Chapter 54: Divulge

The week of Earn’s absence wears slowly on, but Pete finds a way to spend his time outside of cram school by training with Oil on how to improve his soccer skills in anticipation of when he returns.  As they train in a grassy park, an exhausted Pete rests while Oil nags at him to get up.  He reminds Pete that the training was all his idea and why, but Pete pleads for leniency and pokes fun at Oil by reminding him of the crush he used to have on Pete.  Oil protests that he’s turned over a new leaf and that he takes training very seriously.  Pete can’t deny his declaration but, asks if they can get some water and Oil agrees.  As they head for the shade, Pete catches us up on how he’s been spending most of his time while Earn is away.  Por is pretty busy working on cars and hanging with Josie, and Lhew is off with Ngaw and trying to patch things up with Card.  He has cram school, of course, and talks with Yuri from time to time but spends the rest of his time training with Oil.  The idea of asking Oil to train him came naturally enough.  After all, the drama of the past is just that, but Oil was hesitant at first until Pete explained his goal. 

The conversation between Pete and Oil veers toward Oil’s recent encounter with Fi, and Oil is obviously spilling his guts and is clearly ashamed.  Pete finds himself reeling from the mere thought that Oil, the hot and popular athlete would end up with one of the dorkiest people he knows.  Oil takes offense at Pete’s characterization of Fi however, Pete can’t shake his impression of the guy.  Oil sees Fi as smart, assertive and funny but Pete privately chalks it up to different for different folks.  Pete asks/reminds Oil if he knows what he did was sketchy, noting to himself that though they were both drunk, it still looks pretty bad for him.  Oil comes off as guilt-ridden when he acknowledges Pete’s comment, but seems conflicted.  According to Oil, Fi got dumped by his girlfriend and dragged Oil off to go drinking and told him to sleepover.  Pete can’t help but contrast this with his own situation.  Oil also whines that Fi was tempting and pushing him pretty badly, at a time when he hadn’t been doing anything s*xual for a while, due to the Basketball Finals.  Fi even asked Oil to kiss him, but Pete points out that doesn’t give Oil the right to the guy.  Oil acknowledges the truth of Pete’s conclusion, and explains that the next morning when he woke up next to Fi, he felt like sh*t for what he’d done.  He admits Fi said no, but asserts his body and actions seemed to say otherwise, and at one point he forced Oil’s head down…  Pete asks Oil honestly if he regrets what he did, and gets an immediate concurrence.  Oil says that he felt so guilty he kept checking up to see if Fi was okay, but he acted more annoyed than anything else.  Fi’s reaction seems puzzling to Pete and he asks Oil if Fi liked it.  With his face reddening, Oil relates that Fi says he didn’t, but acted a lot like he wanted it. 

Pete is at a loss over this complicated scenario, and while he grapples in his mind, the conversation is interrupted by a phone call.  The ringtone tells him it’s Earn and he scrambles to grab his phone from his bag.  Earn’s voice bursts from the phone so loudly that Pete makes a joke about going deaf.  Pete asks why he called when they already have a video chat with Card and Por scheduled for later, but this only makes Earn question why he can’t call his boyfriend in the afternoon and Pete can tell he’s got one eyebrow raised in suspicion.  When Pete tells Earn he’s kind of busy at the moment, Earn asks Pete if he’s cheating on him or hanging out with people he doesn’t approve of, but Pete fibs his way out of it.  Next, Earn tells him to scour his room to prevent Por from finding their intimate things, noting that Por already thinks they’re s*x addicts.  Pete can tell from Oil’s laughter that he clearly heard what Earn said.  Pete begs off with excuse of studying, and they each trade a ‘Love you’ before hanging up.  Pete eventually re-focuses on the present and turns to find Oil still sitting next to him with a snide smirk on his face.  When Oil tells him he was enjoying the sweet scene of seeing and hearing him chat with Earn, Pete genuinely asks him if he’s affected by it anymore.  Oil playfully mentions that he still thinks Pete is attractive (especially since he’s shirtless at the moment) but that he also understands he’s in love with Earn before standing up and musing hopefully that maybe this time the guy he likes will like him back if he can forgive him.  Pete expresses his support and willingness to help Oil by stating as much and placing a hand on his shoulder, and Oil thanks him.  They return to training, and Pete can’t help but ponder Oil’s situation.  On the one hand, he knows it’s dark and off base, but the way he describes Fi’s lack of anger leaves Pete confused.  He decides he’s not in a place to really judge.  He sticks by his advice to Oil to patch things up and learn something from the experience, but knows it’s not his place to make sure any of that happens. 

