Seungcheol is scarred.

His peaceful dreams have been crudely interrupted just a few minutes back and he woke up to a different ceiling and hands tightly gripping at his shirt. It took him a few moments to remember that he is in Woozi’s room, until he realized that said hands were his boyfriend’s, and another half a minute ‘till his brain cleared enough for him to turn around, expecting to see Woozi’s serene face. The other is asleep, his eyes closed way too tight and lips gathers into a frown. As Seungcheol mind gets rid of the last bit of sleepiness, he notices the small groans and the cold sweat that covers the other.

 “Hey.” Seungcheol whispers, one hand shaking the other’s shoulder a bit. It only makes Woozi leave another pained moan that finally wakes Seungcheol up completely. He tries to lift himself, but succeeds only halfway, the smaller grip on his shirt bringing him back down.

“Woozi!” he calls for the man, a little louder this time but just as useless. He cups his face with hand and gently taps his cheek. “Wake up.” He tries again. “Babe, wake up.” He says more urgently as he shakes the man harder, but Jihoon seems too deep in his dreams. The taller feels fear crawling in his veins as he continues to call the older, only managing to agitate the other’s sleep even more. The hands on his shirt start to turn white and Seungcheol's heart picks up.

“Lee Woozi wake up, you are scaring me.” He almost screams, grabbing the boy of both shoulders. He almost falls over him in the process, but Jihoon only lets out another cry. “Lee Jihoon!” Seungcheol screams. By now, his skin is also covered with the same cold layer and his breath is as hitched at the other’s. Luckily, Jihoon’s eyes pop open abruptly together with his sharp intake of air, almost scarring the of Seungcheol. He’s left starring as the shorter frantically spins his head around, as his own room is unfamiliar to him, before setting his agitated eyes on Seungcheol’s face. There’s a glint of recognition in his dull, tear strained eyes and he finally stops, shoulder relaxing just a tiny bit.

“W-Water.” He manages to croak out a few moments later. Seungcheol only nods, bring his hand up to wipe the other’s face with his sleeve. He then proceeds to personally unlock Jihoon’s hands from his shirt, finger by finger, but he doesn’t mind. The other doesn’t even seem aware of it, eyes still widely pointed up. When he finally sits up, Seungcheol hurries to the fridge. There’s only one bottle in it and it’s so cold that it sticks to his skin. Frowning, he returns to the bed and helps the boys sit up. Jihoon’s eyes are unfocused, but he strongly grips the bottle and proceeds to take small sips from it. Seungcheol sits on the bed’s edge as the boy’s other hand silently curls around his.

“Are you okay?” Seungcheol dares to ask a few minutes later when the other’s breath finally calms down. Jihoon's eyes are still fixed on the ceiling, but he makes the smallest nodding motion with his head. Seungcheol lets out a relieved breath as he slumps on the bed.

“A nightmare?” he asks but he only answer is silence. He doesn’t force it though, letting the other drift back to reality. He just watches the ceiling as well, but one of his hands comes up to rest on Jihoon’s knuckles, rubbing them slowly, trying to make them relax. Eventually, the boy starts taking deep breaths and when Seungcheol turns around, he’s met with closed eyes and a concentrated face. It takes a lot more than Seungcheol thought, but in the end Woozi lets his body slump in the sheets along with an exhausted sigh.

“Yeah… nightmare.” He ghostly whispers.

“Does it happen often?” Seungcheol is not stupid, he can see the traces of a routine in the other’s mechanical gestures.

“I didn’t have them for a while.” Jihoon answers, his voice still weak, eyes still closed. Seungcheol knows that voice. It’s the same one the smaller uses every time they touch a sensitive subject. Usually, Seungcheol will back off, waiting for Woozi to talk when he will be ready. But he is a little tired of always waiting.

“Do you want to tell me about it?” It’s a proposal. The smaller can take it or leave it and Seungcheol won’t mind it. He at least tried. The question seems to surprise Jihoon though, his eyes finally opening to connect with Seungcheol’s. There’s a trace of reluctance in them and the older waits until Jihoon seems to find whatever he was searching, turning back to the ceiling after, forehead crested.

“I have had nightmares for a few years now. They stopped for a while, but I guess I won’t ever get rid of them completely.” His voice is almost silent, ending with a bitter tone and a mocking smile. Seungcheol drags him a little closer, resting the smaller’s head on his chest and proceeding to comb pink locks with his fingers. He knows that the other is hurting, but he is selfish. He is finally getting some answers and he doesn’t want to give up now.

