Hey, Gang! Happy New Year's Eve to my people in the West and Happy New Year's to my people in the East :~D You gotta love varying time zones. I realised it's been a while since I last updated this fic, so I figured I'd give it a whirl. This chapter happens directly after Seulgi slept with Kai *dun dun dun* What crazy chaos could I have in store for the characters next? Read on, my pretties :~P 

After Joy helped me bathe and dress myself in something more comfortable, I collapsed onto my bed and slept for hours, not realising before how tired I was. When I woke up later that day, Joy and I hung out and my roommate did her best to help me take my mind off of things.

It sort of helped because the next day, I got up and went to work and basically pretended that everything was fine.

Except it wasn't because I hooked up with Kai and didn't use a . All because I was so distraught about Irene and Suho being together.

God, I am so stupid.

What the hell was I thinking? As a woman, I should know better than to just screw someone and not think of the consequences. Thank God it was Kai and not some total random. But even so, I should've been more careful. I kinda got the impression before that Kai might dig me; the last thing I want to do is hurt the guy's feelings and string him along.

This is such a ing mess.

After pretending everything was fine for a good couple of hours, Joy went with me to a ‘Planned Parenting’ clinic in the neighbourhood where we lived during my lunch break. I was terrified beyond belief, but the faint pressure of Joy holding my hand reassuringly helped more than I could ever vocalise into words the longer we sat together in the waiting room together.

After receiving a consultation, the doctor wrote me a prescription for some ‘morning after pills’ to help counter the chances of falling pregnant after he ran some tests and such. According to him, the pill could be taken within 72 hours after engaging in ual . The window was still open for possible pregnancy even after taking the pill, but taking it lessened the chances considerably after having without a . So when we were done at ‘Planned Pregnancy’, Joy and I went to the drug store to pick up the prescription. She went back to the bar to start her shift and I went back to work and proofed the edit of the company's monthly in-house magazine. When I got home later in the evening, I grabbed a glass of water and downed the pill as easily as if it was a Tic Tac. Swallowing the bitter pill was the easy part. The hard part was still to come.

And then came the longest pause in my entire life as I waited impatiently for two whole months to figure out if I was pregnant or not. I couldn’t sleep, I could barely eat from worry. My fellow junior copy editors noticed my forlorn demeanour at work, but I tried to throw them off the scent by laughing (albeit weakly) at their every joke and story that they shared with me. But each day that I arrived back at the apartment after work, I would resort to pacing the length of the living room.

After 8 painfully slow weeks came and went, I went to a drug store and picked up several pregnancy tests first thing in the morning. I was going this route first in case it turned out I wasn't pregnant, then I wouldn't have to go back to 'Planned Parenting'. Going there just once was seared into my memory forever. Joy was at work, which meant that I had the apartment to myself. I pulled down my pants and sat down on the toilet seat, praying to every God I knew that I wasn't about to ruin my life because of one thoughtless mistake.

I hadn't spoken to either Kai or Irene during those two months. It was a heck of a lot easier avoiding Kai considering we didn't run in the same social circles that often and he only texted me once and got the hint when I didn't bother replying. But it was infinitely harder with Irene. I was amazed at how much she tried to get in touch with me: calls at work, calls on my cellphone, text messages, kakaotalk IM's, Skype, you name it. She tried to reach me everywhere I went and still I didn't answer.

I couldn't talk to her. A part of it was irrational anger because hers and Suho's anniversary had caused all this madness of late. But on the other hand, I was too embarassed and miserable to see her. Even though every single pore in my body ached to see her and hear her voice, I just couldn't deal with Irene, not until I knew if I was carrying a baby inside of me or not. I even enlisted Joy's help to run interference just in case either Kai or Irene tried to ambush me at our place.

I took a pregnancy test out of the first box, peed on the stick and waited a few minutes. Then just to make extra, I did it three more times afterwards and they all produced the same mind-boggling results.

Oh. My. God.

The outcome shocked me so much that I called my boss and feigned being too sick to come into work. Then I finally called Kai and we ended up talking for a really long time. I was still very much in a daze when I got home after walking around in Central Park for hours afterwards, finding Joy seated on the living room sofa looking through her mail. She got abruptly to her feet and moved quickly towards me when she saw the look on my face.

“I took a pregnancy test. Actually, I took four pregnancy tests.” I declared weakly.

“And?” Joy demanded impatiently, steering me over to the sofa so I could sit down.

It took a while for me to get the words out since I was still very much in the process of digesting the information myself. For Joy’s part, she didn’t try to rush me, but sat twiddling her thumbs in her lap until I was ready to talk.

