Chapter Text

“And I thought that you wouldn't have the guts to do it!” Minju said with a smirk on her face. “Finally! I thought you're going to end up like Seokjin.”

“Oh please, don't compare me to that coward,” Yoongi answered, sticking out his tongue.

It was recess and he was lounging with the girls instead of the staircase where he usually would be, with his arm en circling his new girlfriend's waist. Yes, Min Yoongi had a girlfriend right now.

Min ing Yoongi was dating a girl and she was Jung Yujin.

“Anyway, big congratulation to the both of you. Aish, noona, I can't believe this finally happen,” chimed the youngest, Jaein, as she sat in their classroom with both hand cupping her cheeks and a puckered lips. “You better take care of noona well. She really likes you,” she added again, this time pointing her fingers towards him in what looked like a makeshift threat.

Yoongi just answered it with a dry smile

“It's so rare to have you spending the recess with us. Aren't you going to introduce your new girlfriend to the boys?” Yuna said.

He already did, actually, c oming to school that morning with his fingers laced around a pair of others before Hoseok dropped his jaw. Seokjin's eyes just grew wide and Namjoon was totally going to for it. Taehyung was being a jerk for punching him on the arm over and over again, saying something about bro-code and leaving the five of them to suffer the life of being single men. And Jungkook-,

The boy gave him a certain look, one that made Yoongi throw his gaze away immediately, afraid of looking any further. He was the only one who kept his mouth shut, watching silently as Hoseok shook Yoongi's body this time before turning towards Yujin, making sure that she was in her right mind for accepting Yoongi's words just like that.

But she did. She accepted his words as easy as that. She looked surprised at first. Yoongi thought it was going to be a no, or how she probably needed some time to think. It was abrupt, indeed, any girl in their right mind wouldn't probably accept an impromptu love confession from someone who looked like they had been running a marathon before. Or maybe it was how Yoongi was sweating and catching his breath that took her away, the girl probably saw a man who couldn't wait to profess his love instead.

Either way, Jung Yujin was definitely one of a kind, because she didn't explode into tears nor did she grin widely with face embarrassingly red. She looked taken aback slightly, before the same smile painted her face as a soft 'of course' escaped her lips.

That day, he sported Yujin like a medal, having her near him and practically bragged about leaving the single life behind to every living soul in the class. She was his way of fixing everything right. She was him proving that he was right. The two of them went back home together that day with linked hand, even when the chilling winter air had pretty much froze their fingers together.

“Are you happy today, Yoongi?” she said as they walked slowly through the road.

Before he even realized it, autumn had been replaced by winter. There wouldn't be anymore rain soon, the snow replacing them just like the white did to the red. He didn't even have time to observe his changing surrounding, how the trees was bald and the air struck him cold to the bone. And the sky? That was right. What had become of the sky right now? Yoongi didn't dare to lift his head up to face his lover anymore.

“Of course I am,” he said, turning his head towards his new girlfriend with a fake smile plastered across his face. It was easier to have his notorious smirk on when he was amongst a crowd. But here in front of Jung Yujin, he found it even harder.

She nodded slightly, heads looking up ahead before she took Yoongi's arm and hugged it tight.

“Good, because I am too,” she whispered back.

That day, as the two of t hem walked side by side in the heart of freezing winter, Yoongi could only feel guilty. He did like her, a voice in the back of his mind said. Maybe it was self-reassurance or simply a way for him to ease this burning guilt that crushed his body whole. But either way, wasn't she happy with this? He had made her happy, hadn't he? His friends were as well and that meant he had done the right thing.

That day it wasn't Yujin's lingering arm around his nor the warmth that she shared that took his attention.

It was the empty seat behind him that actually did.

Not only the seat. Something inside of Yoongi went empty as well.

+.-.+

Yoongi contemplated about leaving his house again for good since that was the situation that happened last time. He tried his best to avoid his father and even if the two met, they just pretended that either of them didn't exist on the first place.

