“And I hope you won't repeat that again, boy,” said the police officer as he patted Yoongi's shoulder and sent him off out to his mother who was waiting for him outside of the police station.

He thought that his mother would look angry. At least his father would, having his troublesome kid throwing out another tantrum, one that this time got the police involved. But surprisingly, she didn't show any sign of disdain. She was smiling instead, which made Yoongi feel worse. Her welcoming embrace made his heart hitch, though tears never found its way to his eyes. Yoongi never really cried. He had even forgotten the last time he did.

(Not like a certain someone, of course, who had probably made crying a hobby)

Yoongi disappeared again until Monday. This time no one really knew where he disappeared to. Knowing that the boy had left the house, the others got even more worried, they finally went to Yoongi's mother and contacted the cop afterward, making quite a ruckus. Yoongi would probably hate his friends for doing so, even when he realized that they were only trying to look out for him. This time he was simply too tired to be angry.

It was raining that day, just like one particular Thursday. In fact, it seemed to always be raining whenever something important happened. He was running through the rain, soaking his body wet on that Thursday, just like he did on the other.

That day he ran away without taking anything with him. Not his coat nor his bag. He just left the classroom without taking anything but his troubled mind, running along the road until his feet hurt. He didn't know how long he had been running and only when his feet couldn't take it anymore did he stop, his knees meeting the ground. It was probably in the middle of he night already when he realized that he was somewhere closed to the Auraji Train Tunnel.

Yoongi was a runaway until Monday, letting his feet brought him to different places without his head's consent. He slept on the Auraji Train Tunnel on Thursday night, tugged in blankets that the others had fortunately left on their last visit. He bought something to eat with very little money that he had on his pocket and slept on the train station on Friday. He sneaked back into his empty house on Saturday and slept on the gym's storeroom on Sunday.

He didn't know why he didn't get sick this time, considering the weather and the lack of food that he had forced his body to go through. That was probably convenient, since if that ever happened, he would probably be found lying unconscious with a high fever on the road by now. His feet had brought him once again towards the train station on Monday and by this point, his mind had impulsively come up with the idea of buying a train ticket to Seoul with the money he took from his house. That was when the police caught him walking like a zombie in the middle of the road and brought him to the station.

He didn't speak a word during their ride back home. His father was home that day and he acted as if Yoongi didn't even exist on the first place. His brother was the one who shouted at him, telling him how worried they all were and how selfish and irresponsible he was. But Yoongi stayed quite. He kept his mouth shut and locked the door to his room.

Everything was surreal. Here he was in his bedroom once again. He had been running away the last couple of days without a clear destination. He wanted to say that he had been running away for an unknown reason, but Yoongi himself knew exactly why. Last time when it rained on Thursday, he had spent his time cooped up in his bed for days, only because of a certain love confession. When he thought about it that way, it was perfectly understandable why he found himself running through the city like a ghost for the exact amount of time.

That time he was lying in bed, sick for days, the darkness of his room and the grey ceiling being his only companion. This time he had the chilling wind and the sky above his head. He had lifted his head as long as he could, hoping that the sky could comfort him like always, only to remind him of something that he tried his best to forget. And even when he closed his eyes each night, the only thing that echoed in his mind was the taste of Park Jimin's lips against his, no matter how many times had he repeat the same words like a charm over and over again.

“It was wrong.”

(Was it?)

+.-.+

It was yet another Tuesday as he went to school, face looking like a ghost. His friends quickly gathered around him, asking him questions and expressing their worries. Namjoon was the stern one, slapping him across his face instead the moment he saw Yoongi on school that day, telling him that he better not pull something as stupid as that again. They were all worried. A lot.

“Why the hell can't you go to us?!” Namjoon said, raising his voice.

He rarely saw Namjoon that mad, but he could actually understand what their leader was saying. He would probably do the same thing when one of his friend pulled out something as stupid as what he had done.

“Hey, Namjoon, stop it. Yoongi probably had his own reason,” Seokjin said, tapping Namjoon's shoulder lightly before turning his attention towards Yoongi. “It's all right, Yoongi. We're not mad at you. We're just worried.”

“Yeah, hyung. Please, we're always here for you,” Hoseok said.