So, the LS chapter passes through the storyline.  This event has been considered a very touchy issue in the past for a very good reason.  Reasonable and respectful people agree that one person forcing himself on another is verboten.  But consider, for a moment, the exploration of this issue in the television series Make It Right, with the encounter between Book and Frame visually acted out on television.  I know there is a range of opinion on exactly what transpired on the show but it raises the issue none-the-less, and does so while reaching a much larger audience.  My point in bringing this up is that current audiences seem less scandalized by the event itself and more interested in understanding circumstances, motivations, and assumptions that surround such events.  In this story, Oil seems as genuinely and honestly confused about what happened with Fi as Pete believes he is hearing Oil’s account.  If we accept and believe that Oil redeemed himself after nearly crashing Pete and Earn’s relationship (which I believe he accomplished), then the encounter with Fi can emerge from a less sinister place, and take the form of a misguided move fueled by alcohol, hormones, bad judgment, (alcohol again), and mixed-messages.  Oil is admittedly remorseful and seems to genuinely care about Fi as much as he is confused about what really happened.  Pete only has Oil’s account of the event to go by, and if Pete is the moral compass of his own story, then we have to trust him when he expresses that the situation is too gray to judge and leave the door open to a potentially productive outcome.

As Pete and Oil change after practice, the conversation leads to a discussion of their common bis*xuality and another topic that’s been weighing on Pete’s mind.  Pete asks Oil how he handled having a boyfriend, and gets teased for being so smart but needing relationship advice.  Pete asks Oil if he’s out to his friends, and gets a snarky reply that it was a long time ago which surprises Pete.  Actually, Oil clarifies that he hasn’t told everyone he runs into, only the people that are important to him.  Pete asks who those people are and learns that Oil’s best friend Mark knows (of the Mark-Mawin pair) and of course the Basketball Team, especially since they noticed his attraction to Pete.  Finally, Oil utters the important disclosure that Pete is most interested to hear about:  Oil’s parents.  Pete immediately peppers him with a slew of questions which startles Oil initially.  At first, Oil’s parents weren’t very happy, yet didn’t really seem to understand what he was saying, so he had to tell them he liked both boys and girls.  They of course asked him if he could just like girls.  Eventually his mom calmed down, but his dad dislikes his attraction to guys, thinking it somehow makes him weak.  When Pete asks if he was nervous, Oil smacks him on the head for asking such a clueless question, and then explains that would be like him asking Pete if he and Earn were nervous when they came out at the concert.  Pete immediately recalls how crazy nervous he and Earn were at that time, but he fortunately had Earn to lean on for support.  Oil breaks in asking why he’s suddenly so interested in this topic while casually throwing an arm onto Pete’s shoulder and giving him a dopey grin.  Pete remains silent in his emotional conflict about coming out to his parents, and Oil tells him it’s okay in a very supportive and diplomatic response that acknowledges Pete’s non-judgmental position over his confession about Fi.  Pete is deeply touched by this response, but Oil quickly shrugs off the seriousness of the moment and makes a joke about Pete having to get going so he can hide the s*x toys before Por comes over.  Pete offers to drop Oil off at home and then hits a convenience store to buy snacks for Por’s visit. 

I liked this passage a lot and found the interaction between Pete and Oil over the issue of coming out to be sort of a ‘duh’ moment.  It is a conversation that I never thought about until I was reading it, and it makes total sense for Pete to turn to another bis*xual guy to explore these issues in an attempt to resolve his concerns.  I just kept thinking, ‘sh*t Pete, what a good idea!’. It also allows Pete to interact on a very personal level with someone outside his family of friends.  If Oil comes across as generally open and forthright, their conversation also serves as a reminder of just what a genuinely sensitive and decent person Pete is.  I had the same reaction when he interacted with Yuri in the last chapter.  In fact throughout this novel, with the exception of Phun, Pete tends to give everyone a level playing field from the start, and even with Phun, he eventually overcame most of his preconceptions.  Pete might be somewhat of geek with a streak of compulsiveness, but he has a heart of gold.

