The next few weeks have been hard. Mostly because unlike with Ilhoon I did not have a clean break with Jongsuk. We didn’t just stop seeing and talking to each other. It was like we kept trying, but then as soon as we’d get in a fight we’d stop talking, one of us would walk out and we wouldn’t see each other for a few days until one of us apologized and then it’d start the cycle all over again. This though, is the first time we’re going on a date again since we broke up.

“Why are you even going?” Sooyoung asks as I get ready for my dinner with Jongsuk. “I mean I thought you guys broke up.” She says in a very tense sort of tone.

I glance to her as I let out a heavy sigh. “Unnie, honestly I still really like him and when we get along it’s like it was before.” I say zipping up my dress. “And while I know this situation is awful and shouldn’t go on, but I don’t want to stop seeing Jongsuk.” I say quietly. I give Sooyoung a sad sort of smile.

Sooyoung simply shakes her head at me. “I think you both should stop this, but if it’s what you want then go ahead. Just remember Dayoung, things can’t go on like this for much longer. I mean you’re up and then you’re down. You’re happy and then suddenly you’re flipping out over the little things.”

“I know.” I whisper as I take a deep breath. I watch as she leaves the room. I finish getting dressed and then head to the restaurant where I’m meeting Jongsuk. Though instead of being excited like I thought I would be, my mind is clouded with what Sooyoung had said. I know that this is pointless, I know that things haven’t really changed. So why am I still trying to make this work? Do I even still feel the same way about Jongsuk?

I glance across the table to Jongsuk, he’s busily texting on his phone and he has been for the last hour. I quickly realize which part of the cycle Jongsuk and I have entered again. Sooyoung’s words ring though my head. “Things can’t keep going on like this.” I whisper as I glance down to my water.

“What?” Jongsuk asks looking up from his phone confused. He finally puts it down and gives me this questioning look. “Sorry, any ways, what were we talking about?”

“Sooyoung is right.” I say leaning back and hating that I’ve wasted time doing this for so long. “We can’t keep doing this. I mean either you trust me and forgive me or you don’t.” I say standing up. “And honestly I’m not seeing us changing what’s going on anytime soon. I’m just going to go. I think you were right. We shouldn’t be seeing each other.” I say walking away.

It was like it all just clicked, there isn’t this sense of fear over losing him, I don’t have regrets, and while I do feel a bit sad, I can’t say that I want to keep that circle going. I’m not sure why I wanted it now that I’m leaving.

I end up at Cube, wandering around the halls for a while. I glance to the pictures of everyone hanging on the walls, we all look so happy, so at home, we all look like we know who we are. I do know who I am, and I know that I haven't been myself lately.  I glance down to my heels and just wander around trying to figure out what I’ve been thinking. Why would I be willing to go in circles for something I know won't end well? For comfort? Pride? Habit? For what?

“You know, this is why you always bump into people.” A very familiar voice says, looking up I see Ilhoon smirking at me. My train of thought is immediately broken. Ilhoon's presence overpowers what I had been thinking about and forces me to focus on the now. On him. “Dayoungie it’s kinda rare to see you here like this.” He says looking down at my clothes and then back to my face.

I glance down at my clothes. “Bad date ended early.” I explain, fidgeting. Suddenly I'm aware that I look rather done up for absolutely no reason. I'm now uncomfortable in my dress, my feet hurt, and I want to put my hair up in a bun. I want to be in my usual clothes, in things that I am comfortable in. “You look rather comfy.” I note seeing him in jeans and just a shirt.

“You don’t.” Ilhoon quips. “You look very not comfy.” He says with a grin on his face.

 “Well you know, being comfy would be nice.” I say as I take a deep breath. Ilhoon looks surprised but nods his head. I smirk at him as I watch him in front of me. To be honest, I'm not sure what it is, but something seems to be different between us. Something isn't what it has been when we write songs or practice the dances with Junhyung or even when we're left alone. Something is different, it isn't awkward, we aren't being weird. It is almost like things are like they used to be.