Jungkook came with Minju next and both expressed their worry as much as the others did. They were standing on the hall just outside of the class as they one by one lectured Yoongi about how he actually meant to all of them. But it was Yujin who actually caught him off his feet, the girl just called out his name as she walked towards the classroom that day, looking at him with wide eyes.

Yoongi always knew that he didn't deserve any of Jung Yujin's warmth. He of course didn't deserve the girl's hug as well, as she just walked towards him and wrapped her hands around him in front of his other friends without uttering another word.

“You're so stupid,” she whispered to his ear as she hugged him tighter. “Don't you ever do that again.”

He answered her by returning the hug, thinking how he certainly didn't deserve her kindness. Why couldn't it be her instead? Why couldn't it be Jung Yujin that he kissed in the classroom that day? Why did it have to be-,

“Hyung?”

It was a whisper, or maybe the word hadn't even left the boy's lips yet. But somehow Yoongi could hear it. He turned his head towards the voice and had his eyes met the ones that mattered the most.

It was Park Jimin, standing there on the hallway with Taehyung next to him, looking at him as Yujin was wrapping her hands around him.

“You're back.”

It was the boy he was running away from, putting on a smile that cut his heart deep. His heart clenched and his knees felt weak again. His heart pounded and all he wanted to do was to run away again, just like what Jimin had done back then. This time it was him who did because everything was so wrong. He had to simply run away until he could fix it.

(Like running away could ever fix anything)

He didn't dare to turn his head around during the lesson, knowing that Park Jimin was sitting behind him. He didn't dare to lay his eyes on the boy. In fact he couldn't stand sitting on the classroom as well, remembering a certain something that happened back then on Thursday in this very room. He knew that his friends would be waiting for him on recess, yet he just left for the gym storeroom, lying upon the mattress, having his eyes fixed on the ceiling. These days he found looking at the ceiling more bearable than the sky that he loved. For once he found the dull, decaying white on the ceiling more appealing than the vast blue that drowned him in. At least those phantom white would only remind him how the roof needed repairing or some painting over, when the vast blue and white clouds above would remind him of a certain boy instead.

He didn't finish school that day, letting his feet brought him back home sometime before the second recess. For the first time, Yoongi wasn't having his head lifted to the sky.

He had his eyes fixed on the ground for the remaining walk instead.

+.-.+

School shouldn't be important anymore. He didn't care about his suneung's score. He should actually pour his effort into thinking about what he was going to do in Seoul. Yet he could only find himself lying on his bed most of the time, thinking about running away. He thought about going underground, a place where the sunlight wouldn't reach him. A place where the sky was hidden from view.

It was Jung Yujin's brave voice that called out to him that early morning on Wednesday, his mother telling him that the girl was waiting for him.

“What are you doing here?” he said, seeing as the girl was dressed in her school uniform, ready to go to school. Her house was way closer to the school than his and this meant she had spent her time walking from her house to his in the crack of morning to do something that Yoongi was questioning right now.

“I'm fulfilling our promise,” she said, rummaging her bag before taking out a 10.000 won note and handing it to Yoongi.

“What?”

This was nonsensical. A girl, coming to his house only to deliver some money.

“We made a bet back then, remember? About Mrs. Oh,” she said. “I lost.”

The memory hit him like a train. And with that, something made him sigh. Why couldn't it be her, he thought. Why couldn't he lift his head right now and see that the sky was fixed. That the sunrise was once again beautiful instead of agonizing. That each strand of clouds would remind him of her.

But it reminded him of Park Jimin instead. It always did.

“It's weeks ago. You don't have to do this right now,” he said.

His words seemed cold to her, Yoongi could tell, for something flashed on her face in a second before another wide smile replaced it. Jung Yujin. She hid her expression as best as a sudden summer rain.

“It's okay,” she said. “Please take it, Yoongi.”

He definitely didn't deserve this.

“Why are you doing this?”

He knew the answer. He probably knew. But instead she just smiled warmly before continuing.

“I just wish you'll come to school again.”

That was what his friends had been wishing for him to do. But if he did than he would meet Park Jimin. And when he saw Park Jimin he-,

“Tell you what. Fine, you don't have to take this one, but I'm making another bet right now,” she suddenly said. “I bet you 10.000 won that Min Yoongi wouldn't go to school today.”

Her words hurt him more instead. That was their running joke. It was something that only the two of them talked about and how she brought it up now just made him feel even more guilty. He could only answer her with a smile. Years from now he probably had Jung Yujin to thank for.

