A Very Handsome Santa, and His Elf Helper

Story By: Chanho123

Reviewed By: StarlightTango

 

 

Title (4/5):

I have to say that the title is quite interesting and it catches my attention a lot. I love christmas and this seems like a fun read from the title. But I dont think you need the comma in the title. Also you should capitalize the 'and' since you capitalized other words with three letters.

From your title I learned quite a lot about your story. It seems cute, and cheerful. But I liked how your plot didn't seem to be revealed, which is a good thing. Save that for the description/foreword. Overall I found your title to be fitting, and very cute.

 

Description + Foreword (6/10):

Your description was full of errors. Grammatical errors that is. I found it quite irritating to read. Also I think that you put too much. From your description I clearly could tell what the plot was going to be, and didn't feel any need to read it.

I didn't get any sense of emotion from your description. I wanted it to be cute, and some light but when you put sekailu I was shocked. It was not what I was expecting, which could be a good thing, but I didn't quite like it. I can't say much on your foreword considering that it didn't relate to your story.

 

Originality  (13/15):

I found your story to be quite original. It was something new, fresh, and really fun to read. I liked how you incorpriated other exo members also! Good job! But of course the whole thing is cliche, and the basic plot wasn't that great. But if you looked at the whole story I thought it was pretty nice.

 

Plot/flow of the story  (15/20):

You just went a little too fast. I would have liked to read more about what was going on. Try using more describing words when you write. Pay attention to the little details and they will add up to make your story great!

The plot content was okish for me. I didn't feel like a lot happened, but it is a one-shot so I understand. I think you did a good job incorporating some new content in your plot.

 

Characterization  (9/10):

Wow I think this is where you did the best. I liked how you didn't immediately point out what each character was like. By using words I could get a clear picture of how they acted, and what they were like. Kai, and Sehun were great! You used good describing words and I think your characters were really nice. They weren't new, or creative but I liked them.

 

Grammar/Spelling  (10/20):

I feel like your grammar is just a tad shaky. You have a good basic foundation, but it's not perfect. I know no one is perfect, but you made lots of silly mistakes.

1. Always properly capitalize: "Sure," kai sighed, "we can do dinner defiantly.

Here you didn't capitalize 'kai'. Also make sure to capitalize 'we' and you need another " at the end of defiantly. When reading your story I was frustrated a lot with your grammar errors. CAPITALIZING NAMES ARE IMPORTANT! ALWAYS DO THAT!

2. Your, You're: These two are different things, and have different meanings. Your shows possession. This is your birthday cake. You're is a conjunction of you and are. You are. You're. You're her best friend right? Make sure to properly use them.

I don't think you have horrible grammar, but you just make careless mistakes. I suggest you re-read what you write, and fix your errors.

 

Writing Style  (11/15):

Your writing style isn't anything impressive, but i wasn't bad either. I could tell what was going on and I could follow the plot of the story. But it wasnt something that wowed me. Try using bigger words. Or new words. Dont constantly use the same word over and over again.

 

Overall enjoyment (15/20):

I liked the whole theme of the story. Christmas like I said was my favorite holiday and this was fun to read. I had to take off 5 points just because of the grammar though. Not a big deal.

 

Extras (0/5):

Sorry...I couldnt find anything that was worth something extra.

Total: 83/120