Chapter 46: Verdict

This chapter kicks off with a rare Earn POV that takes us back to the club meeting after Pete leaves, but before Earn runs after him with his guitar.  It revisits some of what we’ve already witnessed through Pete’s eyes, but adds some backstory and details that help fill out the storyline from Earn’s perspective. 

As the meeting works toward its conclusion, everyone seems more relaxed, that is, except for Earn.  He’s worked up because Pete asked him to participate in the role-playing fiasco that turned into their latest run-in.  The next thing he knows, Oil bursts in glaring at him and orders him outside, prompting Por to start chanting about a potential fight erupting between them.  Earn shuts Por up and Card tells him to let them go, noting that a few black eyes might be for the best under the circumstances.  Earn follows Oil outside where he stands arms crossed while they glare at each other and asks Oil what he wants.  Oil says he wants to get a few things straight as he steps forward with clenched fists, but also notes that he considers Earn his friend even though they clash from time to time.  Confused by this, Earn asks what he’s talking about, so Oil tells him that he knows Pete is his boyfriend and acknowledges that Earn also knows he likes Pete too.  Earn remains silent but he’s not shocked by the statement.  Oil’s confession proceeds as he tells Earn he’ll always like Pete because he’s smart, handsome, and treats his friends right, but this only makes Earn want to punch him and he says as much in response.  Oil continues, admitting that Pete only sees him as a friend and that he has to respect that, before adding that he can’t respect the sh*t Earn is putting him through.  Earn hotly tells Oil he knows nothing about what’s going on between them and that it’s his fault anyway.  Oil admits his mistake and apologizes for stirring the pot, noting that he was drunk at the time, but now has a clear mind, and genuinely apologizes for disturbing their relationship.  Caught off guard, Earn asks what he’s getting at, so Oil tells him that he’s ‘an idiot a*shole who is lucky as ’ in an annoyed tone.  After Earn threatens to pound his face in if he doesn’t explain himself better, Oil responds that Pete is trying his best to fix things between them, yet Earn still does horrible things to him like he saw earlier, as his hand grabs Earn’s collar.  Earn is dumbfounded by getting a lecture from Oil who asks him what kind of a lover he is, and then again acknowledges he might have caused it all, but notes the guilt for having done so is punishment enough.  The genuineness of his statement puts down Earn’s guard, but Oil goes on to call Earn a d*ckhead.  ‘The d*ckhead Pete loves’ and that it’s going to take some time for him to accept that.  Earn realizes that Oil is putting up an intimidating front, but he also sympathizes with Oil because that is how he acted when he was pining for Noh.  With Earn lost in thought, Oil tells him to go after Pete, and it’s at this point Earn learns that Pete has already taken off.  When Oil points out that he left in a rush because of Earn’s degrading treatment and forgot his guitar, Earn turns to go inside, but first stops and tells Oil that sometimes he wants to punch his face in for flirting with Pete, but then thanks him before heading in.

So with this development, Oil has made good on his pledge to Pete to apologize to Earn and he’s made a good faith effort to patch things up with him to boot.  True to his word, he did it in his own way, but once again was completely sincere in his apology.  It seems Oil isn’t as clueless as his family thinks.  In fact he’s shown more insight and self-knowledge in a short time than Earn has so far.  It’s pretty interesting when a side character steps forward to shine while simultaneously serving to help the main story arc.  Nice job.

After grabbing his stuff and Pete’s guitar Earn rushes after him thinking all the while why he let his insecurities and temper get the best of him.  He even shows a little maturity by recognizing that when you love someone, you should love every aspect of them, even the parts you don’t understand.  At this point, he catches up to the action already covered by the last chapter.  The scene is related in this chapter almost verbatim, with only minor changes as seen through Earn’s eyes.  This POV adds important insight when they get back to Earn’s and fall into the kiss as they inspect each other for secondary wounds.  Earn is just as moved as Pete is by the unexpected event and when Pete once again apologizes for his past, Earn is taken aback, but feels intense relief that the whole thing can be put behind them.  Unfortunately, we know what comes next.  The conversation gets heated when Earn doesn’t offer an apology of his own as Pete expects, and they end up on opposite sides once again with Pete grabbing his things and storming out.  Earn does share, that after Pete walks out and closes the door, he pursues him but stops with his hand on the knob at odds with what to do.  He wants to say something but knows that a hollow apology will mean nothing to Pete.  He’s in a panic to leave things like this, but when he finally decides to apologize in desperation, Pete has already left and Earn is convinced that no matter what he does at this point, Pete won’t listen.  The situation does provoke him to try and figure out what’s going on however.  Pete apologized, but Earn is confused that he is still in the wrong somehow.  He decides to talk to him the next day while he watches a slide show of pictures of them both on the projector Pete gave him for Valentine’s Day.