“You're going to be broke, Jung Yujin.”

+.-.+

Every time he remembered about that day it hurt. Every time he looked at the sky it hurt. Every time he looked at Jimin it hurt. He tried his best to keep his eyes away from the boy. He forced himself to come during recess with the boys hanging on their favorite spot. Jimin was there, of course, sitting across him with watchful eyes. All the time he kept his eyes on the ground. His friends didn't really ask him what was wrong, but they knew something was.

Yet the more he forced himself to be there, the more his stomach churned and his heart clenched. He thought that he could forget about it, pretended like nothing ever happened. That was the best thing to do. Deep down he knew he wanted to stay friends with Jimin. Jimin was his friends upon all things. Nothing needed to change. He would try his best to act normal, spending the time they had left in Yeoryang-myeon. Yes, that was what he would do.

The thing he did was wrong and thus it never happened. It wouldn't change anything. He could just erase that one scene. That rainy Thursday didn't exist. He never said to Jimin how he probably had been hating the boy all this time. Jimin never asked him whether he loved the boy or not. Most of all, their lips never met. The two never kissed and-,

“Hyung, can I talk to you?”

Yoongi was standing alone in the gym storeroom, inflating some spare ball for their usual basketball practice on Thursday. He had forced himself to come, knowing that Jimin would be there as well, the boy shooting him with a longing expression, one that Yoongi couldn't stand to witness.

He turned his head around to see Jimin, standing by the door of the storeroom, closing it behind him. His stomach churned with the sight of Park Jimin alone, his mind telling him to run away that very moment if he could. But didn't he just tell himself to pretend like it never happened? He shouldn't be running away. Didn't he hate Jimin so much for doing exactly that?

“About what?” he said, being oblivious to the apparent fact. Of course he knew what Jimin wanted to talk about.

Jimin took another step forward towards him.

“About yesterday, about-.”

“There's nothing to talk about,” he quickly said. “It never happened,” he added again, fixing his eyes on the ground. Because he knew that he couldn't look at Park Jimin on the eyes. He would look at Park Jimin on the eyes and he would only want to-,

“No, hyung. We need to talk about this,” Jimin said instead, something that Yoongi certainly didn't expect the boy to say. He expected the boy to stay quite, to play along with his game, letting everything forgotten into the realm of things that shouldn't be spoken of.

“No, we don't. Nothing happened,” he said, walking towards the closed door instead with his eyes still fixed on his own feet.

But Jimin raced him towards the door, stopping himself from reaching the handle.

“Step off!” Yoongi said, raising his tone.

“No,” the younger answered, sounding assured.

“Step off or I'm going to hurt you.”

“You wouldn't!”

Yoongi contemplated to do exactly that, running his punch against the boy's stomach right in front of him just to proof him wrong. Somehow he remembered about that day as the two of them stood under the rain. It was Jimin who begged Yoongi to let him go. Now it was the complete opposite.

“I'm going to count to three and you better step off.”

“Listen to me, hyung,”

“One.”

“Please just let me-,”

“Two.”

“Not until you look at me on the eyes.”

Yoongi didn't count to three. The boy just asked Yoongi to look at him on the eyes. He didn't dare to. Half of his mind told him not to. It was dangerous. Something bad would happen if he did. Another half told him that it was nothing but mere eye contact. What else could possibly happen?

So he did, raising his head and looked back into the sky in front of him if that was what it took for him to gain his freedom from this conversation he dreaded so much. But why? Why did he keep on seeing his favorite stars there in front of him?

“What are you so afraid of?” Jimin said back.

You. Yoongi wanted to say. The fact that I could see the sky in your eyes.

(And how he saw Jimin's on the sky)

He had the feeling that something had changed back then, something that he couldn't really put his finger on. He realized it was him who did and it scared the life out of him. He didn't like boys. He didn't dream about kissing a boy. He had girlfriends back then as well and he had kissed more than just one girl. Park Jimin was his best friend and nothing more. But why did he mean to him as much as the sky did?

Why did the scene of yesterday keep haunting his mind, his heart beating like mad even now and that slight feeling of excitement creeping underneath his skin?

“Now let me go,” he hissed, taking his gaze quickly away.

“Jesus, hyung. You kissed me back!” Jimin screamed. “You kissed me back and don't you dare deny that!”

