Chapter Text

There was another match for the third-place and Yoongi clearly wasn’t even looking forward to it. He lived with a strict belief of ‘all or nothing’. So it was first place or nothing at all. They practiced for the last time before leaving for Chuncheon at the next Thursday and Yoongi didn’t even bother to come. They won of course, this time against a team whose leader had a tacky name for a Korean and oddly refused to take off his snapback even during game (or so Namjoon told him since he somehow ended up befriending this Jackson kid). Winning the third place didn’t really mean a lot. Losing the semifinal, on the other hand, hit him hard like a train he sulked the entire weekend and the remaining school days.

School was going to end that week anyway with the summer nearing. Bitter was realizing that he would be spending that entire summer with a broken leg. Sometimes he didn’t know whether that was a good thing or a bad one since it would give him the perfect excuse to hole himself up in his small room, frolicking around all day, hiding himself under the mountain of blanket. Then again that little part of him couldn’t deny that he was nothing but a mere teenager who really wanted to spend his goddamn last summer with his friend. That and how staying home, knowing that his parents would threaten him with an impromptu lecture about self-motivation and perfect future didn’t really appeal to him as a perfect summer.

With the thought of ‘last’ entering his mind, some sort of weird melancholy poked on his chest. Summer would come and fall would follow. Before long there would be January again, the dreaded Suneung (which he didn’t really give a flying whatsoever) and came the hard decision of a future he was so afraid to dream about. He could only sigh before realizing that between the fall and that uncertain future, more and more arguments would follow in the Min household he just had to brace himself for all of it.

Yoongi remembered sitting bitterly on his seat during recess on Thursday, the emptiness behind his back had somehow become so prominent. Unlike the last time he didn’t spend it looking at the clock with feet fidgeting, praying for some sort of victory. That Thursday with the absence of his friend he decided to skip class instead. When the six of them were together, it was pretty hard to pull off such mischievous habit since the teacher would definitely realize five people missing from its seat in the classroom (with the exception of Jungkook who was one year younger than all of them and wouldn’t definitely skip class unless they all incited him to). Seokjin who was the nicest of them all often declined as well, saying that he should be giving good example for the boys but from time to time he gave in as well. Yoongi and Namjoon were the one who skipped class the most though lately every thought about that had been thrown out of the window. Basketball had indeed been the sole occupant of his mind without it he felt kind of empty right now.

So he skipped history (of course it got to be history) and stayed at their favorite spot, right at the staircase that led towards the roof alone. He had dragged himself there, being stupid enough to do so with a broken leg. Therefore not wanting to waste the agony of getting himself there, Yoongi stayed and had his notebook sprawled on his thigh, writing lyrics and thoughts as usual with the warm summer breeze lulling him to sleep.

In his dream there was the image of Hoseok doing a somersault in the air with Taehyung growing an Amish beard before the sky was painted black and he found himself on top of the grass, looking at the star constellation that oddly looked as if it was indeed Hoseok doing a somersault and Taehyung with an Amish beard. The dream was weird but even weirder he heard a laugh right next to him, a figure pointing his finger towards the sky and made fun of Taehyung’s beard.

“I think Taehyung should try growing a mutton chop,” the figure said, laughing with glee.

Yoongi realized it was Jimin, lying on top of the grass like that last time they did. The boy looked back at him, smiling widely.

“Jimin?”

And that was when he realized he wasn’t looking at Jimin. He was looking at the stars or the stars had formed itself into a face of a Park Jimin in his dream.

+.-.+ 

And that was when someone poked his shoulder and called out his name.

Normally Yoongi didn’t like being touched when he was asleep. Heck, he didn’t like being woken up. Sometimes the poor soul who dared to do the unspeakable fell to such a horrible fate, the said person’s face being acquainted with Yoongi’s fist. This time he had to thank god how he didn’t snap like usual, taking a moment to blink and realized it wasn’t his friends standing there by his side, waking him up from such a dream (that he admitted needed a waking up from).

“Yoongi, why are you sleeping here, silly?”

He certainly should be thankful he didn’t raise his hand so easily because it turned out to be-,

“-Yujin? What are you doing here?” he said, rubbing his own eye, realizing the girl standing beside him by the stairs.

She smiled so kindly like she always did and it made him feel real bad, knowing that he would hit a girl if he did raise his hand. Min Yoongi sure had a problem with his temper but hitting an innocent girl would be the last thing that he did.

“It’s recess already and you haven’t gotten back from the last one,” she said, sitting beside him.

He didn’t really care. He just wanted to let this day end sooner and went on with the next. Tomorrow would be Friday and it would be the last day before summer break came. He’d been thinking about taking that day off, running away someplace else before realizing that his leg was broken.

