---

>>HYE YEONG'S POV<<

As spring was nearing, so did the question of my contract renewal. My vocal teacher approached the topic first, saying my voice and talent couldn't be wasted, especially regarding the upcoming girl group which was supposed to debut later this year. I really admired my vocal teacher and appreciated all her advices, but I was more certain about my decision now than when I first signed the contract.

Maybe if I waited a little longer, I might debut with the girls but I honestly hated the idea of being kept in the company's dungeons when I could be out there doing something else. I wasn't let go easily, though. The company's staff kept asking me if I was really certain and if I wanted to reconsider since I might debut with the girl group after that. They offered me two more years, but I politely declined. Who were they kidding? Everyone here knows SM Entertainment isn't planning to debut another girl group for a long time. Until I'd get to debut, I was probably in my late twenties, no thanks.

A lot of the older girls didn't renew either, the debut line-up was officially finalised. They left one by one, including me. One of the girls I was put into a group with, Kim Seo Yeon, chose not to renew and we actually got close after leaving together. I had discovered the reason why she was suddenly added to the group for our showcase. Apparently, we were both very close for the selection so they wanted to test us in one group. It was a pure competition. Too bad we weren't chosen.

I talked to Jongin and Lu Han the most about my decision. Jongin was the one who persuaded me into auditioning and Lu Han was the one who recommended me not to go through another couple of years at the company. They understood my choice the best. I've never been like them or the other girl trainees. I can't handle the pressure and uncertainty. Not anyone can be an idol. It's mentally and physically exhausting.

I knew I was close to make the cut. Though I might think I was good enough, looking at my already debuted seniors, I realised I wasn't at that level yet; it'd take a long time. There was no guarantee I could join because the original formation of the new girl group was five members. At the end, I was told I didn't fit the next group's concept and I was surprisingly alright with the reason. It's just a concept, it's the company's loss. They lost a lot of aces and promising people.

Anyway, I fulfilled my part of the contract and was now free. No paying back my trainee debts, no worries and stress about training. We parted on good terms. It was a one in a lifetime experience and I certainly grew from it, I didn't regret having spent those exhausting two years at the company. I've met some really great people during the journey and learned what type of people to avoid. Cough, Go Sang Mi. She must've given up on becoming an idol by now, I haven't seen her around lately. I could've easily applied tFo another agency but I officially gave up on the entertainment industry. 

In the meantime, Lu Han was busy preparing for the comeback early next month. We won't be able to spend his birthday together due to his schedule, but he has a free day the week before. A new comeback took at least three months to prepare, but his group released about four albums including the one following, in the last eleven months? The poor boys. Good for them to promote, but there was no time left to take a break. When would they sleep and eat? I couldn't remember the last time I saw Jongin in person or hung out with him, not even his family met him personally. They are super busy. That's why I was grateful for the opportunity to see my boyfriend before his birthday.

Lu Han and I saw each other a few times in March but he was mostly in the practice rooms and rehearsing with the others. Our relationship is still going well, I guess. I thought we wouldn't be as lovey-dovey as we were when we first started dating, however, considering we didn't meet up often, we remained in that phase. And it's been more than two years since we were introduced to each other, too. How time flies.

"You don't know how happy I am to see your living room after months of being in an airplane and within the walls of the practice room. I haven't even seen the sunlight in a long time." Lu Han let out a deep sigh as he collapsed on my sofa. He quickly got a hold of himself and sat up, facing me with a bright smile. You don't need to try so hard in front of me. I know you are extremely tired and stressed out. "I can't keep complaining about the stress whenever I visit. You are sick of listening to those, too, right?"

I shook my head. "Just keep talking, don't keep it to yourself." I didn't care whether that was everything Lu Han talked about. He didn't have to worry about me getting sick of listening to his work stories.

"I don't know whether I can keep up with the next album, remembering how stressful the previous comebacks have been." Lu Han whispered rather to himself than to me. As if he was in his own world. "But I can't give up, right? I can't disappoint our fans and the members." His mood was going up and down again. Lu Han seemed to mentally regain his composure and turned his whole attention on me at last. "Tell me more about you, it'll distract me. It must be different not having to train day and night. What does it feel like to live an ordinary life again?"

I hestitated at first, checking if Lu Han was indeed fine. I'm seriously worried for his mental well-being. Insomnia, anxiety when dealing with huge crowds of people, being a workaholic to avert loneliness, and a lot of emotional pain. I didn't know how to help him or make him forget all those problems at least for a minute when we were together. Will it help to talk about trivial aspects of my life? "I'm still busy working part-time and studying, so it's not as physically draining. Min Young's been doing well, too, but I'm sure she's keeping you up to date herself. She still only ever talks about you, looking up photos and videos of your group." It wouldn't surprise me if Min Young had a fanpage by now, I'd totally believe it. As long as she doesn't post any private pictures of him which she took. "Be honest, you used Min Young, knowing she adores you, to get closer to me, right?"

