Hiya ^^

This chapter is kind of depicting the development of the unhealthy relationship between Taekbin. The subsequent chapters contain a tiny bit of violence so I will do my best to make it less painful to read. >.<

This fic is >90% done but editing would take time. My apologies! 

><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><

Stumbling into his room and flooring the thin messy bedding lining the centre, an obviously inebriated man hit the floor so hard his parents ended up running in to check on him.

“I’m aalright eommmma!” Slurring as he rolls onto his side, the man’s mother does not miss the tears wetting his handsome face. He is not feeling fine and that is one thing everyone around him can tell.

“Wonshik ah... there is something in the mail for you...” her son’s forehead and running her fingers through his hair, the middle aged lady signalled for her husband to bring the letter they had received from the army. They do not know what he is going through simply because he hadn't told anyone. His behaviour is simply branded mind boggling and they attribute it to some post traumatic stress disorder.

Apparently, a mysterious messenger had delivered a handwritten letter addressed to Ravi, to the army. The soldiers had kindly diverted the letter to Wonshik’s residence since he is no longer turning up for work. Losing Hongbin had ripped him apart. He had lost all mirth, all the passion he had for protecting life.

Helping the man up as he becomes increasingly alert, the man dislodged himself from his mother’s arms and sat with his face buried in his hands. He loves his friend dearly and nothing is the same ever since he is gone. Holding the letter his mother had just handed him, his heart ached insidiously upon spotting the familiar handwriting.

To read or not to read? He cannot decide, yet he already knows what is written inside. Hongbin would tell him that he is fine. Hongbin would reassure him that nothing is wrong.

Lies. Hongbin is not fine. He never will be but there is nothing Wonshik can do about it. Had Taekwoon forced him to write this letter so that he could hide his sins? Wonshik could charge him for war crimes but no court would do it.

“Ravi yah...

   Please be well. I’m fine. Please don’t tell my family anything. I will be fine.”

Reading the short note with shaking fingers, Wonshik crushed it and threw the ball against the wall. Then, raging on, the man picked it up again and shredded it to bits. Yelling and swearing at the top of his lungs while he does.

“JUNG TAEKWOON I WILL SKIN YOU ALIVE WHEN I FIND YOU!!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Meanwhile...

It’s been more than a week since he was brought to this godforsaken place with the man he supposedly hated the most. Depression is nearly setting in as he tries not to think about his family, and his friend whom he is sure is suffering right now. He feels bad for Wonshik. Especially so since he is not exactly being treated cruelly.

He had written many letters to his friend, of which most are kept in the nearby drawer by Taekwoon. As far as he is concerned, he wasn’t being particularly pleasant with his words. He hadn’t been vulgar but he wouldn’t suggest for Taekwoon to read them.

Watching Hongbin pen down his thoughts furiously, Taekwoon leant against the door frame. He simply stood there till the latter is done before proceeding to release him for his daily walk. Hongbin obviously appreciated his freedom more than anything else in the world so Taekwoon had made it a point to come home earlier everyday so that he may have more time away from his shackles.

Backing out of the room cautiously once Taekwoon was done releasing him, Hongbin bounced around the corridor excitedly. He had a few things he is dying to do in his mind and he cannot wait to proceed.

Packing up the thrash, washing the plates and dusting down the house like a determined domestic helper, Hongbin simply could not stand the mess. Taekwoon is obviously inept at caring for his own residence and Hongbin cannot stop the itch in his fingers from wanting to clean up. He had noticed how Taekwoon would come into his room with meals served on various different plates and he finds it disturbing. Anyhow, the act of tidying up the house was therapeutic and distracted him enough to forget all those negativity.

Finally lugging the pile of soiled clothings lying dormant in the corner, Hongbin filled a tub with water and threw everything in. Rolling up his flimsy pyjamas pants and sleeves, Hongbin hopped in and worked his way around the interior. Stomping the sheets with all his might.

Rinsing and repeating till he is finally satisfied, the young man managed to set up a few poles and hung the sheets out to dry. The pre-evening sun was still going strong and Hongbin could not resist the temptation to bask in it.

Taekwoon who had been following him around like a ghost finally stopped as well. Eyes following Hongbin as the latter gazes into the horizon with a forlorn look on his face.

“Dear Halmeoni,

   Are you well? I’m doing fine. Wonshik must have been really nice to you right? He is the best. He promised me he would take care of you while I take some time off to clear my head.

The war have made me really glum but I am happy where I am now. Don’t worry about me. I will be by your side again as soon as I can.

Love,

Hongbin.”

