"You try to run away from the world.
But then you run away from yourself" - Epik High "Amor Fati"

Jihoon is burning. The flames his skin, some digging deeper in the meat, kissing his bones and he screams, he begs and cries but he keeps on burning. He can feel his flesh melting, dripping somewhere in the darkness under him. The flames reach his face, entering him, blazing down his throat, pricking his eyes like a thousand needles, red, fiery needles. And he keeps on hollering and he keeps on burning until he feels himself falling, hitting the cold surface hard. He lets out a strangled cry as he spreads his limbs, embracing the coldness. It takes him five minutes to realize that it was just a nightmare and a lot more to calm down. He remains there, sprawled on his floor, silently crying, strangely relieved that the salty tears fall down his face and don't evaporate even before leaving his eyes.

Eventually, he succeeds in turning to lay on his back and starts taking in deep breaths, staring at the ceiling as he tries to convince himself that indeed it was just a dream. He takes in the details of his room at night, bathing into the chills that run down his skin, thanks to the cold air. And then he starts relaxing, beginning with his fingers, tensing them and then relaxing, and continuing with the rest of his body. It’s a long, awful routine, but it helps him overcome his panic attacks. After what seems like an eternity, but it’s actually only half an hour, he shakily stands up, using the edge of the bed for support. He sits on his bed for another few minutes, playing with his feet, trying to see when they’ll be ready to uphold him.

The first thing he does is to get some water from the fridge, choosing the almost freezing bottle he keeps for occasions like this, throwing some ice cubes in the glass as well. At the moment it doesn’t matter if it hurts his throat or if the flames weren’t real. It’s more to calm his mind than his physique. Running a hand through his hair, he realizes he needs to take a shower before he goes to work. He hurries to the bathroom, he doesn’t have too much time left. He sets the water to something between warm and cold, knowing that a cold shower will make him catch a flue, but no standing anything hot close to his skin. When he dries himself, his eyes catch his right hand. The skin there is still a little pinker than the rest, even after two years, but it healed well enough. He remembers the pain though, and his dreams do too. 
He remembers how he ran to his grandmother's house two years ago, how shocked she was to see him and especially his burnt hand. It took almost two months for the skin to stop stinging but some times he could swear he can still feel it burn, even if the doctors said it’s just a psychological effect, just as his sudden pyrophobia. Sighing, he exits the bathroom and gets ready for work. He locks the door and leaves the quiet building, basking in the silence of the early morning.

“Is he Woozi’s new toy?” It’s a weak whisper, but Woozi hears it. It comes from a group of students who were seating two tables away from the one he is currently sharing with Chan. It’s obvious that the young dancer heard it too by the way he immediately tensed up, hand gripping tightly the pen he holds. But Woozi has to give him credits since the kid manages to keep his smile on, even though his eyes turned cold. Woozi continues their discussion about Mr’s Kim class, listening as Chan complains that he has to come up with a new dance until tomorrow. 

“I heard Woozi saved him from Jiwoon. I wonder what that kid had done to gain his attention.” This time the words are a bit louder, reckless, like they want to be heard. Woozi grits his teeth, but a small shake from Chan makes him stay put. He knows that he’ll create more problems to the kid if he says something. 
“Maybe they are fu…”
“Listen to this.” Woozi commands as he shoves his own headphones over Chan’s ears. 
“What is this, hyung?” 
“A new song.” He answers automatically, turning the volume up. He feels anger building up as he hears people snickering behind him.
“Hyung…” Chan’s faint voice distracts his attention. 
“Yeah?”
“Is this really a new song?” the kid asks and Woozi looks at him. Chan is smiling brightly, his eyes shining with excitement. He smiles a little.
“Yup.” He answers, a little louder. “It’s the song I’m working on right now. You’re the first to listen to it.” The little squeak Chan releases would have covered the whispering voices from behind them if they weren’t already silenced. Woozi turns a little and he sees them looking with big eyes at the kid with the headphones. The pink haired boy throws them a smirk. Envious or not, he knows that everyone in this school admires his music. But as he sees one of the boys get up and leaving the library, he knows that maybe he made a mistake. He sighs realizing he just put Chan in more danger. 