That was probably what he would do to Jimin, pretending that the boy didn't exist. It made it easier when he didn't come to school on Friday. Yoongi locked himself in his room for the remaining weekend, trying his best to sleep for as long as he could, because only then would he be free of those lingering thoughts that haunt him, even when he got his eyes wide opened. Only in the realm of his dream would he be rid of the memory of how a certain someone's lips tasted upon his.

But only in the realm of his dream as well, would the said scene be replayed in such excruciating details and heightened sense, that Yoongi woke up with a jolt in one particular Sunday morning with sweat-drenched body and a completely restricting pants. It made Yoongi hate himself more as he splashed water over and over again across his face that morning, muttering to himself how wrong it was. What happened the following afternoon didn't really help at all.

It was Seokjin calling out his name loudly through the window out of his house somewhere before ten with a loud smile that got him rolling his eyes. 'A legit doubledate' is what he said this time, coaxing him out of his cave for yet another trip to see a movie to the city. He wasn't really in the mood for anything, he wanted to say.

“But aren't you dying to spend some time with your precious new girlfriend?” Seokjin said, smiling wide. “Come on, Yujin would love this.”

That moment two things were clear to him. Yoongi knew that he couldn't refuse the older's wish no matter how persistent he might be, and how he was indeed going to hate himself even more for what he was about to do.

Even when he got his hands wrapped around Yujin's waist on the train ride, the four of them conversing about another possibility of a trip in the near future, to him holding her hands during the entire movie with her h e ad resting on his shoulder, Yoongi could only think how each minute that passed made him hate himself even more. He could only be remembered about the said hatred even when they ate together in a small little cafe, he ended up sharing a bowl of sundae with Yujin despite the fact that it was winter already, making her blush as he wiped a certain stain from her cheek with a smirk on his face. That hatred had grown into despise as they board the train back to Yeoryang-myeon, the last hint of sunset haunting him through the window, being a silent witness as Yujin fell asleep on his shoulder in front of the giggling Seokjin and Minju. When he turned his head to face the scarlet sky, he felt as if the sun had been watching him all this time, shaking his head in disapproval, disappointment being clear on his eyes. Then the moon would resurface and this time she would taunt him back , eyes watching his every move as he walked Yujin back to her home on Sunday night.

That despise lingered there still, painting his heart black like a disease and turning his mouth sour. And when that so-called girlfriend of his turned her head in front of her door, smiling that soft smile and thanking him for all the wonderful things that he had done for her that day, Yoongi felt like setting himself on fire. Because at least that was what he deserved, being set on flames and succumbed to an agonizing death. He didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve an honest girl like Jung Yujin who liked him for who he was.

Yet, it seemed like hating himself was not enough, because when your girlfriend stood there as if she was waiting, squeezing her fingers repeatedly with gaze wandering elsewhere, Yoongi knew exactly what she wanted. At the back of his mind he thought that at least she deserved a little bit of a price, if that was what it would be seen as. A price. A little token of gratitude for being a proof that Yoongi needed.

So Yoongi learned that day, that there was indeed something more agonizing that hating oneself. Min Yoongi grew from hating himself to being disgusted by his very being, as he took a step forward towards her, putting his hands around her neck and pulled her into a kiss.

That day Yoongi learned how disgusting he was as he kissed Jung Yujin on the lips and could only be reminded of Park Jimin instead.

+.-.+

Min Yoongi dreaded Monday. He dreaded Monday because he knew Jimin was probably going to be there. The only place where he was going to meet Jimin was probably the school, and by this time he didn't know whether his friends would realize that they were avoiding each other all over again. Maybe they would, though having a girlfriend certainly served as an excuse of wanting to spend his time alone. That morning he came to school, hoping to find the seat behind him empty.