Reading the letter he would eventually mail on Hongbin’s behalf, Taekwoon found it so filled with fake hype and glee that it hurt.

Taekwoon simply cannot dull out the pain in his heart whenever he watches a despondent Hongbin. The latter then started to cry and is currently rubbing at his face furiously. Hongbin had never shown Taekwoon that side of him. Always covering his face with something despite his shuddering shoulders. He would often cry at night too. That Taekwoon is aware of, evident with the red swollen eyes that met his nearly every morning.

Stalking over stealthily, Taekwoon had the initial intention to comfort Hongbin but his mind is a complete blank. The latter’s face is buried in his knee caps as he rock himself back and forth. Taekwoon ended up grabbing him by the shoulder a little too roughly, causing him to recoil.

Hauling him to his feet, Taekwoon dragged the latter back to his room. Hongbin was terrified and struggling to pry his hands off at first but gave up when Taekwoon cast him the death stare. Pulling out his own shirt and pants from his cupboard, together with a thick coat, Taekwoon motioned for him to change into the outfit he had chosen.

Then, as soon as Hongbin is done changing out of the soaked unsightly pyjamas, Taekwoon is on one knee, folding the overly long pants to shorten it. Adjusting the collar of the coat and taking a long look at the doe eyed beauty. The man then cuffed their hands together and led him out of the house.

This would be Hongbin’s first trip outside and Taekwoon wanted badly for it to leave a good impression. He only needed Hongbin to be physically present before. Now, he needed Hongbin to be happy. He is craving to see Hongbin smile. Most of all, he is dying to hear Hongbin speak. Those notes and occasional scoffing at the mess he had made of his own house is not sufficient. He badly needed Hongbin to feel at home.

He knows that is too much to ask for but what he wants he gets.

Trying to pace his steps according to the latter’s, Taekwoon brought Hongbin up to the hills just behind his house. He used to hike there when he was young. The view of the sun setting is the best over there. It eventually dawned on him that Hongbin would be the first person that he would share the view with.

His parents were always out. He had spent a majority of his childhood alone. Which would account for his lone wolf character, and more importantly, explain why he so badly wanted Hongbin by his side. He hated being alone. Never revealed to anyone how much he resented the lonely feeling, but he never want to experience it again.

Being in the army guaranteed him many companions. However, he really only needed one person. No matter the number, none of them could alleviate his feeling of isolation. It definitely did not help that he was notoriously cruel. Perhaps evil runs in the blood since his parents were not known to be particularly kind and nurturing in anyways.

In a nutshell, he hardly wanted to expose Hongbin to this wretched loneliness he had experienced all his life. Yet he is doing the exact opposite. He is still bitter about how attached Wonshik is to Hongbin and vice versa. He was upset that Hongbin had his parents and grandmother waiting for his return. All this simply meant that Hongbin could never really belong to him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Noticing Hongbin's dimpled smile on witnessing the majestic sight of the round blazing orange fireball gradually descending, Taekwoon reached over subconsciously to sweep the longish fringe off his glowing face. Hongbin is exquisite. Even more magnificent than the sun and universe combined.

Enthralled, the man slid his fingers downwards till they are resting on Hongbin’s cool cheeks. Hongbin does not flinch but Taekwoon could tell that he is holding his breath in trepidation. “Scared? Of me?” The man asked in the lowest pitch his airy voice could go.

Hongbin shook and nodded his head at the same time. Then turning his head to look the other way, the young man quickly shied away from Taekwoon's fingers. A little displeased, the taller man jerked him backward by the handcuff till the latter’s back is practically pressed against his torso.

Resting a hand on Hongbin’s crown while the other works its way to rest beneath his jaw, Taekwoon leaned in from behind and whispered into his ear. “I’m sorry.”

With that, Taekwoon’s hands are by his side again. Hongbin swore he felt his heart take a huge leap into the forgiveness zone. It was never difficult for him to forgive his perpetrators to begin with. Taekwoon had only treated him badly because of their circumstance. The man was forced to be cruel. He had only done what was required of him to extract the necessary information. Hongbin played around with those thoughts often.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Dear Mr Kidnapper,

    I would like to see the sunset again today...”

Reading the note that Hongbin had written him the following morning. Taekwoon relished the fact that he had finally done something that Hongbin liked. Bringing Hongbin to watch the sunset was an impromptu idea but he is glad that Hongbin enjoyed it either ways.

Eating breakfast in silence again, Taekwoon stuck a finger out to wipe a particle of food remnant off Hongbin’s mouth and the latter allowed him to. He is a small eater and Taekwoon already knows the exact portion required to make him full. Rubbing his tummy unabashedly as soon as he is done, Taekwoon ended up reaching over to poke at the latter’s abdomen playfully earning a cute tiny squeal.