“Really? Well, I’m not planning on going back either,” he said, sighing. He really needed to keep his sassy word and sour mood on check whenever he spoke to girls in general. He stole a look at the nice girl and asked, “Why are you here anyway?”

There was a slight blush on the girl’s cheek but Yoongi thought that he definitely mistook it for something else. She cleared before answering, fiddling with the hem of her skirt.

“Your friends are going for the match and you’re here alone and I just thought that-,” she looked away for a second, stopping midsentence before taking out a lunchbox he didn’t even realize she’d brought. “-well Minju told me where you guys would hang and I-,”

It wasn’t that Yoongi hated talking to girl but he realized that sometime their words didn’t really make sense to him he didn’t understand what they were trying to say.

“-Minju told me to-, or rather I-.”

“What are you trying to say, really?” he said, adding a little laugh at the end of the sentence to make sure she wouldn’t cry just from seeing his default expression like Jimin did which clearly didn’t mean anything.

She took a deep breath before finishing her sentence with a blunt, “I thought that maybe you’re hungry.” Yujin opened the lunchbox, showing him a nicely-cooked bento.

He looked at it with a straight expression, not knowing what to say. He wasn’t hungry, actually. Better yet if the girl brought him a pack of cigarette than he would actually be more thankful. But this was a girl, of course, and girls had a mind of their own. Girls were complicated and every things that they did mean a hundred more. Jung Yujin giving him a bento could even mean that she was insulting him in a way, Yoongi would never know.

“Thank you Yujin-ah, but I’m not really hungry anyway,” he answered.

The girl let out a little ‘oh’, a look of disappointment flashing in her eyes before it disappeared as soon as it came.

“Oh, it’s okay, then,” she said, keeping the same smile and closing the lunchbox.

Only then did Yoongi feel bad, realizing that the girl must have done a lot to prepare something for him (considering Yoongi didn’t really know much about cooking other than putting a ramyun in boiling water and waited for a few minutes). And somehow he remembered Jimin’s face right there and then, the disappointment that the boy had that time he messed with him, right at that first day before they started going home together. He remembered the boy waiting for him by the gate the day they weren’t having a practice, waiting for him to walk out of it and went home together like they did after every practice.

He oddly remembered that right now and realized how the boy’s face lit up with happiness the moment he told him to ride on his back again, starting a habit they rarely broke for weeks now.

“Well I’m not really hungry now, but maybe I would be in a few hours or so,” he said, adding a smile he rarely gave if he was talking to his other friend in general.

A smile sneaked its way to the girl’s face before she answered back with a, “Then maybe I’ll give it to you at the end of the lesson again.”

Yoongi smirked at that before replying, shifting from his position and sat upright.

“Well, are you really going to go back to the boring lesson, because I certainly wouldn’t.”

And the girl caught that faint hint faster than he thought she would, her face lighting up in that instance just like Jimin did.

(Yet oddly he didn’t find the stars he hoped he would be seeing)

+.-.+

They ended up skipping lesson together. It would only be a mere two hours away before the bell rang and they ended up talking a bit. A bit turned up into a lot after she said how she loved to sing. He always got excited whenever someone talked about music, got him and Namjoon bonding in the first place. He didn’t really talk to girls much with the exception of Minju whom he always teased about ever being with Seokjin. They talked about their closely knitted group of friend, most prominently about Seokjin and Minju, teasing the both of them and placing bets about when they would pronounce themselves as a couple. She stayed until the bell rang and he ate the lunchbox that she made for him then, noting how the food tasted like what Minju usually cooked (because they had spent too many occasion receiving Minju’s cooking in the middle of practice) and she admitted with an embarrassed look that the eldest helped her a lot in preparing that. He did and still praise and thank her in the end, resulting in another blush that she hid so expertly.

He wouldn’t really say that he was having so much fun but it wasn’t indeed something bad, him managing to spend his time without sulking the entire day from their team’s loss (the girl saying something about wanting to cheer him up because of it in between confusing words and thoroughly spoken sentence Yoongi could only hope he was getting the right message). It wasn’t something bad because he managed to forget about his friends and the fact that he was left alone again, waiting for their arrival (though he wasn’t really expecting about winning third place either). At one point she even got him laughing about her wicked impersonation of Namjoon talking with that awful English hip hop accent.

In the end they went back together, Yujin helping him getting off the series of stairs like she so kindly had offered before. She walked him to the school gate until he drove her away again like he did the last time and walked down the path back to his own home. That moment he funnily thought about how easy it was to get rid of her, unlike what he had tried with Jimin, since the latter would certainly refuse of doing so, stubbornly decided to stay by his side until a truck forced the both of them to leave. Yujin on the other hand respected his words and she left almost too easily, walking towards the other direction from him. Not that he was disappointed, really.

