Chapter 60: Preserve

We have arrived at the final chapter of this remarkable story and we should naturally expect some closure on many fronts.  In this respect, the chapter does not disappoint but, it also inserts a new theme of concern which adds a certain tension to keep us keenly focused as we read to its conclusion.  I find this a masterful of storytelling.  This could have been a victory lap chapter but extra care has been taken to add both meaning and depth to the story.  It’s like the infusion of a subtly unexpected flavor into a deliciously crafted dish that keeps us engaged and coming back for more.  The chapter covers a lot of ground so it jumps from event to event at a quicker pace than generally than is usual for this novel.  I don’t find this necessarily distracting but it is noticeable.

The first piece of closure occurs in the opening sentence of the chapter as Pete declares the resolution of tensions with his parents.  Pete describes the circumstances of the healing experience, noting that his parents were finally willing to see him and accept him for who he is.  He admits to being subtle about his s*xual orientation during this period, specifically asserting that he remains proud of who is but also pointing out that he doesn’t necessarily feel compelled to announce to everyone he meets who he’s attracted to.  He’s just living out his own normal.  Time has flown by and the end of summer is upon them and their senior year is approaching. 

What follows is a congenial scene attended by both Pete’s and Earn’s parents in celebration of the promotion earned by Pete’s father.  The back and forth banter between the parents rekindles the unique aspects of their personalities, made even more clear as the couples decide whether their sons should be allowed a little alcohol to toast the celebration.  It’s a very convivial and pleasantly amusing exchange indeed and Pete and Earn play the subtly respectful sons throughout as they hold hands under the table.  The highlight of the scene for me is Pete’s father informing his son that it’s okay if he’s more out in the open while making a direct reference to Earn.  It’s brief but very sweet.  This causes Pete to reflect on how much closer they’ve grown together as a family since all has been revealed and that they all made a genuine effort to do so.  Pete even reflects on the personalities of his and Earn’s parents and how they seem to come together in both he and Earn and, how that in turn, shapes part of the dynamic of their own relationship.  These group meals have brought them all together as a larger family and it’s helped their parents acknowledge Pete and Earn as lovers.  There is one added treat in this passage when Pete’s mom overhears the boys addressing each other by their pet names and Pete scrambles to explain it away rather than make what would no doubt be an embarrassing disclosure.  It’s a sweet touch and totally believable. 

The boys depart this happy scene to pursue previously made plans.  Pete admits he enjoys the family gatherings but prefers time alone with his boyfriend.  As they make their way to their friend’s house and sing along to the music as they drive, we are introduced to the new concern Pete has surfacing in his mind.  Pete has developed a growing awareness of how much he and Earn have changed and how much his life has changed over the past year.  He just mentions it briefly at this point and quickly returns to describing that the music being played is a reboot of the top songs in recent years so it naturally makes them feel nostalgic (“Latch” link in text provided).  The song serves to support the current level of attachment the boys feel toward each other. 

The scene jumps to a gathering of Pete, Earn, Por, Josie, and Lhew, embroiled in the usual cutting banter, mostly about Por’s dopey Welcome Home banner as they wait to greet their returning friend, Card, at the airport.  As always, the back and forth is pitch-perfect and totally in character for each of them.  We learn that Ody, Kern, Tem, Rose, and Net are already in route to a restaurant right before Card surprises them by sneaking up on them before they have their welcoming banner fully displayed.  It makes for a pretty entertaining shock since he comes up behind Lhew first, which sends the boys into a frenzy as they see him and quickly try to unroll the sign.  It’s then up to Lhew to carry the scene as she momentarily remains ignorant that the guy standing behind her, who she just asked to help look for their friend, is actually Card himself.  The shock upon turning around into him, lands her in his arms.  Por picks up from there and, as he races toward his best friend, pushes Lhew aside so he can embrace Card.  It turns out that Card arrived earlier than originally expected and instead of going home with his father and step mother, had been waiting around the airport just so that he meet up with his friends; a fact that touches them all deeply.  There’s talk of going to eat at the Four Seasons with the aforementioned gang for a celebration of Card’s return, and Card asks Lhew where Ngaw is.  She indicates he’s busy with the Marching Band and Card makes a crack that he thinks Ngaw doesn’t like him.  Lhew sets Card straight and reminds him of the feelings between them.  This passage is a bit of nostalgia for the characters as they act out their greeting ritual for Card once again and likewise for the readers but it is given the lovely surprise twist of Card turning the tables on his friends by arriving early and greeting them first.  This is a great example of the care taken in crafting the plot and the effort put into keeping us engaged and entertained.  The story advances to the group’s arrival at the Four Seasons (along with accompanying pictures) and their rendezvous with their predecessors.  The story skips ahead to some engaging banter (including some fangirling by Tem and Josie over Pete and Earn) as the group of Pete, Earn, Por, and Card departs and everyone says their goodbyes.

