AUTHOR's NOTE

It's my first update since April. If you would like to know why I've been holding back on this story, please read the author's note below. And please listen to this song if you want to feel what I feel when i wrote this chapter.

Bruno Mars - It Will Rain

There’ll be no sunlight; if I lose you, baby;
There’ll be no clear skies, if I lose you, baby
And just like the clouds my eyes will do the same,
If you walk away, everyday it will rain.

Junhyung ah, tell me. Tell me the reason how we turn up this way. I thought you promised me that you’ll never leave me for another person. I thought you said that I am the most important person for you; but how come it change now?

Why is it so easy for you to back off your words? Is it because of her; because of how you feel about her? Or is it because I’m not as important as I used to be for you? Junhyung ah, tell me the truth. I want to hear it from you and not your father.

Do you know the things he said to me? How painful it was for me to fortitude it? The way he insulted me and my parents; I had to hold back and remind myself that he’s your father. He’s someone you love; probably more than me.

But what he said wasn’t all good for me to hear. He insulted me, asking me to keep my distance from you because you have someone by your side already. What is all this Junhyung? Why am I hearing private things from your father instead of you?

I wanted to cry and run away, but I figure being close to you physically help lessen the pain in my heart. I wanted to tell you how I feel about you, but I don’t know how I should do it; or when; or even why should I?

I don’t want to leave without telling you the truth, Junhyung. That’s why I’ve been working hard putting all of these memories of us in a book; so you’ll have something about me to hold on to when I’m gone for good.

Oh Junhyung, do you know how much I want to give this to you personally? I want to see your reaction; how you look like and what is your feeling when you found out the person you’ve been neglecting since you met Jiyeon needed more attention than her.

But I’m not a selfish figure. I can’t go on to you and simply tell you not to befriend Jiyeon. I can only hope and wait till you realize how important I am to you. Even though lately my presence won’t be worth a second look for you, I want to stick around to take care of you.

Being close or not, I will always look after you. I may not be much of a caring person, but I do care about you. I don’t want to lose you; because if I do, nothing will work out all right. Losing you would mean a never ending rain; such feelings of despair.

_*_

March 2007

Junhyung had not has his game face on. His basketball competition is only a few hours away and he’s been looking around for someone like a mad man. He did not know what he should do; since his lucky charm is not there.

“Coach,” Junhyung voiced out, “I need to find my friend. I think he’s lost.” The coach stared at him with bewildered eyes and gave him a simple nod as an answer. Junhyung took the opportunity to sprint out of their gym and head outside towards the main gate.

His eyes were roaming all over the school compound but he couldn’t find his lucky charm, Hyunseung. He began running throughout all the places he and Hyunseung usually hang out with at school but he failed in short.

With minutes to spare before the first quarter of the main game begin, Junhyung headed back to their gym room in despair. His only hope was for Hyunseung to show up on court. He knew it was probably a risk in letting himself to wait for Hyunseung, but he had to do it.

Junhyung joined his teammates in his final warm up and practice session before the real game begins. After quite some time, they were ordered to change into their team uniforms and this is where the heaven begins for some girls.

While most players were carelessly revealing their intone body, Junhyung began his eye search again. He needed make some contact with Hyunseung before a game begins. Regularly, he would get a hug or on good days, he will get some cheek kisses from the prettier one.

But today is not like those days; today, he didn’t manage to see Hyunseung since his first training session until the near beginning of the game. He needed to at least see the pretty boy or else, his play will be like mosquitoes’ bites; such a small impact it will be.

Unlike other players in his team, Junhyung seems to put extra attention on where is the boy he’s been waiting for ages instead of the game. His mind is being easily distracted with the thought of Hyunseung. He was supposed to be focusing on his game but how can he help such obsession of a pretty boy go away that easily.

The phone in Junhyung’s bag rang. He noticed the vibration coming from the front pocket and quickly reached for it, assuming it would be from Hyunseung. And he was right; the ID caller clearly stated the pretty boy’s name, except he wasn’t the one calling.

“Junhyung?” Jaejoong’s soft voice vibrated through the line. Junhyung was taken aback for a second. “Jaejoong hyung, it’s you. Um… where’s Hyunseung? He’s coming to my game, right?” Junhyung wondered for a second. There was quite a long pause before the foster parent answer to that of Junhyung’s question.

“Hyunseung is not coming, Junhyung ah.” Jaejoong stated honestly. Panicked rushed all over Junhyung; something’s bad is happening, he knew it. “What’s wrong Jaejoong hyung?” The elder seems to be having trouble to utter the words out of his mouth.

