Fettered By Time

Story By: deliberatemistake

Reviewed By: StarlightTango

 

Title: 7/10

At first the title kind of looked a bit cliche, but then i thought what does 'fettered' even mean? Here on aff there are a lot of people who's first language isn't English, so they probably wouldn't know the definition of fettered is, and that might lead them to not click on your story. But when i looked it up, i saw how well it fits with the story. It's an impressive word that makes your story sound more professional.

 

Foreword: 11/15

I really liked how you wrote your description. It sounded really thought out, and elegant. I also liked how you could get your message across with just a few sentences. The only thing i had a problem with was that it was a little short. I think you were trying to set up a mood with the description, but i don't think you did a good job with that. It was lacking something, that would have wrapped up your description nicely. I can't say much on your foreword considering that this was written for a contest, and that your just credited some places.

 

Overall Look: 4/5

The poster was really pretty. It matched with the story well, and the pictures fit the theme of your story. You also used a nice font, color, and size, which made it easier for me to read. I just thought that it would be better if you had a background that went with the story.

 

Grammar: 30/30

I loved reading this considering that i didn't see any mistakes. You used such wonderful, vivid words that really attracted me. It made me imagine the scene of the story, and i felt like i was there. There's not much to say since your grammar is good.

 

Spelling: 19/20

Your spelling was also good. Through out your entire story there was only one mistake that i found. I'm not sure where to put it, so i decided to put it here. Home works should be homework. It's not two words, and you don't need the 's'. Since i have a lot of homework from school, i think i should know how to spell that word. Other than that, you really didn't have any mistakes.

 

Flow: 6/15

I really think you should have gone slower. This story is complex, and needs more for others to understand it. It was just a little too fast. Especially at the end. Also, it would have been better if you wrote more about their interaction with each other. Include more emotion with your writing. You have the skills to do it, so why not take a little more time to make your story the best it can be?

 

Originality: 2/5

Eh, i won't say that it's really original, but it's not overused either. Though, the whole idea with controlling time, and being able to stop or start time was really interesting. Their romance was also really cliche, and totally predictable. It didn't feel much different than any other aff story out there.

 

Total: 79/100