~JIYONG~

“You know what, Ki…” I started my drunken rant. “I’m a devil in a human disguise.” I didn’t know why exactly I was with Kiko tonight. Usually, if we happened to meet one another, I’d be the first one heading straight for the exit, but tonight I found myself acting out of the norm.

I didn’t care if the paparazzi spotted us together inside the club.  It wasn’t like the media never made a big deal out of it. In fact, they’d publicized our meeting and made a scandal that was usually severely blown out of proportion.

I took no heed if I were to meet any of Taeyeon’s friends because screw it, I won’t mind if they babbled out their mouth to her about me meeting Kiko. For once, I decided to let my hell loose after so long wearing the tag of a good boy because of Taeyeon.

I needed company and Kiko was glad to provide me with one.

Even if at the end of the day, I had to pay a handsome price for it, I simply didn’t bother to care.

Kiko just stared at me while she took a sip of her cocktail. She was wearing a very, very short little black dress that made her aura as a seductress to be in full bloomed. Before we came into the private room, I noticed all the guys out there were enchanted by her, already gawking shamelessly, their eyes burned with lust.

I couldn’t blame them actually.

Mizuhara Kiko was so smoking hot that even if she was with me, the most popular male idol in South Korea, other guys just couldn’t help but to be dazzled by her beauty.

She is one of Asia’s top super models for a reason. She simply lives up to her reputation.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to send you home?” Kiko finally broke the silent after I didn’t continue my rant.

“I don’t want to.” I grumbled, picking up my drink and took a whole gulp. The alcohol burnt my throat but I was eager for more.

“Hey…it’s been a while since you’ve drink like this. What happened?” Kiko said, reaching out for my arm but I jerked away.

“You wouldn’t understand even if I tell you.” I told her.

“Then make me understand.” Kiko said on a sigh as she took away my booze. “You can rant all you want and I’ll listen to you. But this…” she tapped the alcohol in her hand. “Is a big no no, Ji.” She stressed her point.

It was weird hearing those words coming out from Kiko's pretty red lips. She, herself was a party animal. But I didn’t bother to dispute her. I fell silence as I rested my head against the sofa.

“Ji…” she called out, but this time in a softer, soothing tone.

I closed my eyes and let the darkness engulfed me. There was no longer light in my world for Taeyeon had taken it away from me. “Taeyeon broke up with me.”

“She what?!” Kiko exclaimed. “You’re joking right?”

I opened my eyes and looked at her. I guessed my expression showed how miserable I was for Kiko had a look of disbelief written all over her face. “I wish I was, Ki. But I wasn’t and it’s hurting me a hell lot.” I put my right hand on my chest. “This here, Ki…feels like dying.”

“Jiyong-ah…” She said as she put a hand on my cheek. And you know what, her touch somehow made me feel calm, her touch made me smile. No wonder my mother used to say, human touch helped to convey feelings that couldn’t be described with words.

Kiko put me at ease, healing the turmoil inside my heart. She was the type of friend who’d make bad times good and the good times unforgettable, the kind of friend who never gets tired of listening to my own pointless dramas over and over again.

Yes, Kiko used to be my muse, the only girl I’d written songs about but she and I, we were old news. We broke up when we finally realized we were only deluding ourselves that we could make the relationship between us work. At one point, we had enough and decided to call it off but we stayed as good friend for old time sake.

“She said my happiness wasn’t with her. My happiness is with you, Ki.” I could feel my tears welled up. “I was too hurt to ask why. I wanted to stop her from leaving. But if she’s not happy with me, there’s no way I could make her stay. So, I just let her go. Just like that, I lost the girl I’ve been dreaming of for so long.”

“I’m so, so sorry to hear that.”

“I keep myself busy with things I do, but every time I pause, I still think of her. I tried to avoid any place that we went together. I tried to forget, I tried to put it all behind me. I tried to look forward. But it just didn’t work. She’s everywhere to me.”

And then I broke down entirely. Small tiny crystal beads creeped out of my eyes, one after another, soon it turned into a flowing stream of sorrow that ran down my face and dripped from my pointed chin into my shirt.

Kiko couldn’t stand seeing me weeping so dejectedly that she pulled me closer and hugged me. She rocked back and forth but alas, the tears just kept flowing endlessly.

I didn’t care about my image. I didn’t care how weak I look in front of Kiko. I didn’t care how pathetic I was for crying because of a girl.

I’d never cry because of one before, not even for Kiko. I lived fine before Taeyeon appeared, but now I can’t imagine living life without her.

Because Taeyeon, she was different.  She was a love that I’d be willing to risk everything. She made me feel whole, alive and free for the first time in my life.