Pete arrives home to find the housekeeper preparing dinner.  He greets her and heads to his room to shower and hide the items Earn suggested from Por’s prying eyes.  After checking on Por’s arrival, he texts everyone and then checks on Lhew, only to find that she’s had little luck catching up with Card, so he shares their online chat time so he won’t be able to avoid her timely call afterward.  He then spends his time texting with Earn in a lovey dovey fashion that even he acknowledges would make anyone listening in nauseated.  During these texts, he pointedly avoids sharing his worries about coming out to his parents, reasoning that Earn told his parents alone, so he should be able to muster the courage to do the same.

The story fast forwards to Por thanking Pete and P’Kwanjai for dinner, after which they head to Pete’s room.  Por shares his surprise that Pete’s parents aren’t home yet but Pete explains that his parents will get home late to eat and then finish up some work before opening his laptop and logging into his account.  Por comments how lonely Pete must feel with Earn out of town and Pete concurs.  Pete mentions the snacks he bought and is encourage by Por to bring them on, so Pete heads off to arrange a tray of chips, dip, crackers and drinks.  Upon his return with the snacks, Pete finds Por holding a near empty bottle of lube and gets immediately teased.  He smacks Por on the head and admonishes him for going through other people’s belongings, but Por is defiant and asks if he can borrow some.  Pete’s second whack is even harder, and he tells Por how gross his question to share the lube sounds.  A frank conversation about Por’s and Josie’s use of lube in sachets ensues and the shared details make Pete’s skin crawl.  This is followed by Por admonishing him for buying generic condoms, remarking that he’d expect rich s*x deviants like Pete and Earn to buy more expensive ultrathin or ribbed varieties.  When Por’s gutter mind ponderingly suggests that Earn might need the extra thickness to prolong his performance, Pete decides he’s heard enough and snatches the items away and grabs the tray of food back toward the kitchen.  With Por in pursuit and emphatically apologizing along the way, Pete gets to the trash can and tilts the tray menacingly.  Only then does he get Por’s complete capitulation through an offer to upgrade his computer.  At this point Pete knows he’s won, and he gloats to himself.  He also realizes that when he and Por are alone together, this is always how they get along.  He generally enjoys Por’s company, but finds talking to him about his s*x life with Earn is uncomfortable because, in spite of being close friends, Por is straight.  He realizes that his earlier conversation with Oil was more relatable to his own situation.  At any rate, Por does live up to his part of the truce and speeds up Pete’s laptop, and Pete actually does give him some of the condoms since he asked for them.  When the alarm sounds, Pete opens the app on his computer and immediately Earn and Card appear for their video call.

You can’t beat a Por-fueled discussion about s*x.  The character is designed and deployed to inject the most hilariously inappropriate scenes into this story.  The current exchange does raise an interesting question: How do a straight guy and a bis*xual/gay guy discuss s*x?  It is clearly possible for this discussion to take place, but how comfortable can it be?  Well, if one of the guys is like Por, who is loud, brash and has absolutely no shame, his side of the conversation is easy.  But for a sensitive guy like Pete, who is perhaps a bit self-conscious, the conversation is a bit uncomfortable, and the discomfort is amplified when the other person is as shameless and direct as Por. 

The call begins with Card greeting everyone in a rather formal tone and a shirtless Earn smiling brightly out of a dark room.  Pete immediately tells him to put on some clothes, but Earn complains that it’s very hot in Chiang Mai.  Of course, Por has to comment that he looks like an internet s*x worker and even Card asks Earn to show some decorum.  This just gets Card a counterattack from Earn about wearing a tie and long sleeved shirt and they squabble over whether Card attended a meeting or business dinner.  Por jumps in with a variation on his earlier wisecrack and Earn and Card enlist Pete to give Por a hard smack on the head.  Por threatens retaliation, but Earn preempts him with a death threat of his own upon his return, with Card adding that he’ll withhold Por’s souvenirs.  Por’s frustration at being denied earns laughter from the other three.  The conversation hits its stride as they share stories of what they’ve been up to and winds up lasting a couple of hours.  Pete spends the time quietly texting with Lhew so she’ll know when Card will be online and available and lets her know that they are about to end the call.  Seeing Card’s gaze shift to the corner of the screen, tells Pete that Lhew is calling him, and they draw the group call to a close with farewells. 