“Hyunseung fainted. He’s in the hospital.” It doesn’t take long for Junhyung to understand the situation. Even if it’s just a simple migraine; it’s Hyunseung they’re dealing with. He doesn’t care if the coach is to kick him out the next time he goes for training; as long as he could see with his own eyes that Hyunseung is fine.

He gathered his shirts and simply threw them in his bag pack. Junhyung held his phone the entire time he’s busy with gathering of his things; in case Jaejoong or Yunho hyung call him again. Junhyung changed his sport shoes with a casual pair of shoes and arouse the questions in his coach’s mind.

“Junhyung ah, where are you going? The game is starting.” One of Junhyung’s teammate asked him. He wanted to ignore the question, but he figure giving someone an answer might reward him with karma later on. “Hyunseung’s sick. I’m going to the hospital.” With that, he disappeared through the huge crowd.

Junhyung searched the lot for his car and immediately stash all his basketball items at the back seat before driving off the compound. He was in a hurry and he nearly speed over 120km/h. Considering the fact that his town have less number of people, he figure getting a ticket wouldn’t fought the misery he’s going through.

He was worried. The whole journey to get to the hospital was like being at the end of a lose rope. He hoped that Hyunseung’s all right. Junhyung’s speed driving was able to get him to the local hospital in a hurry.

Junhyung slammed the car door as he stepped out of his vehicle. He ran towards the main counter and immediately asked for Hyunseung. “Jang Hyunseung, age 18, admitted just a few hours ago.” The nurse search for the given info and was able to locate the boy.

“He’s in room 309, on the fourth floor.” As soon as Junhyung got the information, he quickly ran to the stairs, ignoring the line of the elevator waiting for him.

Junhyung arrived at the fourth floor and began on a quest. His eyes wonder everywhere; trying to search the room he was told before. Absentmindedly, he saw someone familiar walking across him. Junhyung froze for a while. The girl was none other than Jiyeon; but Junhyung don’t know that.

“Junhyung?” a voice distract him from walking closer towards Jiyeon. He turned around and saw Hyunseung adopted father, Yunho walking out of a room. Junhyung figure that it must’ve been Hyunseung’s room.

“Hyung,” he called the older as what he used to, “Where’s Hyunseung?” he asked quickly. His mind drifted back towards his best friend. But Yunho had other thing on his mind, “Why aren’t you at the district competition?”

“I ditched them. They should know what Hyunseung means to me. Come on hyung, where’s Hyunseung? Is he alright? I’m really worried.” Junhyung whined. Yunho’s eyebrow lifted, “How do you know Hyunseung’s in the hospital?”

“What do you mean?” now Junhyung was the one who get confuse. “Hyunseung didn’t want to interrupt you playing at the tournament, that’s why he asked us not to call you.” Yunho explained. Clearly, Jaejoong wasn’t thinking the same.

“Well, I’m here and I want to see him.” Junhyung didn’t bother to tell the informant. “He’s inside with Jaejoong. He’s resting after the doctor gave him some sedative. He wouldn’t calm down when we got here.”

Junhyung didn’t wait any longer; he went around Yunho and quickly pushed the door to enter the room. The first image he saw was a gloomy faced Hyunseung and he didn’t like it one bit. Hyunseung was clearly surprised to see him there.

“Jang Hyunseung,” he called with his stern voice. The voice he usually used when someone from his school tried to messed with Hyunseung. Meanwhile, the sick boy was lying on the bed with Jaejoong’s hand wrapped around his.

Hyunseung eyes widen in horror. He didn’t expect Junhyung to be here since he told his parents he didn’t want to distract his focus from the game. Clearly, someone had done something to help Junhyung out.

“Junhyung ah, you’re here quick.” Jaejoong announced when he saw the young boy approaching the bed. “Here, let me take this outside. You and Junhyung have a talk alright, baby?” Jaejoong softly caressed his adopted son’s hair.

Once Jaejoong left the room, Hyunseung and Junhyung’s eyes were connected again. “Why are you here?” Hyunseung asked coldly. Junhyung noticed the coldness in Hyunseung’s voice; he almost wanted to lash out on the sick boy. “What? Are you not happy I’m here?” Junhyung asked sarcastically.

“You know it’s not what I mean.” Hyunseung eyed the older boy. “Then what is it Jang Hyunseung? Tell me what you want from me, because I’m sick of not knowing what happened to my own best friend!” Junhyung yelled.

“What do you expect me to do? Call you and act like a whiny ; asking you to abandon your own game for my sake? Geez, wouldn’t that make me look like a desperate boy?” Hyunseung yelled back. He doesn’t want to be the blamed one.

