You can't be a good spy without proper training. I have heard my dad says this a million times. But where to start? It's not like I can just sign up for a class. Last time I checked there weren't any spy schools listed in the Yellow Pages.

The obvious choice is to ask my father but I really don't want to. The last time I got Dad to teach me something—driving—it turned into a huge disaster. He was a real drill sergeant. Every time I made any small slipup, like signaling too late or break too soon, he went ballistic on me. Things went from bad to worse when he decided to put a Styrofoam cup filled with water on the dashboard to teach me about being a cautious driver. If I made any sudden moves or went over any bumps too fast, the water would spill over the place. I tried to be careful, but then this little frog hopped out in front of the car and I had to slam on the breaks to avoid hitting it. Next thing I knew Dad was drenched and, thus, our driving lessons were over.

No, I can’t ask Dad for help. I know spying is his specialty, but I’ll just have to be resourceful and find another way. Resourcefulness, I’m sure, is an important trait of top undercover agents. You probably have to know how to make a parachute out of a paper clip, or something equally complex.

I take out my algebra notebook and begin jotting down ideas:

1. Internet resources

2. Spy books (check school library)

3. Netflix The Bourne Identity and James Bond films

4. Borrow Alias DVDs from Inyoung

I stop when I get to four. That seems like a good start. Plus, I can’t think of anything else. I boot up my computer and type “spy tips” into the search engine. The first couple of sites aren’t very useful—mostly things about “corporate espionage” and how to keep people from hacking into your computer. No James Bond-like tools. I change my query a couple of times. Finally, after some careful searching, I stumble on a site containing The Ultimate Soy Manual. Now we’re talking! Unfortunately, The Ultimate Soy Manual costs $39.95 to download. My mood falls. There’s no way I can pay that. I don’t have a credit card—my parents won’t let me—and Mom would definitely if I charged it to her account. I have to settle for the free five page preview.

Luckily, the free preview turns out to be awesome. Lots of valuable information. I hit control and p, and as soon as the pages spool out of the printer I sit down to study them. The very first paragraph warns about the dangers of cell phones, cordless phones, and baby monitors. Apparently burglars and spies alike can use them to eavesdrop on you and obtain all sorts of classified intel.

We don’t have a baby monitor, thank God. (Although I guess that will all change soon.) But I’ve got to do something about our other security breaches. I stare down at my desk where my cordless and cell are both sitting out in plain view. Who knew they were so dangerous?

I rummage around in my closet until I locate my old Winnie the pooh phone. It’s a huge plastic clunker, and I haven’t used it in nearly ten years, but it will have to do. I unplug my cordless and hook up Winnie. I feel safer already. Sure, it looks a bit silly for a sixteen-year-old to have a Winnie the Pooh phone, but that can’t be helped.

Now, what to do with the cell phone? I debate taking the battery out and locking it in my desk for safekeeping. But then what would I do if there was a real emergency? Like I Chanhee and I were out shopping one day and some savvy bad guy came after us. Wouldn’t it better to have a cell phone than not? A spy could waste precious minutes trying to find a working pay phone. After much internal debate, I decide to hang on to my cell. The risk is worth it. I’ll just try not to talk on it when I don’t have to.

Next, The Ultimate Soy Manual talks about checking for bugs and wiretaps. I’m all engrossed until I get to the part where it mentions how expensive it is to perform a “sweep” of a property. It talks about how you need hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of high-tech equipment to even started. Geez. So much for bug-proofing our house.

The next section of the manual is more helpful. It gives a list of important tips to keep in mind:

Be suspicious of strange deliveries, unexpected knocks on the door, and strange cars or vans parked outside. When driving, take unusual routes and switch lanes often to avoid being followed. Check mail for signs of tampering. Always ask for ID of anyone who tries to enter your house—from cops to TV repairmen. Be careful when throwing any valuable personal information. Spies frequently rifle through garbage in search of clues.

I read over this several times, trying to commit it to memory. Once I’ve got a good handle on it, I pick up the phone and dial Inyoung’s house. I think I’ve done enough spy research for today. I could Use a break. Plus, I need to ask to borrow her Alias DVDs.

It takes forever for Inyoung to answer the phone, and I nearly hang up. Finally, on the fifth ring, she picks up.

“Mmm-hello?” Her voice sounds muffled.

“Inyoung!” I cry, louder than I meant to. “What are you doing?”

“Sleeping.” She clears . “What time is it?”

“Almost eleven o’clock.”

I hear her fumbling around, probably getting out of bed. “I feel really bad about your ash. Is it any better? ‘Cause it looked awful when you were here.”