“What caused them?” he asks next. A hard puff of air hits his chest as Jihoon sighs. By now, Seungcheol knows that he tries to collect his thoughts and merges them into the right words. So he waits, still playing with the soft hair around his fingers. Somehow, Jihoon’s hair smells like coffee and sugar, like the coffee shop they go from time to time.

“Four years ago, or maybe five, I don’ really remember,” the smaller starts slowly, “I lost all my music notebooks in a fire. Everything I composed, all the lyrics I wrote since I was just a kid, I had to watch them all burn into ashes.” A beautiful hand grips Seungcheol’s shirt again as Jihoon’s strangled voice continues. “Somebody burnt them right in front of me, they hold me there and made me watch as they destroyed my music.”

Seungcheol’s fingers stopped playing, his whole being somehow frozen. How does he react to this? He can’t just say the usual 'it will be alright'… that happened years away and obviously it wasn’t alright at all. And besides, he knows what music means for the smaller. As an artist, Seungcheol knows how much music values in their life, but to Jihoon things are different. Even since he has met the shorter he knew that music is Jihoon’s identity, a drug that the smaller was more than addicted to it.

No matter how hard is for him to admit it, he knows that Jihoon doesn’t need anything else than his music to survive. He formed such a strong attachment to his art that it became a part of him. He can’t even imagine how losing it crushed the smaller and there are no words that could ever ease that pain. So he stays silent, proceeding in planting a kiss on the other’s head. It seems to be the right thing to do, as Woozi buries his face in Seungcheol’s neck.

“That’s when the nightmares started, along with my fear of fire. I used to have them almost every night.” His voice seems even smaller, muffled by Seungcheol’s skin. “Then they started changing a little. Some nights I dream I’m drowning, but I like those dreams more. I prefer the cold, silent water rather than burning all night long.”

“Were you bullied?” Seungcheol asks after a tensed silence. Hugging the smaller’s body closer, he can’t imagine how somebody could hurt such a fragile human being. Jihoon lets out a dark chuckle.

“I don’t know if you could call it bullying. But that event made me take my life in my own hands.  Even if it hurts me, I guess it would have hurt more if I didn’t happen. I would have never reached my dreams if it weren’t for them.” The laugh he lets out is dry. “I should thank them some day.”

Seungcheol sighs deeply, at loss of words. He kisses the boy’s forehead once more, letting his lips rest on it as he whispers: “Thank you, for telling me.”

For the first time that morning, Jihoon’s smile is sincere. Seeing the proud glint in his boyfriend’s eyes makes Seungcheol realize how hard the smaller is trying to open up to him. It makes him give a smile back. Jihoon is really trying. Even if it would take more until he completely trusts Seungcheol, he is really trying and that makes Seungcheol think it is worth the waiting. Having such a beautiful being in his arms makes everything worth it.

“Let’s get you some ice cream.” He suggests, leaning in to give the smaller a short kiss. When he retracts Jihoon give him one of his beautiful smiles, all small, white teeth, deep dimples and closed eyes. It leaves Seungcheol breathless, thinking once that he must be the luckiest person in the world.

For the first time ever, Jihoon is happy after a nightmare. Usually, after a night like this, he would spend his day locked in his room, trying to fight the dark side of his mind. The last thing he would do is go to a sunny place full of noisy people. But as Seungcheol drags him across the mall he can’t say he is not enjoying it. Not with Seungcheol’s huge grin and warm eyes. Jihoon is so proud of himself knowing that he is the one that caused them. Even if he is still a little shook from the nightmare he’s so happy that he can hold Seungcheol’s hand. But not even Seungcheol can erase his worries completely. Why did the nightmares come back now? He can’t help but think that something is going to happen. Maybe he is just paranoid.

The ice cream parlor is filled with high schoolers at this hour, but they manage to find a booth in the corner of the shop. They leave their jackets there and walk back to the end of the line that formed by the counter.

“What do you want?” Seungcheol bends a little to speak near Jihoon’s ear in order to cover the noise around them.

“Biscuits and Black Chocolate.” The smaller speaks his favorite, eyes returning the question.

“Mint Chocolate.” The taller answers as he straightens his back, leaving a soft kiss on Jihoon’s temple on the way. Jihoon just smiles in return, enjoys the warm churn in his stomach.

“Hyung?” a voice behind them calls and normally Jihoon will ignore it, but he knows that voice. He turns around along with Seungcheol.

