Purple Friend and other friend

 

It has always been Joohyun’s ballpark but that doesn’t mean the green monster doesn’t visit Son Seungwan from time to time and trust me when it does, its not very pretty. Seungwan tends to hide what she feels because she doesn’t want to burden people with her internal conflict and she constantly reminds herself that at the end of the day, it’s in her arms that Joohyun would fall asleep to. But there are way too many things happnening lately that she feels like her head will explode.

 

She has a schedule on the same day of Joohyun’s birthday party so she won’t be able to attend albeit she wanted to. So after her schedule, she rushes back to the dorm to bake her girlfriend a cake because they won’t have time to celebrate alone anyway so why not celebrate it a little early right? Seulgi and Yerim was eager to help and her mood is brightened up ten folds. They were all lounging on the living room after putting the batter in the oven, Seulgi and Seungwan going through the multiple DVDs they have and trying to decide what movie to watch for tonight when Joohyun comes home whilst Yerim busies herself with her cellphone.

 

“OMG!” Yerim squealed making her two unnies jumped out of reflex.

 

“What the hell?!” Seulgi narrows her eyes at the younger girl which Yerim just replied with an awkward grin and a mutter of sorry. Seulgi knowing Yerim for years now and saying she practically raised the younger girl knows that there is something.

 

“What is it?” Seungwan asked when the dead silence becoming to apparent after that mini scandalous scream the maknae so ungracefully produce.

 

“Sorry. I just remembered that Rie unnie and I supppsed to have dinner today.” Yerim tries to explain herself.

 

“I kind of promised I’d hangout with her before we fly all over the world.” Yerim says and grinned because really she needs to meet up with her friends because she’ll be gone for a week or two with or without wifi.

 

“I might sleepover too. Umm, Seulgi unnie can you help me pack?” Yerim explains further as if she’s trying to get out of a situation. Seungwan looks at her confused.

 

“Sure. Umm, Wan you good with the cake?” Seulgi asked already standing up to help whatever Yerim needs help for.

 

“Sure.”

 

“Okay.”

 

Seungwan watches the two bicker quietly while they head to the room Yerim shares with Sooyoung. She watches them with a smile as she heads to the kitchen to check on the cake.

 

When Yerim finally closes the door to her room, Seulgi suddenly jumps at her.

 

“I know you Kim Yerim! What did you see?” Seulgi interrogates.

 

“I won’t be here tonight so I’m telling you.” Yerim sighs and Seulgi eagerly nods, hanging to every word Yeri says.

 

“Joohyun unnie mentioned the reason why she likes purple in her birthday party.” Yerim sighs again and shakes her head.

 

“So?” Seulgi asks as if it’s a big deal.

 

“Let me repeat myself. The reason why she likes purple.” Yerim rolls her eyes as she waits for Seulgi to finally understand what she said.

 

“Oh.”

 

“!” Seulgi’s jaw almost hit the floor when it hits her.

 

“NO!! Why would she—Oh My God! Does Seungwan know?” Seulgi asked Yerim.

 

“I don’t even think she knows why Joohyun likes purple. I think she thinks that its just one petty reason and not this enormous.” Yerim sighs again and if this continues she might age faster.

 

“Do we tell her?’ Seulgi asks already thinking the what good it will bring if they tell Seungwan.

 

“But I think its best for Joohyun to do so right?” Seulgi asks again which Yerim agrees with a nod.

 

“! But we need to tell Joohyun unnie right?” Seulgi asked again.

 

“Yeah I think a heads up to Joohyun unnie would be nice.” Yerim agrees already typing a message to Joohyun when a knock on the door was heard then enters a somewhat sad and upset Seungwan.

 

“So this is why she never tells me why she likes purple the most ha?” Seungwan says holding tightly on her phone. Yerim swears she never sees the saddest smile in her life, its like the actual sun decided not to shine bright anymore.

 

“I’m heading out. Yerim, text me once you’re with Rie unnie already okay?” Seungwan said and hugs Yerim.

 

“See you later Seul.” She smiles at her bestfriend.

 

“Where are you going?” Seulgi asked because Seungwan haven’t even left but she’s already deadass worried.

 

“We don’t have purple candles for the cake.” Seungwan answered without even looking at them.