Ilhoon’s usual smirk makes its way onto his face and he nods for me to follow. “Come on, I have some clothes you can borrow.”

Ilhoon leads me to their practice room, the door swings shut behind me and I wonder why I’m following, I’m wondering what this odd atmosphere is that’s going on between us. I slip my heels off and leave them by the door, walking over to where Ilhoon is I take the shirt and shorts handed to me. I glance up at him and find myself suddenly lost. Ilhoon is looking at me, not just looking but it’s like he’s reading me.

“I’ll wait outside.” He says motioning to the door. Ilhoon doesn’t move though and I just look up at him. Ilhoon lets out a heavy sigh. “I want to do the right thing Dayoung. Stop looking at me like that.” He mutters as he rubs his face.

“I’m looking at you like I always have.” I whisper quietly. I pull his hand away from his face and squeeze it. “Like always.” I whisper feeling something very familiar flutter nervously inside me.

Ilhoon slowly leans down towards me. “We shouldn’t, I mean you’re still…”

I shake my head and press my lips against Ilhoon’s. I drop the clothes and wrap my arms around Ilhoon’s neck. His arms pull me closer, he spins us around and I find that I’m pressed up against a wall. When he finally breaks away from me Ilhoon leaves a trail of kisses down my neck and to my chest, one of his hands have gone under my dress, his fingers gripping my side tightly. Familiar aches and shivers run through my body, I'm bombarded by thoughts of how Ilhoon used to touch me, this is different. This is aggressive, possessive even. I can't say I hate it either or that I don't like it.

I bite my lip trying not to let out a sound, my hands running over his clothes, to his shirt and lifting it up slightly. Ilhoon lets out a growl like sound when my fingers come in contact with his skin. “This isn’t right.” He mutters while still kissing my neck. “Dayoungie.” He says, when his body brushes against me I finally let out my voice. “, I’ve missed that.”

I look up at Ilhoon the both of us breathing a bit heavy. “I think we’ve both missed a few things.” I whisper before I connect our lips again and pull him closer against me.

“Whoa, okay, what?” A voice says rather loudly and sounding extremely flabbergasted. Ilhoon and I pull apart to see Minhyuk standing in the doorway, a bewildered look on his face.

Ilhoon’s arms loosen and I step away from him. “Hyung…” Ilhoon says slowly and looks at me. I pick the clothes that I’d dropped back up, I take Ilhoon’s hand and I lead him across the room silently. I put my shoes on and glance back at Ilhoon. “Hyung, I’ll see you later.” He say following me out. As I lead him down the hall I stop and glance up at him. “Dayoung, what are we doing?”

“I’m running with this.” I say simply as I start to feel a bit bothered by the intense look he’s giving me. “I don’t agree with you. This isn’t wrong.” I say simply. “But if you want to—”