Pete and Por stretch while sharing their reactions to the call, but then Por turns serious on Pete and asks him what’s on his mind.  Pete, as usual, tries to play dumb but Por makes it clear he knows something is up.  Pete doesn’t surrender easily but Por’s persistence wins in the end and when he admits to Pete that he knows he’s not the ideal person to open up to but wants to help Pete if he’s in trouble, Pete is filled with gratitude.  As different as Pete feels from Por, he’s touched by his genuine concern, but takes the precaution of exacting an agreement not to get mocked as a precaution.  At that, he tells Por that, before Earn returns, he plans on coming out to his parents and he’s not sure how to go about it.  Por expresses surprise that hadn’t done so already, eventually explaining that he figured he did so when he and Earn told the whole school.  Pete expresses that it’s complicated and Por asks how.  This makes Pete realize that he’s been so focused on his anxiety that he never contemplated why he’s so anxious.  This puts him to thinking, and after a minute, he asks Por if he held a secret about himself that might make people hate him, would he feel more comfortable telling his friends or his parents?  In a thoughtful response, Por makes a distinction between whether the secret revolves around something he’s done that’s wrong or something he can’t change.  If it’s something he can’t change, then of course he’d want his parents to know because if it’s not technically bad, Por assumes his parents would understand.  Pete reacts with hesitation and admits he is still freaked out thinking about it, so Por asks how he found the courage to come out at school.  Pete pictures the faces of all their friends and tells Por that knowing he and Earn had their support no matter what happened made it possible.  Por’s blunt reaction is unequivocal as he tells Pete that they aren’t going anywhere.  Por follows this declaration up with a promise that if things get dire, Pete can stay at his house, noting that his parents know about Hack and were against the way he treated him but, then tells him that since Earn is coming back in a couple of days, he’ll probably stay at Earn’s place.  When Pete tells him that his offer is still heartwarming, Por reverts to his old self and warns Pete that he should know better and not go soft on him.  With that, they resume their normal mode of interaction but Pete finds Por’s advice helpful and reassuring.  As Pete heads out to drive Por home, they run into Pete’s parents returning home after a long day and a restaurant meal.  This gives Por the green light to snag some leftovers.  The encounter seemed awkward for Pete but he knows his parents have no idea what is running through his mind.  On the ride home, they discuss when Pete is going to tell his parents.  Por gives him the thumbs up upon arrival and Pete is appreciative of his support, especially since Card, Lhew and Earn are not around.

This last passage featured the group call which was funny and enjoyable enough, but the jewel of this section was the expansion of Por’s character from the merely loud, obnoxious and annoying clown, to the observant, supportive, and dare I say mature (for Por) friend.  He’s shown that he can be more than a whiny self-centered loud mouth (think about the resolution of the Hack incident for one example) in prior chapters and thus not exclusively a buffoon.  Here he shows that he can be perceptive and supportive, and exercise an ability to treat an important matter with seriousness, even when he can’t readily relate to it.  The shift in his usual point of view from himself to someone else (Pete), illustrates that the guy can actually operate on an empathic level, at least where his close friends are concerned.  It is nice to see their friendship elaborated on in this manner.