“Kim Mingyu.” He salutes, feeling his mood drop instantly when he has to raise his chin so much his neck hurts. He almost forgot how annoyingly tall the other is. “What are doing here?”

The giant nods his head to Seungcheol, letting his sharp teeth show in a large smile. “I came for ice cream with some friends from school.” He says, thumb pointing to a group of four rowdy teenagers that occupied a table near the entrance.

“Are you the only one that wants ice cream?” Seungcheol asks from beside him. Jihoon swears he is a mind reader or something.

“Oh, no. I’m getting it for them too.” Mingyu smiles back innocently. Jihoon frowns, but he lets it pass. “How are you, guys? I see things progressed a lot since the last time I saw you.” Mingyu asks, eyes trained on their locked hands. Jihoon feels embarrassment color his ears, but ignores it.

“We are fine.” He says, taking a half of a step behind Seungcheol. His boyfriend lets out a chuckle and Mingyu follows along.

“Who would have thought that you can get so cute?” the giant asks laughing. Jihoon sputters an “I’m not cute, you retarded giant” at the same time Seungcheol proudly admits: “I did!” and the worker behind them loudly clears to get their attention. 

“Oh, sorry.” Seungcheol sheepishly says as he proceeds to order their ice cream.

“So... hyung…” Jihoon turns back to a slightly flustered Mingyu, signalling him that he is listening. “Have you seen… um… your neighbor recently?”

Of course it has to be about Jeon Wonwoo. Jihoon groans in frustration. “You are both some giants filled with idiocy.” He grumps, throwing the other an annoyed glare. “You could answer his calls if you are curious about him.”

The blush on Mingyu face is disgusting, Jihoon concludes. Seungcheol turns around with their tray, signalling him to follow to their table.

“See you around, Mingyu.”

“Wait!” Mingyu calls after them, completely ignoring the girl that tries to take his order. “How do you know I’m not answering him? Did he ask about me? Hyung?!”

Jihoon just laughs loudly, waving to the giant. Unfortunately for Mingyu, the worker seems to finally have had enough as she angrily snaps at him: “Are you going to order or not?”, stopping him from going after Jihoon. The short male chuckles once again.

“Such and idiot.” That's what Jihoon thinks, but somebody else spoke the words. His head instinctively turns towards that voice. It’s one of Mingyu's friends. The four of them are gathered around the table, looking bored and somehow annoyed.

“Why did he have to come too?” the girl asks. It doesn’t take a genius to figure who they are talking about. Trying to not look suspicious, Jihoon bends down to play with his shoelaces after he passes their table.

“It’s fine, Nami.” One of the boys says, voice low. “He’s paying for the ice cream. We can just ditch him after.”

It’s enough for Jihoon’s anger to fuel up, but he doesn’t say a thing. Instead, he just continues his way to his own table, sitting down next to Seungcheol, eyes focused on Mingyu’s table.

“Is there something wrong?” Seungcheol asks a minute later when he notices that the smaller doesn’t even look at his ice cream.

“Yeah.” Jihoon answers pointing at the table Mingyu had just sat down to. The giant is smiling as he gives the others their cups of ice cream, but Jihoon is still ticked off. Mingyu’s real smile is not like that. The one he is sporting now looks restrained, almost forced. He doesn’t miss the way the girl rolls her eyes and neither does Seungcheol, judging by how he tenses up, ice cream also forgotten.

“Let’s get Mingyu.” The taller speaks after a few more minutes of observing the group. He doesn’t have to say it twice, the smaller already bouncing on his feet, feeling the need to punch somebody. Seungcheol chuckles behind him and ruffles his hair.

“You are not fighting them.” He whispers near Jihoon’s ear as they approach the table. The smaller pouts slightly, gaining himself another pat on the head.

“Mingyu?” Seungcheol calls out loud, stopping in front of a confused giant. Jihoon takes advantage of his lack of attention to glare at the other four people. 

“Seungcheol hyung?”

“Why don’t you seat with us today? It’s been a while, after all.” Seungcheol’s voice is polite, but everyone senses the iciness behind his smile when he speaks next. “I’m sure your friends don’t mind, right?”

“Who are they, Mingyu?” one of the boys asks, not making an effort to hide his annoyance as he scans the intruders.

“Oh, Seungcheol hyung and Woozi hyung. They are my friends.” The giant introduces them. Jihoon doesn’t miss the scoff one of the boys give at the last word.

“Didn’t know you have other friends beside us.” Said boy mutters.

“As you can see, he does.” Jihoon answers him, smile stretching his face.

