Sehun doesn't actually know when he started falling for his best friend. His feelings kept growing and growing without him even knowing and when it's too late, it exploded and now his entire body is filled with his love for his best friend. Not just as a friend but as a lover, too. If he could give a timeline of when it started, it would be too much. But he thinks he remembers details.

We were still in high school then and we always had lunch together. But when Sehun got to the canteen that very day, he realised that his friends were all there, except for me. Chanyeol tried to persuade him to just stay for lunch and give me some time alone, but he just wouldn't take it. He couldn't. He just felt something in his gut; something uncomfortable and urgent.

Sehun left his friends and went to my classroom, but I wasn't there. He could only think of the computer lab that I always liked to go to, just to enjoy the air-conditioning. There was no one in the room when he got there though the lights and the air conditioner were on. He was about to leave when he heard some sniffling, so he entered the room again slowly, following the direction of the crying.

And there I was with my hands to my face, sitting in front of a computer that wasn't even , crying silently. Sehun rushed over, pulling my hands away from my face, his anxious eyes racing about my features.

"What happened?!" he exclaimed, his eyes wide in alarm.

I cried even more, knowing just how much Sehun cared for me. He felt his heart crack a little then and he couldn't help but think that he was the worst person on earth, even though he wasn't even doing anything. But it was the fact that he couldn't do anything that was making him feel so ty. He pulled me towards his body, embracing me tightly so I could sob into his shoulder. He my hair, shushing me quietly but still giving me the freedom and time to cry until I was contented.

"Lyon died, Sehun," I finally whispered, voice muffled by tears and snot.

"When?" he asked softly, rubbing my back.

I shifted my head, burying my face deeper into the crook of his neck as sobs started wrecking my entire body. Lyon was my golden retriever of thirteen years then. He had always been a healthy puppy, up until the last year when I found out that he had bladder cancer. We've tried giving him medicine, but it was if he didn't want us to save him, as if he just wanted to die without chemotherapy or anything of the sort.

My entire day today was stressful. I received a text from your mother that Lyon was looking lethargic and unwell, so he was brought to the vet. I was anxious waiting for the updates and when my mother finally updated me on the situation, I didn't like it one bit. I hated it, actually. I tried to ask my teacher to let me home early, but she was an old prude who hated kids and so she didn't give me the permission to. So I could only resort to crying here in the computer room.

"Oh my god..." Sehun muttered to himself. Even though it had only been a year since we met, he knew how much I loved my dog. He couldn't imagine me and Lyon as separate entities, really.

"I wasn't even there for him when he passed on," I sobbed harder, hugging Sehun tighter. He let out a deep breath and looked up, trying to stop his own tears from falling. Hearing his best friend cry like that was breaking his heart, his entire soul. "Lyon's gone, Sehun. I'm all alone now in this world."

"No," his voice cracked. He cleared his throat and tried again, swallowing the lump in his gullet. "No, sweetheart, you're not alone. You have me. I'll be with you, forever."

"You won't," I shook my head vehemently. "You'll get married and you'll leave. Lyon wasn't even married when he left," I cried again, finding how everything was basically triggering my tear glands.

"Come on," Sehun sniffed, pulling me up with him. "I'll bring you back."

"Mrs. Hee won't let me go," I told him as I moved away from him slowly, wiping my tears.

"I'll beg the principal if I have to," he promised.

So he brought me out of the room, holding onto my waist tightly to keep me teetered to reality. He constantly glanced at me to check if I was okay and every time he saw how bloodshot my eyes were and how lifeless I was, he felt his heart break even more. That was the very first moment he felt something for me, even if it didn't come off as anything romantic. It was also that very moment, that very incident, that made him swear by the River Stynx that for as long as he lived, he couldn't see his best friend cry again.

Or maybe it was the night where Sehun had gotten so drunk that his friends could only deposit him at my place. 

His mind had been so fuzzy then, but when he watched his best friend undo the buttons of his shirt, my eyebrows furrowing in concentration, he thought he couldn't have ever seen such a beautiful girl. Before his brain could actually stop him, he blurted his thoughts, which made me stoop down to hear him better.

"Said you're really pretty," he mumbled, covering my hand with his. 