What greeted him was Ikje's annoying smirk instead and Yoongi was either way still bothered by it. So this was the pattern, he thought. Jimin was going to avoid him and Yoongi wouldn't do anything to stop it this time. They would pretend like nothing ever happened, the two of them gradually growing apart and problems would be solved in something that seemed like denial.

He didn't even turn his head to search for a certain someone, who supposedly would be sitting on Ikje's seat when the lesson started. No, he didn't and shouldn't need to, even when the said person's figure was missing once again in recess with Taehyung. It was only the five of them by their favorite place on the stairs and Yoongi tried his best to laugh along to his friend's joke instead of thinking about the obvious problem that he had .

Min Yoongi did dread Monday. That moment he realized that he dreaded Monday not only because he knew Jimin was going to be there, but because Jungkook would be as well. The whole thing that happened with Yujin and Yoongi drowning himself in self-hatred made him forget about a certain look that felt as if a knife was lodging itself in his guts. That recess he was reminded about that as the boys made yet another joke on him.

“But really, hyung, I don't even see it coming. You and Yujin, I mean,” Hoseok said with a playful smirk. “I thought that you're not interested.”

“Well, you know now that I am,” he said with a smug expression. That was the card that he had been playing since yesterday, how proud he was with having Yujin as a girlfriend now and how everyone should be learning how it took to capture a girl's heart from him. It worked really well, considering Yujin played along with expressing how a certain someone 'ran all the way to her house only to proclaim his undying love'.

“Yoongi-hyung could always be unpredictable,” Namjoon commented with a smirk.

H e thought that the conversation was going to end there . Yet he was proven to be wrong, since Jungkook decided to twist that knife deeper intohim with his sharp words.

“And I thought you didn't even like girls, hyung,” their youngest nonchalantly said.

The others laughed immediately to that, thinking that it was one hell of a good joke, considering it was the youngest that decided to come up with it to mock the notorious Min Yoongi. But Yoongi on the other hand knew that it was indeed something else, as Jungkook looked back at him with a certain malicious look that made his own mouth ran dry.

“Yah, what do you even mean, Jeon Jungkook,” he answered back, hiding that restlessness in his own voice. “You better learn from your hyung here on how to steal a girl's heart.”

“This hyung is right, Jungkookie, because we're totally waiting for the time when you and Suji call it official,” Hoseok said, slinging his arm behind Jungkook's shoulder and messed with the boy's hair.

Yoongi probably got Hoseok to thank for, since he steered the conversation quickly away from him. Yet the nightmare was still there, his fear turning itself into a reality. How much did Jungkook really see back then? He certainly didn't see much, did he? But then again, they were right in front of the door, even Yoongi couldn't mistake it if he was in Jungkook's shoes . What should he say to their maknae, then? It wasn't anything. His eyes had probably deceived them. The two of them didn't do anything back then.

But what if Jungkook had told other people? No, it wasn't possible, was it? What was there to even tell? Min Yoongi had a ing girlfriend right now. Even if such rumor like him kissing someone in the gym storeroom resurfaced, no one was going to believe it.

Still, he needed to talk to Jungkook. The least he could do was to explain to him. That way, he could set everything right, making sure that Jungkook realized that he wasn't-,

“Jungkook, can I talk to you?” he said, as they were going back to their respective class, Yoongi ended up taking a detour to talk to Jungkook in front of the younger's class.

I t was there again, that look that Yoongi dreaded so much, a simple gaze that made his blood run cold.

“There's nothing to talk about, hyung,” the younger answered before casually turning around, disregarding his words.

That was the very first time Jungkook had ever been disrespectful towards him. The boy had never done such a thing, especially to Yoongi. Sure, he was a bit more relaxed in front of Taehyung or Jimin, playing along to their banter and loud shenanigans, he even missed the hyung when he addressed Jimin from time to time . But Yoongi was supposed to be his respected hyung, one that Jungkook talked to whenever he went deep into future aspiration or simply when he thought that he wasn't good enough to be a part of them .