“That’s exactly what I want you to do!” Junhyung finally let his honesty out. Hyunseung was at the verge of crying. They both didn’t utter a word. It seems like cat has gotten their tongues but it was only because they both don’t know what to say to each other.

“I don’t want to worry you all the time.” Hyunseung whispered softly. “What would others think of me?” Junhyung dropped his knee and sat on the hospital bed. “What others think of us doesn’t matter. I care for you, and I’ll do anything for you. Just don’t let me go unnoticed when it comes to your condition. I don’t like not knowing.”

Hyunseung started to form a smile again. His smile made Junhyung feel better. The manlier boy reached out and went to hug his best friend. They stayed like that for a couple of minutes before Junhyung let go to allow Hyunseung to rest.

“Junhyung ah, can’t you stay?” Hyunseung pouted when Junhyung pushed him towards the bed. “I’ll stay if you want me to.” Junhyung smiled. “I always want you.” Hyunseung replied. The two eyed each other. Hoping that they can understand what each other feel.

Hyunseung had his thoughts all messed up. He wanted to tell his parents to let him be with Junhyung, but he also feels as if he’s holding Junhyung back. The older boy had everything a boy would want; the fame, the fortune and the luck. Why would he give that up for Hyunseung?

“Stop it.” Junhyung suddenly said. “Eh?” Hyunseung lifted his eyebrows. Junhyung sighed, “Whatever you’re thinking about being a burden to me, I want you to stop. I told you, didn’t I? Hyunseung ah, I would die if anything ever happens to you.”

Junhyung reached for Hyunseung’s hair and caressed them softly.  They both smile; a bitter smile. Then Junhyung speak up, “Come on; give me some room if you want me to sleep here.” Junhyung pushed the sick boy and lay on the bed.

He pulled Hyunseung’s head into his chest and hugged his body tight. If any doctor or nurse came in to check on the sick boy, they would totally misunderstand the situation. Abruptly, something important crossed Junhyung’s mind.

“Hyunseung ah,” Junhyung started while caressing the smaller’s back, “Why are you in the hospital at the first place? How bad is your faint?” To that Hyunseung froze. Then he whispered, “It’s nothing. My migraine came back, I didn’t eat my medicine.”

The simple lie was bluntly accepted by Yong Junhyung. “From now on, I’m going to make sure you eat your medicines. I don’t want you here anymore. In fact, I never want to see you in the hospital.” Junhyung announced. Hyunseung can only smile.

He knew how wrong those words were. But is there anything he can do? He doesn’t want to worry Junhyung, so a simple lie is the only way to keep your secret a secret. Too bad Junhyung choose to eat those lies. Soon, he would have to pay; big time.

_*_

Tell me, Junhyung. Why is it that my face was always wet with tears? Why is it that I couldn’t let you go? Why is it that even after you made your choice, I still couldn’t decide on mine? I mean, do I even have a choice?

Because it seems like there’s not one day of the sun shines brightly on me. It always seems so… dark and cloudy. I kept hoping for it to shower its brightness onto me; but then if that happens, I probably wouldn’t be living in this world.

Why? I don’t have the reason why. Maybe because… if you are destined to be with Jiyeon then I am destined to suffer. It’s unfair to you if you had to lose your beloved ones for me. It’s unfair to me too… but then again, my life is never fair enough.

Junhyung ah, tell me when the rain stops falling; because by then, I might have a chance to love you. But if the rain is endless, then we both will know the answer to it.

AUTHOR'S NOTE

Endless Rainy Days is a story that is really close to my heart, majorly because it's base on unrequited love, like what I've been dealing with for the past 3 years. I endure so many things for him, you know? But whenever I managed to get over him like he asked me to do; he always came back into my life, as a friend.

It's been to hard on me these past few months. I'm in the hospital and nobody really visits me here. I was really bum and even thought of quitting on this fic. But then, I realize, if I really want people to know my sincerity in my stories, why should I quit?

Every stories of mine are base on my own love story, my dreams and my fairytales that I knew won't be turn into reality. Writing about it gave me sense of hope, and strength. I really need your understanding of me not updating my fics; especially Endless Rainy Days.

Each time I update, I am eitheir too fatigue or in great pain. I'm sorry if I sounded lazy or rude while updating this fic. I am really worn out now, I updated 2 fics and this is the 2nd one so I can't open my eyes properly anymore. When I write these stories, all I want is an appreciation by the readers commenting on my stories.

The best gift you all could give is by telling me how my hard work has affect you every chapter. I'm sorry I'm not as good and as healthy as other authors. I'm sorry for not updating, and forcing you guys to wait on me. I'm sorry for everything.