 

***

 

Its been exactly two hours and 37 minutes when Seungwan left to get the candles and 49 minutes since Joohyun arrived. Seulgi’s pacing back and forth and Joohyun is getting annoyed already because Seungwan’s not answering her phone and Seulgi’s pacing is making her dizzy.

 

“Can you please sit down?” Joohyun raised her eyebrow at Seulgi.

 

“She should be here by now. What’s taking her so long?” Joohyun asked Seulgi again. Because when Joohyun came home, she looked for Seungwan but she came home with Seulgi almost jumping at her as she thought she was Seungwan, and Seulgi looked disappointed when it wasn’t. And when she heads to get water, she sees the carrot cake on the table.

 

“I don’t know.” Seulgi answered as she finally plops herself on the couch. She checks her phone again and sees a message from Seungwan. She sighs in relief.

 

“Oh Seungwan just texted me. She’s already downstairs.” Seulgi asked and smiles brightly as if a few seconds away she looks like a withering flower with how worried she is.

 

“So she’s texting you and not me?” Joohyun asked and already getting mad.

 

“I don’t think you have the right to get mad right now.” Seulgi challenges.

 

“And why?” Joohyun raised her eyebrows again.

 

“Because your girlfriend baked you a cake for your birthday while you tell the world what purple truly means to you. And by they way, you never told your girlfriend why you like the damn color in the first place.” Seulgi scoffs and heads to her room.

 

“I’m going to nap. But I’ll be in my sense at all times so if I hear Seungwan sniffing when she enters that room. Even when I love you with all my heart unnie, you are going to hear it from me, from Yerim and from Sooyoung!” She further says as she shakes her head at Joohyun.

 

“” That’s the only thing that came out of Joohyun’s mouth.

 

“Yeah. .” Seulgi agrees with an eyebrow still raised at her unnie.

 

***

 

It wasn’t long after Seulgi retires to her room, that Seungwan returns from her trip to the store. She quietly removes her shoes and puts in on the rack and she can’t help but break into a smile when she sees Joohyun standing in front of her.

 

“Sorry. This was so hard to find.” Seungwan says as she shakes the purple flowers on her hand. She moves closer to where Joohyun was standing and gives the flowers to her.

 

“What are these?” Joohyun asks, her heart melting more as she knows Seungwan might have been upset but here she is being the best girlfriend in the world.

 

“Dahlias and lilacs.” Seungwan says and pulls Joohyun for a hug.

 

“It means commitment, a bond that lasts forever and first love.” Seungwan says so quietly which makes Joohyun swoon so much more.

 

“I love you, you know that right?” Seungwan says again and before Joohyun can say the same words to her, Seungwan connects her lips to her. Kissing her as if she hasn’t kissed her before.

 

“Come. We bake a cake for you.” Seungwan says leaving as if she didn’t just kissed Joohyun like that.

 

“What the hell just happened?” Joohyun knows they should talk about it or it will forever be buried. She followed Seungwan to the kitchen and sat on the chair while Seungwan finds the utensils they need in the cupboards.

 

“Wan.” Joohyun says and automatically Seungwan’s attention is on her.

 

“About purple.” Joohyun said and Joohyun’s swears the smile on Seungwan face flatters but the younger girl still wals closer to where Joohyun was sitting.

 

“Don’t worry about it.” Seungwan says and gives Joohyun’s lips a peck.

 

“It’s nothing. Just let me call Seul so we can start to feast on the cake.” She said and offers Joohyun another smile.

 

The sat on the table quietly and awkwardly that Seulgi can’t pinpoint if they are eating the cake with their mouths or if its going through their nose. She was about to say something to loosen the tension but Seungwan beat her to it.

 

“How was the party?” Seungwan asked not looking at anyone and nonchalantly continues to nibble on her cake. Then Seulgi realized that the slightly younger girl only had a bite or two of her piece.

 

Joohyun looked at her, really looked at her as she knows she treading in a thin ice here. She wants to talk to Seungwan privately but if having an audience will help her to talk about some things, guess she doesn’t have any reason to frown about it.