The next day opens with Pete and Yuri at school running through some practice exercises.  Pete works quickly and methodically while Yuri seems to struggle a little.  Pete gives her some pointers for which she expresses her appreciation.  Pete has been feeling the pressure of coming out to his parents and has been distracting himself by studying.  Por’s pep talk was encouraging but Pete still has concerns.  After finishing his practice quizzes, Pete decides to head home early.  Yuri notices and comments on his early departure.  She’s surprised that he got through all the questions so quickly but when she learns that he missed a few, she immediately concludes it was her fault for distracting him.  He politely demurrers but in the end, admits what she’s saying might have at least a little merit.  At this point, Yuri becomes adamant about making it up to Pete and insists on helping him with the shopping errand he’s about to embark upon and pay for the food items.  Pete resists at first but gives in eventually and they head to the market.  After giving her the list of items he needs, he’s surprised to find out just how beneficial having her along is because they get everything in no time.  They chat at the cashier and Yuri comments that it’s nice Pete is cooking dinner for his parents.  Pete tells her it’s to thank them for raising him, which makes him feel accomplished at pulling off the lie.  He adds that they haven’t eaten together for a while and that they were thrilled he was cooking them dinner tonight.  Yuri comments that his parent’s excitement over the meal shows how much they love him and Pete tells her she is so optimistic.  Before the conversation gets serious, it’s their turn to pay and Pete thanks her for her help.  She replies simply, ‘That’s what friends are for.’  Pete sounds surprised when asking, ‘We’re friends?’.  She assures him they are, and comments that he didn’t have to comfort her at school when she was crying.  Pete tells any decent person would have done the same yet, Yuri points out that it wasn’t just anybody, but him, adding she thinks he is more than just decent.  Pete’s puzzled however, Yuri states that under his serious and studious exterior, she thinks he’s funny and kind and she likes to think they’re friends.  Although embarrassed, Pete tells her he thinks she’s his friend too.  After the shopping, Pete buys her a coffee while purchasing a cake for dessert and then they head their separate ways.

The Yuri storyline is really an accommodation for the LS series plotline and as nicely written as it is, its status as an add-on to this novel shows.  Even so, I did recognize Yuri clearly, especially her optimism and sickening cheerfulness.  I also got the sense that she was about to descend on Pete like an amoeba, much like she did to Noh in the novel and the series.  Although to be fair, she doesn’t seem quite so hell bent about it, yet.   I don’t hate Yuri, in fact I have pity for her but I also find her exceptionally annoying.  Her character was placed in the novel as a foil but in the series, she became pathetically delusional about her “relationship” with Noh.  So far in this novel, she’s been pretty sweet and delightfully normal, until now.  She’s getting whacky again.  Run Pete, run!

Pete heads home and goes to work on preparing dinner in a four hour marathon.  He takes a relaxing shower and hears his parents coming through the front door as he finishes drying his hair.  His mom and dad are both enthusiastic upon entering and inhaling the aroma of Pete’s cooking, and they greet each other warmly, if a bit formally.  Pete runs to his room to get changed with his heart pounding out of his chest knowing what he is about to do.  He returns to his waiting parents and sets out the meal he has prepared; mentally judging its presentation while hoping the taste compensates.  He notices that his mom is very complimentary even though she usually judges food by appearance.  They dig in and load up their plates and begin to discuss the day’s events.  Pete strategically expresses interest in their work and finds out that his dad is up for a raise he’s been working hard for over the past month which explains why he’s put in so much overtime at work lately.  Their talk is optimistic, but work is clearly a major stress on them.

After the meal winds down and his parents express their gratitude, Pete remembers the cake for dessert.  His parents humorously attempt to decipher what kind of special day this is while running through the list of family birthdays.  (Pete’s is in August – hilarious!)  With the pressure building up inside him, Pete’s mom wonders aloud if perhaps the meal is about Pete wanting them to buy something for him.  Once that possibility is dispensed with, she asks what this is all about.  With his heart racing, Pete stammers to answer, so his dad demands that just come out with it.  Pete starts out by explaining that he prepared dinner to show how much he loves and appreciates his parents.  His mother finds the statement sweet and his father replies that they love him very much too.  Pete indicates that there is something very important that they both need to know.  His parents are surprised by his statement, but his father confidently states that he can tell them anything, and his mother seconds the motion.  Not knowing where to begin, Pete’s father again encourages him by telling him to keep it simple, and that they’ll let him know if needs to explain. 