Lu Han thought about my question for a while. "At first, I simply cared about Min Young, a mini version of you, because she obviously adored me as well. I actually get nervous with children, I never knew how to handle them and was a bit overwhelmed when Min Young became more attached to me. I think I stopped by often for a visit particularly because of you, so it's not entirely wrong. Soon, I had Min Young and your landlady behind me, and Jongin too to some extent. The only difficult aspect was to gain your trust and become your friend."

"I see, you had everything planned out." I , reminiscing some past memories. "I was most surprised about Mrs Nam and you, though. She later recounted meeting you when you visited for dinner. Who would the handsome flower boy be here for and why? She would've never thought you came to see us, why would I have a man over at night?"

"Maybe there are sides of you I don't know about." Lu Han raised his eyebrow at me jokingly and laughed. "At those circumstances, I had to say I am your boyfriend. It was late and dark, she wouldn't have believed me if I was a random dude showing up at your house. Mrs Nam was suspicious but she was under my spell quite fast, it took some convincing."

I can't say I'd miss those times because they weren't too long ago, but I'd always return to those quiet and carefree days. Lu Han hadn't debuted yet at the time, but looking back now, he risked a lot of things only to spend some time with us. And we weren't even dating. As I was about to say something to Lu Han, I heard a door opening and watched Min Young entering the living room. This girl should be in bed sleeping now.

"I can't sleep." Min Young said, looking very tired. "Am I disturbing your quality time alone?" She wasn't a little girl anymore, she would start middle school next year already. Min Young used to tease me a lot if it was about Lu Han, but now that she knew more, it got worse.

"Of course not. Come here." Lu Han patted on the seat between us and put on a bright smile, the one he usually gave to the camera and to his fans. The same deer smile with a slight difference. He probably didn't want to look weak in front of Min Young, one of his biggest supporters and earliest fans.

"We talked on the phone last week but I couldn't miss the opportunity to see you tonight." Min Young told Lu Han and looked between the two of us. "Something's off." She has always been quick to catch on but I didn't expect her to notice the odd atmosphere. "Are you breaking up?"

It wasn't a 'You aren't breaking up, right?' asking for confirmation that we wouldn't break up, but a straightforward question. As Min Young knows it might happen. Lu Han's and my eyes met. I couldn't speak for the future, anything was possible, but we weren't breaking up at the moment, no. I've never thought about what would happen if we did one day. We meant the world to Min Young, we were her everything and her family.

"Silly, we aren't. Don't worry." Lu Han's warm eye smile could've instantly convinced and won over everyone. Min Young would believe him as well if it was one or two years ago, but she didn't seem to buy it even though she was always the one trusting his every word.

"But if one day, you don't love each other anymore, don't stay together for my sake, alright? I'll probably cry a lot when you do, but that shouldn't be the reaosn for you to stay together despite your feelings." Min Young looked at us and smiled sadly. It broke my heart. Lu Han and I didn't even fight, we had a normal conversation yet Min Young had to worry about us breaking up. As of now, we are still happy together, we're just going through hard times.

"That's very mature of you to say, Min Young-ah. You will have to bear with me a little longer, I suppose." Lu Han caressed my sister's hair and reassured her we weren't planning to break up. Any time soon, at least. "Now go back to sleep, you can't be late for school tomorrow." 

When Min Young disappeared into her bedroom, silence filled the space. I'm sure Lu Han is thinking the same. Our eyes met but neither of us knew what to say. He must be feeling guilty. He's already doing his best and making time for us, but it doesn't seem enough for him. 

I closed the distance to place a kiss on his left cheek and smiled comfortingly. "Oh right, since your birthday is coming up in three days, I got you something." I should save up for different things, but considering what Lu Han had showered me with after earning his own money, it was the least I could do. I decided to give him the gift early instead.

"Wow, great! New shoes for my collection. I love them, thanks!" Lu Han's eyes shone when he took out the pair of sneakers I bought. "But they must've been expensive. Will it be alright?"

"I'll just work more shifts, it's okay. But don't you dare to run away after receiving the sneakers." It might be a superstition for bad luck in China, but Lu Han loved his shoes. When I saw them, I had to buy them for his birthday.

"No, I won't." Lu Han grinned at me and tried them on. They were new so I didn't mind him trying them on inside the apartment. "It's a pity we can't be together on my birthday. But I already received the