For the first time since what felt like weeks, he found himself walking back from the school towards Songcheon-gil alone with no figure of a Park Jimin beside him. He managed to do just fine, even huffing and puffing as he climbed that one agonizing hike at the end. He reached home just as the sun was setting, checking his messages soon after and found out that his friends have won the third place, the boys inviting him over to Seokjin’s place for celebration with the girls but he declined. Instead of being happy, there was that little part of him that kept on whispering, wondering where Jimin was. He didn’t ask his friends though in the end.

For the first time since what felt like weeks he walked back home without a certain Park Jimin’s figure with him and he denied the fact that his eyes kept on wandering towards the train station, waiting for a figure to make its appearance. He denied the fact that he constantly turned his head around, waiting for a certain voice to call out his name. Most importantly he denied the emptiness that somehow gnawed at his chest with each step that he took.

For the first time since what felt like weeks Yoongi walked back home alone and he denied the fact that it bothered him even until he laid his head on top of his pillow that night.

(For the first time since what felt like weeks Yoongi walked back home alone, not realizing that Jimin had actually gone back earlier that day than the others, running all the way from the Auraji train station towards the school just as the bell rang, asked where Yoongi was to the passing Minju, only to find the said boy laughing with a certain girl over a box of bento. Jimin left right after that and for the first time since what felt like weeks he didn’t come home with a certain figure of Min Yoongi beside him either.)

The brat didn’t come home with me today

+.-.+

The next day was supposedly the last day of school before summer holiday started and everyone was practically hyped about it, not a single one of them even paying any attention to the study. The teacher had even seemingly given up in the end as well, assigning them to self-study instead. Most of them huddled in groups, talking about plans for the summer. His group was no exception with Seokjin proposing the idea of going to the beach. He said about taking the train and went to Gangneung and the seven of them seemed to agree with that. Yoongi had whined about his legs being broken but they disregarded the fact, saying something about ‘we can take turn carrying you around bridal-style, hyung’ and none of them made ideas with even remembering the fact that one of them was having a broken leg.

Yoongi actually wasn’t one to complain because everywhere would be fine as long as he was spending it with this little band of stupid people he called friends. He could choose staying home but he rather ran away from his parent’s fury and used the time to enjoy what was left of their last summer with his beloved friends. They arranged a few days trip, Seokjin thoroughly planned it all out and Yoongi just hummed his approval easily, forgetting the fact that he got a broken leg himself.

When the bell rang almost all of the students jumped up in glee. Yoongi got caught up with a conversation with the girls, Minju proposing another idea of them getting together for fun at one point of the summer. This summer was indeed their last before they got to study for real, Suneung dawning upon all the 12^th grader. Namjoon with his smart brain would probably find it easy to apply to SKY if he wanted to, but he knew that the two of them would rather live in the street of Hongdae making money out of rapping if they could. This summer the two of them had even made a promise about working on their mixtape.

Either way everyone was hyped, everyone was having fun and Yoongi found himself standing in front of the school gate before he realized that Park Jimin wasn’t there. The boy had indeed sat behind him that day, he would certainly realize it if he didn’t. They didn’t really speak towards each other much during lesson and that was what the walk back home made up for.

He waited until the bodies thinned out, the other students quickly going back home and went on with their planned vacation. Even his friends went home first, saying about changing and taking their belongings back home before grouping up at the hills. But Yoongi just stood there by the gate, waiting for the figure of Park Jimin, thinking about how he walked back home yesterday and weighing the option of doing the same thing for today. Maybe Jimin had gone back earlier, he thought. Why wouldn’t he go back with him certainly meant nothing and he shouldn’t be bothered with it.

And that was when he remembered about what Jimin used to do, the cries he found in the classroom and that one time he ran back for him thinking that he would be doing the same. The thought of that got him feeling something weird in his chest, something akin to that little pang combined with such worry and tightness. Maybe Jimin was still back in the classroom, then? Why? Did something happen to him again?
Yoongi didn’t let his mind finished all of those accusations and thoughts for he had dragged his feet again, climbing up the stairs with his crutches tucked under his arm (and it was both troublesome and painful). He would run if he could, but alas his useless feet stopped him from doing so. His chest oddly beat harder and faster as he neared the classroom, wishing himself to be wrong.

There was that weird pang in his chest again when he found that he was indeed right. He felt as if something fell within his stomach or the same organ was being flipped upside down. He saw it right from the glass door, the same figure of a Park Jimin, sitting in his usual seat, burying his face in his palm.