What is important in the chapter opening is that we learn Earn is less of a royal jerk, and more of a proud and confused guy who is a little too big in the ego department.  He clearly cares about Pete immensely, but he is also not very self-aware, so he’s also not too good at putting himself in another person’s shoes.  That’s not to say that he lacks empathy.  I think he empathizes on an emotional level, but doesn’t glean any intellectual understanding from it.  It’s like he knows Pete is hurting, but he can’t build a coherent set of reasons for Pete’s hurt based on the events they have lived through.  His pride also seems to be standing in the way of being able to see how his own feelings and reactions have contributed to the rupture in their relationship.  The good thing is that he’s having an internal dialogue with himself in an effort to understand.  Therein lies hope.

The chapter returns to Pete’s POV and he’s at the breakfast table with his parents trying to explain his cuts and bruises while assuaging their concerns.  He’s still feeling the weight of his fight with Earn and it doesn’t help that his mother inadvertently asks where he was when the fight took place.  There’s concern for how he’ll get to school safely, but not enough for them to give Pete back his car.  Nice try Penguin.  Eventually, his dad pledges to give him a ride to school.  Pete thinks about his status with Earn and decides that his external wounds are healing faster than his emotional ones.  He still loves him, but wonders if they can come back from this.  He feels like the more he explains himself and what he feels about their fight, the less comes of it.  It’s like he’s going in circles.  According to Card, Earn has been more invested in his own way to patch things up than what Pete asked him to do, which leads Pete to wonder if they can really be together.  Pete’s pulled out of his head by his dad asking him if he’s okay, and Pete answers that he’s fine while staring out the window on the ride to school.  His dad is doubtful but accepts Pete’s answer however, he tries to be encouraging when he learns that it took two guys to beat Pete down.  His dad then gives a very encouraging little pep talk about whatever is bothering him, which more or less comes down to telling him do what he thinks is right and fight for it if he has to.  He also tells him that he’ll get through it with time and understanding.  It’s a heartfelt exchange and Pete feels encouraged by his words.  (Yay! Pete’s dad is awesome.)

Exiting the car, Pete exhales heavily and proceeds toward his class as questions, thoughts, and feelings swirl through his mind.  The one thing he knows is that he loves Earn, but that it’s also killing him; and he’s bereft with the thought that Earn doesn’t understand how he feels and hasn’t tried.  He sits at his desk and immediately gets accosted by Por asking what happened to him.  Pete bats his question away with a lame excuse which neither Por nor Card believes as they snipe at each other.  When Earn enters and they see the bandages on his hand and head, Pete knows what they’re thinking.  It’s Por who asks Earn what he did to Pete, but Earn remains silent as he stares uncomfortably at his boyfriend.  Suddenly Card asks Por to switch places with Pete because they are partners on the computer class project and Pete quietly tells him he didn’t have to do that.  Card tells Pete he knows, but felt that he should before asking if he and Earn really did get into a brawl.  Pete tells him no, but suggests something much worse, and Card lets him know that he and Por are there for him if needed.  Pete thanks him as Card takes out his laptop and asks Pete if he’s still hoping it will help.  Pete tells him that if it doesn’t, he’s out of ideas.  This is his last resort.

Eventually the Computer and Media class rolls around and the student presentations begin by random assignment.  Pete and Card are near the bottom of the list and so are Earn and Por.  After several other presentations are made, Pete and Card take center stage.  The teacher asks them to give the low down on their project, and while Pete stares at Earn, Earn stares down at his desk.  Card explains that it’s a music video that stars Pete, another friend, and him.  Pete jumps in stating that it centers on a boy who falls in love with someone he’s known for a long time, while zeroing in on Earn with his eyes.  The story shows how envy can consume someone but he resists and triumphs.  Pete adds that happy ends don’t stop with getting the one you love because there’s so much more beyond that, and his intense stare captures Earn’s complete attention.  The teacher asks if it’s based on real life, but Pete only commits to a maybe, and with that, they start their video.  The video is aimed at communicating Pete’s feelings to Earn in real life, so Pete is playing himself and Lhew is playing the part of Earn.  The scenes are based upon events Pete and Earn have shared in their lives and relationship.  Card’s role is to stand in as Noh at the appropriate spots in the story, and the scenes playout over the song, ‘Show Me Love’ (lyrics and link provided in the text).  The scenes flow in a dreamlike sequence, one running into the next, and I will skip summarizing to avoid diminishing the story as written.  At the end the instructor calls the work ‘amazing’ and the class claps respectively, but the instructor also characterizes the ending as ‘cruel’ and suggests it be changed to something more uplifting.  Pete merely responds that they want it to be true to the story it’s based upon, confirming what the instructor suspected all along and had asked about at the outset. 

Pete and Card return to their desks and Pete tries, with difficulty, to gauge Earn’s reaction.  Pete could see he was hypnotized by it and his eyes glazed over in the intimate scenes.  He’s not sure Earn completely gets it, but feels that something has clicked in his head.  Pete’s intent was to show him that in spite of all the negative feelings he had while Earn pursued Noh, he was still there for him out of love.  Pete also tried to reveal that when the same challenge was made to Earn, things turned out differently.  Pete is still hurt by what Earn did and what he said and it kills him that Earn doesn’t see why because he genuinely thought Earn would be the first to understand.

