I have spent my entire life with her.

I don’t have anyone else but her.

My only family is her. She is an orphan and so do him. My family is that small, only me, her and him.

My childhood was not like other children either. Because of my illness I couldn’t go out and play with other children on the park. At school I couldn’t play too. And no one wanted to play with me, or even talk to me. Because I have no father and I am so poor.

The condition is the same with my neighborhood. They exclude me and her. No one ever want to say hi back to us. Not even giving a look. We are labeled as ‘social illnesses’.

That is my life that I’ve been bearing all this time.

There is no other family. There is no friend. There is no neighbor. There is no one else but us.

But I can last it all because I have her.

She is my pillar of strength. The source of my will and strength to continue my life despite everything unfortunate that happen in my life.

She is always pouring me with so much amount of love. The attention, the thought, the smile, the hug, the kiss. It is all form of her love towards me. So even though I don’t live a fortunate life, I am able to feel the greatest thing in this world.

HER LOVE.

I don’t need anything else, except her. My wingless angel.

Without her, I don’t know how I will become.

---

“Umma, I’m home.” I shouted as soon as I opened my house’s door and then ran to our small living room.

“Welcome home, honey,” she said from the kitchen.

I could see her was cutting some vegetables for our lunch. After all, the kitchen and the living room wasn’t too far away, there was no separation either. Our house was too small to have separate rooms. We only had one bedroom, one bathroom also a shared living room and kitchen.

I was so excited. My stomach had growled since at school. That drum inside my tummy wouldn’t stop beating if I didn’t feed them soon. But I didn’t worry anymore. She would finish the lunch soon that also meant I could have a tasty food soon.

I smiled imagining what I was going to eat later.

Just then…

A pang of pain attacked my chest.

I clutched into my chest, dug my nails into it. “Hah…Hah…Hah…Hah…”

It felt like my lungs had been drowned by fluids and couldn’t fit air anymore. As I was trying to grasp more oxygen and filled my lung, the pain in my chest became much more unbearable. My body felt weak and I could no longer support myself to sit. Finally I fell to the floor with a sound of bang. This position made me much harder to breath.

“Hah…Hah…Hah…Hah…” I opened my mouth as big as I could to inhale the oxygen while still clutching at my chest.

“Honey??”

I could hear her voice.

“Honey?!”

And this time her clearly panic tone.

I didn’t know what happened next because eventually my vision was blackened and finally I collapsed into the darkness.

---

“Isn’t the medicines working?”

“The medicines can only help her temporarily. It doesn’t cure her weak heart.”

“But doctor, there must be a way, isn’t it?”

Silence.

“Doctor!!”

A sound of a sigh.

“We can’t do anything about her weak heart right now. But the medicines will help her days.”

“I’m not asking something like that. I’m asking you to cure her. To save her.”

“I’m sorry, Mam.”

“Please, please. Do anything, doctor. Isn’t there something you can do?”

“There is one thing we can do. But…”

“What is it?”

“It’s a heart transplantation.”

“Then just do it, doctor.”

“I’m sorry, Mam. But it’s not possible right now. First of all, there is no donor for her. We have to search for the donor first. And second…”

“What is it? Is it about the cost?”

“Yes. I’m sorry, but I don’t think it’s possible to be done. The cost is too expensive.”

I squinted my eyes and welcomed by an unfamiliar white ceiling together with strange odor. This didn’t feel like home.

Where am I?

Faintly, I heard a familiar voice not far away.

“There is nothing too expensive for my daughter’s life, doctor.”

It was her voice.

“I know that. But I mean, the disadvantages are too big, Mam.”

“Are you saying my daughter’s life is not important?” This time she raised her tone.

I furrowed my eyebrows. I wondered if she was arguing with someone. I never heard she raised her voice before.

“No, Mam. It’s not like that. Every life is important.”

“Then stop saying things like that. If that is the only way to save my daughter’s life, then we have to do it. How much is the cost?”

Her daughter? It must be me they are talking about.

“Mam…”

“Answer me, doctor!” She interjected

“It’s about a million dollars.”

“A…a million…dollars.”

I gasped hearing the enormous amount of money said by the man. It made them turned their head to me. “Honey? Are you awake?”