 

“It was really fun. Jennie even called.” She grinned at the thought of her small presentation getting interrupted because of Jennie calling her. She mentally note that she promised the younger to facetime her. She continues to animatedly talked about it and totally missed the frown that deepens on her girlfriend’s face. Seulgi winces because she notices and sighs when she saw Seungwan throw her a small smile as if to say its okay. She shakes her head and continues to listen to her Joohyun unnie while looking out for Seungwan.

 

“I got this.” Seungwan stood up the soonest they finished eating, looking at Joohyun with the softest smile. Seulgi shakes her head again because she can’t believe how good her bestfriend is at hiding what she truly feels and maybe at how she’s going to be the first one to speak up for Seungwan (again) if this continues.

 

“I’ll help you, Wan.” Seulgi says before Joohyun can volunteer. She will try to convince Wendy to talk to Joohyun and if it doesn’t work she’ll talk to Joohyun herself.

 

“Go take a rest. I’ll be right behind you.” Seungwan says to Joohyun and kisses her in the cheek. Seulgi watches and want to smack these two idiots in front of her.

 

Joohyun retires shortly to her room and all you can hear is the water running from the faucet and the song Seungwan silently humming too.

 

“Whatever song that is, you need to tell me what it is. It sounds beautiful.” Seulgi points out while grinning at her bestfriend.

 

“You don’t need to cheer me up, Seul. I’m totally fine.” Seungwan reassures her friend which the other doesn’t believe.

 

“I know you long enough to know that you’re lying.” Seulgi says as she dries her hand on the towel.

 

“I mean you’d probably say that its nothing and maybe it is because you trust her. You know she loves you more than anything and that’s what you’re holding into. And that’s really great. But its also healthy to be jealous from time to time. Joohyun unnie feels that too.” Seulgi says in one breath. She doesn’t even know why she’s holding it.

 

“You’re definitely jealous, Wan. Cause you know you walked out when you realized what purple actually means and I saw that frown when she mentioned Jennie.” Seulgi smirked trying to lighten the mood which to Wendy laughs at.

 

“I can never hide anything from you ha?” Wendy surrenders and she looks so tired that Seulgi wants to hug her and hold her until she falls asleep but she knows there’s another person who would do the same and more for Wendy.

 

“I wasn’t even jealous over what purple means to be honest. It just that she never really wants me to meet this certain friend of hers. And everytime this friend is brought to a conversation she dodges it. And my brain might be weird for thinking that she still likes this person? And then Jennie comes to the picture too. And all I can think about is how am I suppose to compete with that?” Seungwan said frustration laces every single word. She’s getting mad over the fact that it sound stupid saying it out loud and getting mad because it kind of make sense in her mind. She shakes her head and ruffles her bangs and silently murmurs, “stupid bangs.”

 

Then her internal struggle was disturbed when Seulgi giggles. “You’re so cute.” Was the only thing that Seulgi can come up with which resulted to Seungwan narrowing her eyes at her.

 

“Seriously, I was hoping something more helpful.” Seungwan rolls her eyes at her and was about to contemplate the words she just said.

 

“Sorry I was just stating facts. You were doing this really weird faces and they are all so cute. I can’t help it.” Seulgi grins as she pokes Seungwan cheeks to stop her from further pouting.

 

“Okay.” Seulgi begins to say after she finally stops giggling.

 

“She doesn’t mention purple friend that much because she never really told you why purple friend is purple friend. And of course she should have but maybe...just maybe she doesn’t know how to. That’s like telling your girlfriend how many you dated before her and that’s never really romantic.” Seulgi points out to which Seungwan eagerly nods to. They had an exes topic before and god it didn’t end well (it did actually and involves locked rooms, messy hair, scratches and bite marks).

 

“And Jennie. You do know she’s same aged with Sooyoung, right?” Seulgi raises an eyebrow as she asked the question.

 

“So?” Seungwan raises an eyebrow as well as kf to challenge her friend.

 

“She’s same aged with younger Bae too.” Seulgi said and was so close to smacking Seungwan’s head too.

 

Truthfully, Seungwan forgot Jennie is ‘96er because all she can think about is how pretty the younger girl is. What happened in 1996 for all the kids to be born so godly pretty, Park Sooyoung (Seungwan’s favorite, just don’t tell Joohyun), Oh Hayoung, Chungha, Sejeong ( the tru god) and Jennie. Jennie reminds Joohyun of her younger sister that’s why she dotes on her like the way she dotes on Sooyoung but Seungwan fails to notice is how beautiful they are together (gay).