“I’m not pregnant.” I finally croaked out.

I would’ve laughed at the comical sigh of relief that Joy emitted a second later if I hadn’t been so intensely relieved myself.

“Oh, thank God. How do you feel?” Joy pressed excitably.

“I was legit freaked out these past few weeks. Now I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.” I responded weakly.

“You and me both, sister,” Joy murmured dramatically before enveloping me in a tight hug that I desperately needed.

The moment was interrupted when the home phone began ringing shrilly beside the sofa. Joy frowned in confusion before scooching over to the side to answer it.

“Hello? Oh…hi, Irene.” Joy greeted cordially.

My heart thumped spectacularly in my chest at the mention of her name, coupled with that all-too-familiar murmur of phantom pain located near my heart. Joy must’ve sensed my inner turmoil because her eyes widened ever so slightly while she continued conversing with Irene.

But what could I do? I hadn’t spoken to Irene since she had told me about hers and Suho's anniversary plans. I still didn’t know what I was going to say to her after several weeks of not talking to her. But I suppose I was about to find out any minute now, one way or the other.

“Actually, you just missed Seulgi. She’s gone to the bank; there’s a problem with her account…” Joy lied unabashedly.

I nearly succumbed to an overt display of removing imaginary wax from my ears with my index finger, as if I hadn’t understood what Joy had just said. Why was Joy covering for me now that I was definitely not pregnant? Then my roommate met my eye and bit her bottom lip before turning her attention back to Irene once again.

“I’m not sure when she’ll be back. But I’ll pass on your message as soon as she gets home. Ok…you too…Bye.”

And as simple as that, Joy had bought me more time before I would eventually have to face Irene again.

“What did you do that for?” I asked curiously.

“You’ve been through enough lately as it is with waiting to find out if you were pregnant. Having to deal with Irene now just didn’t seem like a good idea. Or did you wanna speak to her?” Joy questioned, sudden worry appearing in her eyes at her spontaneous decision.

“I do want to speak to her, but not just yet. I need some time to think things through where Irene’s concerned.” I answered truthfully.

“What do you mean? Are you thinking about telling her how you feel?” Joy asked seriously.

“No, I’m not gonna tell her.” I returned assuredly. Joy seemed surprised by my answer. “What?” I asked in confusion.

“You’re really not gonna say anything to her?” Joy prodded in a ringing tone.

“How can I? She has a boyfriend, who she loves a lot. It wouldn’t be fair to her.” I reasoned sensibly.

“Fair to her? What about you, Seulgi? She doesn’t even know how much pain she’s causing you right now.” Joy fumed indignantly.

“So what are you saying? I should tell her I’m in love with her out of revenge? Because that would accomplish so much.” I retorted sarcastically. “How would telling Irene how I feel on any level be a good idea?” I asked more gently, regretting my harsh words from a second before.

“I’m not necessarily sure it would be. But if you did tell her, you’d at least know the truth once and for all. If she’s really in love with Suho as much as you say she is, then you can finally move on from her. Wouldn’t it be better that way?” Joy urged painstakingly.

“Yeah, it would be better that way. But everything’s just so screwed up right now, and I don’t know what to do about it.” I admitted softly, turning away from her for the first time since the start of the conversation. “Thank you for what you did back there with Irene. I really appreciate it…everything you’ve done for me lately, Joy.” I added earnestly, smiling at my roommate.

“You’re welcome, Seulgi. What are roommates for?” Joy asked softly, giving me a wry smile.

“Not just ‘roommates’. That’s what friends do for each other too.” I mumbled genuinely before enveloping her in a warm hug.

We sat like that together on the sofa for a while, Irene’s phone call forgotten in a matter of minutes.

But it was not meant to be that I would forget about Irene entirely. No matter how hard I tried, she was constantly on my mind: invading every thought, fantasy and nightmare. After Joy covered for me once, I started my own pattern of surreptitiously avoiding Irene whenever I could. And that included more of her phone calls, text messages, emails and online chats. But then the guilt began to weigh me down, so I slowly began giving her vague answers to her attempts to engage me, which replaced the former silence, which continued for another two weeks after my pregnancy test results came back negative.

I wasn’t angry at Irene anymore, far from it. But I needed my space, and the only way to achieve that was to avoid communicating with her as much as possible. As childish as it seemed, it was the only thing that gave me any sense of peace for long periods of time. It’s not to say that I was happy keeping my distance; on the contrary, I’d never felt more miserable and alone in my whole life. But I knew that I had to wean myself slowly of her for now so that we could finally return to that sweet and familiar sense of equilibrium called our platonic friendship. I needed to reach that place where my own feelings for Irene wouldn’t complicate things further or taint how much I genuinely cared about her. I convinced myself that it really was for the best, since I’d spent so much of my time around her lately.

