If it kills me

The audience endless claps is the concrete evidence of her success. She’s been working extra hard for this event, a fashion show for her own brand. Lee Chaerin or CL, after succeed being stylist for many hi-end magazines and famous local and international celebrity now building her own clothing brand.

She bowed down for the last time and disappear behind the curtain. She ran along the backstage hallway, highfive-ing with her crew, models and managers. She squealing when she found her best girls, Dara, Bom and Minzy waiting to give her a warm group hug.

She couldn’t stop smiling while holding her happy tears. This fashion show is her dream, attended by thousands fans, family, closest friends and her loved once…

“Congrats, Chae…” I tapped her back.

She turned around, “Jiyong oppa.” She drown in my warm hug, “Thanks.”

“You’ve worked hard.” I patted her head.

“Thanks…” she said, smiling.

“Good job, baby.” Another voice coming and I immediately release her.

Chaerin smiling wide when see her man, yes, her man, her boyfriend, “My panda…”

“I’m a proud boyfriend.” Seungri said while pulling her into his arms.

“I didn’t know you’ll come.” She said.

“No works important enough to abandon my girl’s show.” He said while planting a light kiss on her head.

All I could do is just looking at her and her boyfriend, I’m no one in this love story between Chaerin and Seungri, I’m just… Chaerin’s bestfriend.

It started some years a go, I am, Kwon Jiyong or Gdragon, a famous rapper and producer in Korea, I also being a fashion icon of some international brand.

One day, I went to an acquaintance’s fashion show, there I was introduce to CL, the stylist. Falling for the way she styled, I asked her to be my personal stylist and she accept it happily.

That time, she was still very young and just started career in fashion, I was also hadn’t as big as now even though people said I’m already recognisable. Then they got close, very close, ‘till I finally admit to myself that I fell for her.

Another year passed by and my feeling got stronger, I admire her so much, everything in her seems so right, I know I’m crazy about her. She’s not only pretty, she’s beautiful inside and out. She can be angel and devil at the same time, she’s a complete package of a girlfriend material.

But due too my busy life, I kept it for myself. 

And after around two years being my stylist, she’s quitting to pursue her dream to be a fashion designer. But she stayed being my bestfriend.

We were so close, almost no secret among us, except for one thing: my feeling towards her that is getting harder to keep.

So on the night after the launch of my new album, people are partying, all my friends gathered, including her, and I was thinking of confessing to her.

I remember that night, I was excitedly looking for her, I walked around the club where the party held just to find her in the arm of a man, Lee Seungri.

“Oppa,” she waved at me.

I couldn’t really move.

“Oppa congratsss!!” she hugged me.

“O-oh thanks.” I smiled.

Seungri bowed, “Congratulation, Jiyong-ssi.”

“Ah, oppa, this is Lee Seungri… he’s my…” she chuckles and I could see her blushing, “…my boyfriend!”

I knew she’s gonna say that but when she really said it, there’s a thin knife pierced my heart.

I offer his hand and greet Seungri.

“Nice to meet you.”

“I heard so much about you from Chae, you seems to be the closest person to her.” Seungri smilied, his smile showed a perfect pearly white teeth and an impressive face line.

“If I’m the closest, I wonder why Chaerin didn’t tell me that she has a boyfriend…?” I playfully raised my eyebrows to CL.

She laughs, “I just didn’t get tha chance yet… but really you are the first person i introduce to him, even the girls has no idea.”

“Well, congratulation…” I messed up her bangs, “… little sister.”

Later I know from Chaerin that Seungri owns a music school for kids, they knew each other from a friend. Their relationship is already passed the sixth month now, it seems steady and she seems happy. Even sometimes she’ll complain to me how Seungri can be so busy going back and forth from Seoul to Hongkong.

“He’s going to open another school in Hongkong, oppa, that’s why he’ became so busy.” She pouted while eating her meal in my apartment.

“Wow, he seems like a hardworker.”

“He is! So adorable.” She smiled.

“I’m busy and hardworker too, but you never said I’m adorable.”

CL laughs, “you got thousands fangirls who willing to say words more than adorable to you, oppa, while my panda only have me to say that to him.”

I scoffed, having thousands girls screaming that your handsome, adorable, that they love you, is different compared to having her saying all of that.

Just when millions of people wanted to be GDragon, I wonder how it feels to be Lee Seungri.

+

“So where’s the boyfriend?” I asked when Chaerin showed up alone in a party of my label mate, Teddy.

“Hongkong, as usual…”

“He’s busier than me.” He chuckles.

Chaerin pouted, “Could be so sometimes…” I’m looking at her sideview, “Wanna go outside and get some fresh air?”

“I know you asked me to go outside so you can have companion for you to smoke!” Chaerin sat beside him in a bench in the rooftop of YG company building.

I laughed while lighting my cigarette.

“Stop smoking, oppa, Jeez!”

“I’ll try… I told you.”

Chaerin rolled her eyes.

I keep his gaze on her while she’s nagging.

Then I grabbed her, and kiss her. I kissed her slowly, she was surprised but then she return my kiss.

“Oppa! Are you listening?” she brought me back to reality, reality where I didn’t really kiss her, I did that in my head.

“Yeah sure, what