He did. He kissed Jimin back and he could remember how he tasted upon his lips.

“Shut up! It never happened, okay? It was wrong.”

“Then why are you acting like this? You can't pretend like it just never happened. Don't you think about how I feel?”

Jimin used to be timid. He used to be the one who ran away. This time he was the one who confronted Yoongi. Maybe he was tired. He was tired of hoping. Yoongi gave him something and he clung on to that one single hope, determined not to ever let go.

“You're the one who said that nothing needed to change,” Yoongi said, pointing his finger towards Jimin. He knew that it was a puny excuse, to turn this around and blame it on Jimin altogether.

“But does it?” Jimin asked. “Does something change?”

He wanted to say no. Should have said no. But his mind reminded him that he would be lying if he did. Something did change. Maybe it was somewhere between their bicycle ride or their walk back towards home. Or maybe it was during their conversation underneath the moonlight. Either way, something did change and he didn't want to accept that.

He couldn't accept that.

“Answer my question, hyung,” Jimin said, as the room fell silent.

“Shut up, this conversation is over,” he said, trying to reach for the door's knob once again before Jimin blocked him yet again. They ended up struggling, Yoongi trying to get out of the room and Jimin stopping him from doing so.

“Why do you keep running away?!”

Because something changed and he was afraid. Something changed and he couldn't understand it. Something changed because when he looked at Jimin he saw the stars. When he looked at his face his stomach churned. And when he looked at Jimin he just wanted to-

“Just tell me that you don't love me then and-,”

“Shut up!”

Yoongi didn't know why he did it. He raised his head and he looked back at Jimin's eyes. Maybe half his mind thought that doing so would catch the boy off guard, providing him with the freedom he was dying to gain. The other half of him, felt like he was punched in the stomach with an invisible force. He saw the stars in Jimin's eyes once again. He remembered about that rainy day on Thursday and there was the truth he was so afraid to face, right in front of him.

Because when he looked at Park Jimin, all he wanted to do was to grab the boy by the neck and kissed him again like before.

And that was what he did.

He grabbed Jimin by the neck and pressed his lips hard upon the boy's. He did it without thinking, once again having all those questions rammed towards the corner of the room. Maybe he would understand it better now. Maybe he would find what he was doing repulsive, pushing the boy once again and realized that all this time he did like girls instead. Maybe this was him not having any action for the past year, his own lust speaking for him.

Or maybe this was him kissing someone that he loved. Maybe this was him kissing someone that he loved and he enjoyed every second of it, with him trapping Jimin upon the door, holding his neck and planting a harder kiss upon the boy's soft lips.

Jimin answered him just as hard of a kiss before suddenly he was the one being pushed against the adjacent wall with such force, both wrist restrained with the clutch of Jimin's fingers, the boy making sure that he wouldn’t be able to push him back again like before. At first it was Yoongi taking the lead but Jimin quickly took him over, the boy wasn't afraid whatsoever to taste every bit of Yoongi that there was, their kiss becoming more intense. Jimin's tongue played against his and slowly the fingers encircling his wrist had ventured down to his waist, gripping his shirt tightly for dear life, as if he would disappear again if he wouldn't. 

Jimin's tongue against his teeth got Yoongi's body jerking in surprise and Jimin comforted him with a sigh against his lips. He took it slowly, drawing circle upon Yoongi's waist and he knew how thirsty he was. Heck, both of them were. Jimin wasn’t every bit shy and Yoongi wasn’t too with the slow moan that escaped his lips with each passing second. Heat. That was the only apparent thing that his mind could process. That and how they gasped for air but reluctant to break their entangling lips. His whole body was on fire he felt like burning, even more so down his pants.

The voice of reason in his mind grew silent with each passing second. The only sound filling that small room was their own low grunts and labored breath. Yoongi cupped Jimin’s with one hand, the other still clawing at the younger boy’s back and pulled him closer, trying to get the friction he desperately needed. Jimin had seemingly the same idea, ing his hips towards Yoongi’s, he could feel the burgeoning underneath Jimin’s pants.