Time passed really slowly during this particular two-week period. But those two weeks felt like a year of exile to me, weighing down on my mind like an iron ball of tyranny, suffocating me indefinitely. But my temporary hiatus from all things Irene wasn’t meant to be when I got an online message from her on Skype that had been sent to me while I was offline, asking me if I’d like to drop by Da Vinci's for a visit the following afternoon, which was a Saturday.

I pondered on her request for several hours that day, pacing the length of my bedroom for quite a while. I waited till Joy got home from her shift at the bar around 11pm to ask for her opinion on the matter.

“Seulgi, I can’t tell you what to do. If you want to see Irene, then go see her.” Joy replied impatiently while retrieving a bottle of tequila from the refrigerator and pouring herself a generous shot.

“I want to see her, Joy, more than anything. But what if it’s not the right time? What if seeing her just make things worse?” I asked tentatively, referring to my feelings.

“Well, you won’t know until you see her, will you?” Joy questioned matter-of-factly.

“Bite the bullet,” she suggested briskly before downing her shot in one big gulp.

“Ok.” I answered resolutely after nearly a minute of consideration.

Then I pulled out my cellphone and sent Irene a brief text message, telling her that I’d see her tomorrow. Then I locked my cellphone and put it back in my pocket.

“See? That wasn’t so hard.” Joy remarked casually, trying to make light of the situation.

“Speak for yourself. You just downed half of my liquid courage in the space of 5 minutes.” I quipped sardonically with an envious glance at the tequila bottle resting on the coffee table.

“I think you’ve had enough liquid courage for the month. Just stick with the regular kind of courage from now on,” Joy suggested blandly.

“Ironically, it’s the regular kind that’ll probably be the one to kill me.” I concluded frankly.

I slept horribly that night, waking up abruptly during intervals with the sudden sensation that I was falling off of my bed each time. I finally dragged myself out of bed around 8am when I found that I was wide awake. I sat at the kitchen table and poured myself a meagre bowl of Corn Flakes, drinking steadily on a tall mug of coffee with a mixture of creamer and milk in it. Joy joined me at the table a few minutes later, but we didn’t speak much, neither of us really being morning people.

Then after doing practically nothing around the apartment for a good two hours, I finally said goodbye to Joy and headed downtown to catch a train that would take me to Battery. There were no sights to see on a certain part of the journey underground, so I took out my iPod and listened to some of my favourite songs to calm my nerves.

I arrived there around 11:30am, a good half-hour before I had arranged to meet Irene. So I walked around the neighbourhood, peering into the windows of shops and side-stepping a few young girls playing jump-rope along the side-walk. And when it was finally time, I mentally squared my shoulders and let myself into the coolly air-conditioned ice-cream parlour.

The manager (who I now knew as Joan) smiled in recognition at me as I walked cautiously to the cashier’s counter. I tried my best to smile back, despite the queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach.

“Hey, Joan.” I greeted politely.

“Hey, Seulgi. How’s it going?” Joan greeted amicably, flashing another smile my way.

“I’m good. And yourself?” I inquired courteously.

“Fine, fine. Business is good too, lots of new customers flitting in every day.” Joan answered rapidly while wiping down the counter with a yellow sponge.

“That’s always good to hear. Is Irene around?” I asked curiously.

“Yeah, she’s just re-stocking the freezer out back. She’ll be finishing her shift in about 10 minutes.” Joan informed me.

“That’s cool, I’m a little early. I’ll just grab a booth in the back while I wait for her.” I explained patiently.

“Sounds like a plan. How about some ice-cream in the meanwhile?” Joan asked with a sly grin.

I chuckled and took the less-than-subtle hint by ordering a vanilla frozen yoghurt with a generous helping of peanut-butter M&M’s and chocolate sprinkles on the side. To pass the time, I arranged my condiments all along the contours of my frozen yoghurt before diving right in, savouring the cool taste of the dessert on my tongue.

And then a small knot formed in my stomach when Irene came to attend to some customers at the cashier’s counter. With a combination of unease and aloofness, I managed to avoid her gaze and went right back to eating my frozen yoghurt. But every now and then, my weary eyes wandered right back to Irene smiling and talking animatedly to the customers while she rang up their orders on the cash register. During my hiatus, I had somehow convinced myself that I was finally getting over Irene after months of pining over her. But as I watched her subtly from my booth, I realised more and more that I was nowhere close to moving on.

