and it hurt Jiyong more than he wanted to admit.

“I’ll still go with you, sweetheart. This won’t affect you going to school at all. I promise.”

Taehyun whimpered and cuddled into him. Jiyong let out a soft laugh and continued to rock him back and forth with gentle sways. He was glad Taehyun didn’t claim he had outgrown Jiyong’s coddling. He loved him too much. Finally, Taehyun pulled away and wiped at his face. Jiyong smiled at him and ruffled his hair.

“I’ll buy our plane tickets. Tell me when your orientation is.”

As Jiyong sat down at the computer to buy the tickets, he realized the trip would be the last time he could try to convince Seunghyun that the divorce was a bad idea. He could tell him the truth. A part of Jiyong was relieved that he could try again, but another part of him was still bitter that Seunghyun had reacted so poorly before, blaming it all on him. While Jiyong had been at fault for something, Seunghyun was not without blame. He had just assumed Jiyong had cheated, which hurt him deeply. How could Seunghyun not trust him after seventeen years of marriage? He just couldn’t wrap his head around it.

But Jiyong shoved the negative feelings aside and swore he would try again. He would try to reason with Seunghyun. He just needed to be honest. It’s not like he was doing the best either. He had played the blame game just as much and he felt guilty.

“Give him the dates and flight numbers, okay?” he said as he hit the purchase button.

“Okay.”

“I love you, Taehyun.”

“I love you too, abeoji.”

 

Jiyong sat at the table with Youngbae, Daesung, and Seungri a few days later. Jiyong hadn’t known the two younger men were going to come and he had desired to talk to Youngbae about the trip and divorce papers.

“Hyung, have you heard from Seunghyun-hyung recently? He left so suddenly,” Daesung said.

Jiyong shook his head. “No. It’s…”

“Complicated,” Seungri said, making air quotes.

Jiyong shot him a look, not appreciating his sarcasm. Of course, Seungri had every right to be annoyed by him. Jiyong constantly made him spend time with him, but he had never told him what had happened between him and Seunghyun. Only Youngbae knew. Jiyong wanted to keep it that way.

“That’s too bad. I was really hoping…” Daesung said, trailing off with a small frown.

Jiyong dropped his head. “I know. I’m sorry. Maybe I should have been the one who went to Japan.”

“Jiyong, stop,” Youngbae cut in quickly.

Jiyong ran his hands through his curls, fingers getting caught for a moment and frustration boiled inside him. He wanted peace and even that didn’t seem to come easy. An annoyed sigh fell from his mouth.

“Right. Anyway, I’m going with Taehyun to his orientation, so the two of us will have to meet.”

“Do you think you guys will maybe work something out?” Daesung asked.

“I want to try.”

Seungri raised a curled first. “Hwaiting, hyung.”

Jiyong managed a small smile and the other men returned it. Youngbae squeezed his shoulder gently. Jiyong took another steady breath.

“I hope it’ll go great,” Daesung said encouragingly.

Jiyong nodded. He pushed his curls out of his eyes again. “I hope so too.”

The discussion seemed to end and the four of them began to eat and discuss other things. Jiyong remained quiet throughout, something that was uncommon for him, but had become somewhat normal after the past three years. Seungri just talked more, filling in for two lost voices. Jiyong didn’t find it annoying though. He appreciated that Seungri was trying to keep the conversations stable, as if nothing had changed between them all.

Daesung said goodbye to them after a while and left, leaving the three alone. Seungri had ordered himself a martini and Jiyong was tempted to get himself a drink, but knew he shouldn’t. He was already smoking too much. His fingers itched to have another cigarette between them and his body jittered for nicotine. He wanted to excuse himself, but there was always a silent plea from Youngbae to never leave him alone with Seungri. One never knew what would happen between the two when left alone.

“So, Jiyong, did you cheat on Seunghyun?” Seungri asked suddenly.

Jiyong choked on his own spit and his hand curled into his pant leg as he coughed violently. Youngbae smacked Seungri on the back of the head, making him choke on his drink.

“What the , Seungri?”

“S-Sorry. It was meant to be more funny.”

Jiyong didn’t respond, taking deep breaths to keep calm. Youngbae shook Seungri again and Seungri whined.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it like that,” Seungri exclaimed, pushing against Youngbae.

“It’s okay, Youngbae. Stop shaking him,” Jiyong said, waving his hands at them.