 

“Honestly, you don’t have to compete with anyone you have her full attention like how she have yours.” Seulgi smirks as if she knows something Seungwan doesn’t know.

 

“Now, stop moping around and talk to her. I’ll finish the dishes for your .” Seulgi says as she shoo her bestfriend away.

 

“Thank you, Seul.” Seungwan says with a grateful smile plaster on her face which Seulgi mirrors with her own warm smile.

 

***

All the other things

 

Seulgi really thought that talk she had with Wendy would help her to open up with Joohyun about it but Seungwan is way too stubborn sometimes and Joohyun sometimes misses the clues that she should encourage the younger girl to talk more. Seulgi thinks its ironic how Seungwan loves to talk but will do everything to not talk about her feelings specially when it involves Joohyun.

 

When Seulgi asked Joohyun how their talked was, she was so surprised when Joohyun said Seungwan didn’t say a word.

 

“She didn’t mention anything and I don’t really know how to start such conversation.” Joohyun pouts. Because nothing changed since that Seungwan still stays by her side, automatically finds her hand and still open her arms wide for Joohyun. Truth to be told, Seungwan was even more attentive though there are times that Joohyun caught her zoning out.

 

“I think I don’t have to tell you what she’s state into. And I think you know how stubborn your girlfriend can be.” Seulgi says obviously frustrated over the outcome.

 

“But you have to take the initiative in this one, unnie. She won’t come around unless you make her.” Seulgi says and offer Joohyun a small smile.

 

“Don’t worry, I will.” Joohyun said. Joohyun remembers that when she’s the one who is jealous, which is all the time, Seungwan will do everything to remind her that its only her on her heart. She wants to pamper the younger girl all the love too but how can she do it when all Seungwan does is to dodge the topic like its a plague.

 

***

 

They never had a chance to be alone or to even breathe really as their schedule has been packed with practice for all the upcoming events they have to attend. Joohyun, though as equally as exhausted as eveyone else, tries to be there for everyone. Ensures that their practice room is ventilated, that Seulgi doesn’t hug the aircon after a routine or two, that there are snack that Yerim can easily see and eat if she had the chance too and that they have enough water bottles for everyone including their back up dancers and that Seungwan’s has her stock of weird water (because I honestly don’t know what Seungwan drinks the color is weird and there’s a fanaccount saying that Joohyun drank it once and made a face after but it’s probably a drink good for so who am I to judge right?). But she can’t help to pout a little when Seungwan sits besides Sooyoung when they get a break. Joohyun reminds herself that Sooyoung has been working nonstop for a few months now and that its not a big deal if Wendy let’s her rest her head on her shoulder and if Sooyoung cuddles with Seungwan infront of everyone.

 

Seulgi snickers when she saw Joohyun stare too long at both Wendy and Joy.

 

“What?” Seulgi swore Joohyun growled the word out.

 

“Nothing.” Seulgi said grinning as she moves closer to the aircon.

 

***

 

When they were in Japan for the tour, Joohyun really thought they’ll finally have a chance to talk about it. Thinking she and Seungwan would be sharing room with her but they didn’t.

 

“Why are you here? She asked Seulgi.

 

“Sooyoung wants to room with Seungwan.”

 

“What is she up to again?”

 

“Really unnie, you are going there? Joy hasn’t had the chance to hang out with all of us and you know how Seungwan adores Sooyoung. Let them be. Geez”

 

But its her birthday and she wants her cuddles with Seungwan. If she needs to talk to Sooyoung again she would but there’s this looming conversation that she is yet to have with Wendy and its killing her. She decided to talk to her no matter what happens. She really wants to be with Seungwan, Sooyoung has the monopoly of her girlfriend for a few days now and she has enough of it.

 

The concert was a success and even the somewhat failed but still a pleasant surprise party made everything great. They all end up sleeping on her room too. Joohyun fell asleep on Seungwan’s arm and younger girl knows her arms are going to be so sore the next morning but she doesn’t really care. She loves it when Joohyun clings to her like this, when they’re both sprawled in the bed, where you can’t point where limbs start and end.

