Chapter 59: Resolve

This chapter opens with a playful exchange between Pete and Earn as they sit in the middle of a restaurant, attracting the attention of the other diners.  The hilarity revolves around Earn explaining to Pete why he wore a jockstrap the afternoon they made up and the lewd teasing only escalates from there as Earn keeps lauding Pete’s dominant behavior from before while Pete concludes his boyfriend is a p*rvert.  The story shifts to Pete considering the transformation of their status since making up and he waxes rather poetically about Earn being the other half of himself, the affection he sees in Earn’s eyes as he hangs on his every word, and how he feels like he’s floating on clouds when Earn tells him something he’s passionate about.  It seems the romance switch is back in the “on” position although, the situation regarding Pete’s parents still looms.  Pete and Earn have discussed how to approach the matter but Pete doesn’t seem to know how to engage them and their schedules aren’t very conducive either.  P’Kwanjai knows nothing of their fight so he can’t really turn to her and other than simple instructions, they hardly reply to Pete’s text messages.  Nevertheless, Pete remains committed to apologizing while making it clear that nothing can change who he’s attracted to or loves.  Emerging from inside his thoughts, Pete hears Earn asking if he can sleep at Pete’s house.  Pete explains all the reasons why no is the answer but is surprised when Earn is struck by a devious inspiration that manages to capture approval from P’Kwanjai for the sleepover.  They skirmish a bit more about whether the time will be spent studying (as Earn’s ruse proposed) or fooling around in bed (Earn’s real desire) but Pete finally gets his compliance to study in exchange for an aggressive Pete afterwards.

This opening segment shows that the boys are completely back to normal and I for one couldn’t be happier.  They exchange comfortable and breezy conversation as they playfully tease each other in clever and endearing ways.  The romantic imagery that floats through Pete’s descriptions of their loving moments is especially sweet but the playfulness in their exchanges is what I find most authentic.  It’s the kind of intimate banter that lovers share.  I also have to express my appreciation for allowing Earn to pull an inspired coup by getting P’Kwanjai to approve a sleepover after Pete had all but written it off.  Finally, the Panda gets to out maneuver the Penguin in mental agility.  Bravo!

The scene widens from this private lovefest, between the boys, to include an expansive group of friends as we learn that they are not out having a private romantic dinner, but waiting for the arrival of Por, Josie, Lhew and Ngaw for one of Por’s long awaited triple-dates.  The group predictably enters with Por making an embarrassment of himself and things proceed from there.  The voices and attitudes of each character are completely familiar and the story wastes no time in dancing through the dodges and parries characteristic of conversation among close friends.  The new voice at the table is Ngaw.  He is a comedic scapegoat in the series but we are already familiar with his more developed role in this story as Lhew’s boyfriend.  He cleaves closer to the series Ngaw when he’s charged with controlling his girlfriend and gingerly addresses her by her nickname Lulu (we also learn that Lhew calls him Naughty), but his character is further expanded later on as he stumbles through a hilarious conversation regarding the recurring theme of role-playing in same-s*x relationships when speaking to Pete and Earn.  This may sound like a rehashing of a previously addressed topic but not as I see it because Ngaw’s faux pas is innocently based on two erroneous assumptions (that the pitcher is the male and the catcher is the female, coupled with the assumption that the bulky partner is naturally the dominant and the slender partner is therefore the submissive).  Even more surprising is that Por shows he’s been paying attention and has actually learned something by delivering the smashing blow to these stereotypes with a killer bottom line clarification.

 As they proceed through the usual jabs and snipes, a few of Pete’s thoughts and observations are revealed along the way.  While we know that Por often grates on Pete’s nerves (especially when they hang out together for any appreciable length of time), Pete reveals an appreciation for Por’s desire to include and share fun experiences with his friends.  He also appreciates the way Josie encourages him and, although he finds their relationship dynamic a bit strange, he also thinks it’s sweet.  Pete used to think of Ngaw as sort of tagging along with Lhew like a lost puppy but finds that’s not really the case.  Ngaw might be shy but when he makes an affectionate gesture, he’s pretty endearing. Lhew’s hard-edged attitude seems to soften around him which Pete notes brings up the bright side of her personality.  And most jarring for Pete is how much Ngaw reminds him of his younger self whenever he tries to make jokes or flirt with Lhew.  Pete has come to like Ngaw because he’s changed from the person who once gave Lhew an ultimatum to choose between her friends or him.  Lastly, Pete considers how he and Earn are interacting throughout the meal as they steal glances and share smiles all to Josie’s delight.  Neither of the boys seem to care because they enjoy being affectionate toward each other in public and not being judged for it.

