EIGHT

      I spend the remaining two days thinking deeply about the pros and cons and wondering if this Gabe's place would be as great as I start to feel about it. I sincerely don't like to think too much about things, because I start hoping and having expectations and it never did me any good so far. I don't want to be disappointed and hurt again, but I can't help think (thanks to Hyesung and Razzak) that if I go to Gabe's place and everything happen as it should -me and Hyesung could have a decent life. A good one even.

I'm not sure yet what I want to do, but Hyesung has plans for his future and I can't help think about mines too. I'm still hoping to make something out of my dance skills, but Gabe seems to be an opportunity offering more than that -and as annoyed as I am about it, I want this more than that.

I've no idea what it can be or if I'll ever get close to it -but I want to try it.

Hyesung said I could go back to school, and as excited he's about the idea I just feel depressed at the thought of going back to such place. I was never a good student. I was skipping class more than attending it the last year and I certainly don't even have the level to go to high school. Maybe they'll let me in, but I'll be so lost that not going won't make any kind of difference. I don't want to waste my time, but Hyesung's so hyper about this 'going-to-school-together' that I can't help envisage it anyway.

I could envisage anything Hyesung's to offer anyway, and I hate myself for that.

“So, you're coming ?” Speaking of the boy, he's now calling me, waiting for me at the room's door with the new backpack Razzak gave him hanging on his shoulder.

Looking up at him, I can't believe we're actually gonna move to this Gabe's house. The guy sounds like a good guy. We met him yesterday and I liked him. I don't want to trust him blindly, but I'm usually a good judge of people and Gabe seems like someone good.

“Yeah, yeah. Let's go.” I say, throwing my own (old) bag on my shoulder before walking to the door.

Hyesung smiles and walks ahead, leading the way. I can't help myself from giving a last look at the room we lived in for the passed three days. It sincerely felt like home, and I can't tell if it's because it was some normal place for once or if it's because of the people surrounding us. But I realize I'll miss this place. It was a good place. The room was amazing and I loved spending all this comfortable and easy time with Hyesung.

I feel a pang of fear at the thought we'll maybe never have something like that again. What if we live to this Gabe's place and it's nothing to do with John's place. I'm afraid of what's waiting us, and as I follow Hyesung through the corridor to the stairs and downstairs, I feel a lump swelling in my throat and hurting more than I want.

I shouldn't worry like that, but I can't help it, and nor Razzak's appeasing presence or John's encouraging smile does anything to relax me.

I'm stressed, and Hyesung seems to notice. I'm glad he doesn't say anything about it and just give a supportive squeeze on my hand once we're in Razzak's truck. I smile up at him and feel some tension leave my body, but then the man's slamming the driver's door shut and starting the engine. My heart fall all the way down to the pit of my stomach, and I can't help consider jumping out of the truck on too many occasions.

There's Hyesung's hand reappearing on mine every time I feel close to running away though, and it's enough to keep me in the vehicle all the way to Gabe's place.

Which is a pretty nice house. It's a light brown two story house with a beautiful patio and perfectly maintained garden at the front. Gabe said there was a garden and even pool in the backyard, but from here I can't see it.

Despite the place being so attractive, I don't feel any more relaxed and when we get out of the truck I only feel worse. I swear I could puke on this very clean pavement, and I can't help wonder how the hell will I even fit in this wealthy neighborhood.

It's nothing to do with where I grew up nor where I lived in the street. The only times I were around such areas were when I was aimlessly walking around or taking the bus from a place to another. I always wondered how it must feel to live in such kind of house, with such kind of family looking so freaking perfect from the outside. I can't deny I hated on these ing happy kids laughing around and playing with their friends while I had to go through two days without eating anything.

Such times were rough. I was fresh in the street and didn't really know how to do anything right -until I met Frank and Ana. I don't want to talk about them though. Bad memory, you know.

Shaking my head curtly, I try to snap back to the present moment, but it's hard and when I eventually refocus I'm already inside the house where Hyesung and Razzak are talking comfortably with Gabe. I feel out of place standing behind them with my bag on my shoulders, and for a brief second I feel close to tears before getting a grip of myself again.