 

“Happy birthday.” Seungwan greets the moment Joohyun has her eyes fully opened. Joohyun grins as she greeted first thing in the morning by her favorite person in the whole world. She is greeted her own sun.

 

“Just happy birthday?” She teases and it was rewarded by a heart stopping kiss from the younger girl.

 

“What do you want for breakfast?” Seungwan asked already trying to get out of the bed.

 

“Can we stay like this a little longer?” The older girl pouts and upon seeing it, Seungwan kisses her again.

 

“Its your birthday. I don’t want to see you pouting specially when I can do something about it.” Seungwan says as she pulls Joohyun closer to her. Joohyun buries her face further on Seungwan’s neck, leaving fleeting kisses on the exposed skin.

 

“Do you want anything else?” Seungwan asked and Joohyun knows she going to get extra pampered today.

 

“Can I wear my birthday suit?” Joohyun challenges and if she was looking at her girlfriend she would have seen how red Seungwan ears are.

 

“I honestly want you to wear it too, baby” Seungwan says as she makes Joohyun looks at her and when the older girl is finally doing so she kisses her again.

 

“But we still have the concert and I won’t tire you out.” Seungwan said in between kisses and Joohyun feels hot and bothered with the way Seungwan is kissing her. Seungwan deepens the kiss and Joohyun though they’re going to take it further when Seungwan decided to however above her.

 

She kisses her nose and then leaves her position. “Come on, the other girls are waiting.” Seungwan says when she’s finally standing and puts her hair on a messy bun.

 

“Tease.” Joohyun said as she can still feel Seungwan lips on her.

 

***

 

Days has passed and they still hadn’t had the chance to talk about it. After their Japan concert, they are all back to the same practice room and is going through the routine again and again for their North Korea performance. This whole gig is so nerve cracking that all they can think about is how big it is and how everyone’s eyes are on them. They wanted to do well so here they are again in the same room, giving their heart out even no one is watching. The topic was left out on Joohyun’s mind for a quite sometime now because of it. And everyone seems to forget about it too. But there are days when Joohyun would just want for Seungwan to say what’s in her mind.

 

Joohyun has already prepared things to say like how she believes that love exist because Seungwan is there for her to love, that love has meaning because Seungwan exist. Joohyun wanted to tell her because even when she’s not good with words, she still wants Seungwan to hear her love for her. And when her words fail, Joohyun tries her best to show Seungwan that she doesn’t have to feel jealous as her heart is only beating for wan (im going to make this pun and now one can stop me)

 

So when the day ends and they finally back at the comfort of their dorm and even when Joohyun knows they are both exhausted and needed all the rest they can get before they are called back to practice for their Dubai trip, she’ll have to talk to Seungwan and tonight is tonight.

 

She was pacing back and forth on her room, going through all the things she wanted to say to her when her door opens. She was about to glare at the person who opens it because they might be living in the same space, but they are all agreed that manners and personal space should still be respected. The other person was about to hear something from her when she realizes it was her girlfriend.

 

“Sorry, I thought you were sleeping already so I didn’t knock.” Of course, Wendy is an exception as Joohyun is the same. Joohyun can barge in on Wendy’s bed unannounced and she is still welcomed as if the girl is waiting for her to do so. Joohyun just stares at her as Wendy just went straight to her bed.

 

“Hyun-ah, let’s sleep.” Seungwan yawns, her arms open for Joohyun to take.

 

“Can we talk?” Joohyun says as she walks to the bed to take the space beside her girlfriend.

 

“Can it wait until tomorrow? I know you’re tired and so am I.” She says as she scoot closer to Joohyun.

 

“No because if we don’t talk now, we won’ talk about it forever.” Joohyun said as she sits back up.

 

“Stubborn as always.” Seungwan smiles as she sits as well.

 

“I love you.” Joohyun starts and she doesn’t know why but she feels like her tears are threatening to fall.

 

“I love you too.” Seungwan scoffs and kisses Joohyun.

 

“You know you can tell me anything right?” Joohyun urges.

 

“I know and vice versa.” Seungwan grins and Joohyun can’t help but have the same smile on her face too.

 

“So tell me honestly. Are you bothered about um…the purple thing?” Joohyun says shyly like it was embarrassing to say. And Seungwan can’t help but smile a little wider at how cute her girlfriend is being. So she kisses her as if to say you are cute. Though Joohyun thought about it differently, she thought that Seungwan is kissing her to dodge the topic again and she was about to say something again when Seungwan take her hand and intertwine it.

