I’m not sure which was more shocking, seeing her smiling and joking with someone new or the way he looked at her, the admiration clearly on his face. Though, both hurt. It’s how she smiled at me and how I looked at Dayoung. I hadn’t imagined seeing her happy would hurt me, but at the same time relieve me. There are a lot of things I hadn’t considered I guess.

“You know, it is your fault.” Sungjae says unsympathetically as I watch Dayoung having what I’m assuming is a date here. “Ilhoon, you’re the one who broke up with her.” He says again. I know that he’s trying to get me to stop staring, but when she smiles I always end up watching her. It’s been like this for years.

Tearing my gaze away I watch Sungjae carefully. “I know, I know.” I mutter dryly. I am completely aware that I don’t have anyone to blame but myself. Today when we bumped into each other was the first time we’ve talked since I broke up with Dayoung. While it was good to see her, it was awkward and she was not alone.

“So it’s true.” Peniel says sitting with us, I glance at him to see his sight in Dayoung and that guy’s direction. “I wonder if that’s the guy—”

“Obviously it is.” I say sighing heavily and cutting him off. I’m fighting the bad mood I’ve been in since I bumped into them at Cube and seeing her here again with Lee Jongsuk.

Peniel gives me a slightly understanding look. “No, I talked to Dayoung last month about her dating again. I wonder if that’s the guy she was going on a date with that night. She told me a few days later that it was going rather well with seeing this guy. But she never really talked about him again.” He explains. “They look pretty comfortable with each other.”

“Yeah, there is no way she’s not going to fall for him.” I hear Melody buzz excitedly as she walks behind our table. I glance to see her talking with Hyuna rather happily. “He’s totally into her.” I silently curse Sungjae’s choice of places to eat.

“I’m just happy to see her smiling again.” Hyuna says gently. It’s a sentiment that I do agree with completely. It’s good to see her smiling again and to mean it. “Oh, we need to derail Junhyung.” She says jumping slightly as she has probably just seen Junhyung. As I turn back around I see said guy walking in and looking rather pissed.

I watch as Melody and Hyuna both redirect Junhyung. “I’m not sure I’ve ever seen something so impressive.” Sungjae says, obviously having watched the same thing I had, Peniel on the other hand waves. “He looks pretty livid though.”

I glance to see him waving to Dayoung who nods him over. “I’ll be back.” He says cheerfully going over to greet her.

“You really can’t be that mad.” Sungjae says dismissively. “After all she can’t see you from where she is. Dayoung probably would have pretended not to see Peniel otherwise.”

“Yeah I know.” I say as I unclench my fists. “You still have the worst timing for where we eat.” I say in a clipped tone as I look back at the menu. It was just after Dayoung and I broke up that I saw her and Junhyung eating together. Junhyung dragged Dayoung out soon after looking back at me rather angrily.

I glance over to Dayoung, she’s smiling and laughing, she looks really happy.

“So remind me what happened that made you think it’d be a better idea to break up with her?” Sungjae asks, I glance to him and I realize I was probably staring at her again for too long. “You obviously still love her. I mean you look like you’re melting every time she smiles.”

I sigh and shake my head. “You either break up or get married.” I say quietly. “I thought I didn’t want to get married, but you know, now it sounds pretty nice.” I say regretting the choice I’d made five months ago. “Though, I’m happy that she’s smiling again.” I say as my eyes drift back to her.

Peniel comes back shortly and glances to me as I advert my gaze back to the menu. “She’s happy.”

“I’m happy that she is.” I reply back softly. “I want Dayoung to be happy. It’s all I’ve ever wanted for her.” I say as I take a deep breath. I can feel Sungjae and Peniel both watching me.

“You really are an idiot.” Sungjae says finally, I simply nod my head. “But you do love her.” He adds kindly. “Anyways, I’m pretty hungry, so hurry up and pick something to eat.” He says completely dropping the subject and moving on.

~~~

I glance at Junhyung warily. “Sunbae, is everything alright?” I ask hesitantly. I glance to the others who are leaving me behind in the practice room to head back to the dorm. I silently curse them.

“I’ll give you a ride back, I just need to talk to you.” Junhyung says seriously as he motions for me to follow him. Cautiously I follow behind, Junhyung leads me to his studio room. “It’s been a while now, how are you doing?” Junhyung asks seriously.

I’m shocked to say the least when he asks this. “I’m okay?” I say in a questioning sort of tone. I’ve mostly accepted a lot of things that have happened and gotten over them more or less. At least I’m trying to accept it all. “Can I ask what’s brought this up?” I ask feeling rather confused.

Junhyung sighs again and rests on his couch watching me. “Julia might have mentioned to me that I was a bit harsh on you when you and Dayoung broke up, she then may or may not have pointed out that you seem to still be watching out for Dayoung.” Junhyung says carefully.

I nod my head unable to really say anything. I mean what do I say? I can’t exactly tell him I’m still in love with his sister and it was an awful mistake I made when I broke up with her. “I’m not going to do anything to make Dayoung unhappy, not again.” I say feeling guilty over this still. Though it has lessen a great deal. “And to be honest I can’t really blame you for hating me. I made Dayoung miserable. I’m sorry about that Sunbae.”

“You don’t have to be so formal.” Junhyung says sympathetically. “I should have checked on you sooner, I’m sorry about that Ilhoon.”

I shake my head and nod my head. “I’m going on a date tomorrow.” I say sort of hating that I’m telling Junhyung, and kinda hating the idea of a date with someone that isn’t her.

He smiles at me as he stands. “I’ll treat you to dinner.” He says leading me out. “I’m happy that you’re moving on too. Ilhoon you should get to be happy too.”

I smile at Junhyung. “Hyung, thank you.”