“Hey, hi.” I say when Gabe meets my gaze, and smiling, the man nods and invites me into the conversation.

“We were wondering if you two would mind being in two separated rooms.”

I can't help tense up at the idea and the three doesn't miss my reaction.

“Well, if you rather stay together we can work it out. There's no problem, I was just asking because the two free beds left are in two different rooms. But I'm sure Danny won't mind switching.” The man speaks faster than unusual, certainly worried I'll just run away if I don't feel safe -which is mostly the truth.

I'm trying really hard to keep my cool for Hyesung, but the feelings are twisting my insides and messing with my head. I won't say it out loud, but I'm scared and if me and Hyesung have to be separated I don't think I'll deal well with the new situation.

“If it's possible it'll be great.” Says the boy with a smile, and I feel a wave of gratitude assault me. “We're not really comfortable right now so if we can stay together.”

It's obvious the 'we' Hyesung used is only meant for me, but I'm glad he doesn't single me out and just sticks with me. It helps with the tumult of emotions and vibrating fear at the pit of my stomach.

“No problem.” Gabe smiles and sends me a reassuring look. “We'll ask Danny when he comes back home. He should be back before lunch.” Hyesung and me nod. “Well, in the meantime you can drop your bags in the room and get something to eat, what do you think ?”

“It'll be great.” Says Hyesung, smiling, and I can't bring myself to relax and talk without fearing to regurgitate something.

“I'll show you around first, wouldn't be good to look for the toilets if you've an urgent business.” Razzak and Hyesung laughs at Gabe's joke and I catch myself smiling slightly.

The man sincerely looks nice and cool, and I hope I'll feel better soon. Being so stressed and tensed isn't good and I hate to be like that. I become unable to talk or think straight in such state and I hate it. It's not like me.

The house is big, from my standards. I'll have to ask Hyesung for his. I'm sure he's not that impressed by the place -even if his time spent in the street lets him appreciate the house plainly, I won't be surprised if his own place was bigger.

“And here's your room. You can use the spare bed, Danny's here.” Says Gabe as he pointed the bed on the right corner.

The rooms are great I must say. There's two single beds in each (one facing the door on each side), two table used however one want on the door's left and at the feet of the bed on the right, two chairs, one wardrobe, a window with nice light gray curtains and pillows that look really comfortable. I don't know why I block on the pillows, but they look really great and I'm dying to try them out.

“There's two bathrooms. One upstairs and another one downstairs. We share them, so be nice in here boys.” Gabe grins and we smile. “Everything like shower items, bedding and all are provided by me. You even have some pocket money.”

Really ? Nice. I'll make sure to save as much as possible -just in case.

“If you need some clothes, a pair of shoes or some underwear, I can by you some. My job's to make sure you've everything you need to get back on your feet and get yourself a future. Like you're underage, and I know you want to resume high school, I'll be your authority figure. So if you need any signs or authorization you'll just have to ask me.” Hyesung nods at that and looks a bit shy suddenly.

With a closer look, as Gabe resume his explanations, I realize the boy looks more sad than shy -and I can only imagine why. It must be hard to resume a life you had with nothing you had. Mostly his parents.

“The kids here are nice, for the most. Next room you've Tina and Sarah. They're both fifteen and got here a couple months ago. In the room at the corner you've Lucas. He's not the most welcoming boy, but he's not a bad kid. He'll turn eighteen in a few months and I plan to throw a great party for him.” Gabe looks like an excited kid on Christmas, and I can't help smile at that. “Last room at the end of the corridor is my room. If you're ever looking for me and can't find me around, I'll certainly be in here doing some stuffs like scroll around internet or nap.”

“Do we have to pay for anything ?” I ask, because I can't help wonder if the pocket money is supposed to be used to take care of ourselves. With everything Gabe's providing us, it'll only be fair for us to feed ourselves.

The man chuckles. “Of course not.” He says. “I pay for everything. I get the food in the fridge, make sure you've electricity, running water, internet and clothes on your back. But if you ever feel like coming with me to the super market I won't say no. Help's always welcomed.”

I nod and Hyesung smiles.