I’m interrupted by Ilhoon leaning down and kissing me again. “I don’t want to stop.”

~~~

I wake up to the very familiar sounds of Ilhoon humming softly. “Since when have you started wearing lace?” He questions me as soon as he realizes I’m awake.

I laugh as I sit up. I glance over at him and smile. “Jinri and Yoora said the best way to get back at you after we broke up was to wear these sorts of things.” I answer honestly.

Ilhoon laughs, he leans back against the wall. “They aren’t wrong, that’s for sure.” He mutters. “You’re not as shy anymore.”

I smile at him as I stand up, heading to my dresser to pick out my and bra. I hear Ilhoon getting up and glancing over into my drawers. “This set, you always look good in this color.” Ilhoon says pulling out a pair of pink lacy .

“Umm, no. I don’t wear them with jeans.” I say laughing as I pull out a different set of pink . “But I can match the color for you.” I say smirking as I pull them on. “Ilhoon, yours are over there.” I say pointing over to a pile of his clothing on the floor. Ilhoon grumbles about how that hasn’t changed. “Well if Sooyoung were to walk in and you’re just standing , you might find yourself dead.” I say casually as I pull on a bra and then trek into my closet trying to find something to wear.

Ilhoon follows behind me, now in a shirt and his boxers. “I always liked this shirt on you.” He suggests pulling on a shirt, though he glances further in, and sees the box of things with his name on it. “Is this the stuff that I gave you?”

“Yeah…” I mumble as I continue to look through my clothes to find something to wear. I don’t mind Ilhoon as he opens the box, while I’m looking though Ilhoon tosses a shirt at me. “Ilhoon, you’re making a mess.”

“I threw one shirt, and it’s the one you should wear.” He says firmly.

Looking down at the floor, between us is the shirt Ilhoon gave me, or more accurately his favorite shirt that he gave me. “One night together doesn’t mean we’re back together.” I say lifting the shirt up off the ground. I stare at it. I’m amazed by how much this shirt still means to me. That it was one of the things I refused to let go of and I still refuse to give it back.

“I want to get back together.” Ilhoon says unfazed by what I’ve said. “I want to be with you again.” Ilhoon repeats stepping closer to me. “You’re not hung up over that guy, you’re not even interested in him anymore.” He says very clearly. “It wouldn’t be so bad to try again would it? I mean I think we proved last night that things aren’t as bad as either one of us thought. That things still feel pretty great together.”

“Getting back together would be messy.” I whisper trying to drop the shirt. “It would be loud, crazy, awkward, and we’d fight.”

Ilhoon chuckles, pulling the shirt out of my hands and pulling it over my head. “We’d talk again, we would tell each other things, and we’d get to see each other again. Besides, what’s wrong with fighting? We always pulled through when we fought.”

I roll my eyes at Ilhoon as I hesitantly put the shirt on all the way. “Does this mean I’ll get to look at all your tattoos more often?” I whisper as my hand finds its way over to Ilhoon’s arm and tugging him closer to me.

Ilhoon’s smirk is still very comforting to me, only this time the familiar feeling that flutters in me seems like it’s always been there, something that I’ve always known. “You can look at them all you want.” He murmurs into my neck, kissing it gently. “Dayoungie this is real right?” He whispers in a sultry tone. His hot breath bothering me in just the right way to let out a small mew. “Do I get to be a bit jealous right now?”

I scoff as I pull away slightly. “What of?” I ask him as I raise a brow at him questioningly.

Ilhoon gives me this dead stare. “It makes me a bit crazy to think that I’m not the only one who’s heard that.” He says seriously.

I shake my head as I lean forward and hide my face in his chest. “Well it’s not like I’ve really slept around.”

“Yeah, but you did with him.” I bite my lip finding this jealous streak of his to be rather adorable. I kiss his chest gently. Looking up at him I find the serious look on his face to be irresistible. Getting on my tippy toes I kiss Ilhoon, he aggressively responds.  When he pulls away I instinctively grab onto his arms. The look on his face looks rather pleased. “You like when I do that.” I simply nod my head.

We both freeze when the door to my room opens. “Dayoungie, are you up?” Sooyoung calls coming in. We both stand frozen, Ilhoon supporting me, and both of us not dressed. Sooyoung reaches the closest in no time and stops. She stares at us for a moment. “Ilhoon.”

“Sooyoung.” He answers, he glances to me and smirks. “So it’s been a while.”

“It has, I was just coming to see if Dayoung wanted to come and get breakfast with me.” She says with a rather intrigued expression on her face. “Why don’t you join us?”

Ilhoon nods his head. “That sounds good, I’m pretty hungry.”

“By the looks of the bed it looks like you both worked up quite the appetite.” She says leaving us behind as he exits the room, only calling back to say. “I’m leaving soon, be dressed in ten.”

What you've guys have been waiting for yes?
I had a lot of fun writing this chapter, while I'm not too wild about the beginning, I needed something?
Anyways I hope you guys are looking forward to what will follow!!
Until next time my ducks!