Wake up early. Get myself ready. Attend class. Attend practices. Wait for bus. Take a bath. Sit down infront of my study desk and asking what should I do next. Scroll through phone. Go to bed.

Looks normal.

But to me, I'm trying my best. 

In fact, I'm trying my best to get out from my bed and to actually do stuff. To be productive.

Cause if I don't, I feel like I'm killing myself mentally. 

I'm really trying my best to do stuff. I'm really trying my best to spend time with them. I'm really trying my best.

Sometimes, I wanted to just shout to everyone about this mental thingy that ohmygosh ruin my day every time it strikes. But then deep inside me doesn't want them to see me as someone crazy or someone who seek attentions.

And so keeping everything inside became a habit of mine now. All I can do is take a deep breath and let it out.

If anyone happens to read this and worried about me, don't worry, I'm not going to do anything stupid. I'm trying my best to heal step by step and I know I will probably take a long time to actually recover but hey at least I made my first step of letting everything out here.

I plan to seek for a professional help but not now. I will be seeking for them once I'm ready. 

If anyone curious enough to the point of them reaching this post from clicking the title of my blog, let me give you some advices, 

Do take a good care of your loved ones, they might be struggling right now for help. They might feel lonely. They might feel restless. What you should do is be there for them, no matter what. 

Last but not least, 

​​​Goodnight. 

23:38PM