Youngbae released the youngest, but he narrowed his eyes at him. Seungri pouted and fixed his clothes, then turned his eyes on Jiyong, apologetic.

“It’s okay, Seungri.”

“I never thought you did, hyung. It’s just…” Seungri paused and stirred his drink, diverting his gaze. “Seunghyun-hyung asked me if I’d cheated with you.”

Jiyong felt bitter and sad, a wave of tears coming to him. He reached up and wiped at his eyes quickly, trying to make it look like he was moving his hair. He figured Seunghyun had selected Seungri as one of the possible perpetrators to his fabricated cheating scandal, but he couldn’t believe Seunghyun had had the gall to actually ask him. Jiyong shook his head, unsure how to respond, what to say, aside from just being appalled and upset that Seunghyun had thought so lowly of not only him, but Seungri as well.

“I’m so sorry,” he finally said.

Youngbae’s hand squeezed his shoulder and Jiyong almost wished he would stop. He felt so weak, always having to depend on him for emotional support. Jiyong wished he wasn’t such a burden, that he could curl up and disappear into oblivion.

“I just wanted to know. You know I’m nosy and you’re usually a big mouth, so not knowing was killing me,” Seungri said. “I couldn’t believe it when he asked me, and I just…” Seungri banged his fist onto the table lightly. “I couldn’t believe what he asked me.”

Jiyong took a deep breath. “Seunghyun has it in his head that I cheated on him…That’s not what happened.”

“What did happen?”

Jiyong’s throat grew tight and he tried to think of an excuse. He couldn’t tell him the truth. Jiyong had been unable to tell anyone and it had reached the point that Seunghyun deserved to know first. Jiyong couldn’t tell anyone except Seunghyun.

“I can’t tell you.”

Seungri stared at Jiyong in disbelief. His eyes then darkened and shoulders slumped. He got up, picking up his jacket. He pulled it on and threw a sneer over his shoulder at the two of them.

“ you.”

He stormed away and Jiyong felt his heart break at the expression that had been on his face. Tears rolled down his cheeks. He wished he could tell him, but it was only right Seunghyun learn first.

“Jiyong.”

“I wish I could keep one thing in my life in order,” he said, wiping at his eyes again.

“It’s okay. You have every right not to tell Seungri. He’ll let it go.”

“I suppose. He shouldn’t have to deal with it, though. This is all my fault.”

“Jiyong, stop blaming yourself. It’s been three years,” Youngbae said.

“Yeah, well, maybe I should have never gotten myself into rehab in the first place! These three years could have been completely different!”

Youngbae bit his lip, looking at him. He nodded quietly in response. Jiyong let out a breath, feeling his body tremble again. He got up.

“I need a smoke.”

Jiyong’s feet carried him out of the restaurant quickly and he pulled a cigarette from the carton in his jacket’s pocket as soon as he crossed the threshold. The inhale of nicotine made the jitters dissipate and he leaned against the brick wall, tipping his head back to let out smoke from his mouth. Youngbae came out a few seconds later and stood beside him.

“Seunghyun said I could stay at the house for Taehyun’s orientation, but the papers for divorce came in the mail.”

“How do you feel about that?”

Jiyong inhaled deeply, then blew out a big cloud of smoke. “Lost.”

“What are you going to do?”

“Do you think it’s stupid that…” Jiyong sighed. “I’m hoping he’ll give me one last chance to convince him that we can make it work?”

“I don’t think it’s stupid if you tell him what really happened.”

Jiyong nodded. “I will. I have to. For Taehyun. For Seunghyun. For me.”

 

In the blink of an eye, Jiyong found the day he and Taehyun were supposed to go to Japan upon him. He had packed his bag the night before and worried over what to wear when he would see Seunghyun. He’d had his curls cut off, frustrated by the length and not wanting to deal with a relaxer. His hair hadn’t been so short in years and he wondered if Seunghyun would like it, if he would even notice. Would Seunghyun even talk to him?

Jiyong had been unable to sleep and had taken two anxiety pills because he couldn’t calm down. He knew he looked worse for wear as they sat on the plane, Taehyun plugged into his iPad to watch something on Netflix. Jiyong envied him. He wished he could be carefree.

He managed to nap on the hour flight, but it wasn’t enough to make him feel good. Anxiety was eating him alive from inside and he just hoped that the weekend stay wouldn’t be a complete disaster.