Pete breathes deeply to summon his courage and then tells them he’s bis*xual.  They sit in awkward silence until his mom asks what he means.  Consumed by nerves, Pete finally manages to tell her that it means he likes both girls and boys.  His dad dismisses Pete’s statement as a joke, pointing out that he’s dating Lhew, but Pete explains they broke up long ago before adding that nothing happened between them the night she slept over.  Pete’s mom bristles at the mention of this topic then quickly asks how Pete knows he likes boys and girls.  Pete’s chest feels like it’s exploding as he tells them he has a boyfriend.  At this point his father’s tone turns grave when telling Pete that his joke isn’t funny.  Pete replies that he’s not joking while becoming incensed that he’s not being taken seriously.  At the next exchange, Pete’s father asks why he just can’t choose to like girls but to Pete, it sounds more like an order.  Pete spins back the question that if he could do that, doesn’t his father think we would, before adding that even if he wanted to, he’s already in a relationship with someone he really loves.

At this point, Pete’s father orders him to stop and states that he’s not thinking straight.  Pete tries to speak, but is cutoff by his mother who admonishes him not to spread this around, especially while his father is up for a raise.  Again, Pete tries to interject but is interrupted, this time by his father who is consumed by the thought that competitors for the raise at the office would use this against him.  Feeling the familiar grip of neglect, Pete asks if they even care what he’s going through, then declaring that he’s different and has someone he loves in his life before blurting out that keeping this from them has been eating away at him.  His mother interjects that they do care but that now is not the best time to be open about it.  Pete asks his dad what he has to say but only gets ordered to get over the phase he’s going through.  As appalled as Pete is by this reply, his father continues to condescendingly characterize Pete as a kid who has no idea what love is beyond love of family before admonishing him not to be so loud about this fad when he can’t comprehend something so complicated.  Pete rises from his chair in frustration and anger and pointedly questions if he even knows love of family.  With his pent up frustrations boiling over, Pete loudly tells them that in spite of their proclamations of caring about him, he’s been left practically alone half his life.  When his father tells him to be quiet, Pete takes issue with that too, characterizing their attitude toward him as stay silent and obey.   They treat him as if his opinion means nothing.  He declares that he didn’t ask to be this way and he’s not acting out on purpose, but now that he’s telling them, their response toward him is ‘be normal.’  Before he can complete the accusation, ‘It’s like you both don’t even lov-‘  a heavy push knocks him to ground and he looks up to see his father standing over him looking angry, sad, and worst of all,  disappointed.  His father then turns the hall and slams the bedroom door.  His mother stands while Pete stays frozen in place on the floor and she sadly tells him that if he really feels that they don’t love him then she’s sorry before following her husband into the bedroom.  Sitting on the floor Pete grasps that he has just given voice to a subconscious problem he never knew he had or wanted to address and he’s overwhelmed by his father’s disappointment and his mother’s sorrow.  Clear on what he feels, Pete eventually drags himself off to bed to drown out his feelings with music.  He texts Earn that he loves him and he starts crying while wishing to wake up and have this all be a nightmare.

This disastrous coming out is terribly unfortunate but foreseeable for several reasons.  We’ve already witnessed a positive and supportive coming out to family by Earn, as well as the mostly successful public coming out by Pete and Earn at school, so making Pete’s coming out to his parents less than perfect is an opportunity for the story to illustrate the difficulties individuals and families can face.  Beyond this, Pete has been feeling ominous worry and tension about this looming event, effectively anticipating (for undisclosed, but I assume valid reasons) that things might not go so well, and thereby essentially telegraphing this outcome to us in advance.  I offer for additional consideration that Pete would be considered what we call in the U.S. a ‘latchkey kid’.  In other words, a kid with parents so busy or outside the home so much, he pretty much ends up raising himself.  Pete has had the love and support of a caring housekeeper in P’Kwanjai, which is likely why he is as well-adjusted as he is.  That fact does not mitigate that latchkey kids attain an accumulation of emotional issues generated by the frequent absence/separation from parents while growing up.  It also depends upon the age at which Pete’s parents started leaving him either alone or in the housekeeper’s care.  Younger children attempt to interpret circumstances in which they find themselves from their only available vantage point: themselves, and this leads them to mistakenly assign causes for perceived circumstances to their own agency.  In other words, they blame themselves for things outside of their control.  This seems illogical to an adult, but to a young mind lacking an adult perspective, it comes naturally.  This leads to potential issues with self-esteem, abandonment, trust, the ability to accept and feel loved, etc.  Is it any wonder that Pete has a hard time accepting praise or a compliment? If the roots of Pete’s separation/distancing from his family begin to grow early enough in his life, his sense of being unloved would have a long subconscious history, and could be the source of Pete’s ‘subconscious problem’, as he put it, as to whether his parents truly love him.  Such smoldering doubt can be repressed for a very long time but when challenged directly by reactions like those of Pete’s parents in this chapter, such doubts can explode to the surface with powerful emotional force.   Consider what Pete is faced with for a minute.  His parents are condescending and dismissive while pushing aside Pete’s heartfelt attempt to reach out to them while simultaneously feeling vulnerable at disclosing his s*xuality.  Pete’s reaction to his parents clearly reveals the depth of how marginalized he feels.  If he has been subconsciously harboring doubts about his parent’s love, it places him at a tremendously sensitive tipping point while he is being body slammed by their reactions.  This is not the slow peeling off of a Band-Aid but a harsh ripping off of a Band-Aid.  Call it an epiphany or a watershed moment or whatever you like, but this is a huge event in his life. 

