Re-Remembering

Story By: Ajitofu

Reviewed By: -cream

 

Title: (2/5)

I believe that your title seems to fit with your story. Which is good, except I feel as if the title is lacking something. When ever you read or skim through the countless amounts of story guess what the reader sees first? Your title. I really feel strongly that your title is an important part of your story. Many people don't have the title as a lot of points, but I think otherwise. 

Without a good title how else will you get your reader's attention? They look at your description SECOND. I will get to that point later ect. But still going about your title...I feel as if I wouldn't click on it if I was just looking for something to read. Your title has to be eye-catching. You want your readers feel whatever your story is about. If your story is cute, let it be a cute title. If your story is angst, then have an angst. Don't just go half way, and try half heartedly. If you put so much time and effort into your story why not make it better by giving it a better title?

When looking at your title, I only get small feeling. Is it angst? I don't know actually, it could be a cute story. Do you get what Im trying to say? You have to make your readers interested in your story. Make them click on your story without thinking.

 

Description/Foreword: (--/5)

Since you didn't write your story at this site I don't really know what to say. I don't feel as if this is fair to you if I counted this. So I just put these 5 points to the grammar/spelling section.

Another thing I have to just say is...why not just post the story here? If your requesting for a review here it would be better if you actually write the story here. But you know I'm just ranting and you can ignore me...

 

Originality: (7/10)

Your originality was only okayish. I won't lie and say that this is one of the best creative stories that I have read because that isn't true. This type of story/plot is actually really overused, and boring. The basic idea has been used over and over again. It does get boring and predicable by the time you read about 5 of these stories.

BUT. There is something about your story that makes it different than others. Maybe it was the way you skillfully worded it, or maybe it was your little special snip-its that made your story stick out. I was originally going to give you a lower score, but then I realized that there are plenty of stories out there that are worse than yours. You also changed it up a bit so it wouldn't be fair to dock off more points.

 

Story Flow: (8/10)

At first I felt as if things were going by slowly. Tiffany seemed to be dragging her memory of Taeyeon on and on. I wondered when it would stop. The first few chapters were quite boring and slow, but I think they were essential to the story. Like background information? Then in the end of chapter three I was like spazzing because of what happened! Finally something interesting!

After that I really thought that your flow was good. It was smooth and not choppy at all. Some parts I wished you would give me more detail, and information but it doesn't matter. I really liked how this story was like a flashback. Man...I really want to meet that kid who gave her the stone.

 

Storyline/Character: (25/30)

Ok first up is the storyline. I really liked this idea of the story. It was interesting, and very exciting to read. The fluff parts made me smile, and the more serious parts was good too. I found myself wondering what is going to happen next, and anticipating the chapters. Even though all this was true it still doesn't hide the fact that the story wasn't very original.

I really found myself liking Tiffany. You didn't describe her(as in hair, eye, clothes, personality) but yet I realized that I can understand Tiffany perfectly. The way she acted, and the way she would talk made me know her personality better. I think you have a skill for characterization. Tiffany was a beautiful character and I liked reading about her life.

I kind of wished you wrote more about Taeyeon. I didn't feel as if I understood her as well as I did with Tiffany. But it wasn't bad either. In the later chapters I found out more about Taeyeon, but I don't think I can agree to her way of thinking. But she was an interesting character to read about.

 

Grammar/Writing: (23/25)

Your grammar is actually really good. I have nothing much to say actually. Well there is one thing. You have a tendency to over use commas. You only need commas when there is a pause in the story, or when your combing two sentences together that has a similar idea. Otherwise having many commas actually slows down the flow of your story making it boring to read.

I really liked your word choice, and vocabulary here. You painted a picture of each scene in my head, and I loved it. It made reading this story a lot more fun. Your writing is really good! Keep up the good work.

 

Is it clear enough?: (4/5)

I'm not sure if you can do anything about this but the balloons were kind of in my way when I was reading this story. It was blocking the words and I was kind of frustrated. But the font and size was good!

 

Reviewer's Comments/Bonus: (10/15)

I'm really picky about the stories that I read, and at first I was reluctant to read this. I'm not much of a girlxgirl reader, and I thought this story would be hard for me to get through. But throughout the story you changed my mind. Your writing is breathtakingly beautiful. I loved every bit of it.

 

Total: 79/100