As I mentioned at the opening of my comment, this is a closure chapter, so we are seeing and saying goodbye to a lot of the characters in this novel for the last time.  We already said goodbye to the boys’ parents and now we bid adieu to Tem, Rose, Ody, Kern, and Net.  This is only the beginning however, because we’ll soon be sailing into a very nostalgic bon voyage of more expansive proportions.

The boys leave the restaurant asking Card what he wants to do next, and in typical Card fashion, he’s mildly perturbed that they don’t have his entire evening planned out for him.  The trio tries to coax out of Card what it was he missed most while in Singapore but he plainly tells them that he missed them the most and that he doesn’t care what they do just as long as they get to hang out together.  This gets a huge and loud reaction from Por, but Card cuts him down with a glare.  When Earn remarks that Card seems be softening up, he replies that he’s not getting soft but merely being honest.  This remark causes Pete to reflect on how consistent Card’s behavior is over time before he offers to call a group of sophomores to play DOTA.  Before agreeing to Pete’s proposal, Card points out that the group of friends is now soon-to-be-juniors.  They end up playing against their friend Nanook and his group, along with Choi, Odd, Dirk, Hack and Turn, a boy who at one time had a grudge against Hack but has since become his friend.  Following the games, they all head to the garden bar where they celebrated after their last gaming session.

The revisiting of past activities and shared experiences continues to pile up in this chapter as the story moves from scene to scene, and we are once again about to see and say goodbye to a raft of characters that have passed through the previous chapters.  While this is nostalgic for readers, it is also a review of history of sorts that will serve a plot purpose in the chapter later on as related to Pete’s concerns.

Pete notes that they end up calling Kal and Rad and a few other seniors to join them and learn that they all passed their university entrance exams which transforms the gathering into one big party.  We learn that even Oil and his gang of friends show up.  Apparently Oil invited Fi and Fi tagged Joke and Phun into the fun, which of course means Noh and his music club friends are there too, including Ngaw.  Eventually even Lhew shows up.  Here the story inserts the lyrics (and accompanying music link from the LS series soundtrack) which we all nostalgically recognize and celebrate, but this song sets forth what will now be Pete’s main thematic concern for the rest of the chapter.  This is the new theme of concern I mentioned in the introduction.  Pete will henceforth be privately haunted by his observations of how much things have changed and the nagging fear of what this means for his future with Earn. 

The gathering continues to grow and Pete notes that everyone is getting along with each other surprisingly well, even Oil and Earn.  It seems that an amazing cross-section of personalities is interacting and Pete surprisingly finds he and Card spending quite a bit of time talking to Phun and Noh.  He finds their dynamic strange and comes away from the encounter wondering why he ever thought of Noh as a threat since, beneath his exterior, he’s easily embarrassed, submissive, and oblivious.  The crowd size reminds Pete of the huge celebration after the Soccer Tournament seven months in the past which sends him thinking back in time and marking all the changes in everyone and everything that have transpired since.  Earn was probably still obsessed with Noh back then, while Phun and Noh were likely confused about their relationship at the time.  Pete recalls that he was dating Lhew back then and he thought they were perfect for each other and yet now they are platonic friends.  And just a few months back, Earn and Oil never would have been friends, especially with Pete in the room.  Things Pete felt certain would stay the same have changed in less than a year.  It all makes Pete wonder what the future holds and he’s worried.  He’s so determined that he and Earn will stay together but that’s what he thought about other things in the past that have since changed.  He drinks more beer and sits beside Earn who is of course completely oblivious to Pete’s nagging concerns but, seeing Earn’s smile, relaxes him and he tells himself he’s just overthinking and the everything is perfect.