Following Pete’s video, Earn jumps up asking if he and Por can present their project out of turn.  The teacher notes his eagerness, but Earn practically begs as he looks at Pete.  After getting approval from the other presenters, Earn and Por step up and introduce their project, which turns out to be a music video as well.  As the instructor raises her concerns, Earn explains that their video is about a girl who has a best friend/boyfriend, with whom she gets into an argument but does not really understand how it happened.  This action is set to the song ‘Colors’ (lyrics and link provided in the text).  In this project Earn sings while Josie plays Earn’s role and Por play’s Pete.   This too is a series of recreated scenes from Pete and Earn’s past including the pair climbing the wall when skipping school, avoiding each other at school, and on the beach at Bang Saen.  Pete notes that Por’s editing is masterful and gives the scenes a lot of punch.  Of course, he describes his feeling as he watches these scenes unfold and he is naturally nostalgic, but also sad and conflicted.  The action progresses to their argument and it falls pretty close to the version in Pete’s video.  In the following scenes, Josie is shown to approach Por in several situations around school only to have him walk off with a hurt look on his face.  Finally, a series of alternating shots of each of them passing through previous scenes alone, each with sullen expressions, caps it all off.

As the teacher praises the video as ‘Outstanding’ and turns up the lights, the alarm sounds the end of class.  Pete feels conflicted, dazed and confused.  He realizes Earn’s video is directed at him, but all he sees are happy memories being drowned out by sad ones.  He also realizes that his classmates are whispering and staring at both of them.  Pete’s tightening chest and racing heart signal a need for air and he grabs his bag before running outside.  He can hear Earn calling to him from behind but he ignores him and increases his speed down the stairs.  Earn finally catches up to him in an empty area of the campus and asks where he’s going.  Pete tells him he’s going home, but Earn reminds him that school isn’t over.  Pete says he doesn’t care, but Earn tells him they have to talk, and grips his arm before asking what he meant by his video.  Pete says he meant what was shown, and Earn asks Pete if he’s not shown him love as his grip tightens.  Pete spells out the meaning of the scenes where Earn was chasing after Noh but he nonetheless stood by him; pointing out that Earn didn’t give him the same consideration, but instead accused him of being an easy lay and untrustworthy.  Earn tries to speak but can’t express anything coherent, so Pete jumps in to say that Earn’s video seems to glance over what happened as well as what Earn is doing to solve it.  Finding his voice, Earn fiercely explains that he was trying to show Pete how he sees things, but Pete flatly tells Earn that it’s always about him.  According to Pete, it’s all about what Earn sees, what Earn feels, how Earn wants it to turn out.  He then accuses Earn of not even taking a second to think that perhaps he was in the wrong, before layering on that Earn can see he’s in agony, but doesn’t realize why he’s suffering.  In response, Earn tells Pete that he doesn’t want to see him in pain, only to hear him respond that he’s the reason why.  He adds that Earn not getting why or taking time to figure out why just makes him feel all the worse.  Earn apologizes, but Pete senses a shallowness in his tone and tells him not to speak so half-heartedly.  Earn repeats that he’s ‘really’ sorry, but again Pete believes him insincere, and tells him to leave him alone as he sprints off with tears in his eyes while Earn calls out to him in the growing distance.

Pete knows that if he goes home Earn will just follow him there and continues running, eventually finding himself somewhere in the middle of the city.  Wiped out, he sits down against a wall lost in every sense of the word, but as night falls, he calms down a bit.  His father calls to ask him why he’s not at school and Pete offers a reluctant explanation before he hails a taxi and heads home; pointedly ignoring all the messages on his phone.  Along the way, he realizes he needs a break from everything; that he needs real space.

Holy cow!  Talk about being stuck in a rut.  If Pete’s character had been written any less sincere and emotionally honest, I’d be tempted to accuse him of being overly sensitive.  I can’t do that though, because I really believe he’s principled and sincere about what he’s feeling and why he needs Earn to understand him.  I’m glad that Pete seems to finally be telling Earn how he feels emotionally beyond just that he hurts and batting it back at him and expecting him to connect the dots on his own.  Not that Earn is showing any signs of actually grasping what he’s been told at this point, but he’s being given material to work with that he can understand.  I also think it’s good that Pete told Earn about his single-minded perspective on the situation, even if he’s somewhat guilty of the same offense in my opinion.  Relationships have a steep learning curve even when folks go slowly, so I am not surprised they are still flummoxed by this issue.  The one potentially ominous development comes when Pete decides he needs ‘real space’ at the end.  This suggests a very big event is about to happen, and we have to hold our breath for the next chapter to find out.  Great job!  Go Lumineers!

P.S. 

The idea of each team designing their projects to address each other without any prior knowledge is kind of fun.  It seems predictable once it’s revealed, but I didn’t see it coming beforehand so I think it works just fine.  The argument for making the stories shrouded in straight domesticity is understandable but a bit distracting in a way.  That said, it does jive with the friends in their circle who were available to assist them and generally makes sense with the story arc, so I’m not really irked by it..... too much. :)