“W-Woozi?” a small voice gains his attention. He turns towards the girl, Nami, with a raised eyebrow. She is quite pretty, that kind of girl that everyone will fall in love with thinking she is some angel.

“Lee Woozi, at your service.” He says with a slight bow. When he looks back up the girl is blushing furiously. He smirks. “Come on, Kim. We need to talk about Wonwoo.” It does the trick, the giant jumping to his feet before Jihoon can even finish.

“Sorry guys, I’ll see you later.” He announces, grabbing his bowl and following Seungcheol and Jihoon to their booth. Woozi looks back to see the girl still gazing at him. He sends her a wink as he mouths a ‘’. An arm encircles around his waist and he looks up at his boyfriend’s disapproving expression.

“I’m just playing.” He whispers as they sit back down on their bench, Mingyu across them. The taller only sighs, he can’t complain after all, and turns to a smiley Mingyu.

“You guys are adorable.” The giant gushes loudly. Jihoon gives him a hard stare, remembering what’s actually going on.

“Those are not your friends, Mingyu.” He angrily hisses. Mingyu’s smile goes down in a second. What takes both Jihoon and Seungcheol aback is the fact the younger doesn’t show any surprise.

“And you know it. Oh my god, Kim Mingyu are you stupid?!” Jihoon gasps as the giant just lets his head down in shame.

“He’s not stupid, Woozi.” Seungcheol lightly scold him for the harsh words.

“Then what the is he doing?” Jihoon spats. “They use you, Kim. I heard them saying they called you just so you can pay for them.”

“I know.” Mingyu’s voice is so uncharacteristically small it actually quenches Woozi’s rage.

“You know?” he asks, this time sounding more defeated than ready to fight. Seungcheol’s warm hand starts rubbing circles on his lower back, but Jihoon knows he is not the one who needs it right now.

“If you know, then why do you let them exploit you?” Seungcheol asks. Jihoon decides to let his boyfriend take the lead.

“What else can I do?” Mingyu’s answer makes Jihoon see red once again. He is so closed to strangle the giant, stopped only by the strong arm that keeps him seated. He sends a glare towards Seungcheol, but the other only gives him a half of a smile, face dripping with concern. Jihoon is also worried, but why does Kim Mingyu have to be so stupid? With the corner of his eye, he sees Mingyu’s classmate leave the shop. Good, at least they can talk freely now.

“Is there something going on at school?” Seungcheol asks quietly. They both see how Mingyu’s shoulders go stiff and the younger stops breathing for a second.

“Speak before I beat you up.” Woozi threatens, but he leans back on Seungcheol’s shoulder. Mingyu gives him a defeated glance and sighs.

“I just thought that if I befriend them people will start to like me.” He admits, cheeks a little rosy.

“So you are selling yourself for popularity?” the words are a little harsh, Jihoon knows, but he couldn’t stop himself. Seungcheol pokes his side, clearly showing his disapproval, but the words are already out, he can’t take them back now. What surprises him is that Mingyu’s guilty expression fades into a stiffer one, almost aggressive.

“This is not about popularity, hyung. I’m just trying to make my life liveable.” He seems to regret his words just as he says them, but just as Jihoon, he can’t change them now. The older boys turn to share a worried look.

“Mingyu… what are you trying to say?” Seungcheol asks carefully, like the boy in front of them is made of glass, breakable by words only. Mingyu sighs deeply.

“What I’m saying is that my life is now as pink as it seems. I’m trying to do what I can to make it easier. I’m not bullied, if this is what you guys think. I’m just not the most loved person in my school.”

“Why not?” Woozi bluntly asks. The giant locks his hard stare with him, almost provoking him, but Jihoon was always hard headed.

“Last year there was this rumor about me that has spread around the school and since then people started avoiding me.” Mingyu talks about a long stare contest.

“What rumor?” Jihoon replies immediately, to the younger’s exasperation.

“Give me a break, hyung.” He whines, but the pink haired boy knows that he if he lets it pass now he won’t ever get to find out.

“What rumor, Kim?” he asks again, fingers impatiently setting a beat on the table. Their ice cream melted a long time ago, but no one seems to care. The youngest eyes fall on his hyung's fingers, watching as they rhythmically hit the table.

“Rumors about me being the product of my father’s affair.”

The fingers stop. Seungcheol’s hand falls off the smaller’s waist. For a minute they both freeze, searching for something to say. For Seungcheol it could be the shock, but for Jihoon there’s a whole crash of emotions twisting his stomach.

“Nonsense! You look just like your mother.” The shorter finally cries out, trying to hide his anxiety.