Since the night of the party, Pete and Earn have spent time together and time with their family of friends.  Exams came and went and Pete has been continued to be haunted by his thoughts from that night.  The next thing he knows, the Cheer Club’s summer camping trip is upon them to be held once again at Card’s family rest house which has been added onto to accommodate larger groups in order to meet business entertaining needs of Card’s father.  There are about 50 club members attending (including the seniors) so they have arranged 10 vans to transport everyone.  They all gather together in the vacant lot previously used for the club car wash (nostalgia element) and Pete and Earn instruct the group regarding the trip (with an unfiltered foul-mouthed assist from Por).  They spread out the club members that know the way into different vans but of course, Pete and Earn stay together.  Once the entourage is on the road Pete turns on music in their van (lyrics and link provided in text) and they listen to a rather bleak song about being alone when the world comes to an end.  It’s a potent way to relate just how serious Pete is being tortured by his thoughts.  Earn sings along to the songs and tries to get Pete to join in but he’s too embarrassed; although he is eventually pressured into it by the backseat crowd who also join in.  Earn motivates these young members by telling them that although they may not be a lead or a dancer in club events, their role in revving up the crowd is important and, that without them, the crowd would not get charged up.  Pete can see Earn’s words brighten up their faces in the rearview mirror and figures that if they can encourage these guys to keep their love of the Cheer Club past high school then, as the club leaders, they’ve accomplished their goals.  They make their last refueling stop at the bottom of the hill before the final assent up to Card’s rest house and allow everyone off for a pit stop.  It’s during this pit stop that the freshmen overhear Penguin whining at his Panda and immediately want to know what’s behind the names.  Earn explains why Pete calls him Panda, but then they ask why he calls Pete Penguin.  Earn starts to go into the details but Pete stops him cold and scolds the youngsters to get on with their business or he’ll throw them out of the van, four hours from the city.  This gives Earn the chance to tell Pete that aggressive Penguin is s*xy and Pete threatens to throw him out him too.  This is a fun little passage that shows not only their leadership skills but also how the younger club members look up to them.  It is also nice to see their relationship has become so seamlessly folded into their public lives.  The fact that this is the second time in this chapter that their pet names have drawn attention is just an added bonus. 

It turns out that there are a few mechanical issues to deal with and Por estimates it will take about an hour to address them.  During the down time, Pete reflects on the contrast of how they are conducting themselves now compared to prior challenging situations.  He remembers how nervous Earn was before the Soccer Tournament while he felt firmly confident in Earn’s abilities.  In contrast now they’re like a well-oiled machine.  Earn is confident and comfortable taking charge while remaining friendly, Card has learned to loosen up, Por now takes his work seriously and as for Pete himself, well, he still serves as the glue holding them all together.  Realizing all of this only reinforces in Pete’s mind how much they’ve all changed.  He continues to believe that he and Earn are meant to be together yet they are always running into something.  He then gets macabre and thinks that his status with Earn is too perfect and starts to worry when they’ll hit the next bump but he keeps it to himself and sits alongside his smiling and laughing boyfriend as they make their way toward their destination. 

The concern Pete has shared is now getting more intense because not only is he bothered by what an uncertain future holds but he is now beginning to think a negative outcome is most certainly pending.  His comment about hitting the next bump in his relationship with Earn makes it clear that he anticipates future change will be a negative for their relationship.  This is Pete overthinking as Pete often has before in this novel but that he’s getting a bit overwrought is not necessarily conclusive.  Pete is thinking of change as an external force in his life that he cannot control but that is only one aspect of change.  Change can take place from within as well, nurturing growth and maturity.  This is the side of change Pete is currently overlooking.  Sometimes change brings positives that result in progress and advancement in place of upset and regression.  Pete and Earn have moved their life together in a forward trajectory precisely because of positive internal change and Pete’s eventual recognition of this will be the decisive factor in empowering him once again.  Until then however, these thoughts will continue to weigh heavy on him.