“What are you doing?” a voice scares him and he turns to a curious Seungkwan. 
“You really like doing this, don’t you?” he asks. Seungkwan nods fervently. 
“Hello there!” the enthusiast boy turns to Chan. The kid takes the headphones off and smiles shyly, bowing his head in a silent salute.
“Who are you?” Seungkwan asks, the smile not leaving his face and Woozi sees how he creeps Chan out.
“Lee Chan.” The kid answers quietly. Seungkwan nods and invites himself to take a seat at the table.
“I heard about you. You are the one that is still in high school, right?” Chan just nods timidly.
“Boo” Woozi calls and Seungkwan turns to him. 
“Yes?”
“Don’t scare him.” Woozi knows he chose the wrong words when he sees Seungkwan’s smile falter a little.
“I’m not trying to scare him.” He defends himself, still smiling, but a sad one this time. “I’ll leave you then.” He says as he stands up and Woozi curses at himself. Yes, Seungkwan is annoying, but he is still a nice kid and Woozi hurt him.
“You can stay.” Both he and Seungkwan turn to look at a shy Chan. Seungkwan seems to balance his options for a few seconds before he sits down again.
“I’m Boo Seungkwan, freshman.” He extends a hand towards the youngest and Chan shakes it hesitantly, smiling a little. And it hits off from there. An hour later when they leave the library, Seungkwan and Chan chat lively like they've known each other for years and Woozi is grateful for Seungkwan’s open personality and a little relived that Chan has at least a friend in this school. He knows, however, that Seungkwan didn’t forgive him for his remark, the boy barely looking at him.

As he passes the hallway to his class, he sees Jiwoon staring at them but he ignores it. He knows that he won’t touch Chan again. Both of them know that Woozi won’t hesitate to get him expelled the second he does so.

“What do you want?” Woozi asks loudly. He’s starting to get annoyed by this whole stalking thing.
“Oh… you saw me?” Seungcheol gets out from his hiding place, which is behind a pole, and smiles sheepishly. Woozi scoffs.
“You do realize that a pole can’t hide you, right?” 
“You are going to the dorms?” the older ignores him and comes to walk beside the shorter.
“Yes. I am going to the dorms.” He says, but Seungcheol chooses to also ignore the emphasis. They walk in silence, Woozi pretending to be alone and Seungcheol watching his every move.

“You are gonna trip or something.” Woozi says at some point. “But that won’t be such a bad thing. Maybe you’ll rip an arm or neck.” A sinister smile on his face. To his surprise Seungcheol laughs shortly. 
“Don’t worry, I won’t. I wouldn’t want to see you crying over my death.” He jokes. Woozi snickers. 
“Don’t boost your ego too much, you might explode.” The older laughs again and Woozi finds it quite charming. When they enter the dorm Seungcheol stops at the first floor while Woozi takes up the stairs.
“See you tomorrow.” Seungcheol says instead of goodbye. 
“You wish.” The shorter bites back. But maybe he wants to see Seungcheol tomorrow too. As he enters his dark room/studio he can’t deny that he is attracted to the older. Seungcheol is really handsome, with a nice body and seemly a good personality. That drop of extra confidence only makes him more appealing. So yeah, maybe Woozi wants to see him again. 

“For s sake!” Woozi screams and he throws his pen to the ground. It’s almost 3 am and he tries to finish some lyrics, but his stupid neighbors probably think it is a good idea to turn the music up at this hour. 
“Who the hell listens to this kind of ?” he groans at the discordant beat and flat rap. He tries again to work, stuffing his headphones over his ears. The problem is that he can still feel the bass and it distracts him. Cursing once again, he throws his things on the bed and exits his room with big, angry steps. A boy opens the door across of his at the same time and they almost run into each other. Thankfully, Woozi stops on time. 

“Sorry.” A deep, sleepy voice says. He knows this guy, even though he didn’t know he lives across the hall. The tall, dark haired boy is quite famous around the campus. The rocker, the loner. His image is such a cliché it amuses Woozi. But it seems like the emo boy’s fangirls buy it since they grow in number each day.

“From where is it?” the same voice asks him and Woozi point at the door next to him, his own anger replaced with curiosity. Jeon Wonwoo nods his head as he walks straight to the indicated door. He bangs his fist loudly, but when nobody answers, probably because the infernal music covers it, Wonwoo kicks the door with his foot. It works its magic as a few moments later somebody opens the door with and angry: “What the ?” The words die in their throat as they see who actually stands before them.