After wrapping up dinner, they boys head to Pete’s with a full day ahead of them in the morning.  Earn assures Pete not to worry and that he’ll be sure to wake him up in time to exercise in the morning before class.  Pete is sort of annoyed by having to exercise in the morning but feels relieved that Earn is looking out for him.  They sing along to a romantic song on the radio, during the drive, and when they arrive on the porch, Pete is struck with nostalgic emotions regarding all the previous times Earn has slept over during the past year or so.  As they sit in the dark and begin to gaze into each other’s eyes, they are slowly drawn into a romantic kiss which is abruptly interrupted by P’Kwanjai, who seems as shocked and surprised as the boys are.  Stammering their names, while she blanches white, gives Pete the opportunity to explain that thought she had gone home already.  She regains her composure in time to explain that her cleaning duties dragged on longer than expected before going back inside.  Pete pursues her while calling her name and finally catches her in the kitchen where he comes out to her as bis*xual, declaring Earn as his much loved boyfriend while she stands listening silently in front of him.  Earn of course follows him inside and stands solidly by in support, ultimately stepping forward to affirm their relationship and his love for Pete as well as they entwine their fingers.  She begins speaking but falls into a silence which seems to last hours before the boys are met with her strong embrace in place of the lecture they feared was coming.  The embrace lasts for a few moments, during which she tearfully expresses her happiness for them.  The boys are shocked and Pete has to ask for confirmation that she’s not angry or upset.  She explains that all she cares about is their happiness, continuing that she’s known them since they were kids and although their attraction is unexpected, she’s happy for them.  With his parent’s tense reaction in his mind, Pete can’t help but ask why she’s okay with their relationship and, with a bright smile, she explains that it’s because she loves them.  It is that simple.  This is all Pete has wanted to hear from someone he looks up to and it fills his heart and brings him to tears as he embraces her once again.  Once they stabilize their emotions, Pete and Earn explain everything about themselves to her which serves to lift a huge burden from Pete’s shoulders. Pete finds her intense caring for their well-being intoxicating and liberating.  In what seems to hint at Pete’s overenthusiasm, P’Kwanjai notices the time and quickly excuses herself before Pete launches into another story about their relationship and even Earn seems to understand that she’s overdosing on the flood of details.  Before departing, she smacks Earn and issues a warning about being nice to Pete before explaining that she’s known him long enough to know how he behaves when not around adults, recalling the evil eyed warning Earn’s father leveled at Pete.  Summing up that she has her eyes on Earn, she bids them goodnight.

The kissing scene on the front porch and its aftermath is a welcome surprise.  For one reason, it really highlights the importance of P’Kwanjai in Pete’s life.  Pete has always been upfront regarding his feelings about her but including a coming out scene that features her makes the importance of their bond crystal clear.  There is no doubt that she is a “housekeeper” in name only and means much more to the family, and certainly to Pete.  He previously expressed a desire for her to know, but was never prepared with how to introduce the subject, and her accidental discovery of the boys resolves the matter.  Not surprisingly, her reaction is like that of Earn’s parents, based on love and the desire to see him happy.  Pete’s response to her reaction indicates the important place this woman occupies in his life, so much so that he feels an emotional burden lifting off of him.  The coming out to P’Kwanjai is a warm up of sorts for the ultimate discussion Pete must have with his parents and, in a way, it will help stabilize his emotions and give him strength to engage them. 

Once inside, Earn learns that due to the time spent talking to P’Kwanjai, there’s no time to study and have ‘celebration s*x’ as he terms it.  He pouts briefly before Pete proposes a deal to make it up to him the next night.  As they read over their notes, Pete observes that Earn possesses a keen memory for absorbing information, even if his applications skills lag somewhat behind.  Eventually, Pete realizes that Earn has already fallen off to sleep so he too prepares for bed and crawls in beside him.  He kisses the top of Earn’s head and whispers that he loves him and Earn repeats the sentiment to Pete.  As he drifts off to sleep, Pete affirms that while their bedroom activities are great, it’s moments like this that are worth much more.