The group’s arrival at Card’s house is an impressive event for the first timers in the group, but it brings back memories for Pete and Earn as well (pictures included).  Pete smirks to himself recalling their last visit when he thought Card might have had a thing for him and Earn got angry because he thought Card tried to kiss Pete.  The trip was also the avenue they used to get Por to bury the hatchet with Hack.  As they pull up to the house, Pete’s thoughts jump to the present where Card likes Lhew, Por and Hack act like siblings, and he and Earn are a couple.  The next thing he knows, Card is telling Por and Tee to let the majority into the main house, and Pete takes a quick peek noting how nothing has really changed.  A new road leads up behind the house and Card takes them up to a larger parking area and the place the seniors will be staying which is connected to the main house by steps leading to the backyard.  Card issues a strict warning to the seniors not to trash the house or they won’t leave the place alive.  During the small talk that follows, Pete and Earn hear two seniors named First and Boom, formerly the best of inseparable friends catch up with each other, revealing that they are not nearly as close as they had always been at earlier periods in their lives.  As the boys part from their company, Earn remarks how unlikely it seems that those two have calmed down and drifted apart and Pete concurs as a looming dread begins to settle in.  They follow Card down the steps toward the main house and see the expanded backyard full of boys putting up tents.  They greet everyone and, while Por and Tee help the boys out, Pete’s mind begins to wander as he considers what he’s just learned about First and Boom.  He is rattled that they have drifted so far apart in just one year that only a retreat event like the camping trip is enough to pull them back together.  He posits that, without this trip, they would likely have forgotten the other existed and he wonders what this portends for his friendships, not only with Card and Por, but even with Earn.

Events advance forward with Por profanely celebrating the end of a meal while Earn belches in agreement only to have Pete admonish them for serving as bad role models for the underclassmen.  Everyone is given a rest break and a chance to change into swim gear before the team building exercises begin.  During this break, Earn and the others manage to pull Pete out of his worries and socialize and bond with the underclassmen in an atmosphere akin to a summer party.  Eventually they all gather to hike to the waterfall to start the team building exercises.  The stories of yore told by the seniors about their initiations have the underclassmen hanging on their every word, while the juniors recall what these same guys did to them when they were initiated and exchange knowing smiles.  As the group reaches their destination, the story inserts lyrics (with link in text) to a song that is more pleasant to listen to than try and make coherent sense of but it seems partially applicable to the situation at hand.  Anyway, the boys strip down and hit water for some fun and games to break the ice before they actually begin the team building.  They start with trust catches and progress to team tug-of-wars, with goal of teaching breaking personal barriers to trust other and learning cooperation to achieve a goal respectively.  Lastly, the newbies are expected to jump off the falls and into the lake.  Those too afraid to solo are encouraged to jump in pairs with goal of teaching the when you build up courage or receive support from others you can make a big difference. 

Finally, Earn orders the Angels and other new members to the waterfall and Pete sternly announces that it’s time for their initiation.  Tee takes over in a booming voice announcing that this initiation is a tradition of Cheer Summer Camp and then Card shouts it is to show respect for the seniors as they enter university and to make up for the time lost that they didn’t get to spend with them.  Por orders them to get up to the ledge under the waterfall, defaulting to his ruder side when they just stare back at him blankly.  The whole leadership team joins in ordering them up and the underclassmen follow the seniors into position under the crashing water with the upperclassmen lined up behind them.  As the initiates shiver under the water, Earn asks them if they are willing to pay the price of joining.  When they finally respond loud enough to Earn’s satisfaction, he orders them to bare it all as the seniors yank down their shorts and push them into the water while the juniors shout and jeer at them.  They surface with embarrassment written all over their faces, and Earn announces that now that they’ve gone through what they all have…  He nods his head while dropping his shorts and jumps into the water.  Pete announces that they are officially members of the Cheer Club and copies Earn, followed by all the others.  Eventually the underclassmen lose their self-consciousness and feel included and embraced by veteran club members.  When they notice the sun beginning to set, they head back down to the house and change so they can listen to music and have a drinking session.

