i decided to post the continuation on another blog post... why? because i can. *nods nods* oKAY OOF LET'S CONTINUE

 

HERE WE GOOOO

 

okay so i was kind of discouraged when i learned that he was "going out" with this new girl (they weren't an official couple/had no labels --- they just have mutual feelings for each other). but even so, i still have this massive and huge crush on anthony. AND LIKE, i tried and tried so hard to find someone else to have a crush on but ah, he's really THE ONLY ONE I SEE.

 

i would silently gush everytime i see him eating in the cafeteria or when his free time matched with mine. i would also try to find where his classes were (aaaaaaaa) when i have my free time OR when i wanna go out of my classroom (gonna hav to ask my teacher if i may pee LOL) and when i do, i try to pass by his classroom and see how he's doing in his class OOF. I ALSO HAVE MY HEART FLUTTERING WHENEVER HE AND I PASS BY ON THE SAME HALLWAY uwu so many shimkungs. but ofc, i had to look straight ahead and not look at him passing by coz we werent that close anymore s i n c e  i  w a s !!shy!! around him hehehez.

 

i never spoke to him directly too... in fact, i dont think i've ever talked to him since the beginning of 8th grade. like sure, he and i, along with our mutual friends (from 7th grade) hang out from time to time but that was it. we never had any interactions between just ourselves. i was extremely shy bcs he's my crush and he had someone else too... but when 8th grade was ending, i heard that anthony "broke up" (quotations since they werent really tgt officially but they still had a split) with his girl. AND MY REACTION WAS... nothing. well, why do i have to react right? after all, no one knows abt what i feel. and i'm just fine liking him from a distance.

 

HOWEVER THERE WAS THIS MAGICAL MOMENT during the last weeks of 8th grade, that he, He, YES BUBBY, the one and only Anthony Stark, SPOKE TO ME. HE REALLY DID. AND HE,,, UH,,,,, without me doing anything,,, without me initiating something,,,,, HE REALLY SPOKE TO ME FIRST.

 

i was really shook at that point and i remember how that scene got permanently etched in my mind after what happened. i giggled like a fool after he talked to me aND SHIET, it felt nice you guys. it fELT SO HAPPY AND I WAS GIDDY HEHEHEH.

 

it was one afternoon, after the classes ended. i was standing near the gate of my school since i was gonna leave,, but i stood there bcz i was waiting for a friend to come (we were neighbors so we went home tgt). UNTIL HE CAME. anthony walked near me aND WE MADE A FREAKIN EYE CONTACT. girlie i was hella shook and my heart started beating so loudly when i saw him SMILE AT ME AND WALK TO WHERE I WAS STANDING!!!! GURL!!!!! I WAS REALLY SHOOK THAT TIME!!!!

 

at first i was looking into his eyes staring right back at me, then to his prettily shaped nose, to his lips that curved to a smile when he got near me.

 

his first (and only) words were, "Are we still friends?" -- he probably said it because we didn't interact anymore.

 

FUUUUUUUUUK MY HEART WAS CRYING OUT LOUD but i had to fake my reaction. i had to look indifferent to him -- to his presence, to his smile, to the friggin words he spat at me. 

 

arewestillfriendsarewestillfriendsarewestillfriendsarewestillfriendsarewestillfriendsarewestillfriendsarewestillfriendsarewestillfriendsarewestillfriendsarewestillfriendsarewestillfriendsarewestillfriendsarewestillfriends

 

'YES DAMN FUKC AAAAAA,' i wanted to say. 

 

MY HEAAAART ;;

 

but ah, i couldn't move freely since i was conscious of every move i did with him in close proximity. SO I JUST AWKWARDLY SMILED AND NODDED. i may have uttered even a smol 'yeah' at the end. but but THAT WAS ALL THE COURAGE I COULD MUSTER AT THAT UNEXPECTED YET MAGICAL TIME. 

 

honestly how do u even talk to ur crush and to someone u havent talked to properly for almost a year? ;;;;

 

BUT Y'ALL KNOW WHAT? it was actually a regret of mine that our friendship was set back since we didnt really interact anymore due to my "sad sad communication with my crush WHICH WILL NEVER HAPPEN" skillz aka me purposefully avoiding him at all times. it was only that one moment that i was cornered by him otherwise i wouldve fled the scene >_< 

 

HOWEVER it was a good thing i actually got cornered LOL at least, thinking about it now, anthony asked that question because he mustve thought about me for some time too... UWU i hope i'm not reaching @ this LOL i mean, if he was never concerned abt me (even just for a lil ;;aha;;) then he wouldnt have asked me that question... right? JSKSAKAK also wow, he actually thought about me probably because he DEFINITELY NOTICED that i didn't talk to him anymore... haha wow shimmy, your then crush actually thought aBout You!! u the winner man.

 

alsooo, i now wonder what would happen if i had answered honestly back then. if i had admitted my feelings or if i still openly talked to him throughout that school year... aaaaa. would we be closer? HEHE i'm just wondering abt that now... although i'm still really glad and thankful abt how things eventually ended which was 2-3 years after this moment took place. (Note: read til the end to find out!)

 

eighth grade was over before i realized and it was now summer break,, in which,, my feelings for anthony hid (again) for some time.

 

BUT AAAAAAAAAAAA Come Ninth Grade

 

i was really still freakin head over heels for this boi oof ; - ; to the point that i can no longer contain the feels within me and i finally told a couple of ppl (some friends, and some knew through my friends - a bad move srsly u will know later why) about my honest feelings for anthony just to let out some suppresed feels inside.

 

everything was fine after and sometimes my friends would tell me where my crush is and let me watch him from afar. ksksssk bUT BUT BUT a group of ppl supposedly told on anthony about my feelings. AND IT WAS NUTS. CRAAAAZY. i freaked out so much!!!! and y'all thought i was already avoiding him before. THIS TIME IT BECAME A WHOLE NEW NINJA MOVE THAT I INVENTED JUST TO AVOID HIM TOTALLY완전리얼헐 BECAUSE (AND THIS REALLY) 

 

HE KNEW THAT I HAD A CRUSH ON HIM.

 

**note: 180809 this will have to pause for a bit lmao see u again in a few hours/tmrw