The story jumps to the boys’ trip to school the following morning and Pete is castigating Earn for going down on him in his sleep.  Pete is trying to establish a sense of personal space/permission and all Earn can think about is how hot it was.  They resolve things by expressing their love with words and kisses as Pete lets Earn off before heading to cram school.  The story has Pete recall how he was warmly awakened by a pleasurable sensation but he still asserts the desire to have been informed beforehand.  The event sapped all his energy and he’s not even sure if Earn got off as well.  Even if he did, Pete knows his limitless energy would have propelled him into his exercise routine anyway while Pete slipped back into slumber.  Eventually, they cleaned up in time for P’Kwanjai’s arrival but when she reminds him that his parents are returning home, he grows sad.  He then explains the disagreement they’re having and she sympathizes with him, telling him not to think too much about it.  As the boys get cleaned up, Pete notes that since she now knows they’re a couple, she’s likely monitoring them so sharing the bathroom is off limits.

Quick shout out to the minor spat about personal space precipitated by Earn’s early morning carnal enthusiasm.  This is not an issue of consequence for every couple but taking the care to slip it into the story shows the loving attention to detail of the author.  It is one of those little touches that add up to a fuller picture and overall richer context and it fits in with Pete’s personality perfectly.  Of course he wants to be asked first!  This is Pete we’re talking about.

Pete arrives at cram school as usual and notes Yuri’s arrival right before the lecture starts.  They talk about school and whatnot, avoiding what transpired at camp, even though it all happened just a few days before.  After classes end, Pete makes his way to the parking lot where he sees massive traffic and a throng of people trying to get rides with little luck.  He spots Yuri among them and offers her a ride which she initially turns down but then accepts on the rebound.  Pete takes little time in hitting side streets and bypassing some road construction before returning to the main road and decides to break the awkwardness by bringing up the topic they have clearly been avoiding.  As he speaks, so does Yuri and they hesitate awkwardly before he places the ball firmly in her court.  She gingerly asks how he and Earn are doing and Pete enthusiastically answers they are great, volunteering that Earn was over at his house before rushing to add he was there to study, with a bit too much insistence.  Yuri giggles in response and states she’s happy that they didn’t break up after what happened at camp.  Pete jokes along with her statement but notes they would never break up over something so petty.  When Yuri breathes a noticeable sigh of relief, it catches Pete’s attention and asks her what’s up.  She reminds him that he had mentioned Earn getting riled up because they were hanging out together so she was afraid their relationship might end because of her.  As the light goes on in Pete’s head, he asks her if that’s the reason she’s been avoiding him.  Yuri admits as much, adding she feels like a bad luck charm.  Pete tells her not to be ridiculous but she insists it’s true and then points toward Phun and…  Pete senses her dark mood and reassures her that she’s not bad and that Phun and Noh are doing fine.  Yuri persists in telling Pete that people were talking badly about them behind their backs and she can’t help but feel responsible.  Pete points out that she can’t control what other people do so she needs to ease up on herself and that if those two are like he and Earn, they won’t blame her either.  In fact, Pete tells her that they probably want to patch things up with her.  She thanks Pete as they arrive at school and he drops her off.

This is a very sweet vignette within the chapter.  I have made it clear that I’m not much of a fan of Yuri’s character but this story has made a pointed effort to give her character more depth while still keeping her personal mannerisms recognizable.  Pete being caring and empathetic is so stunningly sweet, yes, even towards Yuri.  In fact, he goes out of his way to point towards a possible reconciliation between her and Phun-Noh, and I have to say that’s really a touching gesture.  But as always in this story, this conversation is here for a reason which will be revealed in next passage.

