Jessica took a deep breath as she stared at the silver doorknob in front of her. She closed her eyes, squeezing them hard, and hoped that her swollen eyes weren’t too obvious.

She hadn’t slept all night, which for a girl who slept like a poisoned Sleepy Beauty, was unusual. But no matter how much she tried to sleep last night, she just couldn’t.

Her heart wouldn’t slow down from the adrenaline.

Jessica could only cry out of frustration. The tears didn’t stop for hours. And even then, she couldn’t fall asleep.

She needed to get away.

Thus, here she was.

With a deep breath, she grasped the doorknob and opened the door.

“I’m home,” she announced as she stepped inside the house, breathing in deeply. The familiar smell calmed her jumpy nerves and Jessica felt her body relax noticeably.

Footsteps could be heard from the kitchen where her mom walked out donning a pink apron with frills. Mrs. Jung stared at her daughter with wide eyes.

“Hi mom,” Jessica greeted tiredly with a smile before proceeding to take her shoes off.

Her mom shuffled closer to her daughter in her indoor slippers. “Darling? Why are you home? It’s a weekday. You should be at school! Did something happen?” Mama Jung fussed over her child, knowing that Jessica wouldn’t just randomly drop by home for no reason. As a doctor and a mother, she instinctively scanned her oldest child. Her eyes paused at the sight of Jessica’s puffy eyes but didn’t comment on it.

“Are you okay? You seem tired,” Mrs. Jung noted warmly. She ushered Jessica into the kitchen. “Are you hungry? Come. You’re just in time. I was making your favorite kimchi fried rice.”

Jessica grinned gratefully and followed her mom into the kitchen. Mere seconds later, a plate full of fried rice was placed in front of her.

“Eat up. You’re looking skinnier these days. Are you sure they’re feeding you in SM?” Mrs. Jung asked. “You're skinnier than the idols on TV.”

Jessica hummed in appreciation as she stuffed with a giant spoonful. Her mother’s cooking was always the best.

After she finished her meal, Jessica got up to place the dishes away. “Mom, can you check my leg real quick? I think I might’ve pulled a muscle.”

Her mother’s head snapped up worriedly from the sink. “Really? Why didn’t you tell me earlier? Onto the couch. Now. Let me take a look,” she ushered Jessica with her hands.

Jessica laid herself onto the couch and stared up at the ceiling in content. Her mother exited the kitchen sans apron this time and stood next to her.

“Which leg?” Mrs. Jung asked.

“Left,” Jessica mumbled causing Mrs. Jung to raise an eyebrow.

“Left? How did you injure your left leg?” Mrs. Jung asked, knowing that most ballet injuries were to the right leg.

Jessica merely shrugged making her mom sigh at the cryptic answer but began massaging the left leg right away. She knew better than to ask. Her older daughter could be quite stubborn at times.

Jessica didn't have the guts to tell her mom that she suddenly decided to ice skate and pulled her leg by doing a last minute triple axel - her first in nearly seven years.

Her mom probably would’ve been too shocked to believe her anyways.

Once the massage was over, Mrs. Jung patted Jessica’s leg fondly before straightening up straight. “Heat it tonight. It’ll help loosen the muscles.”

“Yes mom,” Jessica grinned, grateful for her care. She flexed her leg, wincing slightly at the soreness.

Mrs. Jung sighed as she took in the sight of her daughter sprayed on the couch. As a mother, she could instantly tell that Jessica was stressed about something, but as an experienced mother, she knew not to push it.

She took one last look before turning to leave. “By the way,” she suddenly paused, her back still facing Jessica. “Make sure to text your sister. She just announced her debut into the senior league.”

Jessica hummed quietly, deep in thought,  and Mrs. Jung took it as her cue to leave.

Jessica stared out the window lost in thought.

So her sister was finally competing with the big kids now, huh?

She felt a slow grin grow on her lips. She was proud.

She smiled like the sappy older sister she was as she scrolled through articles of her younger sister’s newest announcement. She stopped at a picture that was most likely just recently taken of Krystal smiling widely, clad in a black sequinned skating dress.

Underneath the picture read the caption, “US Skater and recent Junior World Champion and Junior Grand Prix winner, Krystal Jung, announces her debut into the senior league for the 2017-2018 season.”

Jessica chuckled silently to herself at the long title attached before Krystal’s name. Her sister really had come a long way.

Her thumb hovered over her sister’s face in sad fondness.

‘It’s really been a while. Look, you’re all grown up now, Soojung-ah. Unnie is proud of you.’

She closed her eyes and prayed.

‘May the ice love you more than it loved me.’

Despite being genuinely proud of her younger sister, she couldn’t deny the sting of bittersweetness every time she heard about her sister’s accomplishments. After all, she was once in Krystal’s shoes. Right now, Krystal was starting to reach the peak of her career and Jessica could not deny the envy inside of her no matter how hard she tried to suppress it.

She never even got a chance to go as far as Krystal did before her dreams were crushed.

Turning off her phone, she threw it across her bed, not caring where it landed. Her head turned to stare at her closet knowing full well what lay hidden in the back corner behind stacks of clothes.

She reminisced the feeling of being on ice last night.

It was...freeing.

She craved for more.