On another level entirely, an argument can be made that Pete’s over-arching rational approach to life in general is his attempt to distance himself from these subconscious emotions by keeping them starved of the psychic energy they need to rise to the surface.  Now they are out on the table and Pete realizes that they have been buried deep in his psyche for a long time.  What this exactly means to Pete is presently unknown.  While he’s initially overwhelmed by the circumstances and emotions hitting him, upon getting up off the floor, he knows exactly what he’s feeling, although we’re left in the dark about specifically what he means.    

Currently we have a situation where a vulnerable young man has tried to bring forth a very intimate truth and has been met with condescension, disbelief, dismissal and ultimately with physical violence.  He admits to getting overheated by his parent’s reactions, even standing and shaking with anger, and although he cries to himself at the end, he seems determined.  He and his parents are currently in a standoff, and if they do not reconcile, how might this influence Pete? He can try to repress his emotions, but that is fight he cannot win.  At best he can distract himself from them for a time, but the longer he does so, the greater the investment of psychic energy he will have to make to continue the distraction.  Eventually, this strategy will fail.  He could rebel rather fiercely as he tries to bleed out the hurt and anger, and while I can see this possibly happening in the short term, I simply can’t see him succumbing to this psychic injury long-term.  This is a huge event for Pete, and his character may have vulnerabilities, but he is too morally centered for this event to have severe personality altering consequences long-term.  There is no doubt that Pete has some real emotional self- examination to do, but he is grounded in himself and in his relationship with Earn, so whatever happens in coming chapters, I believe he will eventually find his way forward productively, although it will have to rely on help from Earn, his friends, and in the real world, professional counseling.  From his parent’s point of view, Pete has acted immaturely, disobediently, and misbehaved, and may even be jeopardizing his father’s promotion.  At least, that is their initial reaction as represented in this chapter.  In Pete’s eyes, his father seems disappointed in him, but disappointment cuts both ways.  Pete’s parents have been somewhat formal and removed throughout this novel especially compared to Earn’s parents, but in spite of this, from what Pete has told us, they have been good providers and tried to raise Pete well by giving him boundaries and enforcing rules, even if they have fallen short in other areas.  While Pete may be correct in his characterizations of their parenting, I think the potential for them to hear Pete’s pleas and ultimately come around is a distinct possibility.  Regarding the physical pushing, I am going to surmise that Pete’s father may indeed be disappointed in him, but it’s likely that his father is far more disappointed in himself for getting physical with his son.  At least I hope I’m right.  I think I am, because I view Pete’s parents as well meaning, even after the stilted and harsh reaction they had.  Pete’s coming out and its aftermath could be their wake-up call by offering them the chance to look into themselves and decide what matters most for their son, and everyone else. 

This last portion of the chapter is written with the kind of knife’s edge dialog we’ve come to expect from this novel and exceptional emotional delicacy.  As a reader, it is very easy to understand the points of view that are colliding and crashing together.  The powerfully moving exchanges are easily heard spoken by a real family in a real home in the real world, and the complex emotional underpinnings are crystal clear.  This is a really well developed exchange and it closes out the chapter on an intense emotional cliffhanger.  This is one of the most critical passages in the novel and there are a number of directions events could go.  I look forward to the next chapter with enormous anticipation.  Thank you.  Terrific job!