Jungsu walked out of my room; I can hear his light footsteps carefully trying not to make a sound as he crosses the wooden floor, trying not to disturb me. With an internal sigh, I imagine the world outside around me. Jungsu told me it was autumn, and soon the birds in the tree's will be migrating and the leaves falling off the trees. I imagine brown and dark red and golden streaks of colour on the trees, leaves falling on the pavement outside in trickling curves. With a little internal crying I can see a conker tree, just the like the one I saw on my visit to England. I remember picking a conker, feeling the spiky edges that didn't seem to hurt and splitting open the shell to reveal a brown ball, shiny and smooth. I remember chucking against the wall, accompanied by Ahra who found the whole experience mind blowing. I can see in my minds eye myself dancing in victory as I win the competition to chuck the conker the furthest.

Soon the snow will come, and I miss the snow. I miss playing in the snow the most with Henry, the little boy down my road, and playing with Amber. I remember making snow angels at three in the morning when I couldn't sleep and chucking gravel at Henry's window, and we had a snowball fight that lasted for hours. How I miss those days when I could run around and be free.

The door opened again. I couldn't tell who they are; I didn't recognize their footsteps. I heard a slight mutter of Jungsu's voice, and then a murmur of an unfamiliar one. The footsteps got closer, and unusually there wasn't a gasp or a whisper of "what do I say?" that I so often hear by new nurses who are in training.

"H-Hello," he stammered, and there was an awkward silence which is filled by the whooshing of the wind by the window. "I'm Sungmin," the boy said. His voice is smooth, like honey.

Hello, Sungmin. I smirked inside my head. I wonder what he looks like? As I imagine his features, I heard a slight gasp, and I recognize the familiar beep as my heart monitor goes a bit higher than it should be. I felt my heart going slower again; and it's all happened in a few seconds.

"I meant to come and see my brothers' boyfriend … he has a broken leg," Sungmin said, and I heard the slight nervousness in his voice, but he didn't let out a stammer out again. "But the nurse obviously got the wrong room," I felt my heart rising a fraction. I hate it when the nurses get it wrong; unwelcome visitors are unwelcome visitors, no matter how lonely I may be. "But I don't mean anything bad by it! I guess I'm just surprised to see you," I didn't react to this statement and I heard another whisper from Sungmin.

"I'll come back, okay?" Sungmin said. "You look like you need some company," and then I felt a smooth hand touch my own, and my heart gave a jolt because it had been a long time since anyone had touched like that. I heard his footsteps walking out the room and I try to remember his hand on my own once more; I am in a coma, it is impossible to recreate this feeling. Even Jungsu, who I could call close with, has never laid a hand on me like that before - I have lost track of the time I have been in here but I have been without feelings for this long.

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Omg, I have had the crappiest day in the history on crappy days OTL so I get called a by my family because apparently my hair was greasy (which it wasn't) and made me have another shower (they claimed the thing was a joke but I don't believe them and they made me cry .. I feel bad enough about my looks (I am so ing ugly but everyone says I'm not which is actually a lie)) and then I spent two hours on one page of a textbook … I have at least 60 pages to do for my Science revision and it took me two hours to do six (I am dumb) OTL I cannot do this! I sat down to cry because this is worth a scary amount of my grade and everything …

And then I posted a picture of me on facebook and there was this one guy keep going on about how fat and ugly I looked so I took it down - and look! Zero self confidence now.  ...Why am I posting this here no-one even cares OTL I am just complaining about it and I feel so down writing is the only thing helping me through right now oh god.

Anyway, keep your chin up all my beautiful subscribers I promise you that 2012 will be an amazing year for you! Lots of love to all of you, thank you for sticking with me I hold lots of respect for you guys. And for any men/boys out there, you are all handsome and for the ladies, don't ever let anyone get you down because you are beautiful and you are all worth a gazillion dollars (and that counts for you, men/boys! XD). Feel free to private message me if you'd ever like a talk: my tumblr is blackbowties.tumblr.com! 

Love you all xoxox

(Sorry for this long and stupid authors note OTL)