I tried to nod but my head felt throbbing all over and so heavy, so I cancelled my action. I only looked at her instead.

“We’ll discuss it later.” I heard she said before making her way towards my bed.

“Where am I, Umma?” I asked with a low voice.

“You’re in the hospital, honey. How do you feel now?” She asked as her hand caressed my face gently.

I finally understood my surroundings. The white ceiling and strange odor. I could also feel a needle pierced on my wrist, connected to the IV drip next to my bed.

“I feel dizzy.”

“Sleep again then.”

“I can’t, Umma.”

“Hmm, why?”

“I’m afraid. It’s all dark. And I’m alone.”

She smiled. “Now you know Umma is here. You’re not alone anymore. Umma will stay here by your side. So don’t be afraid again. Aren’t you Umma and Appa fearless daughter?”

“I am, Umma. But…” I pouted.

“Umma promised you everything will be alright, okay?” she said with a smile.

I smiled back weakly. “Okay.”

“Sleep then.” She kissed my forehead before my hair softly.

“Can you sing a song for me?” I requested.

“Hmm, what song do you want, honey?”

“Anything Umma. I want to keep hearing your voice.”

She chuckled knowing my answer. “Alright then. Umma will sing for you.”

And she started to sing for me. My favorite song and my favorite voice. Hearing her voice was so calming. It was like listening to angel sings. Slowly, I could closed my eyes again and drift to sleep. She kept singing for me all the night until I really fell to sleep.

Before I really lost my consciousness, I vaguely remembered a wet kiss on my forehead. A one long kiss. Along with her faint voice.

“I will always protect you. I promise, you will be healthy again, honey. No matter what.”

---

The door is suddenly opened and people run inside quickly with equipment in hand. There are one doctor and three nurses. Every footsteps, slow ones, rushed ones, heavy ones, all heading towards her. I am gently pulled away from the bed side as the doctor breathlessly gives out order again and again before examining her body with a penlight and a stethoscope.

“Please save her.” I plead to the doctor.

“Yes, miss. We will do our best here.” One of the nurses answers me instead. “Please stay outside, miss.” The nurse tells me.

I shake my head. I don’t want to leave her side.

“We ask you, miss,” The nurse asks again politely.

I look at her one last time before heave a heavy sigh and reluctantly drag my body outside the ICU room. I hope they can save her.

The clocks keep ticking by as I’m waiting on the outside. I sit on the bench at the corridor in front of her room with a big fear haunting behind my back. My body can’t stay still. It keeps trembling on its own.

I bite my nails nervously. It has been my habit whenever I’m scared.

I’m really scared right now.

I don’t want to be left alone.

Loneliness is my least favorite thing about life. It expresses the pain of being alone, without anybody to care for or someone who will care for me. And it slowly chews me up from inside without any warnings beforehand.

I want no more loneliness in my life.

I have enough of being left.

---

After that night, she had determined herself to do anything so I could undergo the operation.

I didn’t like it though.

She constantly left me alone at home for work. Day and night. Seven days a week.

I didn’t like being lonely.

In the past, she would always be there for me, even though she still had to work. Nowadays, her time for me had decreased a lot. It was only in the evening, when she brought the dinner for me. I didn’t get to sleep together with her anymore either.

Because of the lonely feeling and my craving love for her, I’d been acting differently. I passed my elementary school doing a lot of mischievous things. And the bad things still continued. I wished she would pay more attention to me if I acted badly. But nope. I was wrong. She kept working and working.

I was really disappointed.

I started to ignore her and demanded this and that from her. If I couldn’t get her attention then she should give me what I want.

---

It is scary how many times people take the little things for granted. Just like me towards her.

I don’t know why I was so stupid. Why could I do and think something like that?

For everything she has done for me, instead of having gratitude, in return I only add more burden and pain to her. Thinking about it makes my heart feels heavier and in greater pain. The guilt and regret keeps seeping through and burdened my heart.

An ‘I’m sorry’ to her isn’t going to be enough. I can apologize a thousand times to her and it still won’t be enough for me to feel the least bit guilty. This one is the biggest regret in my life.

I wish I can turn back time. If only I realized everything much earlier.

---

I was doing my homework when she arrived.

“I’m home.”

I replied with an ‘hmm’. I didn’t move from my place