My family? is toxic.

Everytime they raise their voice, arguing with one another, that's where I feel like, can I just freakin scream, and ask them to freakin stop? I hate it that when they fight, they involve us. I don't want that to happen. Like, seeing my family break just like that? I HATE IT. I love them so much that seeing them breaking up, it hurts me. 

"Once this is solved, I don't want any of you to be in contact with any of them."

But how can we do that when we basically grew up together?

At the start of this year, one of them already decided to stop contacting us. and we basically grew up together. through ups and downs, like, if only none of our parents make us involve, we could still be together, celebrating birthday, celebrating festivals, like just be together in weekend, without any reason, just chilling. But now, we're unable to do that anymore.

I'm sad that, we have to go through all this, we have to witness all of this. We grew up, painfully.

I have no idea how will all of this ends. Especially when I witness the night where the fight is getting more and more, aggressive type of fights. 

I keep everything inside. I stay calm. I acted as if everything is fine.

Where in fact, I'm not okay, I'm not fine.