Yoongi gritted his teeth, feeling disappointed and angry at the same time, stepping forward and slammed the door open.

To the sound of the open door, Jimin quickly raised his face and there was a look of shock upon realizing that it was Yoongi. He quickly rubbed his face, desperately trying to hide the fact that he was crying. It was of no use, of course, because he certainly wouldn’t miss that red rim under his eyes and the wet tears staining his cheek. Yoongi quickly stepped forward towards the boy as fast as his stupid legs could get him and grabbed Jimin’s wrist, prying it off of his face like he did the last time.

“Why are you crying again? I thought you’ve stopped,” he said, raising his voice towards Jimin who was casting his eyes aside, trying his best not to look at Yoongi’s eyes. The boy hiccupped, not answering him. It wasn’t like last time, the way Jimin was so broken he was trying to tell Yoongi something but stopped midway.

This time he looked as if he was caught in a middle of doing a crime and to Yoongi, it looked as if he just caught him doing drugs or something bad that was close to crime when actually all he did was just shedding his tears. But no, to Yoongi who had seen it for too many times, this scene had become something he couldn’t really put a label on. Most of all he couldn’t really put a label upon this feeling he got whenever he saw the boy cried. He didn’t even know why it bothered him so much.

“Nuh-no. It’s all right, I’m fine,” Jimin lied, still not looking at his face.

“What is it? Are your parents bugging you again? Is it about Seoul again?”

“I’m fine, hyung. Really I’m-,” but Yoongi could feel the boy’s hand trembling underneath his grip.

“What is it, then? You’re upset because we lost?”

“No, I’ve tuh-told you I’m-,” and Jimin’s voice was shaking again.

“Or is it about my leg? God, Jimin, I’ve told you to forget about that!”

“No, hyung. I’m fine. You duh-don’t understand it’s-,”

“No, you’re clearly not okay. So tell me what the is wrong with you!”

And as the word slipped his lips Jimin pried his wrist off, glaring at Yoongi and yelled.

“Because you’ll hate me if I did, okay hyung?!”

That was the first time Jimin ever yelled at him. He finally looked at him in the eyes, tears running down his cheek as he did so. He was crying right now and his eyes were red and wide, looking at him with that bitter expression of sadness and frustration. Yoongi was taken aback, finding himself at a loss of word. Jimin just raised his voice, crying as he did so and he didn’t know what to say back.

“If I told you what’s wrong you’ll hate me, okay? And i-,” he hiccupped, the tears streaming down his face even harder. “-I duh-don’t want you to hate me.”

Jimin wailed after that, his shoulder shaking so hard. He buried his face against his palm again and he cried so hard, even harder than that time the boy was fighting with his parents. Yoongi wanted to yell back, screaming at the boy like he did the last time because that was the only thing that he knew about consoling people. He wasn’t indeed the brightest at that but right now, he was just simply lost. He didn’t even know what to do and he just stood there, seeing Park Jimin cried his eyes out in front of him. He wasn’t even disgusted. He wasn’t even angry anymore. Oddly the only thing that he felt was that pang in his chest, getting sharper and harder it somehow hurt.

Yes, his chest had oddly hurt instead.

“Yuh-you’ll h-hate m-me. Luh-like T-taekhoon again. H-he suh-said that e-everything’s muh-my fault,” Jimin said in between his sobs, face still buried in his palm. “E-everything w-would b-be like Seoul and he wuh-would said tuh-that I suh-started it f-first.”

Yoongi couldn’t really understand what Jimin was saying but he knew that he was talking about Seoul. It had always been Jimin’s greatest fear it had become something close to a trauma.

“A-and e-everyone wuh-would hate m-me. E-even S-seokjin-hyung, Juh-jungkook a-and-.”

He rambled about the name of their friends or so it turned out to be in the middle of his hiccups and sobs.

“A-and yuh-you. E-especially y-you, h-hyung. I-I duh-don’t wuh-want t-to repeat the suh-same mistake again.”
Something that happened in Seoul was a mistake for Jimin and up to this point Yoongi still didn’t know what it was other than the fact that it had cost Jimin everything and how he fought with his parents because of it up until now.

“Buh-but i-I know i-I wuh-will. I juh-just realize t-that and i-I’m suh-scared hyung. I’m ruh-really scared.”

That moment Yoongi did something that he never thought he would do. It wasn’t the first time that he did it, but it was the first time he did it not out of impulse. He did it genuinely, because the sight of Jimin crying in front of him was simply too much. He motioned forward and put his arm around the boy. Jimin was so broken and all he wanted to do now was just put his arm around him, trying to keep every little piece of him from falling apart. He looked as if he was ready to break at any second given.

