Kyuhyun’s POV

The cold rush of the wind outside on the streets of Seoul was no different with the atmosphere inside our supposedly warm shelter. This was the place I envisioned as my home when Ryeowook finally moved back- a space where we can finally live comfortably and express our love for each other without the eyes of the public judging us. But this space has never felt this cold in the entirety of my stay thanks to him.

It was a week past the start of December. Christmas was the craze everywhere I went, it was all about sharing the happiness with your loved ones. As the holidays are nearing, you expect to get home with a bunch of wrapped gifts under the tree and you feel joy and excitement at the thought of ripping them open come Christmas day. In my case, all that’s waiting for me at the dorm is…..nothing. Ryeowook’s sudden indifference towards me has left me with emptiness that I refuse to get used to.

Almost two months have passed since Eunhyuk and Donghae hyung left for their scheduled enlistment. It’s also been two months since Ryeowook, manager and I moved down to the 6th floor. We were bound to see each other more often now that we live on the same floor, but in reality we saw each other more when we were living one floor apart.

Today was one of the rare days I get the whole day to myself, and I wasn’t planning on waiting outside Ryeowook’s room until he decides to talk to me with more than 5 words. It’s time to take a different approach on how I can bring back the relationship I used to have with him. Giving up was never an option for me, not when I almost missed my chance with the most beautiful man I know just because I was in denial.

He didn’t have to tell his reasons for avoiding me, I was sure it was because of his parents. That night I picked him up from their house was supposed to mark the beginning of us, but my selfishness made me forget how much Ryeowook loves them and how he can never go behind their backs. I didn’t make him choose sides, however I figured he already knew that it will boil down to eventually choosing one over the other. Back when our relationship was going well, I used to ask him all the time if he has spoken to his parents. He usually dodges the question by changing the topic of the conversation.

Up until now, I have no idea if they have talked ever since that day.

How do you think I felt when I knew they weren’t in good terms all because of me? It was never my intention for their family ties to go down the drain. I’ve thought about talking to Wook’s parents myself, but he would just dismiss my suggestion by telling me that I don’t have to worry about them. He must have felt the burden I was feeling.

“Ryeonggu?” I lightly knocked on his door, cautious as he might still be asleep.

The door to his room opened, leaving only a crack for me to see half of his face. By the looks of it, he’s been up earlier than I am.

“Yes?” He asked back in a flat tone.

I was still startled at how we went from being madly in love to this. He didn’t felt the need to lock his door before since it was already a silent invitation for me to sneak into his bed when I get back late from work. I used to wake up with him wrapped in my arms, with only pieces of clothing separating us from each other. Now, these thick walls are in between us like a barrier that I’ve been wanting to break but he won’t let me.

“Uh, I’m heading out. Do you want anything?” I fidgeted, hoping that he would respond differently when I asked him this question this time around. I always make sure to ask him if he needs anything whenever I leave.

“No, thanks.” He was about to close the door when I mustered the courage to stop it by using my hand.

Surprise and concern momentarily flashed his face but it was soon back to being expressionless when he realized my hand wasn’t hurt.

“What is it?” He was starting to look annoyed.

With just one look, I knew he wasn’t genuinely annoyed with me. He was only trying to put up a front and it made me smile a bit that the Ryeowook I know is still there.

“Manager said you don’t have any schedules tonight. Is it true?” Please do not reject me again.

“Maybe. Why?” He was hesitant to admit it.

“Can we please talk tonight?”

“I’m so-“

“Please, Ryeowook.” I cut him off before he can even decline me again. “I know you’ve turned me down every time I asked and I should get the message but can you please give me a chance tonight? It’s just one night. It’s been almost two months since we had a pretty decent talk.”

Biting his lip, he bent his head down and fiddled with the end of his sweatshirt. He took a long pause, my confidence growing in the duration. Is he finally considering talking?

Taking a deep breath before looking back up at me, it was evident in the creases on his face that we was having a hard time responding to my request.

“Let’s see.” He lightly smiled, or so I think, and proceeded to close the door.

I will hold on to that let’s see.

~~

“Okay, you brat. This must be important. I can’t believe I wasted one of my leaves because of you.” Eunhyuk hyung was faking his annoyance towards me.

“Just admit that you also missed me.” I took a seat across him as I handed him the coffee he wanted. My treat, of course.

“I certainly didn’t miss you annoying me. I thought it would end when I enlist, but here I am.” He took a sip from his drink and was greatly satisfied by it. “This coffee I did miss.”

“Come on, hyung. You know I wouldn’t bother you if it wasn’t important.” He must have noticed the sudden shift in my tone.

“Is everything alright, Kyu?”

“Ryeowook and I-” there’s no easy way of saying it. I can’t believe the words are coming out of my mouth. “- we drifted apart.”

I should have revealed it when he wasn’t drinking from a cup of steaming hot coffee. He choked on his drink and some of the coffee spilled on his hand which made him flinch in pain.

“You should really learn how to say things at the right time.” I handed him a napkin and he took it in a rush. “What do you mean drifted apart? You broke up?”

Is it really considered breaking up if we haven’t made it official yet? Am I holding onto something that was meant to be a temporary source of happiness? This was one of the thoughts keeping me awake at night. What if Ryeowook has finally accepted the fact that this will never work between us and our short time of bliss will just be a beautiful memory he chose not to relive?

“As much as I hate to admit this, but we weren’t even officially together in the first place.” I gave him a smile and a shrug.

“Oh please stop kidding me. I may be in the army but I can still have internet access. You guys look like you want to pounce each other on stage during K.R.Y concerts. He can’t keep his hands from you and the way you look at him is always a giveaway. The both of you looked like lovesick puppies.” His naughty remark made me chuckle, however I still found myself staring at the table between us.

This was another matter I didn’t understand with Ryeowook’s behavior. When we’re alone, he avoids me like I have a disease, but when we’re on stage he grabs every opportunity to touch me. I refuse to consider that as just fan service.

“Well, I guess you can say that. That’s how it felt to me, anyway. I didn’t need to wait to have the label of being his boyfriend. I always thought it will eventually lead there. But look at us now. I’ll be lucky enough if he talks to me in one full sentence.” We were in love, what more do we need?

“His parents know, don’t they?” Eunhyuk hyung’s coffee was abandoned on the side, getting colder by the minute.

“Yes.” I admitted after heaving a deep sig