“I will be back a little late today.” The quiet man spoke solemnly in response to Hongbin's earlier request and the young man pouted.

Once they are finally done with breakfast and headed back to the latter’s room for lock up once again, Hongbin refused to enter. Standing outside stubbornly with eyes fixated on the floor, Taekwoon had to weigh his options. Hongbin had always been hard to handle when he is throwing a tantrum but not locking him up would be hazardous.

He was never really able to tell what's going through Hongbin’s mind. It scared him just to think about the things that can happen when he is not around. So, pulling Hongbin by his hand and attempting to lead him in, Taekwoon is as insistent as always. Hongbin reacted by dropping to the ground and curling up in defiance. Hugging the back of his thighs with the most adorable look of displeasure on his face.

“You tried to kill yourself.” Taekwoon mumbled a little impatiently and Hongbin looked away with tightly sealed lips.

“If you promise not to hurt yourself then I won't chain you up.” Taekwoon sighed after a long moment. He never gives in. Ever. This would be the first.

Hongbin’s eyes lit up in an instance and he spoke at last. “I promise!”

Taekwoon’s heart fluttered uncomfortably at their almost conversation and he had to stabilise his emotions by leaving. He cannot stand being around Hongbin at the moment, not in a bad sense. He just cannot deal with a talking Hongbin. Maybe he should stick to writing since Hongbin’s voice does things to him.

Watching the latter head for the small garden outside, Taekwoon followed. He had developed a really unhealthy habit of tailing Hongbin but the latter did not seem to mind the least bit. The active young man would not be domesticated indoors. Taekwoon made a mental note to himself that he would need to include more outdoor activities. Deciding that he would take a day off instead, Taekwoon returned to his room and continued to peek at Hongbin from his window. The latter is all over the place. T the dried up plants in the garden. Then cleaning and shifting his furniture. It’s a form of distraction that Hongbin really needed.

Before Taekwoon knows it, it was time for dinner and Hongbin is parked by the kitchen like a puppy waiting to be fed. The man would have otherwise laughed at the sight but since Hongbin had been nothing but productive for the whole day, he decided he would spare him the wait.

Handing Hongbin the small towel to wipe off his sweat, Taekwoon continued to prepare his ingredients while Hongbin buzzed around him. He loved their current state. No matter how silent they are around one another, Hongbin is finally willing to approach him on his own accord. It has been one hell of a road to redemption.

Then, for the first time, Taekwoon allowed Hongbin to wash up without supervision. Nevertheless, his kitchen cabinets have to be dead bolted lest Hongbin tries anything funny again. Especially the cupboards storing his knives. Hongbin may appear livelier now but that does not mean anything. Taekwoon is not born a trusting person and he definitely cannot take matters pertaining to Hongbin lightly.

When it was his turn, Taekwoon could not bath in peace. Opting to clean up quickly instead of taking his time, Taekwoon rushed out of the bathroom to spot Hongbin lying prone and motionless of his bed. Paranoia sets in pretty quickly and a hysterical Taekwoon is by his side searching for signs of life.

Heaving a huge sigh of relief to find that Hongbin is just sleeping off the exhausting day of chores, Taekwoon slumped down beside him equally drained. Hongbin makes him incredibly tired.  He had never been so weary in his life. Not after two days of intensive training without sleep. Not even after a week of stake out with minimum hours of rest in the jungle. He was resilient and very durable.

Taekwoon quickly realises that he had used up too much of his energy worrying about Hongbin and that is unhealthy. He knows it. Yet his obsession is not letting him off. Both of them are suffering because of his crazy attachment issues but he wouldn’t cave even if everyone around them would be hurt as a result. What is the quality that Hongbin possesses that keeps him panting for more?

“I don’t want to do this to you either... but I’m crazy for you so I can’t let you go.” Whispering into the young man’s ear as the latter snoozes quietly, Taekwoon used his own towel to dry the still damp mop of brownish black hair.

“Can I keep you?” Tucking a piece of Hongbin’s hair behind his ear, Taekwoon asked while shifting Hongbin into a more comfortable position.

“Don’t think about anyone else but me. Please...” Leaning in to press his lips to Hongbin’s ear, Taekwoon did not notice how tightly he was gripping onto the other’s biceps.

Hongbin was awakened by the incessant squeezing and heard Taekwoon's wallowing loud and clear. The unusual feeling of commiseration and obligation to stay is confusing him. He is supposed to hold Taekwoon in contempt. Yet he is experience a whole of empathy at the moment.