This is nostalgic for both Pete and readers alike as we recall the prior enactment of these rituals earlier in the story.  This is an additional of mastery on behalf of the author because it’s a double-layering of the experience.  The first layer is for the characters in this scene of the story we care most about, namely Pete, Earn, Por, Card, and Tee.  The second layer of nostalgia is, as mentioned above, for the readers.  We have already read about Hack and Dirk’s initiation back in prior chapters (this applies to the entire previous trip up the guest house for that matter) and so we too can recall and relive the experience from our memories as well.  It’s a clever way of pulling the readers even further into the feeling of nostalgia the characters are living through.  It guarantees that we know how they feel because we are sharing those feeling within ourselves.  Having the Cheer Club trip return here for a repeat is the key to setting this up and it helps build up the emotional impact of the final chapter.

The next scene takes place as Por snaps his fingers while demanding more food only to be threatened by Card as he slams a tray of grilled pork skewers onto the table.  They are joined by a sweaty Pete who sits next to Earn declaring that the food should hold them for the next hour.  It’s payback to the winners (Earn and Por) by the losers (Pete and Card) of the tug-of-war held during the team building exercises.  Earn snatches a skewer and, with a mouthful of food, pronounces the pork delicious, much to Pete’s consternation over his talking with a mouthful of food.  It’s a comfortable and familiar set of interactions between characters we know well.  Tee stands and toasts the departing seniors with a raised beer, followed by Pete who declares that the current leadership is moving on and stepping down as the next leaders are individually called upon to rise and are toasted.  Pete then rings out the seniors and rings in the new club heads by grabbing his guitar and singing along with the outgoing leaders a song dedicated to welcome and reassure them as they take on new challenges (lyrics and link provided in text).  After the cheers die down, Por urges them the crowd to dispense with the mushy stuff and commence drinking, while Card accesses the house speakers and plays some upbeat music (lyrics and link provided in text).

The party rolls on and Pete observes many in his close circle spreading out and mingling with the seniors and the underclassmen and engaging in all manner of conversations.  Only he and Earn remain by the campfire and sing songs with a few others.  Witnessing how his tight nit gang has fanned out causes Pete to wonder if this is what the future holds for them.  He notes they are all taking different courses in university so they’ll only see each other on the margins and wonders where that leaves him.  He feels that his life is perfect now and doesn’t want it to change but then wonders if everyone else shares that sentiment.  A couple of underclassmen interrupt Pete’s train of thought by asking what he plans to study.  Pete remains lost in thought, so Earn quickly answers for him, causing one of them to note that of course Earn would know his wife’s course of choice.  This statement gets a joking correction from Earn that he and Pete are husbands and that there are no wives in their relationship.  The same question is posed to Earn and this time Pete provides the answer.  The boys are impressed by their chosen fields and find them sweet for being able to answer for each other correctly.  Pete tries to deflect the praise but Earn is quick to admonish his Penguin to accept it for once, noting that he is adorably sweet.  This gets a squeal from the onlookers and a groaning Penguin slaps his Panda on the forehead.   The next thing Pete knows, Earn has snatched Pete’s guitar from an underclassman and has assigned Pete to sing them all a song as punishment for hitting him.  Pete pulls his panda pick from his pocket and wonders aloud what to sing.  Princess advises him to sing a song for Earn and the underclassmen join in on the idea.  Pete stares down at the pick in his hand and a rush of memories flood through his mind until one particular song emerges.   The bright spot in the current performance is that it is sung as a duet by both Pete and Earn as they sing it to each other.

Pete’s narration as he sings connects the lyrics to the significant events in their lives.  Before Pete can begin the second verse, Earn squeezes his thigh as he takes over.  Again Pete makes the connections to their lives, but the power is not just in their singing to each other, but in how the sincerity and honesty reflected in their eyes transforms the song into a declaration of how much they mean to each other.  Pete’s heart and blood are racing such that by the end he’s left nearly gasping for air and he finds the emotions brought on almost unbearable.  The crowd showers them with praise for their performance, and Pete of course tries to shrug it off.  He turns to the boy Earn snatched the guitar from and asked him to play what he was going to play earlier and then excuses himself to grab some food after handing the boy the instrument.  After taking his leave, he finds his head reeling and he’s not sure if it’s the alcohol or all the changes taking place but he’s reached his limit.  He starts to drink some water when he’s spooked by a lispy voice from behind asking if he’s thirsty.  After Pete turns toward him, Earn asks him if something’s wrong but Pete puts up a front and tells him nothing’s wrong. 

