Warning, kinda emotional+random ahead

First things first, I think I had mentioned it in one of my previous blog posts
I've neglected almost my entire clique of friends, they're, I don't really know, such a heavy weight and most importantly in a negative way
I've seen a post on twitter and it kinda said: It's sad how, when you tell your friends about your bad day, instead of cheering you up they battle who had the worst day

Like, when you just need to tell someone how bad everything goes/went, they just all go off how much more horrible life is for them, like I'm a person who can be ignored, I'm literally ignored by everyone, so it's fine, but what really encourages me isn't stress and pressure but nice words (don't pressure or scream at me to do things mom.)

And all, ALL of my clique's member just literally go off at everybody, they gossip about everyone possible, even about their best friends, REALLY BADLY and I don't even want to know how bad they talk about me not chilling with them during recess anymore jfc

Anyway, I have a close friend who is part of a clique that consists of Russians only (except for her and a turkish qt) and since we have almost every class together and the same humor I just sometimes went over to "their spot" and like for example on Mondays we have 3 classes, all of them together so I just decide to chill with her from the start until the end, and almost immediately I was welcomed warmly,

and they're all girly, lemme tell ya

everyone in my old clique is a metal or rock fan and they super duper hate anything girly and makeup or whatsoever, so I never really fit in with my long nails and my daily (well-done) makeup

But in this clique from that other friend, let's call her Y, oh my, oH MY, they're just like me, they're literally me (like actly, I can communicate and identify with other Russians so much better, they're all erts like me, I love them), they all wear makeup, or at least almost every day and whenever I come into this senior-room (where only ppl who are about to graduate are allowed to chill in YAS + they've kinda occupied that place out of all these 100 ppl in my grade) they call my name or greet me nicely, like, it doesn't even sound fake????? ♥♥♥

And everybody in my old clique actly nagged about how stupid my long nails look and that it's so unnecessary and blah, and one of my new best friends actly touches them like on a weekly basis, and last week she said she's jealous and she wished she had nails like mine, can I scream, that moment was wonderful

And I know I have a problem with my weight, everybody in my family is so slim and pretty and there goes the kid in the family with the most weight: me. My family gossips about me a lot, I even hear it when my cousin turns to my brother and says, bro, your sister put on some weight,

I admit, I'm totally NOT fat, I know that, but I'm not skinny either and that's my problem, I'm not confident and when I for example say in this "old clique", 'I totally hate my weight' or anything really negatively (I usually don't talk about things like that) one friend for example looks at herself, yeah, I need to lose weight too lol

In the circle I'm chilling with now, when I say that, one, C, immediately retorts with 'you're not fat at all! stop talking like that! Have you never seen fat people before, you're such a beautiful girl' and one who weighs a bit more than me even tells me, we're all so close and ahhhh

It touches me, really, no one ever really told me, not in my family or circle of friends, C even got me go to the beach, I haven't been seen in a bikini since puberty hit me lol she has a great impact on me, she's really beautiful, confident and bOI, HER BODY ♥_♥

Being around them feels really great, and I'm having the time of my life, I even nap with them, it's so much fun just talking about makeup, what fake lashes they use, which are bad, which are good, a new lipstick in the drugstore, how my nails broke last night and no one snorts or laughs at me, I have never felt so happy being social

Although I think my mom told them one night to get me out of the house bc I can't believe how often three people can actly say "we need to get you out of your shell" (bc I always sit at home), all of them had said that so often, and in exactly the same tone, I am still suspicious, but I know they mean all those words and actions, because they have been close with me before, also, we all share the same "most important" classes, so we can talk about literally everything, it's really amazing and chilled

And after C and I returned from the beach (lake actly) I think two weeks ago, she said we have so much to do like, go to this amusement park, go canoeing (is that a word??), do this, do this, do this and I said ask Y or everyone else before you plan things for your clique

And she said, dude, you've slipped into this gang, you need to tag along in all of this and C even started calculating if one car would be enough for the amusement park or if we need two and if yes ohmagahd 

I can't wait for summer breAK NEXT WEEK

+ I'll be going clubbing with all of them today (well, for me, so Saturday night), it's a Russian club mostly and there will be two Russian singers performing, a lot of known Russian singers do it in this club, it's an hour drive so I might be asking another friend if we want to start drinking at home
Don't get me started on two other Russian friends, both are total retards, and they're so funny, I can't put it into words how sick jokes they make, and one is a kpopper who's mainly bts but also got7 biased so we literally send us photos like
(with the caption boy meets stress bc we really needed to turn in our art project and we were both up for this until 1am)

 

as I said, I am happy, and it all feels better, except for a few things that happened, I can't stop overthinking and I'm about to throw some things around

But that's another topic :  )