Jiyong followed Taehyun off the plane in a daze, feeling exhausted. He really wanted to go to sleep and it was only one in the afternoon.

“Appa!” Taehyun called.

Jiyong gulped, but couldn’t bring himself to raise his eyes. He kept his gaze downcast as he pulled his bag along behind him, nearly bypassing Seunghyun and Taehyun hugging.

“Jiyong?”

The sound of Seunghyun’s voice was warm and soft. It comforted Jiyong and he hated that it had been such a long time since he’d heard him speak. He raised his head to look at him and Seunghyun appeared startled, his eyes a little wide and eyebrows lifted. Jiyong figured he looked as awful as he felt.

“Hi, Seunghyun,” he said.

“Hey. Welcome to Tokyo.”

Seunghyun gave him a smile and Jiyong wondered if he had entered a parallel universe. But another part of him just wanted to go with it and not ask questions. He offered up a smile in turn.

“Thank you for coming to pick us up.”

“My pleasure. I’m glad the two of you came.”

Jiyong stared at him again, but said nothing. Seunghyun offered up another smile and a pat on the shoulder, before taking Taehyun’s bag and leading the way to the car. Jiyong followed silently, dragging his bag behind him. Jiyong began to wonder when he’d wake up from the dream. He let Taehyun ride in the front and as soon as he was settled in, Jiyong fell asleep in the backseat.

 

Jiyong awoke to the feel of a soft blanket cradling him. His eyes blinked a few times as he tried to recall where he was and what had happened. Perhaps it had all been a dream. Maybe they hadn’t even left Korea yet. Jiyong sat up and stared at his surroundings. The bedroom was nearly foreign to him, unable to recall the last time he had sat inside, touched the decorations. It sunk into Jiyong’s head that he was sitting inside the master bedroom of his and Seunghyun’s vacation home in Japan. The very home Seunghyun had been residing in for the past three years.

His body felt stiff as he tensed from overwhelming emotion. He bit his lip in an attempt to hold off the tears that threatened to fall. A knock sounded from the door and Jiyong panicked, wiping at his eyes and running his hand over the top of his head, a nervous habit he still had despite that most of his hair was gone. Unsure what to do, Jiyong lay back down and tugged the blanket up over his head, hoping it would hide the small shake that had begun within his body.

“Jiyong?” Seunghyun’s voice called softly.

His eyes welled up a little more and he remained quiet beneath the blanket. Seunghyun’s weight settled on the edge of the bed, making it dip a little, and Jiyong tried to remain still.

“Still asleep, I guess…” Seunghyun paused. “Probably stressed out beyond belief.”

Jiyong couldn’t hold in the tears at the statement. How did Seunghyun still know him so well? Knew exactly what he was going through without much trouble. It upset him to no end and Jiyong whimpered.

“Jiyong?”

He said nothing, trying to hide, but Seunghyun gently pulled the blanket off of him. Jiyong’s hands hid his face and Seunghyun didn’t attempt to remove them.

“Did I wake you?” he asked.

Jiyong just shook his head, unable to form words. Seunghyun was quiet for a second.

“Taehyun ordered dinner. It’ll be here soon. I figured I should let you know.” Seunghyun stood up and Jiyong pulled his fingers away from his eyes to glance up at him. “You’re free to stay in here. I don’t mind at all.”

“Thank you,” Jiyong managed out.

Seunghyun left the room, the door clicking behind him and Jiyong exhaled. He felt like he needed to take his medication, but he willed himself to take a deep breath and try to calm down before relying on it. He breathed deeply a few times, his body seeming to calm as he cleared his mind. Once he was done with the breathing exercises, he got up.

From the bedroom, Jiyong slowly made his way to the kitchen. Taehyun sat at the table, flipping through a magazine. Seunghyun was doing something at the counter and Jiyong stared at his back, watching how he moved. Taehyun looked up at him then.

“Abeoji,” he said softly.

Seunghyun turned and Jiyong remained rooted in his spot. He gulped a little bit and then walked over to take a seat at the table by Taehyun.

“Sorry I fell asleep. You know I’ve been having trouble.”

“Do you want to take some medicine?” Taehyun asked.

Jiyong felt his cheeks flare at the mention and glanced at Seunghyun, seeing how his eyebrows knitted together in obvious confusion. The last thing he needed was for Seunghyun to think he was dying or something.

