Today is just like any other day. But i'm happier. Eventhough it's hard. Eventhough there's no voices or replies from recruiters, buf did have some email interactions. Just like doors closed and opened, opportunities come by and go. 
 

i lost hope but i also gained hope. My family receives parcel today; which is great and in a way makes me 😅 relieved i guess. I did a lot today; studying, cooking, throwing garbages, laundry,  folding underwears, replying emails, making calls, doing dishwashings, wow.. i guess i did a lot

i thought i was harsh at myself for not moving. Maybe because i'm at home, it just feels like a routine. But i think i did well. I just feel bad for hurting my sis. My sis is a fighter, and she always fights my mom who ironically loves her sister more than the three of us (me, my sis and my dad) 

ironically, daughters usually gossip with mothers right ? But i feel more comfortable with my dad.. my dad is my rock. It's a pity, that even today the call that my mom made is about giving presents to her sis or even just about jobs; encouraging me to find more about jobs which tbh like af. 
 

i'm a bit down, but what can i do.. i can't just always stay down all the time. For me, having a peace, watching drama, and playing woodoku is just something i'll like to do. I love suju and they even announce fanmeeting today.. crazy right ?! But i can't even talk about it nor think about it.. 

money is always important but it also feels like a root of problem.. needing to find jobs just to be able to hold on. I hate notices of tax and payments as well.. but i guess it's mandatory.. the world feels a bit lonely sometimes, but i guess i'm not that alone.. dad's calling makes a comfort. 
 

weirdly, i am a bit hopeful but also scared. Idk what the future's in store, but i always remember that god will never leave us. It's just a mystery that i feel like, will he be able to hear my wish ? idk maybe let's just go with the flow. Maybe i should embrace that way. 
 

i like my life. But i would be a lie to say i like my life now. There are some things that i hate, but there are also things that i love. I am a bit sick, i would always worry eventhough i try hard not to be harsh at myself. Sometimes i even wish people who have jobs to hold on to their jobs and strive for it. Cause the time is not for me yet. I hate the pandemiic, and yet i love to be able to go to the church. I love that i still be able to do things on my own. 
 

i'll try my best to write everyday, as per father's request. Just to keep me sane. It is hard. But i don't think i'm that alone. In the end, i just hope that god will one day open the door to the perfect opportunity for me. 
 

nights world. Today has been amazing. I didn't cry and i should be proud, right ? i guess, i just need a pat and a hug overall 

PS: thanks cousin! 
 

Praying that i always hanging in there and be patient (y'all it's hard) 😅😭 

i'll write again tomorrow. Hopefully tomorrow is good too! Nothing bad and cheers for more opportunities and positivities

xoxo