“Hey you bastard, I'm talking to you!” Yoongi said, grabbing Jungkook's arm hard before yanking him back with a sudden jolt.

He thought that maybe Jungkook would yell at him, would throw a punch at his face. He could take all of that. Yet he simply yanked his hand backafter nothing but a single touch and made an expression that Yoongi couldn't forget. It was imprinted in his mind just as much as Jimin's disappointed face would be and both would haunt him for the days to come.

That exact moment, Yoongi didn't need any other reason to dread Monday, because the prepared words that he had repeated in his head came out as a stutter instead. It was rage at one point, before he found himself shrinking in front of Jungkook because of nothing but a single gaze.

“L-listen. What you saw that time it was-,”

“I think I've seen enough, hyung,” Jungkook said before he turned around and entered the classroom, leaving a dumbfounded Min Yoongi who felt as if he had been doused in cold water.

Because the most horrible of all, Jungkook didn't even need to say any thing more than that. It was him jerking his hand away because of nothing but a single touch and a gaze that spoke for everything. This was what Jimin had been receiving from his parents each day. This was what Jimin had been so afraid of. And this was what he promised Jimin he would never do.

It was Jungkook looking back at him with nothing but disgust in his eyes.

+.-.+

“Oi, lover boy,” mocked Ikje from behind his seat.

“What do you want, ?” Yoongi hissed back maliciously without even turning his head. He was certainly in no mood for any banter, especially one that was coming from Ikje's mouth.

It was a self study session and the class erupted with nothing but voices and laughter. From his seat, he could hear Hoseok's scream as he made an impromptu charade game with some classmates . Seokjin was probably sitting at the corner with Minju, holding hands underneath the table whilst gazing at each other's eyes almost too disgustingly. Yujin was chatting with Yuna instead about a certain hair conditioner and Yoongi was left in his seat doing absolutely nothing.

A certain scene was playing on repeat in his head, a certain look that he couldn't get rid off from his head. Even in the end, he couldn't explain it all to Jungkook. He hadn't said the most important thing. Nothing happened in the storeroom. There was nothing going on between Jimin and him. And most of all Min Yoongi wasn't a-,

And Ikje threw an eraser once again to the back of his head before Yoongi turned around right that instant with wide eyes and a fist that landed on the other's wooden desk.

The boy raised his hand. “Wow, easy there. Just trying to be playful. Don't you think it's a bit boring? ” Ikje said.

But Yoongi knew Ikje more than anything. He knew that the boy was never trying to be just nice or friendly with him, considering their past history (which by this time Yoongi couldn't even remember. He just simply knew that he disliked him for a reason and that was all that he needed to know).

“Shut your trap, Ikje. I'm not in the mood today,” he hissed before turning back around. This was certainly the last thing that he needed, Ikje sitting there right behind him, irking him with every single breath that he had.

“Chill, Yoongi. What? Not having your Jimin sit here sends you in a bad mood?” Ikje said again, definitely mocking him.

The thing was, it wasn't the first time that he did. Ever since the stargazing incident there was one or two joke that popped up from time to time, some of them even commenting about how sweet it was for Jimin and him to do something so romantic. This wasn't certainly the first time Ikje had done so as well, which he usually rebutted with a halfhearted threat.

He should be doing the same thing this time as well, but something just snapped inside of him. It was probably Ikje choosing the wrong day to taunt him or m aybe it was everything coming down on him, the kiss, Yujin and Jungkook's gaze altogether. Or maybe Ikje knew. Maybe that bastard saw what others didn't, saw those moments as he made a grave mistake of exchanging breaths with Jimin.

“What did you say?” he said, turning around again, only to see a huge grin smacked on the other boy's face.

Or maybe Jungkook had told him. Maybe Jungkook had told everybody, a nd despite him having Yujin by his side, no one was going to be convinced anymore . But then, they would all be wrong. Because that wasn't Yoongi. Whatever they thought about him, it was wrong. He would never be-,

“I said, have you been going out for another stargazing session with your precious boyfriend?”