“I’m okay, Taehyun. Thank you.”

Taehyun nodded and turned his attention back to his magazine. Jiyong looked at it and realized it was entirely in Japanese. He was proud of his son’s ability to read the language. Jiyong had never really been able to master another language fluently, only decent English and basic Japanese, so for him, seeing Taehyun be nearly fluent in Japanese was a delight to him.

Jiyong let his eyes drift back to Seunghyun, who had returned his attention to the kitchen. He was washing the dishes and it made Jiyong feel like they were a family. Something as simple as the dishes being washed while they all sat in the kitchen made him feel safe. They could do it again. They could be a family. Jiyong just needed to talk to Seunghyun. He knew it would come up. It had to come up.

 

After they ate dinner, Taehyun brought out his itinerary and school map. Seunghyun sat across from Jiyong and the two of them leaned forward to listen.

“Tomorrow they’ll show me around the school a little bit, before they get all of us in the same major together to discuss how the program works and then get us registered into our classes. I believe they’ll have a parents briefing where you can ask questions,” Taehyun said, pointing out the location.

“Do you have all of your finances set up so we can take a look at them?” Jiyong asked.

Taehyun shook his head and pulled his phone out. “I can look it up now.”

Seunghyun gave him a pad of paper and Taehyun began to copy things down. Jiyong looked at the map, trying to imagine what the campus looked like from the images printed on the paper. He had never been there and looked forward to seeing the campus. Hopefully Seunghyun wouldn’t mind going around with him, or maybe he would go off on his own.

“I have to be there by nine, so I’m going to go to sleep. Good night, abeoji, appa,” Taehyun said then, getting up.

He kissed both of them good night, before heading to his bedroom. Jiyong looked down at the paper Taehyun had left behind, examining the numbers.

“How bad is it?” Seunghyun asked then.

“Nothing we can’t handle.”

“I figured. It’s not like we’re poor.”

Jiyong calculated in his head, trying to figure out how much they would be paying. Many factors of college were only able to be estimated until they had to be paid. He offered the paper to Seunghyun to consider then.

“Nothing too bad,” Seunghyun said. “We can split the categories.”

“Sounds like a good idea to me.”

“And he can live here during the term. It’s not too much of a commute.”

“Good. I’m glad that’ll work out,” Jiyong said.

“Did you really think I wouldn’t let Taehyun stay here?”

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

Seunghyun didn’t respond, placing the paper back on the table. He crossed his arms over his chest and looked at Jiyong.

“What medication are you taking?”

Jiyong gulped a little. “It’s nothing serious.”

“Is it just for a cold or something?”

He nodded quickly. “Nothing big. I’m fine.”

“You had me there for a minute…”

Jiyong flushed and felt a small flutter in his chest at the sentiment that Seunghyun had been worried about him. It was reassuring to know that even if he and Seunghyun were no longer together, they still cared about one another.

“Thank you for letting me stay here with you two,” Jiyong said.

Seunghyun shook his head lightly. “I wouldn’t say no. He’s our son and you should be a part of this important step in his life.”

“Right.” Jiyong glanced down at his hands. “I got the papers from the lawyer.”

He didn’t want to bring it up, but there was no point in putting it off. Jiyong needed to stop being a coward and just talk to Seunghyun about what they needed to discuss.

Seunghyun seemed to shrink as he nodded. He wouldn’t make eye contact with Jiyong. Jiyong took a breath and didn’t say anything for a moment, waiting. When Seunghyun said nothing, he took another breath.

“I want to talk to you about it, if that’s okay?”

“I’m not sure what else we need to discuss. Is there something you want to change in it? Something you want?” Seunghyun asked.

Jiyong shook his head. “No, I want to talk to you. I want to really talk about everything and not turn it into some game where we can see who can blame one another more. I want to tell you everything.”

Seunghyun blinked a few times and then nodded. “Alright. When do you want to do that?”

“When I’m ready,” he said, feeling the light tremor of his hands. “I’ll tell you when. But, it will be before Taehyun and I go. Because if there’s anything I want to be able to say I did, it was that I tried.”

Jiyong stood up then and left the room, not waiting for Seunghyun to respond. He let himself into the bedroom and took another deep breath, reminding himself that it would all be okay and whatever the outcome, it was for the best.