This was wrong in every way possible. Didn’t he just desperately try to avoid Jimin? He’d been trying to for the last few days, avoiding his own gaze from landing on the boy and had his mind from remembering how those pink lips tasted under his own. But why would something wrong felt this good? Why would something wrong felt this sublime? This was him not giving any damn whatsoever for their friends, waiting for them outside in the gym. This was him giving in to every wrong that he had thought. And most of all this was him not wanting to stop, not wanting to part with the sky that was melting in his mouth, with the warmth encasing him in its embrace.

And maybe they wouldn’t stop, if it wasn’t for the door being opened.

“Oi, hyung, what's taking you two so-,”

Both of them froze and suddenly Yoongi’s skin became hot water to Jimin’s fingers. The boy leaped behind, taking as far a space as he could get right when Jungkook entered the room from the adjacent side.

Yoongi took a series of deep breaths whilst Jimin just messed with his own hair, looking at the ground as if nothing had happened. That was all that Yoongi hoped Jungkook would realize as he panted on, taking in heavy breathes and wiping the sweat on his forehead.

“We’re just-,”

But then Yoongi saw it. The look on Jungkook’s face. At first it was confusion, looking back from Jimin and then to Yoongi again with brows furrowed. Then it turned into something else, something that he feared. His world broke once again, sending him deeper and deeper into the bottom of the ocean.

“Guys, are we having a party here?” this time it was Taehyung, stepping into the room, putting his arm on Jungkook's shoulder with a wide smile, clearly joking.

“I don't know. Are we?” Jungkook said, his tone malicious before he turned around and exited the room, leaving Yoongi feeling like he just set his whole world on fire.

Yoongi had to go away. He had to get away from Park Jimin or he would make the same mistake again. He was afraid of making another mistake. Jimin could simply walk towards him and everything will falter with something as easy as a touch of a hand. He turned his back, ignoring both Jimin and Taehyung and rushed back towards the gym.

“Hyung, where’s the ball? We need it in case Namjoon-hyung's deathly touch made its comeback,” Hoseok said.

“I’ll pass this time. I’m heading home,” Yoongi said as he made his way across the gym to grab his back, ignoring Hoseok's questions and the following footsteps behind him. The others seemed confused with his sudden escape. Out of the corner of his eyes he could see Jungkook, being the only one who gave him a certain look, one that read how he knew something had indeed happened.

Yoongi ignored them all, thinking first about getting away from this all as fast as he could.

The moment he exited the gym, he ran as fast as his feet could, hoping that no one was pursuing him. He ran all the way to his house without catching a breath. Everything was reduced down to one word for him ; chaos. His heart kept on pounding. His mind, on the other hand, went from how good Jimin felt underneath his touch to the look that Jungkook gave him. Both were imprinted in his mind and played in a series of flashback that tortured him over and over again as his feet raced on the ground.

That day he felt like he was teared apart. Everything was confusing. The only thing he was sure of that day, was feeling scared.

For the first time in his life, Min Yoongi was afraid. He was terrified.

He needed to run away again, to disappear from this earth like he did back then. Yeah, this time he could really go to Seoul just like he had dreamed about it. He didn't need anything. Just the clothes on his body and his determination. That was all that it took. That was right. Running away was always the answer. This time he would be gone for good.

And Jung Yujin would probably be 10.000 won richer each day for his disappearance.

He was halfway towards the train station when his mind thought about that one particular girl. Why couldn't it be her? Why couldn't it be her that he wanted to kiss? Why couldn't it be her that he liked? He would be normal then. He was supposed to be normal but something changed, didn't it? Park Jimin changed something inside of him. He turned him into something that he was scared to face.

Yoongi gritted his teeth and he turned his heels. He would hate himself for this. He would hurt a lot of people. But hadn't he been doing exactly that? He had already hated himself for kissing Jimin. Maybe this would set everything right. This would probably fix everything.

That was the thing that crossed his mind as Yoongi found himself impulsively running towards Yujin house, knocking on the door quite frantically soon after.

The girl greeted him with confused look, even more so as Yoongi bent down, hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath.

“What's wrong, Yoongi? Are you all right?” she asked.

Nothing was going to be all right. He needed to fix everything.

Yoongi lifted his head and saw the one girl who sincerely liked him as much as the boy that he just kissed. He hated himself. He would hate himself more for doing this, but at least he was fixing things.

(He was fixing things, right?)

“Jung Yujin,” he said, still catching his breath.

“Yeah?”

He would hate himself for this. He definitely would.

“Would you go out with me?”