“Of course I look like my mother, hyung.” Mingyu seems hurt now, his voice slightly shaking. “I said it was just a rumor.”

“Then why does it affect you so much?” Seungcheol asks. But Jihoon knows why. Coming from a well-known family just as Mingyu, he knows how much your image can affect your life. One little misunderstanding and all your family is doomed.

“How did they even come up with this ?” he hisses, but he is actually scared of hearing the answer. He was always careful, wasn’t he? This couldn’t be his fault…

“You saw my mother’s… condition.” The younger’s voice is bitter. “You don’t have to be some genius to know she can’t have kids.”

“But you just said…” Mingyu’s frustrated sigh stops Seungcheol mid-sentence.

“They used a surrogate.” He angrily whispers. “My mother couldn’t carry the child so they used a surrogate. But I can’t go around yelling that, can I?”

Jihoon is left without words once again. He has never considered that… He just thought that Mr Kim remarried his mistress or something. The guilt starts climbing up his throat, threatening to choke him. He hears Seungcheol trying to calm Mingyu down, but right now everything is blurred, even the sounds. He can’t breathe and his eyes start to sting from the lack of air, but all he can think is how he proudly he accused a man of cheating on his wife two years ago. .

Seungcheol’s hand on his thigh brings him back to the present. Seungcheol is still comforting Mingyu, but, by the way he is rubbing circles on Jihoon’s thigh, it’s obvious he noticed his little panic attack.

“Just don’t meet with these kids again. If you feel lonely give us a call or come visit. High school is almost over anyway.” The brunet says, a small smile playing on his lips. Mingyu just nods quietly.

“I’ll throw this away” Seungcheol says while getting up, pointing at the melted ice cream. The glance he throws to Woozi before he leaves brings drops of cold sweat on the smaller’s forehead. Seungcheol knows something, he saw right through him.

“Um... hyung?”  Jihoon adverts his confused eyes back to Mingyu who is smiling softly at him. “I just want to say thanks for carrying so much.” The younger says, one hand rubbing at the back of his neck. Jihoon tries to take a deep breath before replying, but it's stopped by the knot forming in his throat.

“No problem, kid.” If Mingyu notices his strangled voice he doesn’t mention it, choosing to grin happily.

“Now, you said something about Wonwoo?” he asks, back to his puppy-like personality. Jihoon groans, contemplating banging his head on the table.

“Just call him already.” He snorts.

The other gives him a small cry. “ I can’t just call him after I ignored him for weeks.” He whines.

“I don't care.” Woozi dismisses him, watching Seungcheol coming back.

“We should leave if we want to get to class on time.” The brunet says as he reaches the table.

They have no class, but Mingyu doesn’t know that, cheerfully biding them goodbye. Jihoon gulps, wishing he could stay. Hell, he would even call Wonwoo himself for the younger if that’ll save him from being alone with Seungcheol now.

They walk in silence, a calculated distance between them. Woozi feels suffocated, trying to catch the other’s eyes just for a second, maybe then he’ll figure what he is thinking. But even since he came back from throwing the trash, Seungcheol has avoided eye contact. Jihoon is left taking secret glances at a locked jaw and straight gathered lips. The silence keeps on suffocating him, swirling his thoughts in an endless circle. What does Seungcheol know?  And worse, since when?

He doesn’t realize where Seungcheol takes them until they reach the dorm. Climbing up the stairs he just wishes the other would say something. Finally, they stop in front of his door and Jihoon takes out his keys, thinking that they will talk in the privacy of his room. But then he enters and Seungcheol remains in the hallway. Turning around, he finally meets the other’s eyes. A shiver runs down his spine at the coldness.

“You weren’t surprised by Mingyu’s problem.” the other finally breaks the silence. It’s not even a question Jihoon could deny. “You knew about the rumours, didn’t you?” and there is his question. Before he registers it, he’s giving a small nod. Seungcheol’s stare is still cold, pinning him down with so much force he can feel his knees weaken. It’s like he is waiting for something, something Jihoon can’t give him at the moment. Because he knows that the moment he starts talking he will lose everything.

Unfortunately for him, there’s no safe path on his situation. Seungcheol is tired of waiting. With a deep sigh he turns around and leaves, leaving the shorter in his doorway, silently cursing at himself. He knew that that nightmare was a bad premonition.

A.N Sorry for the long wait, but I hope this will compensate for it :D I'm doing my best to write the next chapter so wait for it.

Thanks for reading this!!! Please leave a comment~