Yoongi slammed his hand on the table before he stood up and pointed his finger at Ikje. He had had enough of that.

“Shut up,” he said, his tone low and definitely threatening.

Ikje seemingly got the message, his face looked a bit flustered before he opened his poisonous mouth yet again, which was nothing but a horrible mistake . He simply didn't know when to quit, did he?

“Hey relax, it's just a joke, okay?” he said with the same smirk still painting his face. “It's not like I'm insulting your boyfriend or-.”

“I have a girlfriend now, all right?!” Yoongi yelled before Ikje could finish his sentence, slamming his fist once again on the boy's desk.

This was just Ikje being a prick. This shouldn't mean anything. He shouldn't lose his cool, shouldn't get caught up in this stupid insult. But at the same time, it was everything. It was Jungkook's gaze, it was everything that he wanted to proof wrong.

“Hey Yoongi, really, lower your voice it's just a-,”

“So what now? Are you calling me gay, then?”

Ikje looked really flustered right now and Yoongi didn't even notice that the whole class had gone silence, all eyes fell towards him.

“What? That's absurd. I didn't call you gay. Hey Yoongi, I didn't-,”

Actually, Ikje didn't call him gay. No one was saying that he was. But Jungkook's gaze was there, flashing in front of his eyes, looking back at him as if he was some sort of a disgusting human being that wasn't worthy to even touch his skin.

That was the only thing that flashed in his mind before his fist met Ikje's face. The boy's chair rocked backward before Ikje's back met the ground with a loud bang. Yoongi didn't stand still, he quickly reached for Ikje's collar afterward and planted another punch to the boy's nose before he managed to get up.

This was the part that he feared the most. This was what he wanted Jungkook and everyone in the room to know. That Min Yoongi wasn't gay. That Min Yoongi still liked girls and he was as normal as everyone else. Sure he kissed his own best friend, but that was a mistake. It was something that he would bring with him to the grave. It was something that he would always deny to ever happen.

His raging mind gave Ikje an opening to return Yoongi's punch, the fist met his left eye it sent Yoongi tumbling down the floor.

“What the hell is your problem, you ?!” Ikje screamed, throwing himself towards Yoongi who was now pinned to the ground.

It was another punch to his jaw before Yoongi kneed Ikje hard on the stomach, screaming loudly and push ing the other boy back towards the floor in a split second.

“Don't you dare mess with me!” Yoongi screamed, holding both Ikje's collar. He was pinning the boy to the ground and the latter was trying his best to rid of Yoongi's iron grip to no avail.

“S-stop it, you-,”

Yoongi did nothing but what his instinct told him to do. Right that moment he rammed Ikje's powerless body against the ground, the boy's skull meeting the floor with a loud noise. Somewhere in the classroom, Yoongi could hear a girl scream and Ikje's flailing hands suddenly went limp between his own.

“I have a girlfriend now, all right? I'm not a disgusting-,”

H e would probably do that over and over again, ramming Ikje's head on the floor until he could hear that unmistakable crunch before blood pooled out in front of him. He would probably do it whilst screaming, losing all control of his body, he wouldn't really care either way if Ikje ended up with a concussion or a cracked skull. Yoongi wouldn't simply stop until he got his point loud and clear, until Jungkook's gaze disappear from his mind and Jimin's soft lips upon his would dissolve under the pungent taste of blood.

“Stop it, hyung.”

The words itself wouldn't really stop him. It was a hand that did, gripping his arm tightly, a shaking finger that wrapped itself around his skin with a soft voice that whispered him back to reality.

Yoongi turned his head around and of course, he didn't need to do such gesture to know who it was. The dreaded Monday finally unveiled its demon whose eyes reminded him more of heaven instead.

“That's enough.”