The knot in my stomach was slowly flooding my entire belly with unusual warmth, a sensation that I always associated with Irene’s presence in my life, either physically or emotionally. I finally forced my eyes away from her enthralling smile and tried to occupy myself with my frozen yoghurt, which was rapidly melting beneath my plastic spoon.

I was snapped out of my self-imposed reverie a few minutes later by a soft hand touching my shoulder. My heart leapt into my throat when I realised that it was Irene, not expecting her to be standing so close to me. And the worst part was that I had been unwilling to admit to myself just how much I had really missed her.

“Hey, stranger.” Irene greeted, a small smile dancing on her lips.

“Hey, you.” I greeted as stoically as possible while Irene sat down on the leather bench across from me.

“Whatcha got there?” she greeted with a look towards my dessert.

“Just some frozen yoghurt.” I answered nonchalantly.

“Seulgi, are we really gonna do this?” Irene asked with sudden seriousness, a sigh escaping her lips a second prior to that question.

“What do you mean?” I questioned in bewilderment.

“This. Awkward questions about the weather and a recap about who Justin Bieber has managed to piss off this time. What’s going on?” Irene questioned vehemently.

“Nothing,” I responded calmly.

“Why haven’t you returned any of my phone calls? Are you mad at me?” Irene demanded seriously.

“No, of course not.” I answered rapidly.

“Then what’s been going on, Seulgi? Because you've been avoiding me for two months. Two months! I’ve been really worried.” Irene declared painstakingly.

“I haven’t been avoiding you, Irene, I promise. The truth is…besides Joy and people at work, I haven’t been talking to any of my friends for several weeks, not just you.” I admitted hesitantly.

“Why? What happened? Are you ok?” Irene pressed urgently, her eyes reflecting her worry.

I paused for a while, considering how best to answer her question. I knew it would eventually come down to this: opting for the truth or another lie. I had given Joy’s words a lot of thought, about telling Irene how I really felt. But the more I thought it over, the more I realised how much I’d be giving up if I told Irene the truth now. If things went wrong, then I’d end up losing both the object of my affections and a good friend. And being naturally selfish, I didn’t want to lose Irene completely, even if I couldn’t have all of her. So I took the easy way out, or maybe just the equivalent of some semblance of sanity.

“I kinda hooked up with Kai about two months ago.” I confessed abashedly.

Irene, who had been patiently anxious up till this point, let her mask slip momentarily to reveal her surprise.

“Kai?!”

“Yip.”

“Like a one-night stand?” she asked with intrigue, excitement dancing in her eyes.

I nodded slowly, trying my best to look her in the eye.

“Wow. I thought you didn’t ‘do’ one-night stands though.” Irene pointed out carefully.

“I usually don’t. But I was especially upset one night when I went to Greenhouse and I saw him there too. I was drinking and I took an ecstasy pill too. One thing led to another and I ended up back at his apartment.” I explained hoarsely.

Irene pressed her back against the leather booth and whistled loudly. “Wow...” she marvelled out loud. “That is so weird. I thought you didn't even know Kai that well.” she added, staring suspiciously at me for a few seconds.

“I don't, not really. Besides those hangouts with you and Suho and one run-in at the gym, I hadn't seen Kai. I thought he was cool though and he was very sweet to me that night at the club. One thing led to another and I ended up in his bed somehow.”

, it's so embarassing sharing intimate details about my life with Irene. Does she think I'm a total now?

“Did you use protection?” Irene questioned seriously after a long while.

I shook my head, willing myself not to break down crying in front of her.

“Oh my God, Seulgi…” Irene trailed off in shock.

“I know, it was really stupid. But it’s ok because I got a 'morning-after' pill at a Planned Parenting Centre two months ago. And I took like four pregnancy tests a few days ago and came clean with Kai since I was avoiding him too. I’m not pregnant.” I replied meekly.

“Thank God,” Irene murmured in relief. I get that you sort of like Kai, he is a pretty cool guy. But why have with him if you don't usually do one-night-stands? Why were you so upset?” she asked softly.

This was it, the moment of truth. Time to smile and sell it. Or just cry on the inside while I delivered my lines like a pro.

“I was upset about the girl I like. She’s in love with somebody else; she told me before I went to Greenhouse. Something in me just snapped I guess, and I was tired of waiting around for someone who was never gonna love me back. So I did something really reckless so that I wouldn’t have to think about her or feel the pain anymore.” I answered earnestly.

“Oh, Seulgi,” Irene murmured painstakingly, reaching across the table to squeeze my hand gently.

“It’s not that I didn’t want to tell you. I was just…ashamed. And I was freaking out about getting pregnant through such ty circumstances.”