 

The next day, Jiyong dressed to the nines, not wanting Taehyun to be embarrassed or let down. He smoothed down the ends of his jacket multiple times as he waited by the front door, watching how Taehyun slowly tied the laces of his shoes. Seunghyun wore a good suit, one Jiyong thought still showed his frame so well. They loaded into the car, Seunghyun driving, and Jiyong watched Tokyo scenery pass by as they headed for the school. They could have walked, but they all had decided it would be better to drive, even if it wouldn’t be the fastest.

After Taehyun had checked in and they’d sat in on the opening ceremony for orientation day, Taehyun was whisked off to go with his other peers in the same major. Seunghyun and Jiyong sat through an orientation geared towards parents, before being let loose to explore a bit before lunch. Seunghyun seemed familiar with the campus, which Jiyong envied him for as they made their way.

“The campus is really nice,” Jiyong said.

“Yeah. I think Taehyun really liked it here.”

Jiyong nodded. He didn’t want to be a smart and say, “Of course, he liked it here. That’s why he’s at orientation.” He held his tongue and walked beside Seunghyun as they explored the grounds.

They were quiet as they walked and Jiyong felt himself slowly growing closer and closer to Seunghyun. It wasn’t his intention, but he missed being able to press himself into Seunghyun’s side. They used to walk with their arms around each other. Taehyun had always said they were so gross, but now, they wouldn’t even touch each other. Jiyong drew in a breath, trying to keep his negative emotions at bay.

Seunghyun’s hand felt heavy on his arm when it grabbed him and he was surprised for a moment. He stumbled back as Seunghyun tugged on his arm. Before Jiyong could ask what had just happened, he noticed the large puddle he had just been about to walk through.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to pull you so hard,” Seunghyun said, breath tickling the hairs on the back of Jiyong’s neck.

“That’s okay. Thank you. I zoned out.”

Seunghyun gently released him and Jiyong flattened out his clothes again. He looked up at Seunghyun and noticed how his eyebrows were creased, looking concerned.

“What?”

“Jiyong, are you sure you’re alright?”

Jiyong reached up to touch his face and hair. He wondered what he actually looked like. If he thought about it, he knew he was much thinner than he’d been in years. There was something about being a family that made one fat and happy. But Jiyong had dwindled into a sickly looking thing in the last three years and he knew it deep down. No one had ever said anything to him, but it was different when Seunghyun asked him. He pressed his fingers against his cheeks, feeling how up they were as opposed to the roundness they had been for a long time.

“I’m fine, Seunghyun,” he said, dropping his hands to his side.

Seunghyun nodded. They began to walk again in silence and Jiyong played with the end of his sleeve. Seunghyun walked close to him and he wondered if it was because he was worried about him. Jiyong was such a mess, but he thought about the fact that he’d really always been one.

“The trees are pretty here in the summer,” Jiyong said.

“Yeah. They’re beautiful.”

“Taehyun picked a good school. All thanks to you.”

“You made sure he got through high school.”

Jiyong nodded, managing a smile. “We’re not totally awful parents.”

“That’s true.”

Jiyong let out another tiny sigh and checked his watch. “We should head back.”

“Good idea. There should be lunch waiting for us.”

They turned and walked back, bodies gravitating toward one another the whole way.

 

In the evening, Jiyong went out onto the porch and lit up a cigarette. He leaned against the short rail, balancing his hands as the cigarette hung between his lips. His fingers grasped it to tap the ash into the tray as he exhaled a moment later. Tokyo was more beautiful than he remembered and he lamented that it had been so long since he’d been there. His nerves were calm and the nicotine that flowed through him was helping him stay that way.

Would he be able to bring himself the truth to Seunghyun? He was so scared and nervous, but it wasn’t as terrifying as the idea of divorce. He wanted Seunghyun to trust him again, believe in him. He wanted them to stop fighting.

But maybe they had always been dysfunctional and neither had acknowledged it. Was a divorce for the best? How had they made it twenty (really, seventeen) years without dealing with the problems that had now become the problems? The urge to scream and cry was rather tempting, but Jiyong didn’t want to be a child.

He finished off his cigarette, lost in thought of what to do about the situation. How did one broach such a subject? He drew out a second cigarette and was preparing to light it when the door to the porch opened. He paused, lighter in hand and posed to be used.

