Eight

30 October

Is it normal to fantasize about man that we don’t even like? I really dislike him but why is he always on my mind? I really should just go visit a neurologist in case there’s something wrong with my brain.

***

       For days, I couldn’t properly sleep due to the trauma I had. Every time I was going near REM period, I jolted back up in fear of having the same dream again. But Kim Woobin wasn’t only haunting me while I was asleep but also when I was awake and 100% conscious. It seemed like Woobin wouldn’t be satisfied by bugging me physically, now he wanted to bug my mental health too. For the sake of getting rid of him from my mind, I willingly joined yoga class, which was supposed to calm my mind down and help me eject Woobin’s entire element from within me. But once again Woobin seemed to not let me go easily as he often sent me lots of indecent texts. The stupid thing was even though I clearly realized how I have the privilege to not reply his disturbing texts, I just can’t. For every time he texted me, I just have to reply it, till at the end of the day I felt like drowning to the feeling of needing those kind of texts in my life.

I didn’t know how this happened, but it seemed like I was starting to get obsessed with Woobin’s text, or perhaps obsessed over Woobin himself. This kind of reality got me tip toeing as I realized that I was kind of waiting for his texts to make my day. I started to equalize those texts with insulin dosage that ought to be taken by those diabetic patients. I’m not one to obsess over a male, never happened with my exes before because I made sure that it’s them who fell on their knees begging for me. So why the hell would Woobin be the exception? The only logic reason that I found is that Kim Woobin is naturally way HOTTER than any other exes of mine. Even if all of my exes fused together, the result is still going to be less hot than Woobin.

The next damn thing that happened to me is I started to think about the compatibility of me and Woobin. If only I knew his date of birth, I might have been busied myself to dwell within his and my zodiac compatibility research. A week later, my condition wasn’t getting any better for I found myself asking, “What is it that Woobin wants from me?” On one hand, I thought that he might like me because what kind of man would kiss and send something indecent according to the censorship agency to a girl he doesn’t like? On the other hand, I was kind of worried about how Woobin actually use me as his punch bag; in this case I became the vessel he needed to vent his ual frustration. I’m really not used with all the uncertainty but I don’t know how to clear everything up.

Maybe that’s why I always steer clear out of this type of men like Kim Woobin. A type that’s way too HOT for me and out of my league. A type that never fail to enthrall my fantasy and dream but not my real world. I avoided this type because I know they always bring forth heartaches and not love. Well… maybe they can bring forth love but not for a woman like me. But Woobin’s behavior for the last month has given me the courage to dream on. He has given me the hope that my opinion about men like him actually was proven wrong, that I’m quite intriguing to be caught by men like him. Getting panicky over those bubbly hopes which might get me into trouble, I decided to call my three best friends to have an emergency meet up.

“What’s with all the rush? Sungjong got mad at me, just so you know,” said Eunhye who came alone without her soon-to-be-husband and without his two twins.

Hearing Sungjong’s name being called out, my mind swiftly picturing Eunhye’s wedding planner’s face. He is the gay-est and most eccentric male I’ve ever met. Sungjong always call everyone “Darling”. The first time I met him I couldn’t stand being the same room as him, but as days passed I realized that’s just how his personality is and there’s nothing that I can do to change him.

“Heh… what’s Sungjong’s business to be mad at you?” asked Dahae as she sipped her cappuccino.

“I have to reschedule our meeting again, another fitting due to my weight gaining, and he sulked because I ran here instead.” Eunhye was going to have her bid day in about a week and I felt guilty for not being able to help much. Even though Eunhye forgave me as soon as she learned about my Dad’s condition.

“Mmmhhh,” said Jihyo. And with that simple moan, all three of us carefully watched her.

“Why did you ‘mmmhhh’, Ji?” I asked.

“Why can’t I ‘mmmhhh’?” Jihyo asked back nonchalantly as she fished out an ice cube from her raspberry ice chocolate glass with two straws.

Me and my two other best friends watched Jihyo with cautious. But this time seemed to be false alarm as Jihyo let out another moan when the ice cube fell down. Jihyo has the knack for being blank but actually is taking everything around her explicitly thus she likes to sprout something useful, getting all three of us awed by her perfect analysis over something or even someone.

Jihyo who was busy with her ice cubes finally realized our eyes and said, “What are you guys looking at?” But none of us provided an explanation.

“So what’s the emergency about? Who or what is it about?” Jihyo continued before she scooped an ice and put it inside .

Suddenly I grew nervous over my problem, I didn’t even know whether this could be categorized as emergency or not. Eunhye’s gown fitting was much more important in compared with the relationship between me and Woobin, of course, if it could be categorized as one. I’ve racked my whole brain to come up with a plan about sharing my problem with Woobin without sounding desperate but nothing came out. “I’m a ,” I said before I can stop my tongue. And it seemed like I had said it too loud not that some of the Starbucks’ customer watching me intently with a light glint on their eyes. Oh great… God seems to really wanting me tortured for not giving myself proper time to thank Him all these times.

“Huh?” Eunhye shouted with eyes as big as saucers. “Okay, I need to drink something,” and without asking permission, she took a big gulp out of my cup. It seemed like karma was on my side, because just with that gulp, Eunhye coughed real hard. “Yuck, what the hell is this?” she asked as she opened up the cap of my cup and took a peek at my black coffee.

“Greaaaaattt! Now I have a friend,” Dahae screamed in delight as she clapped her hands. Jihyo let out a chuckle as she shook her head slowly. I wasn’t sure whether Jihyo gave me that reaction based on my confession or because of how Eunhye pushed back my cup with her little finger as if my cup was filled with ratsbane.

“Why would you think like that?” Eunhye asked.

“Because I let a man who isn’t even my boyfriend to kiss my lips till it got swollen,” I whispered quickly before I lose my courage.

Eunhye shrugged with an amused expression on her face, she hasn’t got it.

Jihyo waved her hand, a motion to encourage me to continue the story. And with cautious and whispers I shared it with them. I tried to cencor it so that it sounded more like a PG rated movie rather than rated movie. Even so, I still was able to make the three of them astonished. I saw Dahae’s face getting redder while Eunhye said, “Humph… sofa, he’s creative.”

Like it or not, Woobin’s name was called out because of course they would want to know with whom I had made out and got obsessed with. It took quite a time for me to ended my story for I eventually told them my past experience with Woobin while we were both in our elementary grade.

“Wait… wait… so basically that super HOT man is your father’s doctor oh right how’s your father?” said Eunhye without any stops.

“Getting better. But still have to do some routine check up,” I replied. When the three of them stayed in silent, I grew impatient as I asked them, “So do you think that he is just toying with me?”

“Minah, sorry… correct me if I’m wrong, but I think that there’s still something that you wouldn’t share with us about that Woobin,” said Jihyo.

See? I was so sure that Jihyo isn’t just a mere psychologist, but more of a shaman. How could she know that I was hiding something from them?

“Uhm… okay, I’m just curious as to what kind of things that man like Woobin wants from me,” I explained. When I saw how confused they are, I had to explain everything about my opinion over men like Woobin to them. They listened really well and I recognized how Dahae’s eyes getting bigger and bigger as I was explaining how impossib