“If you don’t turn that off I’ll make you eat it.” Jeon Wonwoo growls and Woozi would have laughed at the faces his neighbors made if a shiver didn’t run down his spine as well. ‘Damn, the emo boy has a deep voice.’ The door in front of Wonwoo closes instantly, but so does the noise behind it. 
Woozi watches as Jeon Wonwoo turns to walk back to his room.

“Have you seen their faces?” the question surprises him, just as much as seeing the tall boy laugh does. Jeon Wonwoo is laughing, mouth open to reveal white, straight teeth and nose crinkling.
“Shouldn’t you be the cool one?” he asks before he can actually think it. It must be the shock, seeing the loner of the school laughing hard over something so silly, and also looking kind of cute while doing so. Woozi can think of a dozen of girls that would have killed to be in his place. 
“Yah! I am cool!” The supposed emo boy argues and Woozi is tempted to get his phone and take a photo. He’s sure he’ll make some good money selling a pouting Jeon Wonwoo picture.
“Sure you are.” Woozi says simply and turns to enter his room, ignoring the insulted look on Wonwoo’s face. 
“This is a strange night.” He says as he closes the door. 

He does see Seungcheol the next day. Actually, he sees him for the next week as the older insists on walking home together every day. At first Woozi tried to make him give up, but Seungcheol proved to be made of stubbornness. Woozi may or may not like that. He also sees the older almost daily in the library after lunch. It seems like Woozi is finally part of a group, his four person table that used to have just a seat occupied is mostly full this days. Chan and Seungkwan became closer, enough for Seungkwan to show his true colors and Chan to admit loudly how embarrassing his new friend is. For somebody like Woozi, who was mostly alone all his life, all of this is a little overwhelming but as the weeks pass he realizes that he gets just a little lonely without the strange bunch of friends he made. He slowly became dependent of their presence and he doesn’t know if he likes it or if he straight out hates it. 

It starts raining when Jihoon’s on his way back home. The night is dark and the rain limits his vision even more. He hates walking on the streets at night, but he didn’t have a choice. One of his workmates got sick and his manager asked him to fill that shift. He prefers working in the early morning, even though the coffee shop is full then. The light and the crowd of people make him feel safer. Now, when he barely sees the empty streets, he just wants to get home quicker. 

The rain takes him back to what happened two years ago. Back then he was happy that the night covered him. It was a week after he ran away from home. He knew his parents had a business trip so he decided to go back to get some of his things. It amused him when he tried unlocking the door and saw that they changed the lock. Unfortunately for his parents, he had lived in that house more than they had and he knew it better. Of course they didn’t lock the window from behind the house. He eased himself into the basement. It was basically his house, it wasn’t really a break in, right? He got to his room, pleased to see that his parents hadn't thrown his things yet and started packing in his old suitcase.  After he finished gathering the most important things he went to his father's office. He had one more thing to take and he really hoped his father hadn't changed his safe’s code. 
It turned out he didn’t. That night Jihoon walked out on the front door for the last time.

“How are you doing?” the headmaster asks as Woozi sits down on the chair before his desk. The boy snorts.
“Don’t you know already? I doubt it with how you keep a close eye on everything I do.” 
“You can’t blame me, Woozi.” The man smiles.
“You don’t trust me and you have your reasons. But I gave you my word, sir. You don’t have to worry about it.” The headmaster nods, but Woozi knows that he’ll keep watching him. 
“Now, I saw you made a few friends here.” Woozi cringes, he’s not in the mood to talk about it, especially with the university’s headmaster.
“Don’t make that face brat. I’m just glad you are finally socializing.”
“Why am I here?” he cuts it short.
“You are so disrespectful.” The man sighs. “Here.” Says handing Woozi a paper.
“What is this?” the boy asks as he goes over the paper’s content.
“A contest. I already sign you up for it. Prepare a piece until next month.”

“This is international.” Woozi whispers.
“And? You don’t think you can do it?”
The boy looks up quickly, shaking his head. “No no no, I can do it. I’ll do it!” he exclaims.
“That’s what I was thinking.” The headmaster grins at him. “Make it good.” Woozi nods fervently. He gets up to leave, thinking the meeting is over. He already has a few ideas for the song and he just wants to get to work. 

“You are coming for dinner tonight.” The headmaster’s voice stops him before he can get to the door.
“Why?” he asks warily.
“Because I said so. Be here by 7. I guess you have my address in that damn agenda of yours, right?” Woozi nods and leaves the room.