Eventually, Earn suggests they steal a few minutes for themselves and they walk down the steps in deserted silence.  Pete can’t help but remember when Earn helped him down these very steps before and the memory fills him with nostalgia.  They reach the bottom and stand mesmerized by the sight.  After small talk, Earn again asks if something’s wrong in a worried tone, noting that Pete’s been different lately.  Earn observes that ever since Card’s return, he’s noticed Pete staring off with a sad look in his eyes.  Earn’s observation surprises Pete, who finally reveals that nothing is wrong, in fact everything is perfect, which is exactly the reason.  Earn asks him if that isn’t something wonderful, and Pete agrees it is, but worries how long it will last.  This is a trigger for Pete to pour out his fears.  He points out how different they are from less than a year ago.  Earn concedes they are different, but in a good way since now they’re together.  Pete points to the two seniors, Boom and First, and how they drifted apart and asks what if this happens to them?  Earn assures him it’s not going to happen, but Pete persists, asking him how he knows and fears that they will change.  Earn lifts Pete’s head with a finger and looks into his eyes and tells him change isn’t always bad.  Pete tells him everything is so perfect that he wants it to stay the same, but Earn tells him nothing can be frozen in time and they will just have to deal with what comes.  With a thousand reasons bouncing around in his head, Pete can’t grasp Earn’s confidence and asks him why he’s so sure they’ll get through everything.  Earn tells him that while he doesn’t know the future, he does know how they got to where they currently are, adding that there have been times when he thought his world would end, but that was because he feared they would be separated.  He then tells Pete that all he knows is that he loves him.  That is the one truth he knows in a world of mystery.  Pete responds that he loves Earn too then states that, when you have no faith in yourself or the outcome of things, sometimes having faith in the one you love is enough.  Earn entreats that it’s more than enough and steps forward until their faces are an inch apart.  They lean forward and their lips touch as Pete’s mind spins.  Their hands move over each other’s heart to feel their beats.  They disconnect and hug each other, ablaze in passion, and Pete wraps an arm over Earn’s shoulders while he does likewise.  They stare into the beautiful sky and marvel at the sight while reveling in the calm as their heads clear.  They stand under the stars side by side ready to challenge anything ahead.  The chapter closes with Pete’s observation of their status and the reiteration of the novel’s title.

So, there is the soft landing that I had hoped for.  The two big events of this last part of the chapter are of course the duet Pete and Earn sing to each other and the conversation they share afterward which resolves the concern nagging Pete throughout the chapter.  The song is of course nostalgic and there is a lot riding on it given Pete’s emotional state.  Hearing Earn sing a declaration of love in front of the backdrop of Pete’s fear that it may change over time, calls up such forceful feelings that he ends up nearly gasping for air and has to excuse himself to try and get a grip on his emotions.   Thankfully, Earn uses his keen emotional compass to grasp that Pete is bothered by something and his persistence pays off when Pete finally shares his fear that they may grow apart.  Earn makes it clear that life will go on and change and challenge will advance upon them, but the most powerful lesson he imparts is that change is not always bad.  The really great thing about Earn’s response is that it comes from the knowledge forged within him from listening to his own heart.  The one truth he knows is that he loves Pete and that Pete must always be by his side.  It is this assertion that gives Pete the grounding he needs so that he can relax, let go of his fear, and allow their love for each other to flourish.  I find this a very fitting place to stop.  I say stop rather than end based upon how the story concludes.  To my way of thinking, the entire novel is a lead up to the start of Pete and Earn beginning a life together and they are committed to stand with each other, come what may.  It is a love for the ages indeed.

My comment is already way too long, so I’ll cut it off after saying one more thing.  I am going to miss reading about these characters because they have been made so vivid by the hard work of a very dedicated writer who spent considerable time investing his characters with personality and humanity.  I am sad that I will no longer be able to read about them and find out what happens in the future to all of these terrific folks but the journey up to this point has been truly wonderful.  Thank you for allowing me a seat at the table.

REMINDER:

EPILOGUE NEXT WEEK