Pete parks the car and races off to class, barely getting through the door before being hit by the rowdy conversations taking place.  He spies Earn waiting for him with a smile from ear to ear and Pete sits to catch his breath before returning the smile.  There’s teasing and sniping as usual among Por, Tee, Earn, and Pete before Pete recounts the juggling act he does between cram school and summer classes, especially since they go from lecture to test to lecture to test all day.  At the end of the day, all their friends have commitments or engagements so they are at a loss with what to do.  As Pete sends an email summary of their school work to Card, Earn glances up the hallway and stops, then suggest they take a different route.  Pete asks why and then looks up to see two boys approaching, laughing and messing around.  Earn grabs Pete’s hand and tries to lead him away but Pete tells him no and stands his ground.  He recalls the conversation he had with Yuri briefly before calling out to Noh and walking forward while Earn chases after him in surprise.  After Noh greets Pete tepidly, Phun asks Pete what’s up followed by an exchange of waves between Earn and the pair.  Pete awkwardly explains to Noh that he talked with Phun during camp and that he and Earn have made up while Noh obliviously stares back at him.  Pete continues clumsily before apologizing to Noh with an accompanying wai.  Noh is taken aback and asks why he’s apologizing, and Phun joins him, in spite of knowing full well why Pete’s apologizing.  Without ceremony, Pete simply tells Noh he’s apologizing for being jealous and mean to him for hanging off Earn at camp.  Noh is flabbergasted and nearly leaps back into Phun’s arms while stating that he didn’t even know Pete and Earn were dating.  While Noh’s jaw drops to the floor, Pete incredulously asks him if he really didn’t know they’re a couple.  Noh responds he had no idea before cluelessly inquiring if there was some kind of announcement.  It’s now Pete’s turn to be shocked as he wonders to himself how brainless Noh can really be.  In an attempt to get him to clue in, Phun steps in to ask Noh why he thought Pete and Earn kept bugging them during the whole trip but Noh just stammers and turns red in embarrassment.  Earn provides the comic relief by stating the obvious that he clearly doesn’t know anything going on at Friday while they all laugh at Noh’s cluelessness.  Pete reiterates his apology and Noh confusedly accepts it, still not completely understanding why, but Pete is satisfied with his response.  Earn concludes the odd encounter by telling the pair that they’ll see them around and they head their separate ways.  Out of earshot, Earn asks Pete what it was all about and Pete explains that he spoke with Yuri on the way to school.  Earn is surprised for a second but Pete clarifies the circumstances, noting that she was happy that he and Earn are back on track.  Earn tells him he’s not upset about Yuri, but asks how it relates to his apology to Noh.  Pete tells him that Yuri kept apologizing if she caused any trouble, but if anyone was to blame, it was him.  And like Yuri, Pete continues, he shouldn’t be blaming Noh for something he didn’t cause, while resolving in his heart to get past his irrational grievance towards Noh and move on with Earn.  Earn is impressed and tells his Penguin that  he’s not only s*xy, handsome, and funny, but he’s also super smart before declaring how lucky he is and messing up Pete’s hair.  Unable to take the praise, Pete escapes his Panda’s grip to fix his hair before receiving a text on his phone.  The change in his Pete’s expression prompts Earn to ask about the text and Pete explains that his parents are home.  Earn takes his hand and asks if he’s okay, and Pete squeezes back telling Earn that, with him at his side, he knows he is.  They rush to the car, ready to face his parents and sing along to an optimistic song about sticking together through challenges during the ride home. 

This is really an important passage in the chapter.  First off, the encounter with Phun and Noh is remarkably funny, even if it amounts to gratuitous Noh bashing IMO (leave my boy alone you big meanie).  Really though, this is a supreme moment when Pete makes a personal breakthrough stemming from his earlier conversation with Yuri.  The most significant aspect is that we get to see Pete acting spontaneously as he if struck by inspiration in the moment which is of course why his apology comes out vague, garbled, and unfocused.  Even so, Pete speaks with conviction from his heart to a person he has long held in distain and, in that moment, transcends his previous judgments and preconceived notions.  This is precisely the mantra instilled in Pete during his conversation with Card and Lhew and the path he followed to successfully resolve his recent misunderstanding with Earn as well as come out to P’Kwanjai.  This is a triumph for the logical, practical, and self-conscious Pete who plans and ponders his worries and challenges.  This is a clear sign of the subtle tectonic shifts transpiring within his maturing personality as he grows into a vital young adult.  This is insightful and exceptional storytelling and it’s not over yet because Pete will again speak from his heart as he addresses the situation with his parents.

Pete enters a time warp as the boys drive toward his house with Earn comforting him all the way.  He parks the car as the adrenaline in his body pulses wildly but Earn assures him that he’s right beside him and the pressure retreats somewhat.  The mood is thick and Pete takes one last glance at Earn as he steels himself and pushes forward into the living room.  What he finds inside are his parents and, much to his surprise, Earn’s parents as well, and they’ve clearly been talking for an unknown period of time.  Earn is also surprised to see his folks in the room.  Pete addresses them as aunt and uncle but his father reprimands his informality, in spite of Earn’s dad indicating they are all family.  Pete asks them why they’re present but they excuse themselves to wait outside taking an objecting Earn along with them. 