Taeyeon was the missing piece of my soul, the breath in my lungs, the blood in my veins.

“Everything’s going to be fine. I’m here.” She said.

“No, it’s not. I thought….” I sobbed sorrowfully. “I thought Taeyeon and I were doing so well together. But I was wrong. I miss her, Ki. I miss her so much that I didn’t know it was possible to miss someone like that. Not until I rolled over in the middle of the night and tried to wrap myself around her but found nothing but cold sheets and an empty bed.”

Kiko continued to hug me without saying a word. As my tears flowed down onto my cheeks, I kept on pouring out the pain that I’ve kept hidden from everyone else.

“This pain inside of me just won’t go away. What should I do? I can’t stand it anymore. Make this pain go away, Ki. Save me. Fix me before I go crazy. Please….”

She rubbed my back continuously. It was as if she was trying to channel me strength. “I will, Ji. I promise. I’ll take away your pain. I’ll save you. I’ll fix you.” She assured me and at that time, my heart felt like it had found a temporary oasis.

~YOONA~

“Why do you love me?” I asked him, staring at the clouds, heavy with rain, expecting a feeble reply.

“When I look at you, I do not see a broken soul. I see a beautiful girl, who despite has been through so much in her life, she’s still holding on strongly. She’s a survivor even after all the obstacles in this universe had thrown at her. You’re the bravest person I know; the one that puts up a fight till the very end and doesn’t even know the meaning of giving up even then. You just need to look in the mirror and see what I see. And then, you’ll understand why I love you.” he answered, proving me wrong once again.

I should have known better than to trust the sweet words of a guy. I should have known better than to let myself be fool and foolishly fell madly in love with him. I should have known better than to allow myself be broken by someone who didn’t deserve even an ounce of my love.

He reached for my hand. “I don’t want to lose you.” His voice was almost a whisper.

I could feel the tears again and I fought them back. “But, you don’t want to keep me either, do you? It’s Chaewon over me, right?”

To that, he had no response.

“You knew I love you but you broke my heart anyway. How stupid of me; to think I was the only flower in your garden.”

“I’m sorry, Yoona-ya.”

My head hurt like hell, my mouth was so dehydrated that it tasted evil; my eyes were too cramped inside their sockets and all my teeth were piercing with pain. My stomach burned and my back was aching in a way that started around my knees and went up to my forehead. My brain…god my brain felt like it had removed and replaced with cotton balls and needles and pins which was why it hurt to try and think. I tried opening my eyes but the light was so bright that it incinerated my vision.

And now I noticed that anything louder than the gentle motion of air molecules drifting softly past each other was above my threshold pain. Also, I wished I were dead.

Where am I? I thought to myself. The room looked so familiar but at the same time it wasn’t.  It was like I’ve been here but at the same time I beg to differ.

Was I making any sense after all?

Screw hangover! What the hell did I do to myself? Drinking until I was drunk. How mortifying!

I tried getting up but the headache was so overbearing. So, I stayed on the bed, eyes carefully scanning the entire room. I saw a Kaonashi doll on the bedside table together with two humongous stuff toys; Spongebob squarepants and Minion, on one corner of the room.

Suddenly, my thought began to work its wonder and I recognized this room. It was Taeyeon’s.

How did I get here? I remembered I was drinking at a club. Someone was with me…but who?? I was sure it wasn’t Taeyeon, so who was it?

I tried to recall last night event when I heard the door being open out of the blue.

“You’re up?”

It was the kid leader, still in her pajamas and messy blonde hair, carrying a silver tray on her hands.

I gave Taeyeon a nod and I scooted over a little so she could sit at the edge of the bed. She put the tray that she was carrying on the table near the bedside and I noticed there were some toasts, a cup of coffee, a bottle of sport drink and some pills.

“The headache must be killing you.” She said. “Here, Aspirin and sport drink.” She handed the white tablet to me and I gladly took it from her.

Thank god the pill worked. My headache began to ebb away as I drank the sport drink greedily.

“Eat your breakfast first and then we’ll talk. I’m going to shower first.” She went to her closet and took her clothes and towel. “Just holler if you need anything else.” She said before she disappeared into the shower room.

I ate my breakfast silently while reminiscing the things that I did last night. Okay, so I went drinking. At NB club… But then, why and how?

Think, Yoona-ya. Think!

I closed my eyes and pieces of event began to appear. First, I met Seunggi. He said he wanted for us to talk. Later on, we argued but he was being persistence with his decision. It was Moon Chaewon over me. I got angry and devastated and I felt like I wanted to forget everything. So, that was how I’d gotten myself to the club and drank till I lost myself to alcohol.