Seunghyun stood there, looking at him with his hands in his pockets. Jiyong waited for him to say something, but he merely stepped forward and gingerly held out a hand.

“Mind if I snag one?”

Jiyong was surprised. Even though he’d been the one who was supposed to give up smoking years before, he’d gone back to it after Seunghyun had left. Seunghyun had still smoked occasionally, but even that had dwindled away since Jiyong didn’t as Taehyun grew up.

“I don’t think you’d like these,” he said, a teasing tone to his voice.

Seunghyun had always mocked Jiyong for his choice in cigarette brands. Seunghyun didn’t seem deterred and kept his hand out. Jiyong withdrew another cigarette and handed it over. Seunghyun took his lighter quickly and lit it, then held it out to light Jiyong’s. He felt his cheeks flush unconditionally and chastised himself for acting like a teenage boy over such a gesture. They both quietly inhaled their first puff. Seunghyun blew out smoke and coughed a bit.

“I forgot what this felt like to be honest.”

“Relieving,” Jiyong said.

“Yeah. That’s a good word.”

Seunghyun took another puff and Jiyong watched how he held the cigarette between his fingers. He hated that he still looked y smoking, no matter how old he was or how long Jiyong had seen him do it. He turned his gaze away in frustration, down a little more than usual. He blew out a big cloud of smoke. Seunghyun leaned forward on the bars, looking out at the city.

“Taehyun never mentioned you were sick.”

Jiyong looked down. “I guess he didn’t want you to know. I didn’t tell him to keep it a secret or anything.”

“How long have you been sick?”

Jiyong focused his gaze on his hands. He wondered how to answer the question. He had been varying degrees of sick for a while. Should he tell Seunghyun the whole truth or a partial truth?

“Basically since you left…”

He saw Seunghyun’s fingers tighten around the rail. Jiyong leaned forward, accidentally dropping some ash off the side of the porch to the gravel down below.

“If I’m being honest, before that. But more so after.”

Seunghyun turned to look at him, eyes questioning beneath his pinched eyebrows. Jiyong crossed his arms over his chest.

“My health has been bad for too long. You know how I am.”

“How bad was it?”

“I was only in the hospital once or twice. Youngbae took care of Taehyun. He was never alone.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Seunghyun asked.

“What was I supposed to do, Seunghyun?” Jiyong stabbed the of his cigarette into the ashtray and drew out a third one. “We didn’t talk to one another. Was I supposed to just call you up and say, ‘I’m in hospital. Just thought you should know’? What the hell were you going to do with that? Forget about the fact that we were fighting and you’d come home for me?”

“Yes.”

Jiyong froze and looked over at Seunghyun, his hand gripping his cigarette so hard it was about to snap. Seunghyun looked serious. Jiyong sniffled as he felt his fingers tremble.

“I love you, Jiyong. I would have gone to be by your side, no matter what. We’re married. We’re family.”

“But you don’t want that anymore.”

Jiyong dropped his cigarette and he ran his hand over his face and up into his hair. His fingers curled into the short strands tightly and he curled in on himself. Seunghyun’s hand was on his shoulder.

“Jiyong.”

“I-I need my medicine.”

Seunghyun disappeared and Jiyong dropped into a squat, covering his face with his arms. He began to take deep breaths, counting them out in his head. The sound of feet came back beside him and a hand touched his shoulder gently. When he peered up, he found Taehyun with his pills and a glass of water. Jiyong took it, gulping down the drink with desperation.

Taehyun’s concerned eyes brought tears to Jiyong’s own. As Taehyun kneeled to hug his father, Jiyong saw Seunghyun pick up the pill bottle to read the label. He felt ashamed and held onto Taehyun, nuzzling into him.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

Taehyun pulled him up slowly. Jiyong wiped at his eyes and began to clean up his things. The family was quiet and awkward.

“I’ll go pick up dinner,” Jiyong said suddenly.

He rushed inside to get his wallet and keys. Neither Seunghyun nor Taehyun chased after him. Jiyong fled, driving away from the house quickly. He needed air. He needed time to think. He needed space to regain himself.

 

Jiyong realized later that he was lost. He didn’t remember the streets of Tokyo at all. He’d pulled the car off the side of the road and laid back the seat, staring at the ceiling of the car. He wished he could disappear. Jiyong was afraid a police man would approach and give him a ticket, but he couldn’t bring himself to move.

