It’s been 3 days and Baekhyun does not stop thinking about Jongin. If he's honest, he doesn’t stop thinking about Jongin at all. Because the single thought about Jongin doesn’t leave his memory, not even if he wishes it away and attempts to push it out with Kai’s hugs, or his kisses, or his distinctly different scent.

In 3 days, shockingly, he manages not to catch so much as a glimpse of Jongin. Which is weird, since Jongin’s barely at home and Baekhyun can’t consider that avoidance when Jongin basically isn’t even trying. He knows Jongin is probably over at Taemin’s, but that thought just nauseates him.

So ing Ridiculous.

For a moment he believes it all works successfully — convincing himself of distraction — when Kai brushes his stray strands of hair away from his face and peppers kisses all over every available untouched spot like he genuinely missed Baekhyun, like he really loved Baekhyun with all his heart, like Baekhyun was good enough for him.

Yet with a blink, all he can think about is the way Jongin’s got this tendency to tease his cheek tenderly with the tip of his nose; maybe stare at Baekhyun like he’s the only one he has his eyes for and it makes his heart race, and it shouldn’t, not when Kai is holding him close to his chest and letting their warmth mingle beneath the blanket.

Jongin has inevitably filled up the crevices of Baekhyun’s heart just within the time span of a day, even shorter than that, and covered every corner of his mind that he’s going absolutely insane. In this supposedly tranquil morning, the whirlwind of thoughts occuring in Baekhyun's head is like a raging storm in a calming place that forces him to fight the temptation that is sleep.

Fight sleep, he does.

Baekhyun doesn’t register the time when he concludes that he isn’t about to get so much as a wink of sleep if he remains suffocated here, in Kai’s room. So with great caution and a skilful load of gentleness, he manages to untangle Kai’s arms around him.

He shuffles, tosses, even turns, but he doesn’t once wake and to say that Baekhyun is relieved would be an utter understatement. He feels free, lighter; featherlight.

Oh it’s a pretty morning, Baekhyun hums to himself when he takes notice of the auburn sky casting beautiful colors into the room from the windows. The sun is rising and so is he (and his heart) as he moves out ofKai’s bed, careful not to be too violent and rushed.

The thing about Kai’s sleeping habits is that you just can never predict when he’d wake up and when he wouldn’t, and if he doesn’t get up after Baekhyun’s left his side then it pretty much sums everything up. That’s why Baekhyun worries, at times, about disrupting Kai’s sleep when he has too much on his mind and needs time alone, away from everyone, just to think straight.

Baekhyun feels like a professional spy when he manages to sneak out of Kai’s room in one piece, heart racing and hands trembling from the anxiety of Kai waking up and asking him where he’s going.

But his heart is at ease and his hands aren’t clenching when he walks quietly down the hallway, barely noticing the ajar door of Jongin’s room as he passes, and walks down the stairs.

“Hello.”

“K—” Baekhyun startles with a sharp gasp, craning his neck to look behind. “—J–Jongin? Hi?”

Baekhyun ignores the heart that flutters in his chest, and he most definitely forces his eyes away from the fact that Jongin is in nothing but his grey boxer brief with hair tousled evidently from sleep. Not to mention how one of his eyes is clenched tight while the other is merely squinting to look at Baekhyun.

“Where were you going?” Jongin asks softly, keeping their faces a great distance away from each other’s, and Baekhyun thinks it’s probably because of morning breath.

It’s a different kind of feeling when it comes to the same things done by both Kai and Jongin. Maybe he’s biased, with a hint of pathetic, but he prefers the soothing feeling that exudes from Jongin a lot more than Kai. He’s so hopelessly ed.

“I needed some air,” Baekhyun says. Away from Kai, away from you, away from everything. Yet here you are.

Jongin raises his hand in the air and with an anticipating heart, Baekhyun sees him and hopes, but Jongin hesitates in the speed of lightning before he lets his arm fall back to his side. Baekhyun hopes the disappointment doesn’t show on his face as he deflates. “Home?”

An image flashes in Baekhyun’s mind: Jongin in Baekhyun’s house, in his bed, four mornings ago, holding him like he’s never letting go, ever.

“I—” Baekhyun gulps. “I...”

“You...” Jongin prompts encouragingly, his previously shut eye widening as he tucks his chin slowly into his neck. When Baekhyun remains at a loss of words, Jongin raises his hand again and pats Baekhyun’s on the top of his head. “Take your time, sunshine. I’m going to get myself a drink.”

