hi hello i updated pretty late bcs i was busy with things uwu ; - ; anyway, this is the continuation to my previous posts. if u haven't read them yet, then i suggest u do so before reading this one! <3 part 1 is here part 2 is here

 

 

so UHHH ninth grade was full of awkward yet heart fluttering moments for me. AWKWARD - because he knew what i felt abt him and that uhhh i didn't really intend to let him know abt those feelings. LIKE, HECK, I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE ANY PLANS ON CONFESSING AT ALL,,,,, and it's HEART FLUTTERING still because, yeah, well, i have a crush and he's my crush. also, we're also not classmates during this year (or the next). sad.

 

okay but like 95% of the time it would be awkward bcz i avoid him 100% now. every time i see him in hallways, i go the other way. when i pass by their classroom, i walk quickly. when he and i are in the same room, i try to go outside and wait until he's left the place. i leave immediately when i see him (with his friends) coming near me or near my area. LIKE, THERE ARE NO INTERACTIONS AT ALL BECAUSE I WAS HECKING EMBARRASSED.

 

and yes, i was that weak towards my crush. i am totally impressed with ppl who aren't afraid of confessing to their crushes BECUZ WAO WHERE DO U GET THE CONFIDENCE SIS AND LIKE, DO THEY NOT MIND THE DARN REJECTIONNNN AFTER? OOF ok but really i became super timid and shy around him after so basically where he was, i wasn't. alTHOUGH I still look at him from far away hehe

 

by october of 2014 (this is the time we have this school festival, foundation thingie), AND THERE WAS THIS BOOTH RUN BY A CLUB CALLED "MARRIAGE BOOTH" AND I CAN GUESS WHAT YA MFS ARE THINKING already lmao

 

a little info about the marriage booth um,, so in this booth, you get to dress up as a bride or a groom, with veils and tux and flowers and all... and you get to have ur own fake marriage certificate and get to exchange rings and take a picure tgt with the person you chose to be with in that booth WHICH WAS LIKE WOWWW and it's all for fifty bucks or smth.

 

BTW i went to my school festival because i wanna hang out with my friends okie? i just didnt expect there would be smth ~UNEXPECTED~ LOL. my close friends, aka the ones who first knew about my crush on anthony, and i were hanging out -- eating and roaming around the campus. AND THIS ONE FRIEND OF MINE told me to come by the said booth because she's gonna pay for the service that lets me pair with anthony,.

 

now, now, when i heard this, i was like, 'GURLLLL, DONT U DARE PLAY ME WITH THIS SHIET' but deep down i was hella happy LOL

 

of course, i refused to come. thus i hid.

 

BUT THEY FOUND MY HIDEOUT.

 

they, meaning the rest of my friends, came to find me.

 

AND THEY DRAGGED ME TO THE "ALTAR."

 

YES THEY REALLY DID LOL.

 

where anthony was...

 

 

and , ur girl couldnt look at her crushie straight in the eyes. btw, anthony was completely cool about this, there was no force used when they asked him to participate lmao. 

 

so there you go, i got a white veil on, they also got me a bouquet of flowers AND GAH ANTHONY WAS IN A DARK BLUE TUX WITH THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE OF HIS I AM SHAKING AT THE THOUGHT THAT WE'RE GONNA BE IN CLOSE PROXIMITY AGEN SINCE AGES AGO.

 

btw, he smiled when he saw me.

 

my heart just did a double flip. anthony was just so cute and handsome combined... he's got a great body too but i am just an innocent person okrrrrr.

 

BTW, the whole time i was NOT looking at his face lmao im so embarrassed and shy and ppl told me i looked like a tomato the whole time i was in front of him... 

 

he sAID "I DO" EZ (or he was obliged to) and i said, "I DO" back wtf mama i'm crying internally at that time T___________T

 

i also held his hands and fingers because i had to put a ring on his finger and this skinship i am SHAKING AND TREMBLING MY KNEES ARE WEAK

 

MAN I HAVENT LIKE,,, TOUCHED HIS SKIN (IN AN INNOCENT WAY ONLY PLEASE GUYS) since we were classmates two years before, and that was when he got sick in class and my teacher asked me to check his temperature by touching his necK OOF i told u guys its innocent. AND ITS NOT LIKE I WOULD GO OBA WITH THAT KIND OF SKINSHIP EXCUSEZ MOI!!!! WE WERE ONLY 12/13 year olds that time.

 

and he also put a ring on my finger MAN THAT WAS SUCH A NICE FEELING DEEP INSIDE I WAS FANGIRLING AND THANKING EVERYONE FOR THIS OPPORTUNITY WITH MAH CRUSH LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

and then we posED for a picture uwu i forgot where that picture is now haha maybe it already got deleted in my phone or i may have uploaded it on my twitter acc??? idk lol i don't remember 

 

AND WHEN THE WEDDING ENDED, i immediately left the venue and dragged my friend who set me up with anthony TO THANK HER GOSH. i was just so shy and overwhelmed and really i'm glad that for once, i get to be with him even for a short short while and play pretend marriage lol

 

YOU GET CHEAP AF WEDDING RINGS AS A SOUVENIR BTW!!! so i treasured mine. i just don't know if anthony still has his ring lol. and so i wore my ring like the whole day after,,,, silently giggling and gushing about the sweet sweet memory. also, i kept looking at our wedding pics HAHAHAHAAH how dare i call it "our wedding pics"

 

ANYWAY THAT WAS EVERYTHING FOR NINTH GRADE.... like i don't remember much of ninth grade with him except that time and those times when i admired him from afar.

 

HAHA.