“I’m sorry, Yoona-ya.”

As my thought started to get clearer by each passing second, I found myself hating the reality I was in.

Seunggi and I broke up.

That fact alone was hard enough for me to swallow, digest and take in.

And then I realized love was like heaven but it still can hurt like hell. For a blink of an eye, I thought I’d found my happy ending and everything was perfect but who would have thought that my happy ending could crumble and get destroy just like that.

“I’ve loved you from the very first day.”

Go to hell with your love!

“My heart and I agree that you’re the only one for me.”

Lies! You were one big fat liar, Lee Seunggi!

“I promise to love you forever, every single day of forever.”

BULL! YOU S! GOOD FOR NOTHING SON OF A !

Those random moments were all of a sudden, the memories, they’d really gotten to me and broke me down.

“Love hurts, isn’t it? It chews you up and spits you out like a big ball of mucus.” Taeyeon appeared in front of me, wiping away the tears that I, myself didn’t realize were running down onto my cheeks.

“Unnie….” I thought I wasn’t going to care. I thought I wasn’t going to cry. I thought I wasn’t going to crack because I was Him Yoona.

But I thought wrong.

I cared because I really love him. I cried because he said I was the only one. I cracked because he promised me forever.

How do I mend my broken heart? My entire world had fallen apart. How do I find hope in a brand new day when the one I love has gone away?

“Cry. If that’s making you feel better, just cry.” I could feel Taeyeon’s warm hug. The liquid kept raining down on my parade but I couldn’t stop it no matter how hard I wanted to. My tears knew not of their boundaries.

“He killed what was left of the good in me. I’m tired. I’m broken, unnie.”

Taeyeon didn’t say anything. She continued hugging me, letting me cry my heart out, allowing my eyes bawled with endless liquid.

As time passed by, I felt better. I felt satisfied. I felt I had enough of crying.

“Why can’t I be strong like you, unnie? How can you endure breaking up with Jiyong oppa?” I said after I finally calmed down. Nevertheless, my voice did cracked; my eyes did turned bright red and my nose did have disgusting liquid running through it.

Taeyeon handed me some tissues to let me wipe away all the liquid that polluted my pretty face. “I’m not as strong as you think I am, Yoong. I’m simply good at pretending. Every day I remind myself to fake a smile. Don’t let anyone know that I’m hurting.”

“It’s scary what a smile can hide.” I commented.

“It is.” She agreed.

“You are always the bad actress, unnie. That being said, even I, with plenty of experiences as an actress didn’t realize you were faking it. You seemed…fine.”

The older girl laughed shortly. “Ah…see, but there’s that word ‘seemed’. Yes, I may have ‘seemed’ fine, and yes there may be a smile on my face at each passing day or a wave of hello in the halls; but I can guarantee you with every inch of flesh in my being that there is absolutely nothing ‘fine’ about me.” she paused momentarily, thinking briefly about her next sentence. “Seemed is a tricky word, you see. Because things aren’t always exactly what they ‘seemed’ to be.”

I fell silence, absorbing her words of wisdom. This was the first time Taeyeon opened her heart to me. Usually it was always Tiffany or Sunny. I knew that the girl in front of me despised portraying her weakly self in front of others especially to us, the younger members of SNSD. She always kept to herself for she never wanted to be a burden.

“How did you know I broke up with him?” I felt like I never wanted to utter his name again. His name suddenly became the bane of evil, like how Voldemort was called the-one-who-should-not-be-named in Harry Potter series.

“You were rambling about it last night.” She told me. “I may be not the best person to give you advice, but you’re my dongsaeng, Yoong. I love you, you know that right?”

I nodded in agreement. Taeyeon was someone who was really bad at expressing her love for others but you could still feel her feeling via her action. Her actions always spoke louder than words.

“Breakups hurt but losing someone who doesn’t respect and appreciate you is actually a gain. Not a loss.” She stood up and headed straight for the door. “I’m gonna go and wake Tiffany up. Just rest for a while before you take a shower. Recordings at 11 a.m.”

“Unnie…Thank you.”

“No biggie, Yoong…" Taeyeon gave me a quick smile. "Oh…and don’t forget to call Seunghyun oppa and tell him you’re alright. He’s worry sick about you...”

A rush of confusion me. “Seunghyun oppa? As in Big Bang's TOP? Why?” I asked in disbelief.

“You silly girl. He was the one who called me to pick you up. Apparently you had a drinking session with him last night.”

Say what??????

A/N: Leave your thoughts on the comment box below

Thank you for reading. And 15 upvotes? 

Imma happy person.

#buyIinitunes #taeyeonsolo #I