Pete sits down and the room fills with an awkward silence as questions race through his head about why Earn’s parents were there, etc.  Minutes pass that seem like eternity but eventually Pete draws the courage to speak, telling them he wants to talk about the subject they discussed before the camp.  He starts off by immediately apologizing for telling them he feels unloved while internally reminding himself to speak from his heart.  He adds that he knows they have always wanted what’s best for him like doing well in school and picking a career with a bright future.  He acknowledges that they have always worked incredibly hard to provide him with things to better his life but, with them never around, he does not always feel it.  His mother tries to speak but Pete’s father stops her so Pete continues by making it clear that he knows he is wrong about that feeling and he is truly sorry.  He pushes onward adding that he wants them to know the real Pete beyond the son with high grades that aspires to be a pharmacist and tries to stay out of trouble.  With fierce expressions, his parents respond that they understand and Pete continues by stating that he is still bis*xual and proud to be.  Pete’s father begins to speak but Pete stands and asks them to let him finish.  While pacing, he states that this is not something he can change about himself and his mom quickly asks him to just give it some thought but Pete continues onward declaring that this has been eating him up inside while emotionally clutching his chest and stating that this may not be what they want him to be but, it’s who he is.  This fact doesn’t change anything about how he wants to live his life and that declaring his bis*xuality, and that he’s in love with another boy, isn’t a phase or an attempt to rebel.   He’s simply telling them that he’s discovered who he is and who he wants to be.  Having made his case, he catches his breath and awaits their response.  He can’t read their faces and he’s uncertain with what they’re going to say but worried that they may still be angry.  After some more awkward silence, Pete begins to say, ‘If you don’t want to accept me as your son…’ but his father tells him to stop, followed by his mother quickly adding that he doesn’t need to keep explaining.  Pete nearly begs them to explain what they want to say but his dad just stands up and looks Pete over from head to toe while declaring that he’s growing up so fast.  At this point, Pete himself seems to realize for the first time that he and his father are now standing eye to eye.  Before he knows it, Pete hears his father telling him why Earn’s parents were there, and that they know.  Pete doesn’t immediately grasp his meaning so his mother adds that they know he and Earn are together.  Pete’s dumbfounded but he quickly becomes fearful that they may want to break them up.  His mom explains that they were so plagued with guilt and doubt, after everything he previously, said that they didn’t know how to talk to him, adding that he looked so depressed after staying at Earn’s, they asked his parents how he was doing.  She explains it was hard for them because they didn’t want him to go through any unnecessary hardships or ridicule before being overcome with emotion and giving Pete a hug.  Pete chokes down his own emotions and turns to his father.  In a low tone, his father begins to speak then pauses to place a hand on his wife’s arm while telling Pete that they love him no matter what.  Pete likens the group hug they fall into like strike of lightning bolt.  His body is frozen like a statue and he can’t stop his tears from flowing but he eventually finds the strength to raise his arms and return their hug.  He’s overcome by his emotions, knowing that this is the first time in a very long time that he has shared with his parents such sadness, relief, and happiness knowing that they genuinely love and care for him.  Time passes and they compose themselves quickly after remembering that Earn and his family are waiting outside.  With such thorny issues clarified, they decide the families should share dinner and Pete rejoices in the supremacy of eating P’Kwanjai’s delicious food under such circumstances.  During the meal, Earn’s parents explain how bereft Pete’s parents were while he stayed at their home and during the camp trip.  Pete and Earn hold hands under the table while listening to this and Pete notes that the cut on his hand no longer hurts.  It’s as if it’s freshly healed.  Although it may still be vulnerable to tear again, it can become stronger than before with enough care.

Can I just say that, if Pete is not chosen the valedictorian of his senior class, then something is very wrong at Friday College.  The case he made to his parents could not have been presented better.  He hit every mark he needed to hit and he did it with honesty, conviction, and compassion by speaking from his heart.  Most significantly, he stood his ground and not only proclaimed his pride, but he convincingly demonstrated it.  I know Earn’s mom and dad worked behind the scenes to refocus the priorities for Pete’s parents (and I should be satisfied with just knowing that, but as a reader, I want to know all the details) but we learn in this last passage that Pete’s parents were far from the detached and distant people Pete feared and were actually very concerned and worried about him even if they didn’t know how to approach him.  This only highlights for me how wonderfully written this story is by using Pete’s limited POV to create plot tension and later inserting resolution by backfilling the storyline.  At any rate, let me return to the theme of Pete speaking from his heart because this is a core theme that I think drives the LS novel and this novel as well.  It is the idea that, if you are true to yourself and follow your heart, the world around you will witness your sincerity and respect you.  This is far different than the proposition that, if you follow your heart, nothing else matters, because it acknowledges the reality that we all live in the real world together and not in some isolated ideal existence.  By showing your love as genuine and legitimate, you demonstrate that love is love; deserving of respect and acceptance by its very nature.  Better yet, love is to be celebrated.  I think we all believe that the love shared by Pete and Earn in this story is worth celebrating and now that celebration includes their families.  I for one would like to hear more of the conversation around the dinner table as these two families really start to realize the significance of the union between their young sons.  This is a great chapter, a great resolution, and great character development for our Penguin.