All this time he never quite understood what happened. He always thought that Park Jimin was weird, that Park Jimin was childish and such a crybaby. After knowing the boy a bit more, even when he was still in the dark regarding the boy’s past, he knew that Park Jimin wasn’t weird, or childish, or a crybaby. He was just fragile. He was broken, or at least someone broke him before. Park Jimin was a soul with tattered heart and shattered body badly held together with a single line of fragile string.

“Hey, it’s all right, okay. We’re never going to hate you,” he said, patting the boy’s trembling back. Jimin just kept on crying, even as Yoongi hugged him. If so, he ended up crying even harder, his hand on Yoongi’s school uniform, repeating the words over and over again at how scared he was.

“Y-you will, h-hyung. You-,”

“Remember what I said to you. You’re not in Seoul anymore, okay? And nothing bad would happen to you here. You’re not going to repeat the same mistake. Nobody’s going to hurt you,” he said again.

He didn’t even know the words he was saying. They could be lies, he thought. He would be such a liar but at this moment he didn’t even let himself think. He just let the words flow out of his lips, trying to calm Jimin. It had seemed to do the trick, because the shivering and shaking had gradually lessened, the boy whimpered slowly, letting out small sobs instead right now.

“And I’m not going to hate you, okay Jimin? You’ll be fine. You’ll forget about Seoul and you’re going to have so much fun here.”

That one was a lie actually because there was not much that you could do in Yeoryang-myeon anyway. Maybe they could finally attain the so-called fun when they went to the neighboring cities. But either way this was not the time to question himself.

“And you don’t need to worry about me hating you, because I already did,” he said, adding a little laugh at the end. “I mean you’re practically responsible with this itching cast. And who the hell ran out of me yesterday when he said he’s going to take me home every single day, hm?”

Jimin’s body shook a little not from crying but from laughing at that moment. He let out a small laugh and Yoongi did as well, patting the boy’s back before putting his hands on the boy’s shoulder and pulled himself so he could take a good look at Jimin’s face. The boy was avoiding his eyes and not until Yoongi told him to look at him there did the boy finally comply. His eyes were even redder, his cheek stained wet from the tears.

“Look, I’m not having you cried on me again because seriously, you look disgusting when you did. This would be the last time, okay?” he said with a smirk.

Jimin let out a small weak laugh, but it was a laugh nonetheless. Still at the bottom of his heart he couldn’t let that thought out of his head, how it somehow hurt him as well realizing that Jimin was simply scared. He was so scared about repeating the same mistake whatever it was that it got him breaking apart like this.

“Nothing bad is going to happen to you here, okay? And really, stop crying because there’s nothing in this world that I hate the most other than that.”

Jimin hiccupped for the last time before he nodded. Yoongi flicked the boy’s forehead and he let out a small ouch.

“What duh-do you do that for?” Jimin said, rubbing his forehead.

“Whenever you cried again, I’m going to hurt you so bad you’ll finally stop, okay? So remember that.”

The boy let out a chuckled. “That was one hell of a twisted way to comfort someone, hyung,” he said, smiling, wiping his tears. Finally he had stopped crying, regaining his old self and that tightness in his own chest gradually disappeared as well.

“Good, because Min Yoongi is everything but conventional,” he said, smirking. “Now let’s go home because you should make up for yesterday’s absence, slave,” he added, standing up and on his crutches again.

They walked back home again like usual that day. Jimin had stopped crying and he didn’t mention it to Yoongi anymore, treating the red on his eyes like it didn’t mean anything. He had tons of questions but he kept it to himself, realizing that the last thing he should do was to pry. They walked home like nothing had happened and they went to the hill afterwards, celebrating their last day of school before summer vacation started. They walked back home again after that at 2 in the morning and they laughed, everything about Jimin’s cry forgotten already by it.

Only when Yoongi stood on his desk with his journal spread open that night did the memory came flooding back, the words and the actions that he did for Jimin replaying itself in his head.

He put his own hand on his chest, remembered the tightness he felt there as he saw the boy cried. He remembered the warmth that he felt when he put his arm around Jimin. He remembered the relief he felt when the boy had finally laughed and stopped crying. He remembered the words he had spoken.

And he remembered that last, odd and foreign feeling that made his heart somehow stuttered in way he couldn’t comprehend when he finally saw Jimin smiling amongst his friends, his worries finally forgotten. That was the one feeling he couldn’t find the explanation and name for.

The brat cried again and I convinced him that it would be the last time that he did.

It better be.