Hi everyone! How wild is it that it is already May ? Where did the time go ? 

I've been doing good, but I thought I should come in. For almost two weeks, I didn't wrote anything as I am quite okay. But today, whew.. It was good at first. I didn't worry much that I cannot find any job opportunities, because in Japan it is quite a holiday (a labor holiday for a week in Japan), but yeah waiting was both okay and nerve-wracking. 

Sometimes I do really think about my future. Amm I going to go home ? Am I still going to stay here ? Truth to be told, there's nothing wrong going home, but it is quite a dissapointment if I have to. I just don't want to go home regretting that I didn't do much that I can do. I just feel like waiting is the best thing that I can do; eventhough unfortunately it is not my forte. I am just hoping for miracles now. I am just constantly praying for opportunities.. TBh, thinking about the future is freaking me out. 

Btw, whenever my dad talks about his past of when my grandma saying that if we get a job, everyday is passing by quickly. I always imagine that. Sometimes in that waiting time as well, I have decided to try not to approach teaching anymore. It has been an overwhelmming right. Sometimes it is hard not to think about it, but sometimes it is also great that you (more like me) don't tend to gravitate thinking about these kinds of stuffs. 

I do wanna make everyone around me happy. I just don't want the demons to let me get my head, which sometimes annoyingly does. If anyone ask how am I feeling today, I am a little bit nervous, with a hint of scary feeling. I still enjoy life which is way better than it was in April, but because of the holidays, sometimes uncertainties does really tend to crept in. 

Let me tell you guys, that fanfics really helped this past two weeks, I think... finding interesting fanfic also helped me a lot. I didn't realize that I do enjoy reading, and it is a very good distraction. Coloring too.. and even cooking.. I realized that I do enjoy something that takes my mind off in a while, which is a good thing as well. 

I am sorry that I didn't get to write much these days. Sometimes doing well, just kind of makes me feel lazy, but I'll try my best to write more often, whether good days or bad. Maybe I'll write more if there's anything more interesting. 

I hope everyone had a nice day. Right now, it is starting for spring. 

xoxo 

PS : I am proud of myself for cleaning my room lol :p don't judge me..