Err.. Idk where to start.. 

Today has been an up and down kind of situation. I was pretty happy that there is a progress in job searching. Still have loads of opportunities and so many things to apply for. Yes, there is difficulties but I didn't mind that. Around afternoon, I feel a bit under the weather; a bit sick in the throat and at night my heart is racing thinking about bills. YES, FREAKING SCHOOL FEE. 

Tuition is such a burden. We're not rich. I didn't take classes anymore because I already finished my credits required for graduation ? But why do I STILL HAVE TO PAY ? I am so scared, stressed out, for unnecessary payment that I didn't even take any of the lessons this semester. It is so freaking annoying. Like the nerve ? I know I can still breathe a bit but IT IS MORE EXPENSIVE LIKE ING HELL. The world feels so unfair right now. Believe me, I am typing this away whilst sighing, outrage, and seeking part time jobs. LIKE FREAK. I feel like I hate the world, I hate my uni, I just want to graduate, but I still have to wait until September just because I entry at September. (Yes I enter university during fall semester)  

Idk what to do. Life is really a roller coaster. When you think you have settled in, and starting to adapt, it is annoying how challenges are thrown unexpectedly. Part time job applications too because my name is foreign and I don't have a specific writing or letter that they are seeking for. Ugh. I hate my life. It is one of the moments where I feel continuously bad because I keep burdening my parents. ing bills are annoying. 

I know I can breathe for a bit because I can ask the delay and pay by June, but imagine my friends who has to pay the bill by the end of the month. I bet they're super stressed out as well, eventhough they didn't take any lessons and courses. Ugh, I hate it. 

This too shall pass hopefully. But I still have that guilt. Freaking hell, I just UGH

I keep sighing as I type this. I wanna get angry at myself for accepting the early graduation program that I failed on. I just ugh. I feel stupid sometimes. Sometimes I think I should set up like donation booth or something. 

Waiting is fine for now, but sometimes a little bit tiring as well. I just hope that there is a way out of this that I can really do seriously. It feels like it is getting more and more expensive ffs. I hate pandemic. I wish this s*** is over as well. I wish we didn't have the problems that occur at home as well. I wish to get another student at my part time job so that I don't have to search for another part time job. I just really hate the world and I just wanna "kill" everyone off. 

I'm tired. I'm sick. My patience has limits too. God, when will you lift the burden ah ? Please let me know. 

I hope you're not having a bad day as I did today. But kudos to you who just hang in there. I always applaud you for that. 

Life is really annoying and weird sometimes. 20-s is not that age where you saw in the dramas of the romance of living alone. It's more than that. It's more than just listening to music. It's about managing your bills, admin paper works, city hall stuffs (yes another paperwork 🙄🙄) and paying your tuition and finding a job. It's not also about taking a selfie or hanging out with your friends in cafe. It's also about finding new stuffs and hotspots. 

I hope this too shall pass. Hopefully I didn't cry myself to sleep again. Crying is exhausting (eventhough some people say it makes you healthy). 

Goodnight x