I am still a bit tired due to being sick. But I want to express my frustration today. Although the job opening is the lowest today, but I wasn't frustrated.

A case occur just a couple of minutes ago. I was given called by my family to study Japanese. Yes, I live in Japan because I am an undergraduate student and most of my uni studies uses English. That's why I didn't learn it beforehand. I get it that my parents wants me to study to hhelp me boost my opportunities in job searching. They think, because I love learning English = llove learning language; which means in their opinion I can learn languages quickly. 

Guys, I learn English for 12 years. I can understand TOEFL system when I was in 9th year of junior high. Like I'm serious guuys. I can study english because I also practice with my dad. But not with Japanese. In Japan, everyone is pretty quiet, and even in the trains they use headsets. 

Just because I enjoy, and interest in languages, I can't study quickly. When all of your family thinks you can get N3 instantly in a year, like no.. sigh.. My study pattern too is not as quick as other kids as well. I wish people would let go that because of interest, it makes it quicker to reach target and study quicker (which is not tbh). 

I love K-pop too. I love watching variety shows since 2011. Yes I love a boygroup too (I won't disclose it as I am afraid that people will hate me for stanning this group, but yeah). But for me to understand some korean words or what the cast are talking about, it takes a hobby of watching variety shows for a while, which if you think about it like almost 10 years, and I still feel it as being a long way to go. I still can't even read hangul lol. 

Another example, is me being interested in literature, but I learned it for around 2 years thanks to IB. I learn how to analyze it properly from there and develop my knowledge there; and that's why it helps when I learn with subjects in uni related to liberal arts. Like because I learned it, that's why I can understand it after a long time. 

I wish people would differentiate that just because it is love and interest, it doesn't mean that I can do quickly.. i feel frustrated. I used to study japanese in a class, and I think it's not for me. It is more confusing. Especially nowadays, with Corona, it's better to study alone. Maybe because I am now an introvert instead of extrovert (which I used to be when I was young). Please, it is really burdensome. Please don't set it target on me just because I am interested in languages. 

I know this case may not be the same with everyone, but let me know if y'all have these kinds of experience. 

Regardless, I hope everyone had a good day. I am okay, but because of this I even cried for a bit like 😩😩🙏🏻. I am just way too scared to be hopeful too about the job and just trying to let it past and not think about it. I hope I'll get good news too. 🙏🏻. At the end of the day, today (23/04) feels like a quiet and a rush of sudden frustrations.