 

BUT DURING TENTH GRADE, i got an upgrade, i mean, man, it was sooooo close, we were almost classmates again but ah, fate said we would only be classmates once. so, instead, what happened was i got placed in a class closest to his class. and i think that was good enough LOL. memories from last year, ninth grade was still a bit fresh but it's all in the past, AND AND i havent actually been able to talk to him properly after that hhahahahahha.

 

i did fb message him once, that i was sorry, because like 65% of my high school batchmates knew of my crush on him. and i was wondering if he got bothered by it haha and i apologized. hahaha it's both a blessing and a curse-- that your crush knew what you felt, and that he's actually not doing anything about it... like approaching me or smth despite knowing that i have feelings for him. I GUESS I AM JUST NOT LIKEABLE OOOF.

 

and its hard when you're fb friends with your crush... (he was the one who Added me btw *flips hair*) n i really checked for his fb status every single day lmao, if there were any... since he didnt really post much. AND I ALSO CHECKED IF HE'S ONLINE AND I GET THAT THAT FLUTTERY FEELING  INSIDE WHEN I FIND OUT THAT WE'RE BOTH ONLINE AT THE SAME TIME UWU. but okrrrrrrr, it takes much of my day each time i check his fb profile for updates lmao so wHEN I COULDNT STOP MYSELF ANYMORE AND WHEN IT WAS KINDA BOTHERING ME BCZ I'D ALWAYS CHECK ON HIM and not study,,, i unfriended him HAHA. then i blocked him, for a while. hfjksdfsdfh. 

 

i'm pretty sure he hasn't noticed me blocking him anyway,,, he doesn't really care about me. i know that. it's been years since i've been watching him from afar and not once did he ever try to approach me. HEHE. & i'm fine lol. AND, i know i kept saying that i don't really plan on confessing my feelings to him (even tho everyone found out, including him) and that i'm content with liking him from afar, BUT I SWEAR, if he ever gave me a bit of attention, i would've tried confessing my feelings. like, i'm gonna gather my confidence and ask him if we could talk for a moment so that i could finally spill the feelings that ive bottled up since we were in seventh grade.

 

AH, BUT NOTHING HAPPENED. HE WASN'T INTERESTED. HAHA.

 

*insert sad meme*

 

 

OKAY. BUT IN ALL HONESTY, I AM THANKFUL THAT NOTHING HAPPENED BETWEEN US. i wasn't actually ready for anything yet,,, but ofc there's always a first in things! wait, what? @ me, hey u, u shld be supporting urself jfhjsdfk.

 

i accepted that we will never be together, no chance at all. and btw, we had these small conversations by the end of tenth year...  haha when i was back to being comfortable with him after accepting my fate lol. it was just a couple of his and hellos here and there. and he asked a question one time about some artwork that i was doing... i didnt even notice he was watching me paint lmao. and i was with my friends that time, AND lol he was teased for opening up a conversation with me xD that's cute, it's like the tables were turned. i found him shy away from me after that haha. anyway that was the end of our tenth year.

 

anthony transferred schools during 11th grade so i didn't really see him anymore. i stayed in my school and as u mightve guessed, my feelings faded when he left. he visited once tho!! during a school festival hehe and i saw him once again, my heart fluttered a bit because wow even though i haven't seen him for a long time, he's still as cute and handsome as ever. :) but i guess that's just it. had no more of those gut-wrenching feels i experienced when i saw him in the school hallways before. no more butterflies in my stomach. probably, i felt my heart lowkey beating fast just because of the nostalgia; that hey, your previous crush of almost 4 years came by. aaaah, i should've said hi to him but there were too many people in the festival and there were bands performing so i really just tried to enjoy that moment-- listening to bands n stuff. i didn't bother to be conscious of his presence... wasn't even mindful of the fact i was just a few feet away from him. <3 it was in that moment that i realized, hey i have moved on! (lol, btw i tried moving over him countless of times before bcs i didnt want to keep on crushing on him uwu but YOU CANT CONTROL WHAT U FEEL.)

 

and i really did.move on. :) v v thankful for the fond memories (least it made things bearable for me in hs( and it's pretty cool that my first real crush was somebody like him.

 

plus, when i started 11th grade, i met someone that has impacted me as a person. and up to this day, that person is still someone i'm in love with. <3 words can never measure how much i love him and i may be saving this story for another blog post LOL. comparing anthony to this new guy is like comparing plain white crackers to a whole 5 star moist red velvet cake (which is my fave cake btw) LOL anthony is nothing and is like a speck of dust compared to this guy, i'm just gonna name him Jay Walker. LOL. coz that's his actual name initials 

 

but long story short, jay walker also ended up things with me. we had a fruitful relationship tho! and i learned a lot from being in a relationship with him. so, really, thanks jay walker for teaching me the ropes on how to be the bigger person in the relationship.BUT BUT, OK, lemme stop talking about him. LET ME KNOW THO IF U GUYS WANT A STORY TIME WITH MR. JAY WALKER RIGHT HERE. 

 

 

ALSO AAAAA now i'm single as for a year now. i'm kinda numb at love and really, i have high expectations on guys fhjdkfg after jay walker came. literally no one is above him when it came to my newly edited modern and mature woman preference chart LOL.

 

therefore i'm kinda missing the time when i still harbor crushes because right now,,, i dont find anyone likable. and it may not help that i still have some love and respect for jay walker that i'm still kind of "loyal" to him if i must say so haha. I SWEARRRR HE'S SO GOOD. AAAAA he's also the ex that i've mentioned in my previous blog(s).

 

anyway, having crushes is sooo fetch sis i want to feel that heart fluttering feeling again. sdkfjk of course, i get that from  seventeen's choi seungcheol. but it's really smth else when u experience crushing on someone outside the kpop industry and someone u can reach lmao. because i know i cant reach seungcheol. jkskjs HAHA,