“Is there a curfew or specific time to watch TV ?” Of course Hyesung would be interested by TV. He spent the three days at John's place watching numerous shows I know about and looking pretty stupid for some. He tried to explain me the concept of some variety but gave up when I continuously commented on how this was stupid and this was just a waste of time and money.

I guess I don't have the variety mindset.

Gabe chuckles softly and smiles. “There's no curfew. But it'll be great to let me know where you are. I tend to worry easily.” Hyesung nods. “You can watch TV whenever you want, as long as you don't keep everyone awake with the volume.”

I can't help chuckle softly at the memory of Hyesung listening too loudly to some music shows. The boy sends me a glare for that before ignoring me with what looks like a slight flush on the cheeks.

“There's no many rules here boys. Like we talked about, I'm nothing related to governmental help and I don't want to pressure you with anything or impose you anything. You do as you want, you're here for a second chance and it's up to you to make it work. Of course, no drug or alcohol are allowed inside the house. If you smoke you can smoke in the garden, or if it's really cold you can use the veranda. I'll never forbid you to do anything you want, but I hope for your own good you know what to do and not to do. And if you need any help with any kind of dependance or issue, I'm here for that, too.”

“What if we don't want your help ?” I ask more in a mumble than anything, and I can't help curse myself for even speaking. I feel the need to test the guy though -to see how free we really are, how far I can push him. It's easy to say a thing and do the opposite, and I'm trying to figure if Gabe's words are bull or trustful.

“Then you won't have it. But I'm not your enemy, I just want to help. So if you don't want me to get involve in your business I'll respect your wish, but I sincerely hope every kids coming here will learn to cherish their own life enough to seek for help. I'm not doing all that to watch you destroy yourself under my care.” A very sad and sorrowful look forms in Gabe's eyes, and I can't bear to look at it so divert my gaze on my sneakers.

I should get new ones by the way. There's a few holes on the sides and I definitely feel the ground too much when I walk. Gabe said he could buy new ones if we needed to, but I'll never dare to ask for it. Maybe I'll just go look for some in trash cans. People always throw out such kind of items and it's where I often found what I needed -at least when Dongwan couldn't help me or the center didn't have anything left.

 

      The breakfast Gabe cooks is awesome. I was actually wondering why the guy had insisted for us to not eat breakfast before coming -and I won't deny I thought he may be a sadistic and starve us or something. But in fact he just wanted to show-off his cooking skills -I'm not kidding, he said so himself.

The dude's really cool for an old one and despite how scared I was when arriving -and still how anxious I am, I can't ignore this nice vibe Gabe's giving off. I already knew he was certainly a good guy, but it's great to know he actually is, for real. Well, I'll have to wait and see once Razzak is gone to judge if Gabe is as good as he seems to be around his friend -and I swear, I'm trying really hard to keep quiet this permanent negative voice at the back of my head, but it doesn't want to shut up.

“Who wants another milkshake ?”

Oh, yeah, right. Gabe actually bought my soul completely when he said he was the king of milkshakes, and with my usual I-only-believe-what-I-see mindset, I sincerely doubted his words -but I was wrong ! The guy is the king of milkshakes and I think I fell in love with him for a second when I tasted the banana strawberry one.

Raising my hands certainly too quickly at Gabe's question, I purposely ignore Hyesung's grin and eyes on me. It almost feels like the little bastard gave my secret away for Gabe to buy me with milkshakes. It sounds stupid though, but who cares ? I've the most wonderful milkshake in hand for free. The world could crash around me I wouldn't care.

      Razzak needs to leave less than an hour later. I've almost forgotten he owns a shop he needs to work at to get money. He was so often around at John's place for the passed three days that it easily slipped out of my mind that Razzak actually had a job. I wonder if he closed his shop just to spend more time with us -and as much as it creeps me out to think like that, I actually feel a small smile tug at my lips at such possibility.

No one ever cared enough to do such thing for me, and it's certainly why I quickly forget such stupid thoughts. Why would Razzak even do that ? He doesn't know us. We're no one for him excepted two homeless boys he helped and will forget soon enough.

Everyone ends up forgetting people like us.

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