He remembered, through fragments of memories, that he had pulled me down to sit on his lap. This was the first time we were ever this intimate and despite the numbness of his body, Sehun still thought I was the perfect weight for him, that my body fitted his so well. We were only nineteen then, but we were both hormonal and so heated. Sehun had his hands under my shirt, his calloused hands kneading my mounds through my bra. Sehun knew this was going to end up where he had always wanted to go, but before that could even happen, I pushed him away. 

"Sehun, stop," he heard me say, sounding so out of breath and so y that he couldn't stop himself from leaning forward to leave kisses along my neck. 

"But I want you," he whispered against my skin, staring up at me with hooded eyes. 

I climbed off his lap quickly, "You're drunk, Sehun." 

The moment I stood up, he was aware of the hardness in his pants. He just wanted the girl in front of him so bad. He wanted me. 

"I can spell your name perfectly fine and I know your birthday," he muttered, hoping that I would believe he was sober. But I didn't fall for it. I shook my head and when he saw that I was moving away, he grabbed my wrist. "Please, baby..." 

We took a long time just staring at each other. Sehun knew that I wanted this too, he could tell, especially from the way I hesitated. 

I finally told him, "If you wake up tomorrow and still think you want me..." Sehun continued staring when I didn't finish my sentence. I sighed, "Then I'll let you." 

Though he was disappointed, even with alcohol in his system, he knew he shouldn't, couldn't force me and make me do something I didn't want to do. So all he had to do was wait. He could do that. Because though alcohol normally makes him sleep faster, Sehun hadn't had a peaceful sleep. Not when his heart was pounding in his chest, excited about what was coming in the morning. Not when I was sleeping soundly in his arms, resting my hand on his chest unknowingly. And the next day when we finally gave ourselves fully to one another, Sehun just knew that he would never be able to find anyone he would love as much as he loved me.

But the actual day Sehun really felt something more than just platonic is still unclear.

It could have been that one time when he saw me walking with an older guy I met over the summer. There was even that height difference he loved seeing between me us, just not so much between me and another man. There was something in his heart that felt like a twist, but Sehun didn't dare say for sure that was what it was. He knew I didn't like him like that, especially if I was going out with a man. So he only pretended not to have seen me that day, trying to forget how strongly he felt about me being with another man. 

Or maybe it was that day when he saw Minseok talking to me. I had looked so uncomfortable, so in need of someone to save me and Sehun just wanted to be that guy. The man I could trust and be safe around. 

"What about coffee? I'm sure you have time to do coffee?" Minseok was asking.

I was looking around, just waiting for an excuse to come up so I could say goodbye and leave him. Out of my peripheral vision, Sehun walked over quickly, taking his spot next to me, standing as close as possible. I stiffened for a second before relaxing into his presence. 

"Hey babe, who's this?" Sehun wondered, staring at the man in front of him.

I introduced Minseok to him and Sehun just felt the need to add "Her boyfriend" when he introduced himself. Because if there was one thing he knew, it was that guys never backed down until they knew there was nothing else to fight for when the trophy was already won. But even then, he knew some guys were still relentless and clueless. So he made it a point to wrap his arm around my waist when he said that, just to prove how real his statement was. 

Minseok stuttered, "Oh... I... I didn't know." 

Sehun had to keep that smirk off his face. He hummed and asked as a formality, "How did you guys meet?"

I then looked up at him and said, "We have one class together."

Sehun felt like he never said this enough: he loves the height difference between the both of us. Whether it was three years ago or now, our height difference still felt huge and cute. And Sehun loved it. He loved how I always had to look up at him with big eyes, how the sunlight reflected off my cheekbones and made me look so beautiful, or even how he had to bend, just so he could whisper something into my ear. 

He smiled, his hand tightening around my waist just hoping I could feel his affection for me. Maybe it was at that moment, that rise in his heart rate, that made him know that I was the one. That girl who will play the leading role in his last and most important relationship in his life, the one whom he had protected and will continue to protect for the rest of his life. Maybe it was the moment he saw how my gaze dropped shyly, my cheeks slightly pink from his touch.

Or maybe it was all those little moments, coming together and spelling everything out for him.

Author's note:

I've just finished my papers today! I will try to update regularly, but no promises,, I don't wanna get everyone's hopes up that I am back for sure, so I'll just leave my status as still on rest.. I hope you guys are liking this new version!;; I took out some bits, added some, changed some... Hopefully they're to your liking!

Till next time
xoxo