His phone rang and he picked it up. Seunghyun’s name and photo were on the screen and Jiyong realized how long it had been since he’d seen the screen look like that. He thought about not answering, but his thumb was faster than his brain to swipe to answer.

“Hyung,” he cried into the phone.

“Jiyong, where are you?”

“I don’t know.”

“What do you mean? Where is the car?” Seunghyun asked.

“I’m in the car. I pulled over. I got lost.”

“Okay. Can you describe where you are?”

Jiyong tried to look for landmarks, but he didn’t know what to describe. Something tumbled out of his mouth, though he wasn’t sure what. Seunghyun merely said he’d be there and hung up. Jiyong figured it would be a while and he shut his eyes, trying to calm his mind, stay out of his head.

A tap on the window startled him and his heart raced. He was terrified it was a police officer, come to give him a ticket, but instead it was Seunghyun. Jiyong’s eyes widened and he felt them well with tears. He unlocked the door and Seunghyun pulled it open. Before Jiyong could think of anything else to say, it came out.

“Hyung, I went to rehab.”

Seunghyun froze, hand still on the opened car door. Jiyong had turned, his legs out of the car already as he stared up at Seunghyun. They stared at each other and Jiyong was afraid that Seunghyun would walk away, that he would leave Jiyong stranded on the side of the road.

Without a word, Seunghyun helped Jiyong out of the car. He climbed into the driver’s seat and Jiyong’s anxiety quickly assumed Seunghyun would just drive away. He waited, though, and Jiyong went around the car to quickly get into the passenger seat. Seunghyun drove them back home, which only took about five minutes. Jiyong felt humiliated. He had probably been driving around in circles the whole time.

They went inside and Jiyong was quiet. He was going to wait until Seunghyun responded to him.

At the dinner table, Taehyun was eating instant noodles with mayonnaise and fish. Jiyong almost gagged at Seunghyun’s dish, but there was something comforting in seeing the old, terrible cooking on the table. He took a seat and served himself, digging in. They ate quietly until Taehyun began to tell them about the rest of his orientation and some of the people he had met.

Once Taehyun was done eating and talking, he retreated to the living room. Seunghyun and Jiyong finished their food. Seunghyun got up and went into the kitchen. He returned with two wine glasses and bottle which bore Jiyong’s birth year. Jiyong felt himself light up. Seunghyun poured the both of them wine.

“Let’s go out on the porch,” he said.

Jiyong nodded and picked up his glass, holding it tight between his fingers. They walked out onto the porch and Jiyong took a seat in the lounge chair, liking the way it cradled him comfortably. Seunghyun sat down across from him, setting his hand on the table by his wine glass.

For a while, they didn’t talk and sipped on their wine. Seunghyun lit one of Jiyong’s cigarettes and smoked it down, before leaving it still burning in the ashtray. Jiyong picked it up and began to smoke it, savoring the smoky flavor.

“Anxiety and rehab. Anything else you want to tell me about?”

Jiyong ran his fingers over the stem of the glass. “I didn’t cheat on you.”

Seunghyun on his teeth and looked at Jiyong dead on. Jiyong shrunk back, at least on the inside, and he down the rest of the cigarette.

“I’ll let you talk.” Seunghyun curled his hand on top of the table. “I haven’t done that and I want to give you a chance.”

Jiyong was surprised by his civility, but he wondered if that was because the truth was out in the open. He nodded solemnly.

“Thank you.”

Seunghyun waited, sipping on his wine. Jiyong took a deep breath.

“It was all the work and partying. I know it’s a ty excuse, but the pressure was so real. I had to keep myself awake, have fun. Life was just so…” Jiyong gulped. “It was . I was taking tablets like an idiot and sometimes snorting. I can’t remember some days. It’s why I didn’t come home some nights. I knew you were getting suspicious, but I couldn’t bring myself to stop. I don’t know what happened exactly, but I just remember waking up. Hyorin found me actually. I was such a mess. She was crying and I had no idea what to say. I felt so awful. I had her drive me to a rehab place and drop me off. It was hard. I was scared.”

Jiyong felt himself tear up. He reached up to wipe at his eyes and then drank some wine. He looked at Seunghyun.

“Why didn’t you tell me, Jiyong?” he asked. “You were gone and you didn’t tell me the truth.”

