Wow. I haven't done this in a while - in a week.

It's been a little crazy of a week.

And it's not the say that I didn't blog because I was feeling better.

Although I am feeling less worse than before.

I still broke down a few times. One was after I finished my in class essay for English class; I felt so happy to have finished it but it lasted for like, 5 minutes. Then everything kind of crashed in on me for some reason, and I just kept walking down this one street, tears in my eyes, during the whole break. Another was when I got home from school - both R and G were out and I just... I started sobbing on the sofa. 

School is still a little depressing, I have to admit. I do miss my old friends a lot. English is especially more depressing; I've been emailing U of T and my college to get my credit transferred, but then I'm worried that might affect my status as a student at U of T, where I'm thinking of going back to next year and... blah. I might just take the semester of english. I'm not sure if all that work is worth it.

But on a more 'me' note, this week has been really really different.

Most of my anxiety symptoms were waking up early in the morning with a pounding heart, loss of appetite completely, exhaustion, feeling like I can't accomplish and I'm too incompetent, breakdowns. 

The past week was not really much of that. 

Really wack eating schedule (not that hungry in the morning, eating more after lunch and in the evening, snacking a lot, pushing myself to eat more because it feels good to have something tasty, strong cravings in the afternoon). Even wackier sleeping patterns (can't sleep between 12-4am, naps from 2-5pm, totally floored between the two). Headaches. Terrible headaches. I always have a headache when I wake up in the morning now, for the past couple (two - four) days. And they keep reoccuring through the day. Headahces are the worst part.

I still feel really down at some points during the day, especially when I go to school. 

But also, I laugh a lot more now - more so with G and R. I make the effort to stay more in touch with E and S and W (high school friends). I dont' ALWAYS feel like I'll never accomplish anything great in my life, or that overwhelming pressure to do well - which IS an improvement.

Still don't know how to deal with mom. 

Hm. Tired.

I should be heading to sleep now... Try and get my sleeping pattern back into shape.

Yea...