Irene sighed and ran her free hand through her hair. “You have nothing to be embarassed about, Seulgi. We’re all human, we all do stupid sometimes. I should be super pissed that you didn't tell me any of this and a part of me still is. But I’m so glad you’re ok.”

“Thanks for understanding, Bae. I really am sorry.”

A few more seconds of silence ensued before Irene asked the one question that I hoped I would never had to answer.

“So there’s really no chance at all? She doesn’t…reciprocate your feelings?” Irene asked in a hushed tone.

I looked at her brown eyes for a long while, searching for the truth that I had known all along from the start before shaking my head solemnly.

“No. There’s definitely no chance.” I answered meekly, finally looking away and breaking the spell.

Irene was clearly at a loss of what to say next, so I decided to change the subject.

“So tell me about your one-year anniversary. What special night did Suho conjure up for the two of you?” I asked in a decidedly jovial tone.

Irene smiled wryly before answering.

“It was nice.” She offered finally.

“Nice?” I demanded incredulously, a tiny chuckle escaping my lips. “Just nice? I thought Suho was gonna cook up a storm in anticipation of a super-romantic evening designed to sweep you off your feet.” I added with a drawling Brooklyn accent.

“He tried to cook up a storm…and smoked his whole house out. We had to wait outside in the cold for nearly 30 minutes before the house was completely free of smoke. When we got back inside, we ended up ordering Chinese take-out and cuddling on his sofa together while watching movies.” Irene explained wearily.

“That doesn’t sound so bad,” I replied evenly, keeping my laughter at bay for the moment.

Was it completely evil of me to feel so delighted by Suho's ineptness? Any rational person would have argued in the affirmative. But I was more than willing to grasp at any chance to alleviate myself of the intense misery I had been feeling for the past two months which stemmed from my belief that Irene and Suho had thoroughly enjoyed their one-year anniversary. Now I knew that was only partially true, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. But that didn’t mean I was completely heartless in light of Irene’s disappointment at how things had unfolded.

“It really wasn’t. We still had a nice time together.” Irene responded earnestly.

“Then that’s all that matters at the end of the day.” I agreed sincerely. “You’re really lucky, you know? Both of you…to have each other.” I added more seriously while looking her intently in the eye.

“Yeah, I know. I love Suho so much, he’s my whole world, Seulgi.” Irene declared with such intensity that caught me off guard a little.

But I recovered quickly and figuratively rallied the troops by saying: “I know.” I conceded softly.

Then Irene glanced at her watch and quickly got to her feet. “You wanna get out of here? Go watch a movie or something? It feels like ages since we’ve hung out, just you and me.”

I got to my feet slowly too and dusted off my jeans. “Yeah, sure.” I agreed.

Then without warning, Irene moved towards me and engulfed me in a warm hug. “I’m really glad you came today. I’ve missed you so much,” she breathed hard into my ear.

By nature, I’m not a touchy-feely kind of gal. Sure, I hug my siblings and kiss my friends affectionately on the cheeks whenever I see them. But the more my feelings grew for Irene, the more I realised that it was ok to be affectionate with the people you love, no matter how stupid you looked. I once read somewhere that you always run the risk of losing your dignity when you fall in love. I was already past the point of no safe return, so I threw caution to the wind and hugged Irene back, my arms snaking possessively around her waist.

“I missed you too, Bae. More than I can honestly verbalise into words.” I responded vehemently, feeling that all-too-familiar sting in the corner of my eyes in the wake of unshed tears.

My grip tightened on her all the more and I felt like I could hold her forever. But I knew I couldn’t, so I opted for second-best, knowing full well that all good things (even a hug) had to end sometime. I don’t know whether Irene fully understood the gravity of my words or not, but she let me hold onto her for what was more than necessary all the same before eventually disentangling herself. I was relieved to see that she was smiling broadly as she laced my hand with hers.

“You’re sweet.” She murmured genuinely as we made our way towards the main entrance.

And then we were back on the street, walking towards the nearest cineplex. I didn’t answer, but looked over at her and smiled, hoping that my eyes conveyed everything that I could never say out loud. Nothing was perfect right now as it stood in my life, much less with Irene. But it was enough for the moment.

It had to be. 

Yay, more Seulrene fluff. And Seulgi's not pregnant, double yay! You guys didn't really think I'd turn it into one of those 'pregnancy stories' where the Baby Daddy actually has game? Puh-lease ;~) My dad's just finished barbequing, time to bring on 'The Meat Sweats' in Joey Tribeani terms, lol. I hope you all have a wonderful 2016. Live it up and be good to yourselves *big hug* Pip pip cheerio!