~~~

I blink slightly unsure if I’m seeing what is actually in front of me. “I can’t keep this at my apartment anymore.” Junhyung says flatly as he sets the rabbit that I’d bought Dayoung in Spain. I feel my stomach drop seeing it. “She gave it to me right after you guys broke up and told me not to get rid of it. Dayoung demanded I take good care of it, treat it as an extension of her.” The last bit he rolls his eyes.

“Right,” I say staring at the rabbit sort of nervously. “Then you’ve had it for like a year now.”

“Exactly.” Junhyung says seriously. “Dayoung won’t take it back, well that’s not true. I don’t want to give it back to her.”

“I understand.” I say staring at Doki. Walking over I pick the bunny up feeling like I’d just been punched.

Junhyung sighs. “I can hold on to it a bit longer if you can’t take it back either.” He says gently again. “I realize now that you might be a bit sensitive to this too.”

“No, it’s okay hyung.” I say holding the rabbit firmly in my hands. “You don’t need to hold on to it.” I say as I head back into my room and set it down safely on my bed. When I come back out Junhyung is staring at me sort of funny. “Hyung?”

“Nothing just sorry about dropping by so early on your day off.” He says standing up. “Get dressed, we’re going to get lunch.” Junhyung says nodding for me to go back.

At lunch Junhyung is sort of just playing with his food, which I find kind of amusing. He has never struck me as the type to play with his food as a means to avoid talking. “I can’t complain to the guys about Jongsuk.” He says finally looking at me now. “They all like him or tell me I’m being over protective.”

“And so you’re going to complain about Dayoung’s new boyfriend to her ex-boyfriend?” I ask frowning. Today has turned out extremely odd. I’m not exactly sure what the cause is, but I’d rather not hear about Dayoung’s relationship.

“If you don’t want to listen you don’t have to.” Junhyung says seriously. “I don’t want to do it to annoy or torture you.”

“No, go ahead.” I say understanding his need to vent. Besides, even if I might not want to hear about it, I still kind of do. “After all I’m sure you ranted about me a great deal to everyone.” I say smirking.

Junhyung grins at me. “He’s set up a family dinner for her, it’s in a couple more weeks.” He says not so smiley anymore. I frown. “I know, it’s not to celebrate her birthday so much really, just to have a dinner with everyone and he asked me to help so I did.” Junhyung says acknowledging how odd the dinner and the timing are. “He’s nice to her and really great, but I just, I can’t like him and Dayoung together. Even if I do like them together.”

I wait to see if Junhyung will continue to talk, when he doesn’t I let out a sigh. “I bet it’s partly the age difference, and that this could turn out a lot more serious than Dayoung and I were.” I say quietly. “You sound like you like him a bit more than you think you do to be honest.” This hurts a lot. Junhyung sounds like he is coming around to the idea of Jongsuk and Dayoung. It’d taken me what felt like years to get him to just be okay with me being friends with her.

“I don’t want to like him and her though.” Junhyung says rather seriously. “And the age thing is an issue to me, but she’s happy. I just can’t tell though sometimes. It’s like Dayoung is okay, but then she’ll get these days where she’ll just close off and not say a word. She’s pretty tight lipped about their relationship with me too.”

“Did she tell you about ours?” I ask finding this information not entirely surprising. I’ve seen Dayoung come in on her own to Cube and just write or dance for a few hours. She’s trying to cope with something, what it is I have no idea.

Junhyung lets out a heavy sigh. “I think she omitted information, but she was fairly candid about you two.” I glance away feeling awkward sitting here now. “I don’t hate you.”

“I’m glad.” I say honestly as I look back over at Junhyung. “She might just be a bit more guarded with the information this time around. I mean I don’t really know her all that well anymore, not who she is now. It’s not exactly like we’re talking anymore.”

Junhyung shakes his head. “I think you knew her better than even I did when you two were together.” Junhyung admits. “That’s why I really hated you two dating, why I was so angry with you for breaking her heart. Ilhoon she’s never going to forget you.” Junhyung pauses before continuing. “She opened up to you faster than she has ever with anyone, she confronted more of her demons, and she even became more comfortable with others. You changed a lot of things for her.”

“I’m never going to forget her.” I reply simply. I look down at my food realizing how hungry I am suddenly. “She changed everything for me too.” I say quietly.

“How’s dating?” Junhyung asks unabashed as he changes the subject, but at the same time not. I’m sure he’s put it together that I’m not over Dayoung, that it was a mistake on my part. Junhyung is pretty keen when it comes to things that involve his sister.

I shake my head letting out a heavy sigh. “It didn’t work out. I guess I’m not really all that interested in dating right now.” I say with a shrug. “Peniel says all in good time.”

Junhyung chuckles. “I think he’s not wrong.” He pauses looking at me rather seriously before speaking, something not unusual, but I know he’s about to say something that’ll stay with me. “You know, it’s okay to still love her. It’s not wrong and you really will feel better about it all one day. I know it sounds like one of those things people just say, but it’s one of those things that is true.”

For the rest of the lunch my head isn’t where I’ve been for the last few months. I feel kind of lacking again. Instead of staying at the dorm I ask Junhyung to drop me off at Cube, I have some songs I’d like to work on.

I end up spending the rest of the day writing songs, all of them one way or another about Dayoung. I guess I ended up not getting over her like I thought. I’m not so okay with her dating again, falling in love, but I am at the same time, and it confuses me. Regardless I end up ending back to the dorm late and even then still thinking of lyrics for songs.

A chapter of his POV.
I've kind of developed his relationship with Junhyung and I find that
it's pretty cute.

(Extra update cause it's my birthday~!
I'll probably be posting another one later today as well!)