sorry if it's pretty long, it's basically like a oneshot now lol pls read this as a oneshot

back when i was still in junior high school/middle school, i had this huge, huge crush on a boy named anthony. (not his real name ofc.)

it started during seventh grade, it was my first class and it was a friggin M A T H class. i was gonna despise my entire time in that classroom if not for this seatmate that i had. he had a pretty tan, his hair was thick, dark, and luscious, (I LOOOVE THE WAY HE STYLES HIS HAIR), and that smile, gosh, that smile-- it gives me goosebumps whenever he smiles. 

but of course, i didn't realize that i had an actual crush oh him (yep, you guessed it, i was talking abt anthony earlier) until months after. 

because at first, i was just admiring how he's so good at the very subject that i despise the most - math. every day, at 7 in the morning, we would sit right next to each other and would talk sometimes. LOL, your girlie was shy af bcs this was her first time in a new school and a new environment,,, and it's not like i would stare at him either,, i was too focused on the math lecture to avoid getting bad grades (i still failed doe :^)) 

so basically i never really paid attention to anthony much, the whole time we were seatmates every morning. even tho i know he's an eyecandy and that i admired his math skills A LOT. i think i started to really like him after that innocent admiration hehez.

also, i would like to mention that i had an ongoing happy crush on an upperclassman that time (oof, 7th grade me just can't get enough)!! but like i said, it was a happy crush and it only lasted like uhh less than 6 months? i guess. that happy crush was really nothing like,,, by the time i reached 8th grade, i didnt even remember why i liked that person before aHAHA.

SO GOING BACK TO ANTHONY, after that happy crush ended, I FINALLY REALIZED THAT I WAS STARTING TO LIKE "LIKE" HIM by the end of the school year. tbh, he's actually quite weird lol, not weird weird but funny weird. like he would sing funny songs at random times - which never failed to make me laugh. he would talk to me randomly and joke with me - tbh i found it awkward at first when we were just starting the school year but i found that quirky personality of him so cute AAAAA. and he would just playfully laugh at my math quiz scores (mostly zeroes) when i look at his perfect ten scores, LOL i'm a noob. there was even one time we both got zeroes (yes, anthony got a zero on a quiz because he got sick and was absent for 3 days uwu ;^; although i'm just,, ya kno,, dumb in that subject hehehhehe) AND WE BOTH LAUGHED OUT LOUD AT THE SAME TIME AFTER CHECKING OUR PAPERS AND SEEING THE SCORES. fun times, fun times. Ah.

I ALSO REMEMBER that i avoided going to the cafeteria because WOOT WOOT i have this tiny smol crush on someone else too!! another eyecandy tbh, and his lunch would always be pasta lmao what a weird and fancy kid. anyway, i only harbored a happy crush on this one and this dood would eat his lunch with his friends at the shed in front of our classroom building -- which is also the same place anthony and some of our classmates would eat lunch in. during the start of the school year, i would only hang out with anthony and the rest of my classmates in the shed at lunch just so i could see a glimpse of my other happy crush but thinking abt it now, its was kinda a win-win situation right? LOL. i got to hangout with anthony and i could see pasta boy too.

anyway, when my happy crush with pasta boy ended, and when its the last remaining months of the school year, like i said earlier, i started to like anthony and i paid attention to him more during lunch time LOL finally. i was having lunch with him (and a bunch of other classmates, yes we werent alone bih that wasnt a date). that was a heart fluttering feeling that only i knew at that time. 

only that by the time it was the end of seventh grade, he has gotten constantly paired with a girl classmate of mine and they were teased about it many times. it felt like a pang in my heart that time but i didnt voice it out plus i wasnt even vocal about my feelings for anthony since i was just about to figure out my crush for him. IT DIDNT EVEN HELP that he and i were no longer seatmates in the last term because my friggin math teacher exchanged our seats and anthony was now seatmates with ms. nice girl from earlier

SIGHS LOUDLY my poor young adolescent heart failed at her first crush.

tbh, my feelings for him died down when we had summer break because i didnt see him anymore and i was just either stuck at home or travelling.

BUT COME 8TH GRADE, he and i were in different classes unfortunately. but my feelings were whoAAAA they are actually ALIVE SHISTERS !!! they were just dormant (hiding) the entire summer break. 

sis, my heart just beats so fast everytime he's near that i try to avoid him always. like i'm afraid i would just collapse when he's near me. although ofc, i would look at him in a distance and just stare at that awfully cute face of his AND JUST GUSH AND MELT deep inside. my cutesy teen heart for being so unstable for anthony really. aaaa but it was one of the best feelings uwu to see the person you like! ♡ he's like always shining, always in the spotlight wherever i see hiM. in fact, maybe he's all that i ever see. 

but on 8th grade, you see, he started going out with a girl, his classmate (not to be confused with ms. nice girl earlier, this is a new girl) jksksk. MY POOR HEART LOL. i got no right to be sad though since i was just admiring him from afar. and i havent really confessed to him about what i feel. 

** 180808 (WAIT IMMA LEAVE THIS FOR A BIT, I'LL JUST BE DOING SMTH ELSE i'll be back soon i promise!!! Will edit this blog post again after 10 mins)**

Edit: 180808 okay i got a lot more busy lmao see u in a few hours or the next day djjdjs it wont be too long lets hope