Jiyong bit his lip and nodded. “I-I know. I was so scared, Seunghyun. I was scared of losing you. Scared of losing Taehyun. But in the end I still lost you.” He took another breath, trying not to break down in tears. “I know I can’t ever apologize enough for what I did. I wasted hours and dollars on drugs and neglected my family. I still can’t forgive myself. And only Youngbae and Hyorin know what happened and sometimes I think they think that I’ll slip up again. I’m a train wreck.”

Seunghyun’s fingers slid across the table and over Jiyong’s. Jiyong was surprised by the gesture and looked up at Seunghyun. His fingers curled gently around Seunghyun’s.

“And the anxiety?” Seunghyun asked.

“It came in because you left. I got home from rehab and I felt like a mess. I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t know how my life would work now, I was trying to find a way to tell you. My body was still detoxing and then you accused me of cheating. I couldn’t tell you the truth and I just felt like I was drowning. I don’t know. I freaked out. I couldn’t breathe.”

“I still don’t understand why you didn’t tell me.”

Jiyong took a breath. “I thought you’d be angry with me. I figured you’d never forgive me for doing drugs again. I was a coward.”

“You didn’t believe in me?”

“What about you? You accused me of cheating! You didn’t trust me, even after seventeen years.”

Seunghyun mulled for a bit, eyebrows pinched. “I admit that. It was childish of me.”

They squeezed each other’s fingers.

“Why, Seunghyun? Why didn’t you believe in me?”

“It’s hard, you know, being your husband. Everyone wants a piece of Jiyong, no matter how long we’ve been married. You could have anyone. And when you stopped coming home, it made me a little nervous.”

“What do I have to do to convince you that I love you, Seunghyun? You’re my true love. We dated so many different people and yet I still wanted to marry the same guy I fell in love with when I was a teenager. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”

Seunghyun’s eyes were dewy and Jiyong realized his words were harsh. It wasn’t what he wanted to say, not like that. He squeezed his hands tight. Seunghyun let out a harsh breath, his chest heaving as he tried to hold in his tears.

“I love you, Jiyong.” Seunghyun took another deep breath. “It means everything to me.”

Jiyong teared up. He cried easily, but even more so when Seunghyun did. He reached out to cup Seunghyun’s face and Seunghyun leaned into the touch.

“Do you understand why I wanted to talk you about all of this before I signed the papers?” Jiyong asked.

Seunghyun nodded.

“Why three years though, Jiyong?”

“I couldn’t bring myself to make it worse. Fear is an ugly emotion.” Jiyong pulled back and put his hands down. He let out a soft breath. “I’ve been struggling a lot in these three years and I just felt like I was a burden. I hate being a burden to you. All I do is up. I’m still ing up twenty years into our marriage. And then Taehyun started getting ready to go to college and I realize I’m going to be all alone soon. It’s scary.”

Seunghyun looked at him, really looked at him, and Jiyong waited. He wasn’t sure what Seunghyun was going to say. He didn’t know what was going to happen at all anymore. But it was so relieving for Jiyong to have his secret off his shoulders. He felt lighter and better. Even if he and Seunghyun ended their marriage, he knew they would be able to still talk to one another and be civil. He had tried and was able to say that he’d revealed all his cards before the end. No regrets.

“You won’t be alone. You’ll be here.”

Jiyong blinked and looked at Seunghyun. “What?”

“You’ll be here with Taehyun and I.”

Jiyong’s eyes filled with tears. “W-What?”

Seunghyun took his hands into his again. “You’ll come here with Taehyun. You and I will go to therapy while our son works on getting his degree.”

“Therapy?”

“You and I need therapy, Jiyong. We’re ed up. Somehow we’ve made it twenty years into a marriage and yet we still can’t fully communicate with one another. We’re both afraid of the other’s reaction and the possibility of something. I know we’re a power couple, but it’s like a weird façade we live behind. I want us to get help. I want to be able to say we did everything.”

“S-Seunghyun.”

Jiyong burst into tears, holding Seunghyun’s hands tightly. Seunghyun squeezed his hands, before standing up and coming around the table to hug Jiyong. Jiyong put his arms around his neck and got close, nuzzling into the juncture of his shoulder.

He couldn’t believe it. He couldn’t believe Seunghyun was giving him another chance. As the two rocked together, holding one another as close as they possibly could, Jiyong thanked the universe that he and Seunghyun were able to start over again.

 

epilogue maybe?