I'm Back.. and I am gonna start the mini blog post of mine with a bad news.

BAD

VERY BAD

I was interviewed today.. and got rejected on the spot... 

It feels idk. I usually cried, but I didn't care this time. I don't know why. I am amazed. I thought I would just bawl. Composure, is such a good skill. The best talent is to keep your cool.  But I have learned in a way to stay strong. If I have to say that it's tiring, in fact it is. There's no other way to sugarcoat the job hunting process that it is hard. I used to be crying all the time. I guess multiple experiences makes me strong. 

To be honest, it feels like the world feels burden upon my shoulder. I hate it. I hate that feeling. People comforting you but then they talked worrying behind your back. It feels like the worst feeling ever. I hate it the most. It makes it feel like I am the only one making mistake, when I already put my best effort to talk in the interview. Weirdly, the one interviewing me after rejecting me, acting all friendly knowing that his position as a recruiter. 

It might be a bit shocker, but let me rant a little bit. 

I get it, I can't be a sales person, hiring as a recruiter. But please, I hate it also when people act saying "I couldn't be this (name a job position yourself)". For me it is about whether or not, you'll give me a chance. My understanding of the job maybe different, then give me a chance, and see whhether I can learn. Don't just trump people by saying you can't be this and stuff. It literally annoys the heck out of me tbh. 

I know it is a mistake on my part, but I also wish that the person who puts job ads also try to put details on the job please. Not just some kind of random and short "looking for opportunity?" and yadda yadda.. I get it, you want to look at us and see whether or not we're a good fit. I just wish that you won't cut us off. I get it, selling is to sell people, and rarely the occurence of finding in the middle happens. But what happens when a deal is not being struck, you still need to work to make it happen, right ? It is not an instant get or go. Not all of the situations are the same. 

To end my rant, I just want to say that I did not regret anything tbh. I did my best. I believe that if one does not work, then there are other ways that could happen. Perhaps, there are things that you do realize you did action, and something might just happen and striking a chord. Although I do feel that it is a bit of wasting my time, but I do learn that sometimes what you understood, maybe different than what you were expecting, which it , because you have spent days of preparing as well, and thinking that what it should be and commonly happening, sometimes it took on an unexpected turn. I do learn a lot today. 

At the same time, after that rejection, it feels exhausted. It felt to me like I was  wasting my time, and it was ironically also raining with harsh winds, and a little bit chilly. But glad that everything happened, and I learned through it. Glad that I still have the support system. 

I don't know where this will lead to. It will be exhausting. But I hope it will all be worth it at the end.