Sunday evening.

Suprisingly enough, I'm feeling quite well at the moment.

I finished my homework for Monday (tomorrow), my brother's girlfriend should be back soon so the house doesn't feel so empty, and most importantly, I skyped with my bestest friend of all time. 

That really lifted my mood.

Mostly because I really trust his words.

He thinks I fit the academics more and that I could survive through it. That it's normal for people to swtich and take a break and what not. Not a lot of people graduate in four years, the average is usually five. That even he's feeling confused and considering switching. That it's not a waste of time for me right now. That there's nothing really to be embarrassed about. 

A majority of our friends are hitting a crisis, to one degree or another, he tells me.

Maybe with my best friends along, it won't be so bad going into sciences again. It was really chemistry that scared me off, but I loved biology. 

Do you think I'll be able to study properly again after such a long break? I don't know...

At the moment, I feel pretty good. Like I'm more set on transferring to UBC and heading back into sciences. I could get a tutor from the get go so I don't fall behind and I have that safety net before I start to freak out that I didn't learn anything. I could drag my girl best friend S to go study at the library with me, or even my guy best friend E (the one I skyped with today). We could go hang out and get stuff to eat after. 

And if I failed... well, I suppose I did.

It'll still be pretty embarrasing to have to face everyone else... a lot of people I knew in high school went to UBC. I'd hate having to explain everything to them. 

My mom would be pretty happy that I'll be back home to where she can look after me and where she can support me fully if I ever need it. Dad will be happy to have me around as well.

I should stop thinking about it while I'm in a good mood; I'll try and go to sleep with this optimistic mindset that will probably go away in the morning. 'Cause now the happy daydreams of studying with my old friends are starting to merge into: have I really gotten over my anxiety problems enough to survive through UBC as well? Can I face the people back home with all the mistakes I've made, and the mistakes I'm bound to make? So. Stop it. I'll stop thinking about.

I'll just save it for when I need to talk to my mom.

On another note, I recieved a 93% on my first project. I'm happy, but it's a bittersweet kind of happy because I don't know if I'll be able to keep it up. And plus this project was really only worth 5%...

Oh, and the question about transferring brings another question: should I drop this certificate course and try to apply for the January term at UBC or follow through with it? I mean, sure, right now, I feel like I could take on the world, but tomorrow I could be back to the whimpering broken puppy that I was this morning. I just never know. So that's one more thing to consider.

Maybe I'll just try and reinstate this: I'M NOT WASTING MY TIME. Good. This is all just a part of figuring-who-i-am-and-what-i-want process. Okay. Got it.

Right. Now, I think I'll go read this giant book before going to sleep.