“I wish it wasn’t just a pat on the head,” Baekhyun mumbles incoherently to himself, the words melting in the air as Jongin chuckles to himself having deciphering exactly what Baekhyun said. But he doesn’t point it out. He simply cannot.

But Baekhyun doesn’t know that, of course. Just keeps moping and pouting to himself as he trails after Jongin as if he’s a lost puppy in need of proper guidance for directions. Jongin actually peers behind a couple of times to gaze lovingly at Baekhyun, and he believes it’s fortunate that never once does Baekhyun realize that.

Baekhyun truly does not.

“Why are you awake?” Baekhyun asks, fingers running through his black hair and letting them middle part naturally, then falling flat down. He loves his black hair. After Jongin’s filled a glass with water, Baekhyun raises his gaze and only then notices Jongin looking at his hair and almost smiles. Almost, until Jongin speaks up again.

“Taemin finally fell asleep.”

Oh.

The lurch in Baekhyun’s heart can be forgotten, but not the fall it experiences that makes his eyes prickle with fresh tears. Baekhyun wonders why he’s so stupid, hopeful over the dumbest reasons and so hopeless about love. Love with people who makes love feel wrong, and ones who make love feel just so ing right.

He’s weak. Stupid, weak. Stupidly weak.

“Ah.”

“I’m–” Jongin slides his forefinger below Baekhyun’s chin to lift his beautiful face up. “–kidding. I’m alone. Please don’t cry.”

“You know how I feel don’t you,” Baekhyun sniffles strongly, shoulders rising and falling because he does not want to look disgusting. Jongin clenches his fists rather obviously and Baekhyun wants to point it out— but he doesn’t. “I’m suffering. I am suffering so bad.”

“I knew that day would’ve ed everything up,” Jongin laughs. If Baekhyun listens closer, he’s 80% sure he’s able to make out the sadness that looms over it. He sticks to the 10% that he hears and clings to it, because at least he isn’t alone on these emotions. “Taemin and I have ended things.”

“Yes...” The words sink in a second later than Baekhyun thought it would. His head snaps up to look at Jongin, who returns him a look. He’s nibbling on his lower lip with something unreadable in his eyes; it’s a look that Baekhyun recognizes as nervousness. “Wait, what?”

Jongin smiles.

It doesn’t reach his eyes, but when Baekhyun blinks, then blinks again, Jongin’s teeth become visible to the eyes.

“I know I shouldn’t be smiling but I’m really happy I don’t have to hide anything from him anymore. I mean, we ended things well. We’ll remain best friends, who just ultimately didn’t work out as a couple, lovers.”

Baekhyun’s lower lip trembles. “I wish I could just,” each breath taken is heavy and shaky. “I just—”

“Hey,” Jongin grins at Baekhyun and wow it makes his heart flip and eyes see glow. “I didn’t do this just for you. It’s for myself. Do whatever you feel like at any chosen time, I’m not going anywhere.”

“I wanna be with you,” Baekhyun breaks down, eyes clenching tight to dry his eyes of tears. His shoulders rock against the air surrounding them while he brings his palms to cup his face, and Jongin thankfully doesn’t hesitate this time, as he gathers Baekhyun in his arms tucked safely and comfortably where it feels most like home.

“Don’t cry,” Jongin murmurs. “I hate seeing you cry. It’s okay, baby, don’t cry. It’s all going to be settled soon enough.”

Baekhyun hiccups, melting under Jongin’s warmth and relishing in the comfort that Jongin provides him with. “What if it doesn’t? I don’t want to be a bad person, Jonginnie. I don’t know how I’m going to begin talking about this—”

“Just trust me,” Jongin tightens his arms around Baekhyun, an instinctive reflex of protectiveness. God, he hates Baekhyun’s crying image. “Just trust me. Stop crying, please, babe.”

When Jongin begins his back comfortingly, Baekhyun musters enough energy to contain the rest of his tears. He detests crying, but yet, he breaks down ever so easily against his will all the time. He’s frankly weaker than he’s always believed.

“I want to be with you,” Jongin whispers quietly, lips brushing against the spot behind Baekhyun’s lobe, and Baekhyun involuntarily shudders at the ticklish sensation. “Too.”