“Oh, yeah, it’s better now. Hopefully it will fade before school on Monday,” I tell her. “But enough about that. I’ve got something to ask you. Do you still have the Alias DVDs?”

“Every single season.” Suddenly she sounds wide awake. “Even season five, which was kinda crappy with what they did to Michael Vartan’s character and all.”

Inyoung is in love with Michael Vartan, along with about then other TV actors. I honestly don’t get it. She has an actually boyfriend who really likes her. Why does she waste her time daydreaming about fantasy men? “Well, can I borrow the DVDs?”

“No prob. You’re gonna fall in love with the show, I just know it!” She pauses, thinking it over, “But what’s with the sudden interest in Alias? You’ve never liked it before now. Every time I tried to make you watch it, you threw a big fit. You always said it reminded you of your dad and all his spy junk, thank you very much.”

Uh-oh! Inyoung’s right, I did say it reminded me of Dad. I’ve got to come with a cover. “Well, I… I sort of had a change of heart. It was one of those, how do I put it…”

“Cut to the chase, Kim.”

Lately Inyoung has picked up this habit of calling me by my family name, as if she’s Summer on The O.C. At first it was kind of cute, but it’s starting to get annoying. “I’m trying to, Park,” I reply snarkily. “I just keep hearing how it was a great show and all. So I thought I should try it out. Just because it’s about spies doesn’t mean I have to associate it with my dad.”

As if on cue, my father’s voice come booming down the hall, floating through the walls of my room. “Don’t worry, Chanhee, our Heejoon’s going to help you out every step of the way. As soon as we get your new ID—“

Oh, crap! Dad’s rambling on at such high volume Inyoung’s bound to overhear him! In an attempt to cover the noise, I start talking as loudly as I can. “SO WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO TO TIFFANY?” I shout. “HAVE YOU THOUGHT UP ANY GOOD REVENGE PLANS YET?”

“WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING?” Inyoung asks, matching my tone.

“I’M NOT SCREAMING, THIS IS MY NORMAL VOICE!”

“NO, IT’S NOT!”

“YES, IT IS!”

“Heejoon, you’re acting like a psycho!”

I try to come up with a clever retort, but my mind goes blank.

“Hey, what’s all that noise?” Inyoung asks suddenly. “I hear a bunch of guys talking. It sounds like they’re right in your room.”

She has heard Chanhee and Dad blabbering on about fake IDs! Why does my father have to talk so loud? Didn’t the FBI teach him anything about being secretive? “It’s the TV,” I lie. “I’m watching a Laguna Beach marathon and I’ve got the volume cranked way up.”

She doesn’t buy it. “Are you on something, Kim? There’s no Laguna Beach marathon today! MTV’s playing back-to-back episodes of The Real World from morning till night.”

I can’t believe I’m so dumb. Inyoung’s a total TV-holic, so of course she knows what’s airing. She practically has TV Guide committed to memory. I think fast. “Right, well it’s not on now. But I TiVo’d the Laguna Beach marathon last time MTV aired it and I’m just now getting around to watching it.”

She pauses. For a tense moment I worry that I’ve been caught. But then Inyoung laughs and says, “You’re so weird, Kim. Who waits a month to sit down and watch five hours of Laguna Beach?”

---

I barely see Chanhee for the rest of the day. He spends most of the time resting in the guest bedroom, watching TV, and playing on the computer. I try not to take it personally. Maybe he’s just tired? Maybe he’s having trouble adjusting? Or maybe he’s miserable being here—my parents certainly take some time getting used to. But I’m sure Chanhee is too polite to say anything.

But as the weekend goes on, something else occurs me. What if the reason he’s been avoiding the family is because he wants nothing to do with us? What if he thinks we’re not good enough for him? After all, Chanhee’s so good-looking and rich. He’s nice enough when you first meet him, but deep down inside he’s probably a giant snob. Guys like that are always stuck up, right? It’s just one of those sad-but-true facts of life.

But it’s my duty to protect him, and I’m going to take that seriously. I read over the spy manual so many times I can practically recite it in my sleep. They ought to test us on this kind of thing in school. Seriously. Learning about secret agents is way more interesting than trigonometry and world history. And probably a whole lot more useful, too.

- - -

There! Chapter 5 is finally updated. Haha.

I'm sorry if this chapter is boring. But I promise it will get better. For me, that is. LMAO<3

Thanks for reading and subscribing. Don't forget to comment, okay?! :D Even better, tell your friends to read this. Haha. LMAO<3 I'm joking. Don't take it seriously. xD

Updated on: 2:31pm, 30.11.2011

P.S. Congratulations Super Junior! Am I proud to be an Elf! :D