His classes are already over so he makes his way to the library, wanting to start noting down his ideas. And he gets to do it in silence for like 10 minutes before the ever excited Seungkwan comes to bother him.
“What are you doing?” the kid asks as he sits in front of him. 
“Working.” The answer is short, meant to cut off any conversation. But this is Seungkwan.
“On what?” he leans over the table a little, trying to see what Woozi is scribbling. The pink haired boy sighs and throws him a dirty look. Of course it doesn’t scare the kid. So he hands him the paper he got from the headmaster and puts on his headphones. He still hears the shriek Seungkwan makes and sees him wave the paper around as he talks excitedly to deaf ears. But it makes Woozi smile, just a little.

“You are here.” The headmaster says as he opens the door for Woozi. 
“I still don’t understand why I need to be here.” The boy says, but he does enter anyway, leaving his shoes at the door.
“I’m just trying to be nice, you brat.” The man argues as he leads him to a dining room. There are two other persons sitting around a way to big table, probably the headmaster’s wife and son. Woozi guessed right.
“This is my wife and my son, Mingyu. This is Lee Woozi.”  And Woozi doesn’t know what shocks him more: Kim Mingyu standing up and looking like a freaking giant or the fact than his mother rolls her chair to him and extends a hand, even if Woozi can only look at her strapped, lifeless legs.

The dinner goes smoothly. Mingyu and his mother ask him tons of questions, declaring that they are his fans, and Woozi is proud of himself for not letting his initial shock show. He does ask Mingyu why he is so damn tall, but everyone laughs. He notices the looks he receives from the headmaster and by the end of the dinner he knows why he was invited.

“I told you I won’t say anything.” He whispers when the man walks him to the door. “You didn’t have to show me your perfect family. I won’t ruin it.” 
The headmaster ignores him. “Mingyu will drive you to the dorm.” 
“There’s no need. I know how to get home.” Woozi rejects as he ties his shoes.
“I’m here.” Mingyu;s voice booms around the walls. 
“Go then.” The adult instructs them. “It’s dark outside.” He says when he sees that Woozi’s ready to protest. That shuts up the pink haired boy. They bid goodbye and Mingyu shows the way to a car parked in front of the house. 

The drive to the dorm is way too loud for Woozi’s liking. Mingyu keeps on talking and talking about anything and nothing and Woozi gave up on listening a long time ago. But the kid still talks. He wonders what kind of luck he has, always attracting the noisiest people.  So of course he takes a deep breath in relief when Mingyu parks in front of his dorm.

“Thanks.” He says and he takes off his seat belt, preparing to get out.
“Hyung, I’m thirsty. Can you give me some water before I go?” Mingyu stops him. 
“What?” he asks, slowly turning around to watch the younger playing with the car’s key. “Mingyu, I think you can resist 15 minutes.” 
“Hyuuung~” And the brat pouts and looks at Woozi with big puppy eyes. Woozi really doesn’t know what he did to deserve this. 
“What do you really want, Mingyu?” 
“Just water, I promise!” the younger says. It’s a lie, obviously, but Woozi let it slide and opens the door, signalling the other to follow him. He pretends he doesn’t see how Mingyu happily bounces behind him all the way up to the second floor and even as Woozi unlocks the door. The short boy goes directly to the small fridge and takes a bottle of water, leaving the door open for the giant. Just that when he turns around Mingyu doesn’t wait for him at the door like a normal person. No, the tall boy is already at his desk, his phone out and camera on.

“What do you think you are doing, Kim Mingyu?” the low tone of his voice must have surprised Mingyu because he bolted a little. 
“I... I…” 
“You what?” Mingyu looks scared and he should be. Woozi knows that his expression can turn creepy when he’s mad and right now he just wants to make Mingyu eat that phone.
“I’m sorry, hyung. I just… my friends didn’t believe that I know you and said I should bring some evidence.” The kid is panicking, Woozi can swear that that’s sweat on Mingyu’s forehead. “So I asked dad to invite you to dinner, but… I j-just...”

“Mingyu.” The giant looks at him with big eyes and Woozi likes that. He loves that he can scare people like that. “You could have asked for an autograph or something.” He makes his way to the desk, ignoring the frozen Mingyu and grabs a piece of paper and a pen. It’s not the first time he does this, he was asked for autographs before. Usually Seungkwan forces him to sign them so he can sell them online. 