 

“Do you know how I always tell you that you don’t have to feel jealous about everyone else because its you I always see even when there’s a crowd?” Seungwan says as she plays with Joohyun’s hand.

 

“I was jealous. I am jealous. But I trust you and I love you. I know even if it takes you while to see the tiniest shade of blue in the sea of purple, you’d still find me. You’d still come home to me.” Seungwan says as she places Joohyun’s hand where heart beats, as her heart races per second.

 

“I am jealous because you still say that all purple is yours, but my heart is still at peace, because its my hand you’d automatically take. Its my hugs you deemed the warmest, and its by my side where you’d find home to.” And Joohyun doesn’t know if she should hate Seungwan because instead of Joohyun saying all how much she love her, here she is crying at how Seungwan tells her how much she trust and love her.

 

“I am jealous because there are still days when I can’t believe I have you. There are days when I pinch myself as I look at you and be in disbelief that I can call you mine. I am jealous because even after all this time there are still butterflies in my stomach and they grow bigger by the second. I am jealous and I don’t want to be but I am. Because I love you more than I can ever tell and that just the thought of you liking someone else shatters all the pillars I created to keep myself sane.” Wendy finishes with a sad smile on her face. Joohyun kisses her because words has truly failed Joohyun this and really she doesn’t know how to put it in words after what Seungwan uttered.

 

“I’m sorry I know I shouldn’t be jealous. I know I shouldn’t be possessive too, but it doesn’t really help when you’re like the most beautiful human being the world has ever see. I want to ask you to stop being charming and attractive and be that only to me but then again even when you do nothing my heart races like fire.” Seungwan says grinning widely at her girlfriend and raising an eyebrow too.

 

“Stop with the eyebrows, please.” Joohyun said as Seungwan wipes the remaining tears from her cheeks.

 

“I can’t believe I’d let you say all those things when I’m supposed to be the one who’s telling you how much I love you.” Joohyun frowns and Seungwan’s kisses her for her to stop doing so.

 

“I know you love me. You show it to me everyday and that’s more than enough for me.” Seungwan says as she connects their lips together.

 

“But it doesn’t hurt for me to remind you everyday too right?” Joohyun asks and Seungwan nods.

 

“Because I really do, Wan. I like purple but not as much I love blue, you. And you can’t have purple without blue.” Joohyun grins like the 5 year old that she is and Seungwan giggles at how childish Joohyun looks at her.

 

“I see colors everyday and when I do it all links to you. I see red and remembers how you wore that red hoodie one time, you were so easy to spot but it was definitely your legs that were blinding.” Joohyun teaser which earns a smack.

 

“You wore yellow that one time and I knew at that moment you are my own embodiment of the sun. My Sun Seungwan.” Joohyun further teases and Seungwan can’t believe how ridiculous Joohyun is getting. (and the pun continues)

 

“You wore white and you’d let me cuddle with you and I realized that you are all the warmth I need.” Joohyun says and her face about to split due to the grin she’s sporting.

 

“I love all the colors because its reminds me of how you love me and I how much I love you.” Joohyun says and this time she initiates the kiss.

 

“I love you.” Joohyun says again as if it’s the only fact she knows.

 

“I love you.” Seungwan says as if is the only thing that cannot be erased in this world.

 

“Can I wear my birthday suit now?’ Joohyun challenges and raises an eyebrow at her girlfriend.

 

“I’m really tired, Hyun. I swear to God give me just 3 hours of sleep and I’ll do you.” Seungwan sighs as she finally lies down. She already regretting saying no.

 

“How can you be so romantic at one second and not be in the next?” Joohyun scowls and but still lays so close to Seungwan. Burying her face on the younger girl’s chest.

 

“Says the girl who suggested wearing her birthday suit after declaring her love.” Seungwan fires back and kisses Joohyun forehead.

 

“But honestly, go to be Hyun. I’d bang you until you're sore next time I swear.” Seungwan says and she finally succumbs to her drowsiness.

 

“I’d hold you to that.” Joohyun murmurs as she falls asleep while Seungwan holds her.