“You know what I would love to do to you?” he asks as he shakes the pen to make it work. He notices with the corner of his eyes that Mingyu is actually paying attention to him. “I would love to hit you, maybe with my guitar. That big one.” He points to his classical guitar on his bed. He swears he hears Mingyu gulp. 
“Hyung, I’m sorry!” the kid shrieks and Woozi is tempted to cover his ears. The only reason he doesn’t do it is because he doesn’t want the kid to know that he took him by surprise.
“But I’m not gonna do it. Because you are the headmaster’s son and I need this scholarship. Now get out.” He orders, shoving the signed paper in Mingyu's chest. He ignores the fact that he has to raise his arm to do so. 
“Thank you!” Mingyu screams and he surprises Woozi one more time, jumping and catching the short boy between his arms, squishing him hard.  
“Kim Mingyu! Let go of me!” he screams.

“Everything’s alright in here?” a deep voice interrupts them. Thankfully, Mingyu releases him, in time for Woozi to kick him in the shin with all his force, which is enough for the giant to cry in pain.
“Yeah.” He answers Wonwoo who’s standing in his opened door. “I just need to throw this trash out.” He points to the complaining giant on his floor. Wonwoo follows his eyes and Woozi can see him checking out Mingyu.
“You trash looks good.” The older says and even smirks a little as he turns around and walks to his own door.  Woozi snorts. The emo boy seems to be quite a flirt.

“Who was that?” he turns to see Mingyu looking dreamily over Wonwoo. ‘You’ve got to be kidding me!’ Woozi thinks.
“Don’t even think. You don’t have a chance.” 
“Why not? He said I look nice.” The younger sounded really insulted, it makes everything even funnier.
“He also called you trash. Forget it, kiddo. He has like tons of fangirls. You’ll get killed just for talking with him. Now get out.” He says and kicks Mingyu a little in the direction of the door. 

“Okay, okay. I’m leaving. Thanks hyung!” the taller says as he also leaves the room. “I’ll come back soon.” He announces and Woozi thinks that hitting him with a guitar was actually a good idea. 

“Don’t you dare.” He warns, but Mingyu just laughs it off. And yes, Woozi sees when he not so subtly stares at Wonwoo’s door.

“You had visitors?” another voice interrupts Woozi when he tries to close the door. He turns left to see Seungcheol walking up to him. 
“Yeah. Another annoying kid. I don’t know how I attract them.” He complains. Seungcheol laughs.
“Maybe because you are not as bad as you want to be.” Woozi gives him a glare that the older shrugs. 
“Why are you here, Seungcheol?” 
“Can’t I visit you?” at this point Seungcheol is already in front of him, a little too close, charming smile on and flirting eyes. No, Woozi doesn’t blush. But he opens the door more for Seungcheol just to hide his face for a moment.

“I actually came to congratulate you. Seungkwan told me about the contest.” Seungcheol says as he enters the room, going straight to sit on Woozi’s bed. No, Woozi doesn’t blush this time either.
“He really can’t keep a secret.” Woozi sits on his desk chair, but he does turn around to face Seungcheol. Who is of course smiling again. ‘Why is he so damn attractive?’ the short boy thinks.
“Do you have any ideas for it yet?”  
“Yeah, a few. Wanna see?”

They spent the next hours talking about music, and Seungcheol actually helps the shorter develop some ideas for the song. And Woozi loves how they get along so easily, catching each others ideas before they even finish saying them and enjoying the silence without getting awkward. It’s all about soft smiles and warm whispers and when Seungcheol leaves, way after 2 am, Woozi finds himself wanting more of this. And this scares him, because he may like all of this a little more than he predicted. 

Ooookay. I know I promised to some of you that I'll post like ... 3 days ago? But yeah... life got ty. To those of you who are still living with your parents, enjoy it while it lasts. To put things short: I at being responsible and it bites back sometimes :D

But I also got the time to actually plan this story, just a sketch, but at least I know what I have to write now. This chapter's still lacking Jicheol, but I inserted some important factors for the story. Also the rest of the characters.

For those who don't know, pyrophobia is the fear of fire, even though I think it was kind of obvious

It's almost 5am here, I should get some sleep. (Random fact: I can't really write on the daytime, I'm more of a night owl.)

 This chapter was written while listening to Epik High - Shoebox (I swear this is one of the best albums out there), Lucky J- No love and Code Kunst - Parachute. If you don't know them, check them out. They are some pretty amazing songs.

Ok. Goodnight (or day)!!! Please remember to subscribe. upvote and please comment. I love reading comments from you.